For me personally; online dating has not been kind to me. Not that I have experienced anything terribly traumatizing, like a stalker, or a serial killer. But just many fake profiles. Who end up being from Nigeria, or Ghana...

Now and days I try not to get too interested in a pretty picture and a well polished profile, because people are never who they claim to be. The internet is a fantastic tool to be something or someone you are not.

Which brings me to my discussion how can you tell when a person is being real and sincere when you talk to them and try to get to know them online?

Me: otherwise easygoing SF, 29, in desirable neighborhood near excellent schools and world-class cheese market. You: 31-36, Ivy League (except Penn), minimum 5’ 10", maximum 180 lbs., pectoral-to-waist ratio .33; fiscal conservative/social liberal; profession: law, medicine, banking (employer must have innovative paternity leave policy); hobbies: pan-Asian cooking, helping the needy, foot rubs; civil to (but not “friends” with) ex-girlfriends (maximum: 2); informed, witty, self-starter: equally comfortable chatting at state dinners and changing tires. Send introductory email along with photo, high school and college transcripts, 3 recommendations (1 academic, 1 professional, 1 non-threatening friend-girl) plus two 750-word essays on the topics: (1) “A Man of Quality is Not Threatened By A Woman For Equality” and (2) “Why I Always Share My Feelings.”

Your online profile may not look exactly like that, but for some people — and you know who you are — it sends out the exact same vibe. According to some dating experts, there’s a “picky” pandemic: women (and men, too, but to a lesser degree) with impossible-to-meet standards who wear their massive checklists on their sleeves. Women who are…well, still inexplicably single. Does this sound even a little bit like you? If so, how do you manage your expectations without selling yourself short?

First, a disclaimer. At some level, you should be picky. After all, if your goal is marriage, we’re talking about the one person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with; being a little choosy goes a long way. Look at the tales of divorce, infidelity, domestic violence, serially crappy relationships — not to mention uncomfortable weddings where you know something’s off and it probably won’t last. Arguably, plenty of people aren’t picky enough.

Bottom line? “People are looking for the wrong things,” says Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough. “You should have high standards. But people are too picky about the things that are not important — and not picky enough about the things that are.”

So, then, how do you determine what is truly important and what isn’t? Many people are willing to concede — or, at least, they know they should concede — that looks, really, are only skin deep. Yet they still, explicitly or reflexively, rule out (for example) short guys, tall girls or people with weird laughs. “They say things like, ‘That’s just not what I’m attracted to,’” says dating coach Evan Marc Katz, author of Why You’re Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad. “But maybe attraction isn’t the most important thing.” That doesn’t mean you give up on lust, passion, or even simple chemistry. It just means you may not feel it like a lightning bolt when you walk into the First Date Café and that you should at least give it a chance to develop — even with people you may not consider your “type.”

Why? Because then you can focus on what is important. Not the person “on paper” or in a vacuum, but on the relationship you can potentially build with someone. “If you say, ‘Grandma, what’s the secret of your relationship?’ she doesn’t say, ‘Grandpa is smoking hot,’” Katz says. “It’s the ‘boring’ stuff. The trust, laughter, honesty, compassion and shared values. You need to remember that you’re making an investment for 40 years, not three months. Who’s going stick by you to raise children or when you get sick or a parent dies? That’s the character stuff that only partially reveals itself on date one. You need to look at what’s going to endure after the initial ‘thrill’ is gone.”

Gottlieb agrees. She herself wound up falling for a guy who — had she not ultimately followed her own advice — she would have ruled out based on his profile photo alone. “What kind of a dork wears a bow tie?” she initially thought, but, pushing past her prejudices, she found out the offending accessory was part of a story about his family that made her like him even more. And even if there hadn’t been a great story, Gottlieb says, it still would have been fine: “So what, a little fashion faux pas? Is that the kind of thing that makes your marriage unhappy?”

So if you’re in need of some too-picky therapy, think of it this way: you’re not lowering your standards; you’re expanding them. Here’s how:
Edit your checklist. You are allowed only three essential requirements and none of them can be physical attributes. For example: “Kind to others, intellectually curious, likes animals” — or if you’re not into pets, “wants children” (as far as you can tell on date #1).
Go on a second date. Anyone who passes your three-point checklist gets to date #2. Anyone.
Broaden your “type” but trust your gut. If after two dates you honestly can’t see it — e.g., you struggle for conversation, you clash on a moral principle — you may let it go without guilt. After all, you’ve got to make time for all the new possibilities you’ve now opened up for yourself.

Should chemistry be important in a relationship?

If so, which type of chemistry should you focus on more?

Physical
Emotional
Mental
Or a shared common bond interests?

I can go for that...trouble is finding someone as a "temporary replacement".

Whether or not you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt. And they can be really hard to get over. If you listen to the wise words of Charlotte on Sex and the City, it takes half the time you were together to get over him. Here are a few more wise words to help make your next breakup a little easier.

Don't Talk to Him

The most crucial rule in breaking up is to not talk to the person you're breaking up with. Even if you think you can handle it and still get over the person, you can't. Don't kid yourself; feelings will get hurt. Take some time off, get over him, and maybe someday in the future you'll be friends. Until then, lick your wounds and recover any way you'd like; whether that be partying hard, staying in bed for days with pints of ice cream, or spending absurd amounts of money on clothes you don't need. No one will say a thing; we all heal in our own, weird ways.

Snap Out of It

Remember how things, like stupid songs and movies and that little spot in the park that you two went to on your first date used to be "yours"? Well, they're not anymore. Don't make a connection to platonic objects when there isn't one. Remind yourself that you like that spot in the park because of the good view, not because of anyone connected to it. There's no point losing more than you have to from a breakup, so don't get all sappy on yourself.

Reconnect with Your Friends

No matter how much you say you're not going to be that girl who gives up her friends for her boyfriend; everyone gives up a little of their time to spend with their guy. Well, now is the time to make it up to them (and, you could use the girl talk). So, go out and have fun; grab your best wing woman, and remember how much fun being single really is.

Take Some Time For Yourself

Amidst all of this trying not to talk to him, hanging out with friends, partying more and/or eating lots and lots of ice cream-you need to remember to sit back and actually work through your feelings. Understand why things went south, and why you're better off this way. And in no time you'll be back to your old self, and what's-his-name will be a thing of the past.

It's All About Rewards

And finally, do all of the little things that make you happy every day. Yep, being single means thinking about you, you, you. So, go and take that extra time after work and buy yourself that little ring you've been obsessing over. Or take a long walk and meet a friend for cupcakes because well, you can. Have fun spoiling yourself, because you deserve it after....wait, what? I'm forgetting already.

Welcome Dawn, And I wish you the best...

Now that's funny...I have never heard anybody break up with me because that reason.

This Debate has been on my mind for quite sometime; maybe you can help me out and sort through.

Should, or would you date a Single Parent with children living at home?

Being a single father myself I was told, that some women would consider me off limits, because I think that I want the woman to come in be "an instant mom" to my child. On the other hand some women find it attractive that I took on the role of raising a child alone.

I know that single mothers go through the same thing, maybe worse. In certain cases she might date a man who has no experience in child rearing, which leads to problems. In certain cases the man might look away from the mother, because he doesn't want to raise another man's child.

But I think the scariest part for a male is; if the mother has many children by different fathers.

One of the greatest fears I think is; is the other parent still in the picture.

But would you date a single parent with children?

I Agree with you totally...

You're mean...I am not coming over your house for dinner...lol

I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following as the most common breakup reasons:

He changed
We weren't compatible
He cheated on me
When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored: I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is (Wikipedia):

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious: This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her once a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout: I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: Being exclusive, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Ok, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted To Cheat: I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up With Their Girlfriends: This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching "The Devil Wears Prada," my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives: If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish: Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and yourself up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings: This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake—you get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason, dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Her: I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her For Granted: Great relationships should be easy, but there has to be some tension too—especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

She Was Too Negative: All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are the most common cause of breakups- do they differ for guys and women?

I am beginning to agree with you...

I get frustrated with this site, but not the site itself just the people.

You reply to an ad, you nudge someone, and no one responds.

Now I can understand if you are busy, working 3 jobs, and going to school, and you might not have time to get online. But to me, and I could be wrong, but out of common Courtesy, and respect...you could say "Hey I'm not interested."

Sites like this the competion is fierce...it's roughly 100 men to every 1 to 10 women. So I can only imagine she has dozens of emails to shift through.

But then again, I have to ask why post an ad in the first place? Boost your ego? Are you playing game?

I did run across an ad, we talked for awhile and in the end she tried to lead me to this webcam service.

Therefore in my final question; where are all the real ads? And who is sincerely looking for something real?

I am really getting disillusioned by Love and Relationships.

Why is it that people feel they need to play games?

I certainly don't have time for them.

Very recently; I was chatting with a young lady I met on Mingle; our conversation was going nice until...she wanted me to go to a Live Webcam Site, to see her undress on camera. When I refused to go; she got the nerve to get mad at me.

Is it right that you should play with a person's heart and feelings?

Or the phone number game; I give you my number, and you never call. Or you give me your number, and I can never reach you.

All I can say is play time is over, some people need to grow up...

Fact: I have found even on this site, as well as others; Some people will not date ot talk to you because you are a certain race, or if you are at a certain financial level.

I would say that is pretty shallow...but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Some people chose to be blind and close their minds, and hearts because either they are trying to keep up appearances, or they are afraid of what their parents and friends might say.

Then I can say some people don't know how to love one another...

Because love should not be based on the color of the skin, or what's in your bank account...(although some would say you can't live on love, and you do need money.) I can agree, but it shouldn't be your main goal to be with someone. Because no one should take care of your high Maintenance lifestyle, and appetite.

Society has destroyed the very fabric and meaning of love...unless the person is good looking, wealthy, has a nice home, driving the lastest car; this is the type of person you need to fall in love with. And it doesn't matter if the person is superfiscal, or shallow.

My last question; when you are out shopping for a mate...is looks race, and wealth a factor for you? Or do you look at what's in the person's heart and soul?

It does seem like a thing of the past; because in Today's society there isn't much focus on love...only on how much money you make, what kind of lifestyle you should have.

And when tend to lose focus on how to love each other in relationship; this is why there are so many break ups , and divorces...

Food for thought: Is it better to be Emotionally Secure or Financially Secure in a relationship?

This question I dare you to answer...

Because you have to ask yourself is it better to have someone love me no matter what: if I get old sick, poor, homeless...

Or to have an empty shallow life, yes all your physical wants taken care of; you could go shopping if you wanted to...but you are alone, and this person is never home.

So which is better?

After a failed marriage, and relationships; I understand love and marriage much better...

Love should not be one sided,
Love is, if I do something for you
You in return do something for me,
This is Sharing...

Love is understanding,
I understand you
You understand me,
This is Respect...

Love is knowing,
I know you very well, your past
Where your molds are,
Where your birthmark is,
What kind of Ice Cream you like...
I know you well,
You know me...
This is Appreciation...

Touching, Holding, Caressing, the Space,
Honesty, Being Open, Patience, Never Rushing,
Massages, Back Rubs, Feet rubs,
Drawing Baths, Admiration....
ALWAYS saying I love you,
Being sure, no indecisiveness, reassurance...
Listening, Talking, Conversations...

Countless other steps,
But this makes up a good Love and Marriage...
No more I, It's Us, No More you, It's We, We are One...

Walking, Movies, going out, Dancing, being Romantic, the Flowers,
Candy, Dinner...

For love is not Selfish,
Love is Doing...