None I hope....but if anyone is...everyone is adult enough to realize it could be about any color hair.

Lol....thanks

A very flat-chested Woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, ?Do you have a size 28AAAA bra??
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, ?Do you have anything for this??

The lady looked closely at her and replied, ?Have you tried Clearasil??

Pepcid Complete

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi.... I'm so glad that you called.... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time.... Oh, that sounds terrific.... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.


Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are;

- You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the Duct Tape.

- Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

- Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

- If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

- And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel!

The boss came into the office the other day
sporting a snappy new suit.

"Nice threads," I commented. "Where'd you pick 'em up?"

He beamed self satisfiedly, "My wife got them for me. Pretty
sharp, huh?"

"Not bad. What was the occasion?"

"Got me," he admitted with a cheerful shrug. "I came
home from work early the other day and there they were,
hanging over the chair in the bedroom."

Keeping-my-mouth-shut! End of conversation.....lol

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter:

Mother: “What does the cow say?”

Child: “Moo!”

Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”

Child: “Meow.”

Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”

And this wide-eyed little 3 yr. old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied,

“Bud......Wise.....Errrrrr"

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign posted on the glass door saying, "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

A cowboy is driving down a back road in Texas. A sign in front of a restaurant reads, "Happy Hour Special: Lobster Tail and Beer." "Hot damn," the cowboy says to himself, "My three favorite things!"

Two old drunks were chatting in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand." "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

A couple was driving down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

Q. What's female Viagra?
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A. Jewelry.