hhah,ure so wrong!no man haters here
just healthy sense of humour

ooooo.....sorry,im so rude...
Good morning you lovely people
and Merry Chrismas!!!

ooooo.....sorry,im so rude...
Good morning you lovely people
and Merry Chrismas!!!

I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that...

Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five whole minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

Section 1.01. And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "So this is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin.

Section 1.02. I will never ask for more foreplay.

Section 2. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.

Section 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia.

Section 3.01. I shall mention *often* your sexual prowess and longevity in the bedroom.

Section 3.02. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

Section 4. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

Section 4.01. I will never, ever give your penis a cute nickname.

Section 5. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

Section 5.01. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.

Section 5.02. I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine-month pregnancy.

Section 5.03. I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a baby's butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar.

Section 5.04. I promise to shave every possible inch of my body, and will always love your weekend beard...

Section 6. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men."

Section 7. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of anything mechanical.

Section 7.01. With the exception of the following household items: iron, washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal, garbage can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets.

Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract.



Signed _____________________________(female)

Date _______________________________

lol,std i amditted i took a good one there

thank you Debbie,
well we could find another 1 or 2 use for them if we try really hard,could we?

good reply kev,got me there there
only thing thats worth fishing are the sharks,hey?

kev,fishing 4 compliments?

oO..i have a better idea,just let me grab my wip

oh,i guess this sounded shovinistic?
just a joke on our account
well if ud be a good boy there would be no need for a stick,would it now??

WOMEN

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home.

Women have special qualities about them.

They volunteer for good causes.

They are pink ladies in hospitals, they bring food to shut ins.

They are child care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes and your neighbors.

They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up for injustice.

They are in the front row at PTA meetings.

They vote for the person that will do the best job for family issues.

They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the Right school and for getting their family the right health care.

They write to the editor, their congressmen and to the "powers that be" for things that make for a better life.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They do without new shoes so their children can have them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.

They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.

But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman's touch can cure any ailment.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

She can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.

They live in homes, apartments and cabins.

They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.



MEN

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff.

THE FEMALE RULES



1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

now thats one lucky woman
thank you for another smile cooly

thats why we need to use diplomacy

good one
the wifey sounds a bit like me

glass thats nice,turns out u are needed,sorta...

good morning all you lovely people

ooo...wanted 2 say something,but changed my mind
im still shy...
smoochies

haha...dd u turntable....
could swim in a rain drop now,could ya?
well,guys im sorry to wish u goodnight now,id stay up all night,but its 2212 here,and guess whos gotta work tomorrow?
now i found this forum,ill be sure 2 drop by
smoochies all,thanks 4 making me smile this sullen day
byebye

oh,thanks
hehe...its not my real name tho,not THAT new
nice to meet you too Debbie,and you also ddn