glad to have reactions form the "other side"
thankies thankies

thaks honey..
more to come,u keep those pretty lips ready 2 laugh

great one cooly
respect!

the message of the story is
"guys always get what they want,no matter who gives it to them"
so girls beware

maybe the dang was so good that it was worth it
ewww im grose!
cooly look what u made me do

but u already know i look good in red

awww

senecerely yours
antesse

i know i know i know!!!the answer to that question!
ure just the right age
dont ask me how i know it
did i get and A master?

such a small world.dang!bad luck

aaahhhh....ull turn an angel into a devil if u keep on likie that

noww,does that mean that u arent sinful IN bed?
i kinda dont trust that angel

and its not realloy that important,hey/?

aaahhhh....
a friend in need is a friend indeed

this kitten doesnt fight
puurrr puuurrrrr

thankies girls,all the best in 2008

WHAT HE HOPES/IS AFRAID YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT SEX



Kissing/Light Petting

What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"

Undressing

What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"

Foreplay/Oral Sex

What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours."

What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he comes, I'm going to kill him."

Penetration

What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"

Your Orgasm

What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance."

What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"

Postcoital Bliss

What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like."

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."

We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.

* We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.

* When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's sad.

* We can use cosmetics should we wake up looking like something the cat dragged in.

* We can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a "little woman syndrome."

* We don't have to get our strength up between sessions... no it's much easier for us to get it in the first place.

* We can get off with those years younger than us without being called dirty old perverts.

* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

* We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* We know that Tetris is the computer game to end all games.

* We got off the Titanic first.

* Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - they look like complete dorks in ours.

* We have total control over our eyebrows.

* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

* It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.

* We can cry and get off speeding fines.

* The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts... and pool... and football.

* We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers... men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* We know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the size of our scores and the size of our...womanhood.

* Taxis stop for us.

* We get drunk quicker and cheaper.

* We have no desire to arrange our possessions in alphabetical order. Ever.

* We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

* It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other rugby thing). But we look INCREDIBLY cool if we do.

* We never recognize ourselves in aspects of Mr. Bean. Ever.

* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

Before she moves in, she wears teddies and suspenders, and you hold your farts in until she leaves the room; she's a gorgeous sex kitten and you tell her so; you're so sweet and adorable, and blowjobs follow ambient dinners like a fine port.

After she moves in, she farts in her grungy trackie bottoms while hypnotized by Coronation Street; you scratch your nuts unashamedly and ***** about work; oral sex is strictly quid pro quo and the new girl in the office really does have a great ass.

Here are the key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.

1. Addictions

Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.

After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

2. Bodily functions

Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.

After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odor. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

3. Relations/Friends

Before: Her auntie Jane is a real character with a lively personality and interesting views about politics, and her unemployed girlfriend Amanda is a genuine, charming supportive friend who you think is really nice.

After: Auntie Jane is a loud-mouthed, pain-in-the-ass with all the personality of a cold sore. Amanda is a manipulative loser, but you wouldn't mind doing her if the opportunity arose.

4. Sex

Before: Sex is a sweat-soaked, gymnastic romp that lasts for hours. You screw to impress, using all your tricks - your renowned tit grope, marathon oral sex sessions, and jackhammer-like screwing. Screwing four times a day is not uncommon.

After: A wank is often preferable to the effort of sex. When you do have sex, you think about Amanda.

5. Attention span

Before: Her words are hypnotic; her wit is incisive; her anecdotes about her life pre-you are spellbinding. Over candlelight and coffee you listen with interest and politely chortle as she recounts stories of her childhood.

After: Your eyes glaze over as soon as she mentions anything that doesn't involve you. What's more, you develop the uncanny ability to be able to concentrate on the T.V and listen to her at the same time. The phrase, "Are you listening to me?" becomes an evening mantra.

Overall Evaluation

Before: She thinks you are witty, disciplined, a sexual athlete, attentive, loving, faithful and devoid of all crass male habits which have plagued her previous relationships .....but she suspects that you're full of ****.

After: She KNOWS you're full of ****!!

1) You're a *****.

2) When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no. Then get pissed off when you are believed.

3) Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.

4) Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

5) Whine.

6) If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.

7) If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

8) If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

9) Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required gifts proving his love.

10) Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress of your life.

11) Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.

12) Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs

The 5 toughest questions for men are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, **** loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.

(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!")