http://www.justsayhi.com/username

i agree with fedman

y only one,i try to good deeds whenever i can

hell yea,love it

that poor sob

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there were two evil friars
living outside this small village. The friars had tried unsuccessfully
to overtake and capture the town, but finally this time, they believed
they had hit upon a foolproof scheme that would allow them to rule the
village. They had, through mad scientist experiments in their floral
shop, come up with a plant that would devour the townspeople one by one
until none were left. They set forth to put their plan into action by
planting the man-eating plants so they encircled the village.

As the plants rapidly grew, they began devouring everything living in
their path. The townspeople grew frightened; who or what would save them
from their eminent doom? Finally, the town's elder remember Hugh, a
woodcutter who lived on the outskirts of town. Frantically, the
townspeople penned a desperate plea for help, tied it to the leg of a
pigeon, and directed the bird toward Hugh's cabin.

Meanwhile, outside of town, Hugh had received the note from the
townspeople, and realizing they were in grave danger, set forth to do
what he needed to do. He honed his mightiest axe to razor-sharpness,
grabbed his hat, and off he went.

Chopping his way through the dense vines, he single-handedly destroyed
the carnivorous plants one by one, until all were destroyed. Then he set
out to rid the village of the evil friars, chasing them out of town. The
town was saved!!! The people rejoiced and knighted Hugh for his brave
and timely efforts to save the village!!!

And the moral of the story is:

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

This guy, Artie, gets tired of working so hard and not getting anywhere,
and seeing all these guys in the Mafia in their fine three piece suits
and fancy cars, decides that he has to join the Mafia.

He goes up to one of the guys and says, " I want to join the Mafia."

The guy answers, " You ever kill any one for money?"

Artie answers, "No."

The guy says, " Well, you either got to be born into the mafia, or you
gotta kill somebody for money."

So Artie says, " How much will you pay me?"

The guy says, " I'm not gonna pay you."

Artie says, " C'mon, just pay me a dollar so I can get in."

The guy says, " Okay, I'll tell you what. You kill somebody, tell me
about it, and if I see it in the morning paper, I'll pay you a dollar."

Artie says, " Oh thank you, thank you!" and heads off on his mission. He
goes to Ralphs Supermarket, sees an old lady pushing a cart, and decides
that she's lived a full life, goes up to her, grabs her round the neck
and chokes her to death.

The bag boy sees him, and chases after him. Artie realizes that he can't
out run the bag boy, turns around, grabs the bag boy by the neck and
chokes him to death.

In the morning paper the headlines read, " ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR
AT RALPHS!"

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he
said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has
everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So,
I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate
that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.
She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did
it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and
ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding
headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the
preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife
put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as
I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass
of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors
and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

71 mustang mach1

damned if u do and damned if don't

oh man thats just wrong

A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him
looking
for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing . We can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another man,and have him looking for work in four
weeks."

A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced we take
half
a heart out of one person, put it in another man,and have both of them
looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind
us.
We just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White
House,
and now half the country is looking for work.

A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen
sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp
mmme???"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer
you."

The doc examines him and says, "Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what
the problem is."

The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"

The doc says,"It's your penis. It's about about 18 inches long and all
of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords."

The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?"

The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I
can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering."

The guy says, "Dddo it!"

The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to
the doctor's office and says, "Thanks Doc. You've solved my problem and
I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month.
My wife doesn't enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my
long penis. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long
one back one!"

The doc replies, "Nnnnope. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!"