I like the way you think!

Nope. I have never been stood up. Although there have been times my date walked in and I thought "what was I thinking when I said yes?"

Nothing in life is 100%, but protection is definitely required if you're going to have a one night stand. I've personally never done that, although I won't say I have never gotten close. I was ready to jump my current boyfriend the night we met, but we waited to have a "real date" first. I guess it was the smart choice because we're still together almost a year later.

I am very liberal politically, but I love country music.

My advice is to not put so much pressure on yourself. I know from experience that is way harder to say than do. I was always someone wanting to look down the road and figure things out. I also guarded my heart and was afraid to let my walls down. When you're in that place it feels "safe."

I ended a long relationship (7 years), and was having those feelings. Then I decided to just go out and have fun. I met a really great guy, and I just let it flow with him. I told myself, "We are going out, having fun, making great conversation. That's all it needs to be for now." That really helped me to feel more relaxed.

As time went on, I gradually let more and more of my guard down with him. We shared more, got deeper, and started growing as a couple. Each stage was different, and each one was okay because I just let it be what it was. I didn't try to reason through to figure out what it "meant" or where we were "headed" because I knew that would start making me want to close up again out of fear.

Maybe that method will help you out. It certainly did for me! We are approaching our year mark, he has just moved in with me, and every day he still makes me smile. Maybe don't think of it so much as jumping off a ledge as easing into a pool. It doesn't have to be all or nothing and you can enjoy the journey of the relationship. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't and there is really nothing lost because you had fun. If it does work, each step will bring you closer to feeling more comfortable opening up completely.

That's why you always use protection.

I agree

I know exactly what you mean, and I don't really think our perspectives are all that different when it comes down to it. I agree that people make judgements about others far too quickly and generally based on their appearance or whether they live up to some standard of "normal" (like there is really such a thing). I'm all for giving someone a chance.

Maybe it's just that our ideas of what trust is are different. When you describe what you mean, it's really close to my own feelings. I think everyone deserves a chance, but my idea of giving them a chance is to talk to them, try to get to know them, then determine whether I think they are trustworthy. It sounds like you let your instincts and feelings do that, too. I guess the difference is that I evaluate first and you are more willing to believe that everyone is trustworthy. I'm definitely not saying that's a bad thing, just a little different than me.

The truth is, sometimes people can be good people that I am friends with but not someone I would tell secrets to. That's more what I am thinking of in terms of trust... someone I consider close, that I can confide things in, and that I know I could call to help me no matter what.

Well, I don't think not trusting everyone unconditionally makes me critical or pessimistic. I do consider myself an optimist. I have never once thought that everything is horrible and bad. I just consider myself realistic. There are a lot of people that can seem smooth and charismatic who are real creeps. Some of the most high profile serial killers of our time were well liked by their neighbors and were able to take advantage of their victims based on their trust. I know that is an extreme example, but the truth is not everyone can be trusted.

I give people a chance to know me, and I like getting to know them. The difference is I will not trust someone just because they are there. If once I get to know them they seem genuine and trustworthy, then they start to gain my trust. Your "instincts" and ability "to read people" are basically serving the same function.

I'm sorry if it is offensive to you that I used the word "worthy." I don't feel it puts me in the position of being a "queen" if I think that my trust and respect are something special. I think of it more in the terms that good things are worth working for. I don't have some unrealistic criteria or list that people have to meet. I'm not looking for just one thing in particular. It's more that I feel trust is something important, and I don't want to give it away to just anyone.

As buttons said,



I'm certainly not trying to convince you of anything, I just think it's important to realize that there could be other valid opinions out there other than your own. I apologize as well if it seemed that I was trying to invalidate your point.

I think you are overgeneralizing a bit. To me, there is no black and white here. You can't really say "Trust everyone completely all the time until they give you a reason not to". You also can't say "Trust no one ever." The truth of human nature is that some people are good and some people are not good. It is naive to think they all are.

I say that from a realist point of view. It's not because I've been hurt or because I'm bitter about anything. It's just the world we live in. Not everyone is to be trusted, and you can get in a lot of trouble if you do trust everyone that comes along.

Maybe your comments were more meant towards everyone in general and not me, but I would also like to point out that my way of doing things hasn't been bad for me. I am madly in love to a phenominal man who is living with me now. I gave him a chance to show me he is worthy of my trust, and it worked out great! I think that a lot of people would rather know that you are choosy and not just willing to trust and date every person that comes along.

I'm not really looking for the highest number of matches possible in a "game". Instead, I waited for the person who could show me they were worth gaining my respect, trust, and love. Maybe you have a different philosophy and that's okay, but I don't think you can really say I'm wrong.

I like the boxer briefs... They're the best of both worlds, and much sexier than big floppy boxers.

Things are turning out pretty good so far, but the week is young...

The issue of trust is complicated. People who trust too readily often get hurt because of it. Sometimes being a little guarded is not a bad thing. I believe there is a certain amount of trust I can give someone immediately, but I can never trust someone completely right off the bat. People who do that are the ones who respond to those stupid Nigerian emails and give people their bank account numbers. Some trust does have to be earned. Sometimes it is earned through time and sometimes because the person's actions show you they are genuine. "Earned" isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just means that you have given me reason to believe I can trust in you.

What is the best way to initiate sex with a man?

My best friend for years and years betrayed my confidence in a huge way. It ended up making my life very difficult for almost a year, and I could never trust her again. We were like sisters before that, but sometimes you have to walk away from people that are not good for you.

When I think about our love, I can't help but think back to the first time I said those three big words. I could have told you that I love you on our first weekend away together in Atlantic City. You had taken me to what is probably one of the most enjoyable dinners of my life the night before. You taught me how to master Blackjack, we laughed, talked, and spent so much wonderful time together. We were walking down the boardwalk holding hands in the slight drizzle, watching all of the crazy street people. You suggested we sit down for a little while on a bench, and we sat there staring at each other. It was the most perfect moment. Which is exactly why I couldn't say it then. I told you how happy you make me, which is still so true. But I didn't want the first time I told you how I felt to be "perfect." I wanted you to know that I love you for who you are, not because of a fantastic weekend.

Instead, I waited until the next week on a pretty regular night. We watched movies together, you listened to my hard day at work, and we just enjoyed each other. I went back to your bed earlier than you, and you stayed up to watch the rest of the last movie. About 1 in the morning, after falling asleep upstairs, you came back and crawled into bed with me. In that moment, I realized that just having you next to me with nothing incredibly special happening made me feel more happy, secure, and wonderful than I ever had. I cuddled up to you and whispered "I love you in your ear. You were taken by surprise, and said "Do you now?" in your teasing, charming way. When I said "Yes, I do" you told me that you love me too, and I could hear the sincerity in your voice.

For me, every day is special when you are in it.

My life is truly better with you in it.

I am so happy that we have decided to live together. Coming home to you really makes it feel like home. I look forward to every minute I get to spend with you. Waking up with you there next to me is such a treat! I don't eant this to ever end... and it really feels like that's where we are headed.

I feel like it really takes some time to love someone. That is based on my opinion that people in this culture jump to "love" way too fast. For me, love involves really knowing someone, feeling safe with them, accepting their flaws along with everything else, trusting them, and having a deep connection. I don't really think that can develop before 5-6 months.

That being said, everyone is different. Maybe others truly can fall in love quicker than that. My reservation is that it is just lust or infatuation before that.

I love a good intellectual debate, or flirtacious disagreement. I couldn't deal with a relationship were we never agreed on anything or always fought. It's one thing to be challenged and to have light-hearted disagreements, and a completely different thing to never agree at all.