lady,can we just share like sisters?
i mean were women,right?cultivated and profound

glad someone took it...!!!
crew are u pretending?no way those are u real answers
u are a man,right?/me checks

omg,my chair is wet?!!

aaaa lady!!!now i gotta fight 4 him?

ooooo both

ooo fran...nice page..u seam to steam up things 2

all is good kev.Thanks.laugh is good!!!

yea,im trying 2 copy u
am i any good?

cooly-"the bestest ever"...
wow,guess this makes me a fan?!

hahaha
thank you stylish!!!

You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
b) Blood-test results.
c) A cab.
d) Five tequila slammers.

You time your orgasm so that:

a) Your partner climaxes first.
b) You both climax simultaneously.
c) The director can set up for a close-up.
d) You don't miss football.

Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a) Strictly for cats.
b) Healthy, creative love-play.
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
d) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about.

A prostitute is:

a) A victim of male dominated society and social oppression.
b) Someone who provides an essential service.
c) A cheap date.
d) A valued employee.

A wife is:

a) A victim of male dominated society and social oppression.
b) Someone who provides an essential service.
c) A cheap date.
d) A valued employee.

How can you tell when your partner has an orgasm?

a) When she drops her nail file.
b) When she goes the color of a Chicago Bulls uniform.
c) When the Earth moves.
d) Who cares?

Which of the following lines best fits into your ideal role-playing sexual fantasy:

a) "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn..."
b) "I've got a nasty swelling down here, Nurse..."
c) "You're a lovely, fluffy little sheep...."
d) "Another consonant please, Carol...."

You take a woman out to dinner and the bill comes to $300. Do you expect:

a) An overdraft.
b) Oral sex.
c) Her to pay next time.
d) A thank-you letter.

Woman who consent to having sex with when they're drunk are:

a) Easier.
b) Unfortunately, probably incapable of rational judgment.
c) Fortunately, probably incapable of rational judgment.
d) A tricky defense in court.

You wake to find your partner clutching your penis in one hand and a carving knife in the other. Do you:

a) Talk through her anger.
b) Shout "Look behind you!" and make a run for it.
c) Ask her to put down the offensive weapon.
d) Ask her to put down the knife.

A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a) Is uptight and a waste of time.
b) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
c) May need glasses.
d) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

A woman whispers, "Do me now, big boy....." in your ear. She is obviously:

a) Short-sighted.
b) Attempting to overcome a lack of self-esteem through meaningless sexual gratification.
c) Begging for it.
d) A recording.

Your local Mayor is involved in a lurid sex scandal. You are:

a) Outraged.
b) Implicated.
c) Jealous.
d) Not going to vote anyway.

During sex, you:

a) Haggle.
b) Talk dirty.
c) Talk love.
d) Talk on the phone.

Foreplay is to sex as:

a) Priming is to painting.
b) Appetizer is to entree.
c) Trailer is to feature.
d) A line is to an amusement park ride.

It is the day after a one-night stand. Do you:

a) Call her.
b) Call your lawyer.
c) Call your doctor.
d) Call your wife.

Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

a) The best part of the experience.
b) The second best part of the experience.
c) A loathsome chore.
d) $100. extra.

6. Your girlfriend says she has gained two kilos in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:

a) No concern of yours.
b) No barrier to her finding a new boyfriend.
c) No problem - she can join your gym.
d) A conservative estimate.

7. Today's sensitive, caring man is:

a) An ideal to which you aspire.
b) A myth.
c) An oxymoron.
d) A moron.

and what are u touching ant?

Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIC!

"Woman chops off sleeping man's penis and drops from moving car!" Don't laugh, it is true, and it can happen to you!! Right now thousands of agitated, irate women have read that headline and are contemplating similar action against you the next time you make an unwanted sexual advance, look at them the wrong way, or just upset them in general!

MEN PROTECT YOURSELVES NOW!

If you found yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome) could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your chopped member in time and intact? Could you be sure the penis part they found was yours?

Inquire now about our low-cost PenisProtectionPlan! *

Plan 1: We'll register your penis and scrotum, plus tattoo them with their own unique registration number, ensuring that in case of separation, you will get a perfect match every time.

Plan 2: Our Jurassic prick program. We'll take a cell sample from your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a trailer-tractor runs over your penis, or some wild animal mistakes your detached member for a chew toy.

Plan 3: For those of you who believe in prevention, we offer a one size fits all, battery-operated, stainless steel jockstrap that can be worn when necessary. When you are asleep an alarm will be activated when metal or other hazardous objects come within one foot of the jockstrap. This will guarantee you a full nights sleep, free of worry.

Don't get caught short...

Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIC today!!

Remember.... the **** you save could be your own!!

* PRICES VARY ACCORDING TO SIZE.

What would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? The answer is clear: menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event. Men would brag about how long and how much.

Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.

Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.

Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)

Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation (MENstruation) as proof that only men could serve in the army (you have to give blood to take blood), occupy political office (can women be aggressive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?), be priests and ministers (how could a woman give her blood for our sins), or rabbis (without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean).

Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month (you MUST give blood for the revolution), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment.

Street guys would brag (I'm a three-pad man) or answer praise from a buddy (Man, you are lookin' good) by high-fiving and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!" TV shows would treat the subject at length. (Happy Days: Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.) So would newspapers. (SHARK SCARE THREATENS MENSTRUATING MEN. JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.) And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers!")

Men would try to convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself ----though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.

Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets -- and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?

Liberal males in every field would be kind to women: the fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life or connecting the universe, the liberals would explain, that should be punishment enough.

WHY WOMEN ARE SUPERIOR



We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.

We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Taxi's stop for us.

Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.

If we're not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling.

It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.

We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever grabbing her ass.

If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all of your problems.

Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

lol,good then kev.should i say strike 2 4 u?

its all posted to cause healthy laughs...
glad u enjoy it lady...
and kev....i dont know what 2 tell u,its stupid i posted THIS pic,and ill change it asap,not profound at all,i do not have any other pics of me in this puter tho,so ill have to do it when i connect from home...and im just wasting time while i pretend im listening 2 ppl having a meeting atm right here...
not really sure its what u wanted 2 hear,and not really sure its what i wanted 2 write,but its a confusing day...so there...

1. While flipping through channels, catch a glimpse of men's underwear ad. Feel instant and overwhelming desire for sex.

2. Find partner. Begin undressing self and partner.

3. Wait a minute: What's going on? Partner is kissing you not on nipples but on lips. Guiding your hand away from lower regions and toward shoulder. Oh, right, now you remember. Foreplay.

4. Kiss and touch, kiss and touch. This is making you feel incredibly hot, while it seems your partner is still just warming up to room temperature.

5. Attempt to find "magic button" that will make your partner as turned on as you are. After much groping, finally think you locate it. Rub it. Rub it hard. Stop only when you notice partner's attention has drifted back to TV.

6. Offer to give oral sex, your third most favorite sexual activity. There is a chance that this may lead to receiving oral sex, your first most favorite sexual activity.

7. Spend 23 minutes on the giving end. When your partner finally seems enthusiastic enough to want to reciprocate, find that you're forced to stop after two minutes for fear of the entire encounter ending right there.

8. Almost "forget" birth control.

9. Now it's time for your second most favorite sexual activity. Okay, it's in. Thirty seconds later, attempt to train your mind on the anti-orgasmic image of the boy who peed on the school bus in third grade. Then, despite your best efforts, your mind returns to Matt Damon, and the school bus turns into a huge, rocking iron bed.

10. Your partner seems excited now. Very excited. Is partner having an orgasm? You can't quite tell. But who really cares, at least at the moment. Your body is being tossed skyward as if by a volcano and that howl of joy just might be coming from your own mouth.

11. Check surroundings. Yes, good, you're still in the same room.

12. Grasp partner's hand and say how great the sex was.

13. Silence. Should you be worried?

14. You definitely should be worried, and you would be, if you weren't falling asleep.

15. You're jolted awake by your partner's fingers poking you in the ribs. Hard.

16. Apparently the sex is not over. While you are so exhausted that staying conscious seems like a miraculous physical feat, your partner is even more energetic and enthusiastic than before. Okay...batter up.

17. Wow. Partner definitely had orgasm. Make a mental note to remember the signs so you'll recognize them next time.

18. Finally, you can go to sleep. Can't you? No, you cannot. Seems partner actually has the impulse to talk.

19. Murmur at appropriate intervals. Hold partner close. Feel peaceful and content and loving and safe.

20. When partner's body finally relaxes against yours and you hear soft snores against your shoulder, pick up remote and turn on TV. Flip channels. Wait a minute, what was that? Bare thigh. Close-up of a kiss. No longer feel on the brink of blissful oblivion. In fact, feel instant and overwhelming desire for...sex.

21. Contemplate sleeping partner. Contemplate waking partner. Fantasize possibilities. Calculate probabilities. Keep on flipping.

ANNOUNCEMENT:

It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (DO NOT include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the brides parents, it is NOT necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).

INVITATIONS:

Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you MUST send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch ____ and ____ make it legal on ______." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal you can always run down to the local bar and yell, "If you ain't doing nothin' on _____ why don't you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o'clock. Me and ____'s having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our wedding."

PROPER ATTIRE:

For the bride, the key words are "be conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is NOT the occasion to show the world how big "THEY" are.

For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute couture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, consider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearance. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

THE CEREMONY:

No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony..." tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much. As the ceremony is concluded, you and ____ should realize that a short kiss will do. This is neither the time nor the place to demonstrate your sexual expertise to the world. That's why the video camera was invented.

RECEPTION:

Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.

When dancing never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!!



COMMON WEDDING QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:

Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.

Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.

Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post."

MEN MEASURE UP



1. Disrobe and stand by your keyboard. Rest your left testicle in the rounded hollow on top of the "1" key. Rest your right testicle in the key immediately below that. (You lumberjacks may have to use the A or even the Z key).

2. Grasp your thing in your right hand and slap it firmly across the number key row on your keyboard.

3. Place a copy of the June, 1999 Playboy open to Pamela Sue Anderson at a distance of 2.5 feet. Rest your thing on the keyboard and stare intently at the picture for five minutes, or until your feet leave the ground. Repeat the above test.

Cautions:

1. Do not attempt this test after swimming. You will skew the results.

2. Black men may wish to use a special extended keyboard; or place two keyboards end to end.

3. If you try this test on a public keyboard, you may want to swab it down with alcohol first.

4. On some keyboards, severe sparking may result. Be sure to keep a fire extinguisher handy, and don't be afraid to use it.

5. Do not turn around suddenly and slap the monitor.



Test Results Diagnosis:

If you *score* a "1" -- You suffer from Short Penis Syndrome.

If you *score* "12367" -- You have a strange gap in your penis.

If you *score* "12efgbn" -- Your penis has a right hand bend; sometimes called a hook.

If you *score* "12wgui,l=]\" -- Seek immediate medical care.