A friend of mine gave me some dating advice today.

He said, "Never tell someone you're dating, or want to date, what you really want, because you'll give them all the ammunition they need to make you fall in love with them."

Who thinks that's sound advice?

Has this ever happened to you?

If so, do you guard what your looking for from potential dates so they can't just attempt to be what they know you want them to be?

I can partially agree with this. I do think you can tell someone too much too soon and as such you should be more selective about what you want known. But those who lie and misdirect you by pretending to be something they are not just to win your affections are usually skilled enough at it to figure out what you are looking for without you saying it.

I don't think guarding it all from potential people helps all that much, because you could be tossing out the eligible with the ineligible just as easily. I think you have to let people know what you are looking for to some degree so that those liked minded individuals can make themselves known to you and allow their charms to attract you as much as yours theirs.

I like your response Kart. I said almost the same thing to my friend. I think most people just talk fairly casual at first anyway, though I have been on those dates where it seems as though their whole life flashed before my eyes.

I ususally tell all my dates what I really want. Most just look and it tends to run them away, when I mention committment rather than Sex.
My friend told me not to go on the internet for a date.

I have to confess, I'm confused by "commitment rather than Sex". Can't you have both?

And you would get an even better response to wanting a commitment TO Sex.

I do not agree with this statement at all. The reason i say that is although vulnerability is not comfortable it is the only way. My point being say you withheld information on your feelings or status to be certain your feelings and/or status is not manipulated. What have you gained? You have gained protection from a manipulator! However anyone who manipuates to gain control is inmature and unworthy of consideration anyways. So my opinion would be simple. Give your all and expect the same in return! No reason to play games! Lying or witholding information is terrible advice and will only lead to unhappiness. JMHO

Knowing my friend, I'm sure he was not advocating lying at all.

I think he meant more that if we tell someone exactly what kind of man we want them to be, they could easily become that man in our eyes if they wanted to....or woman. But not the man becoming a woman...I think you know what I meant.

I agree with you in that some risk is always inevitable in anything worth gaining.

BTW...welcome to Mingle friend. Hope you're enjoying the forums so far.

yes i think i misunderstood. thanks for the welcome.

I tend to be straight forward and prefer to tell someone what I want upfront. This helps both of us realize if this is something worth pursuing. I respect other's time and energy and would hope they would respect mine.

I'm at an age where I'm comfortable with myself on almost every level, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc, so this is it. If that doesn't work for someone then we should keep it moving.

Now with that being said I'm also a great believer in the slower reveal. I will not be sharing all of my heart's desire in those first 5 dates because you have to continually assess the relationship and its progression or lack thereof.

Be honest, be upfront but don't spill your guts in the first 45 minutes of meeting.

I would hope that I'd be able to spot the "con-artists." (At least at some point anyway!)...I think some people are probably addicted to the "thrill" and "high" of winning the attention (and affections) of someone "new.".. And this is basically all they are "after."..They keep moving down the line once they gain what they want from each new "victim." Or they "play" people "along" in order to maintain their "harem" etc...Have you noticed this?...Normally I'm not a good candidate when it comes to manipulation tactics. But I have been "burned" or "taken for a ride" a few times. So I don't take people at absolute "face value.".. And I take more of a "wait and see" approach just to be on the "safe-side."

I tend to just be myself and let my date do the same in order to find out if she is even on the same level to be able to respect what I want..You should never tell a date what type of person you want until you find out who they are first through small talk and simple questions.

Balance it´s the best way to go, plus being yourself all the time.

A lot of times you can fall in love with someone in just about 1 week, or months, or years. The quantity of knowledge of his life doesn´t affect really if you will fall in love or not. I fall in love with the person, who he is, and what he wakes on me. Most of the time I can feel if he is being sincere, but like the human I am, I can make mistakes too and I can get burned, but love it´s a risk, one that I willingly choose all the time cause of his worthiness.

Never tell a girl your pecker size. Totally does not help you get a date. Trust me. She will know you have one. As you date and then progress to a relationship she may make a reference to "grow a pair". Now, this is NOT an invitation to whip your package out. Moral of the story? Keep it all in check and only whip it out when she asks you too. Okay....somewhere in their is sound dating advice.

Oh Goof, you're too much!

That's right, you didn't want to give away your pecker size.

sometime i wanna let my date know how much l love her.But i tell you when i show her she start to take adventage of it misbehaveing........i think is better not to show it at all

Your friends advice is to lie?

Hmmmm

Your friend is a f'n idiot.

Anyone who can try to get love through lies or deception....deserves nothing but loneliness.

Met you,became friends,share secrets,freaked out,had fun,fought with you,laughed with you,smiled with you,cried with you,hurt you,teased you,and am here i am,still thinking of you.......long journey huh!!?And we shall never let it end,right?just wanted you know that my lovely frnd,ur valued!!!!

Home:A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor;A person who cure the ills by pills,and kills by his bills
Love;Loss of valuable energy.
Wife;worries invited for ever.....

Sorry, but I actually cannot trust any of my friend's, when it comes to relationship advice. I stopped asking them a long time ago. Let's just say they can have a habit of getting pleasure out of others failed relationships. It makes me question what kind of sadistic, twisted person they are. They seem to always ***** about that friends failed relationship, then they put on a front and pretend they aren't even talking about them. In turn, others around this "friend", give off nervous vibes because they know they must stay quiet, or you'll find out they've been talking about it. They don't have the kahuna's to tell you what they've been saying, but your other friends eventually tell you what that person said anyway. I only trust my gut, which seems to have worked out much better, every time. I just take them with a pinch of a salt, and a fryer, if they're not careful. :devilfork:. It's all too easily for people to be a friend. I judge them on how nice they are, not by meritting them for being a total a$$. It just looks very high-schoolish when they start playing mind games with others love lives.

No thanks, I respect my Body and only in Committment do I have Sex.