I don't. I think it's terminal.

The Judas Strain- James Rollins

A man older than her father, in a room that had cost less than a happy meal per hour. The maroon carpet, downtrodden and thread bare with the weight of the many footsteps that had walked upon it. A green duvet and red sheets, both paled by the years and endless cycles through the washing machine. The four walls surrounding the bed no longer looked upon it. There was nothing new to see. Men and women came. Cigarette butts were left to burn carelessly on the little nightstand, scarring what had once been beautiful. Laughter that held no joy. Moans that contained no pleasure. And as the last one left, the next was sure to come. These walls had long ceased to look at the door and watch the handle turn with anticipation. The faces were no longer new, even the ones they hadn't seen before. Scattered clothing, and sweaty bodies. It was all the same.

It hadn't been for her. In the room where everything was the same, she had changed. She had sat demurely on that weary bed with her hands clasped infront of her, a virgin bride with no groom. This was her training, he'd said. He couldn't send her out until she knew what she was doing. Then there'd be others. There would always be others.
His hand in her hair tilted her face up to him and in front of her mouth, softly brushing her lips, was her first lesson. When her teeth had accidently scraped him, he'd tightened the grip in her hair.
"That's one." He'd said, a warning in his pale blue eyes. Like a wolf, she thought. A wolf.
She'd been eager to please and in her eagerness had scraped that skin a second time.
"That's two. That's three. That's four." His hand in her hair tightening with every count. She followed his instructions, her hand softly gripping the smooth flesh with the hardness beneath. And when it was done, his saltiness in her mouth, he'd handed her a glass of water and she'd understood. She was meant to swallow.
The lesson hadn't been over. In that old, tired room, lying amongst the ghost of patrons past; she had learnt. And if she had gained, then she had lost, for no education even that which took place outside the classroom, was free. He had left her, not as he came for she saw great chunks of herself clinging to his retreating back. A stack of purple notes and instructions to purchase new clothing.
He bought her innocence, and got her soul for free.
There'd been other lessons of course, but she would always remember this, her first.

Like I'd much rather stay in bed the whole day.

I think that a lot of women don't really know what thay want. They say they want a good guy, but don't know what to do with him when he arrives.

This is exactly the reason why I don't date. Until I'm sure of what I want, I don't want to waste anybody's time.

P.S No guy is too good for me. That would be implying that I'm not good enough for someone. My mama taught me better than that.

I choose to be happy.
I don't choose to be miserable, that just happens of it's own accord. I choose not to stay that way though!!!

For me life is all about choices. Sometimes, some circumstances are beyond your control but you choose what you do about them.

She obviously felt that she didn't deserve better... It's no mark on you.

Aaaaw, you poor baby! Lol.

I'll be waiting patiently by the postbox.

"It's harder to be with a GOOD woman after she's been with a BAD man."

This got me thinking that it's pretty hard to be a man. Since Adam, they've always had to pay for someone else's mistakes.

"It's unfair being a man. When my wife is pregnant, everybody rubs her tummy and says 'Congratulations' but nobody rubs my balls and says, 'Good job'." .... Lol.

If you're a guy and have loved a woman who has been hurt before and stuck by her, good on you!!! People just don't appreciate good men these days.

If it had been the other way around, and one of them had invited you to a party at their place and you'd gotten into an accident on the way; would you blame them? Would you want him/her to feel guilty for inviting you?

The thing about guilt is that it is an unproductive emotion. You can't change the past, you can only live in the present and plan for the future. You had as much power to prevent this as you do the power to make it rain.

This being said, I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you're going through. I hope that you'll reach a point one day where you'll see that you aren't helping anybody, least of all yourself by shouldering the burden of something you could bt no means prevent.

19
South Africa
Single
I bath naked.

When I was little, I wanted a "white" name like Carey (after the old Days of Our Live's character) or Jessica; I also wanted long, silky hair that I could tie up and to have the surname Smith.
I'm older now, and I'm prouder of my heritage and I like what my names mean so I'm okay with them now, all of them.

Lets see, it's Friday night, I'm 19... Yep, bed it is.

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father and stands next to his chair, eating her cake while he gets his hair done. The barber looks at her and smiles, "You're going to get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm going to get **** too."

Yes!!! My best friend... She's awesome!!!!

I've found that I have more of an issue with my weight than any of the guys I've known. I actually have a guy friend who has made it his life's mission to make me see the beauty in my body. So the issue has never been with the guys, but more with me. When I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, his opnion is of the least importance to me.

Worst decision? Nothing comes to mind.

Turning point? Finishing high school. Nothing prepares you for life outside.

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love...

Make You Feel My Love- Adele