I agree legal and religious, are the only reasons to get married.

And although some people may lose thier conviction doesn't take away from the meaning of those vows, and those who keep them.

Am I the only one who is annoyed by this, and isn't spamming forbidden on this board?

If I had a list of questions I would list them all in one post rather than spoil the board for everyone. Am I expecting too much in the way of common courtesy, or does anything go here?

I thought this board was a place where people could safely discuss their dating and relationship questions. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I am my lovers best friend so it's never an issue

In "relation" to what?

If you mean do long distance relationships work? not unless commitment and relocation are inevitable.

"absence makes the heart grow fonder", but "out of sight out of mind"

The word "misleading" denotes deception

True love is never misleading

that's some powerful writing, yet very poetic, but I'm afraid I'd have to climb a step stool in order to even relate on your philosophical level.

I actually tried googling some of what you wrote, just to see if it was in deed original, and all I could find was a few spelling errors lol Very creative in deed!

It's much easier just to laugh at the dancing banana's in this thread lol

Can logic override emotoin? I'd like to think so, but like you said the cards seem to be stacked against us.

That is weird. Normally mutual acquaintances are comforting, and known female acquaintances have been known to trigger that competition thing in women, not that I would ever be amused by 2 women in competition with each other :)

Maybe she knew the girl you used to be friends with and it sent up red flags, or she already had cold feet and this was just an excuse to unload some excess baggage?

There are a lot of crazy people in the world, and it seems like even more one the Internet, don't let it bother you.

Just keep doing what you're doing.

There's plenty to do in Chicago and the suburbs is you only know where to look.

I have a great resource, and this isn't a plug.

Just choose the current month and date, and it will show you who's playing, where, when.

If you like 80's hair bands like poison, and Bon Jovi, check out the lounge puppets web site.

If you live in the north suburbs austin's saloon's fuel room is a great venue.

Durty Nellie's in Palatine is another one.

the Hanson Brother's tavern in North brook is another place that always has live music, and plenty of attractive eligible women, or guys.

Just google the above names and you'll find plenty of entertainment in Chicago.

Put yourself out there, and do something different for a change.

I agree; I know I don't take criticism very well.

In fact I think a mans ego's may be even more easily wounded than most women's... For example most men will call it quits if a girl cheats on them, because it injures his ego beyond repair. Not only can we not stand the thought of someone else having what we have, we imagine that the other guy must have been more well hung... even talk of past sexual escapades can leave us feeling uneasy.

I've found times when even the talk of her past relationships has got my blood boiling. I know that's ridiculous, and it's Ego, but it's hard to control emotions.

Women on the other hand, may feel some jealousy, but they seem to be more capable of forgiveness than their male counterparts. They seem more impressed with a mans sexual proles, than jealous, and I think this has more to do with a mans competitive nature, than some old way of thinking... he may have learned growing up with.

Criticism is one thing, and ego is another, and much of this comes down to good communication, and tact. If you're unhappy about something, there's a way to communicate that without hurting the other person. Unfortunately this is like trying to speak a foreign language to most of us, but there are some great books on communication out there... still it takes a lot of practice to communicate our disappointments without hurting the other persons feelings.

And one of the worse ego killers is when someone is criticized publicly, in front of friends, or family. Can anyone say they don't feel bad for the man who's called a wimp by his wife, in front of a room full of strangers? lol

Since most men are insecure in the bedroom lol let's use that as an example: Let's say your man doesn't know the first thing about oral sex, but that's something you desire. Is it better to tell him he's "not doing it right" in the heat of frustration, or better to wait until later, and explain how it would make you feel if he allowed you to teach him how to give you great oral?

There's an old saying that comes to mind, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar"

I have a lot to say on this topic, and since I state in my profile "I prefer younger women", I feel like I should explain why.

I used to date older women, and even married 1 or 2 (oops) but now I prefer younger women, and not only because they are more physically attractive.

2. I find younger women to be less jaded, than their older counterparts. As long as I believe it's possible to entirely give my heart away, with the hope of a lasting loving relationship, I won't settle on a cougar who's only interest is filling a small void in her life. I have a lot more to offer than most older women are looking for - filler. I'm not saying all older women are jaded, but face it, once you've had your heart ripped out enough times, rather than continuing to give your love freely and fearlessly, you would more likely, wall your heart off. When dreams turn to nightmares, the logical choice it to simply stop dreaming, but not me, I'm a hopeless romantic and intend to stay that way.

3. Younger women are more of a challenge, and a good challenge is determinate to attraction. Older women who are too easy really creep me out.

4. For me the eventual lack of sex drive off-sets the experience an older women may have, and call me old fashioned, but I prefer being able to count her ex lovers on my fingers, rather than a calculator. I've never met a younger woman - who I was sexually compatible with - who wasn't exited to learn... and I find that rather sexy.

Most women's love runs more than skin deep, unless you're talking about a one might stand. Men are simple/base, we know what we like when we see it. We're more visual. This is common knowledge, but I offer the subscription rates to magazines such as playboy and penthouse, by men, as compared to their female counterparts, as proof.

Here's a question for you: Do hot your women like crust old men with lots of wrinkles, and depend on Viagra...?

Hugh Hefner would say "yes" :)

I found myself in a similar situation... when I met my GF. She had a best friend who happened to be a guy, and he became insanely jealous, when I started drawing her attention away from him.

It almost ended our relationship early on, but I soon - within 3 weeks - realized that she had far more respect for me than him, and she was honest with me about what he had been saying - about me - behind my back, as well as why she was never interested in him romantically. That's a long story, but I think it's important that your BF is honest with you, about where you stand, and that he isn't disrespecting you. He has a decision to make, but first you need to know where you stand...

I had to know where I stood - at the time - because I started falling for her, and I don't like being blind sided, so I started doing reconnaissance, gathering the ammo I would eventually need to destroy him.

Like I told her at the time, "trust and honesty are of the utmost importance in my relationships; 3 is a crowd, and I don't share well; and the only guys I know who have a female best friend are frankly gay." If anyone here thinks this sounds possessive, maybe I am. When I'm determined to win something - including a girls heart - failure isn't an option for me. I'm a real man, who commands respect, and there are plenty of women out there who find these traits extreemly attractive.

She was very honest with me that he had - on more than one occasion - made romantic moves on her, but she had quick rejected those romantic gestures. He had also recently hurt, and disrespected her, when he blew off her mothers funeral. He was a good listener, when she needed one, something she desperately needed at the time, but I was left asking myself "what kind of friend is this?" This "friendship" had been built on nothing more than her emotional needs at the time, and his willingness to settle for less than he wanted.

So when the opportune time came - dinner and drinks for 3 - and I was sure this was more than a short term fling, I drew my poison arrows and in his words "verbally beat him up". I said everything she had been holding inside, and more, and later she bragged to her friends about how I had whipped this kid lawyer - she used to work with - in a verbal debate. He later called her, but by this point, she had lost all respect for him, and ended their friendship.

I won and that's all that mattered to me at the time.

You can bet that your lovers best friend is settling for less than she wants, but you'll need to do your own reconnaissance... it may be tougher for you than it was me, because most men tend to clam up, rather than spill thier guts - answering direct questions about thier feelings - and being a lady you may have been raised to play nice, but I find a woman who knows what she wants, and is willing to fight for it, very attractive, and I don't see why you can't win his respect, by standing up to this tramp.

Good luck on that

And so you did... we're on the same side of this one then

I also tried the FWB thing, and got burned. I don't recommend it.

Take care

Aren't you contradicting yourself when you say you find the women in these forums more attractive than the ones you find locally, but you're not attracted to any here? Maybe I miss understood.

Dating may not be my favorite sport, but I intend to play the game with a smile on my face lol

The alternative is trolling the bars, or friends of friends, or someone they know, and I never really got the hang of hitting on women in the produce section of my grocery store :)

I also have the uncanny ability to pick the happily married woman out of a crowd, and although they seem flattered, it can be disappointing.

Still you have to keep a positive attitude

lol true

But if you look hard enough you'll find someone who tells you what you want to hear. Many questions are phrased in a way that let's you know the correct answer, like the one asking should I let my boyfriend force me to break off a relationship with my X? Of course nobody should force anyone, but IMHO staying friends with an x (unless there are kids involved) is a way of not letting go, because one person in that relationship wants more than the other.

I think most people are empathetic by nature, so most people tend to side with the person who's doing the complaining, but I try to only do so when they're on the right side of an issue.

Hi Hopefloating, I haven't had a chance to read all the responses in this thread, but I believe I have the answers you're looking for. I never realized when I joined this community that I would have to opportunity to start giving relationship advice again (I used to write on another site, and miss it greatly), and I'm stoked... but enough about me!

All relationships take work - once romantic love starts to fade - and if you find yourself with someone who is not willing to work on the relationship (as it sounds like you are) then you are settling for less than you deserve.

To be honest most men don't know what they're feeling, let alone, how to express it, but when you find yourself with someone who is so close minded, and selfish, that they refuse to even listen...

I imagine how hard it must have been to reveal/express what you need from him in the first place; telling him what you need him to do in order for him to express his love in a way you can feel, and for him to ignore those needs must feel like a slap in the face.

It would be better if he had a least tried to pacify you, by saying "yeah yeah I'll try...", but his heart isn't even in the right place, and inevitably you're the one who's going to be left feeling like you're the only one on the giving end of this relationship, because you are.

You deserve more. Try to get his attention, by letting him know you can no longer love him, unless he's willing to try to show you love in return, and if the thought of losing you isn't enough, you're better off alone.

If he ever does come to his senses, keep in mind, it's not going to be easy for him to give you what you need. Personal change is possible, but it takes years not days.

The only other alternative is to play the martyr, but I believe you deserve more.
Take Care

Wow, I think someone needs to stand up for ronny

It's obvious he already feels guilty, because he feels responsible for the broken hearts he leaves in his wake, and the best advice he can find here is to do booty calls?

It's been said that, "women have sex with the men they love, while men love the women they have sex with".

Ronny may be non-committal, but he seems to be interested in more than a 1 night stand, and he shouldn't be held responsible for the women who chose to use sex as a means to win his heart. It would be like a woman who sits near her phone waiting for a call from a guy she's pining away for, blaming the guy for making her fall for him.

Question for the women: Would it make you feel better if he never called you back in the first place?

Ronny, as to your original questions.

1. It's not your fault if after getting into a relationship, you find that - once those romantic feelings fade - you're just not that into her, as she is you. You don't have to feel responsible for someone else's feelings, especially when you're intentions were good.

2. If a grown woman makes the decision to pursue a relationship with a non-commital guy, she only has herself to blame, in the end.