I think I get what you're trying to say

But I think acceptance and tolerance are 2 different things.

I may be able to accept the way someone is

but tolerating is only putting up with something

For example you may accept that someone is an alcoholic, but not tolerate their destructive behavior, because you love them enough to let them go, and love yourself enough to let them go. Holding on would be tolerance, and not love, but codependency.

Maybe you meant the same thing.

I'm done trusting my heart too.

But I've never limited myself to types.

I know guys who would only date a size 2, but they're shallow, and unrealistic.

Every man would like a leggy blond but most of us are too insecure to deal with all the attention these types get, from every man on the street.

I'll admit I have a hard time dating below average looking women, but I don't look for a type.

But I don't date as a sport, so as long as there is some attraction (chemistry): I start focusing on every other aspect of her personality; honesty, spirituality, mental stability, communication, even-tempered, reasonable, responsible, affectionate, smart, playful, sexy, etc., and more an not necessarily in that order.

I hear that! I'm thinking Church may be a nice place to meet a nice girl.

Single and feeling good about it

I agree; acceptance is a big part of true love.

Forgiveness is another one.

Technically I'm single but in no way am I emotionally available...

Today I'm about a #6.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL

2. PAIN & GUILT

3. ANGER & BARGAINING

4. DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS

5. THE UPWARD TURN

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
"During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living."

I believe the grief process seems to go a little faster once you've been through this as many times as I have. And spring is just around the corner!

I know I'm guilty of rushing in too soon

"Easy come easy go", as they say

I'm proud of my luggage I mean baggage - well except when I snap at my new lover and call her by the wrong name lol

Fresh wounds may present a challenge, but life experience is more valuable than gold I wouldn't take any of it back.

Funny thread

You're quite welcome LueLue,

I too usually find myself on the leading end of the growth
curve, so I can relate. I can pinpoint the problems,
but I only wish the solution was as easy as taking an e-course.

Resentment is definitely a relationship killer,
and a recurring theme in my relationships.

I tend to be attracted to wall flowers, so I end up playing
the part of the director, communicator, or cult leader,
depending on who you ask....

you see I apparently have the ability to talk certain women
into just about anything, and for a while they just love
going along for the ride, with a big strong man at the helm...
but before very long I start to hear about how
she now resents everything from my good
decision making skills to the way I communicate
(bluntly at times).

I admit and I've spent 20 years working on it).
But someone has to be the nagging ***** in the
relationship and apparently I fit that role,
better than most women.

At times I purposely let go of any control over a situation,
just because I know that's what I need to do in terms of my
own personal growth - like the time I let her paddle the canoe
and predictably, she paddled us strait into the shoreline,
and then there are the times when we end up not eating
dinner until 10PM, because I thought I would wait
for her to make a suggestion.

But here's what has really killed our relationship:

Foremost: It's her inability to speak up for herself,
but she also needs to spend time with her friends,
and do things on her own, that bring her happiness.
Stop looking to me for guidance, and taking everything
I say as if it's a personal attack meant to
steal your life-force! I never told you to give up your
social life, in fact I encourage it the best I could.

So it's a mix of things; communications problem,
self esteem problem, power struggle, and immaturity
to some extent.

I feel like I should as least take responsibility for
the power struggle, and my innate tendency to
over-communicate - since I'm a repeat offender -
and that means that in order to keep her I have
to let her go, although this seems counter intuitive,
and arouses my fears; fear of abandonment;
fear of being alone; and in some cases my
fear for her safety, and well-being.

In order to find true love again I need to know that
the person I plan to be with has the same desire
and ability to grow personally, as I have, and is
willing to hold on to what they have in order to
achieve that personal and spiritual growth.
By no means is this first date material :P

And It soon becomes clear why love really
could last a lifetime.

I just googled the 8 steps a relationship goes through, and I think the author does a decent job summing-up, what I've been trying to put my finger on for at least 2 decades.

Most relationships fail because we jump in too fast with someone we have little compatibility with, and as soon as there's any hint of a power struggle, they're gone.

but I believe the real stumbling block for long term relationships is "Stage 5" The "Growth" phase. At this point one person or the other decides that being alone is preferable to tackling their personal issues head on, or perhaps they lack the skills necessary to accomplish personal growth.

"The stumbling block: Growth can be terrifying and confusing. You may know what you need to change in your behavior, but you may be afraid to make the changes. Or you may have no idea how to make the changes. The same thing may apply to your partner.

What to do: Find a way to grow — together and separately — on purpose. To keep your relationship vital, you both must mature and develop emotionally.

How do you grow on purpose, developing yourself emotionally?

Begin by looking at how you tend to sabotage relationships. Each one of us has our own way of sabotaging love, hurting the one we love and ending up alone. To have power over this part of yourself, discover exactly what it is and where it comes from. Both of you should take my Pattern Tracker eCourse to find out your patterns of sabotaging love, so that they no longer impact your relationship.

Once you discover what you do to impact your relationship, how do you continue to grow?

Check your communication. Can you read each other well? Do you know how to listen to each other, how to communicate so that love permeates your relationship? Chances are you do not have communication mastered. Most people do not. My Essential Couples Communication eCourse will show you how to become master communicators with each other.

What else do you need to do to grow on purpose, helping your relationship thrive?

Safeguard and grow your intimacy by eliminating the number one killer of intimacy and relationships – resentment. Take my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse to learn to eliminate resentment from your relationship, growing more in love with each other as a result."

To be honest there is no easy way, and the idea of saying friends is just a stage in the process of letting go.

I'm friendly with an ex or 2, but not until not talking to them again until several years later, and if my being friends with an ex, make my significant other uncomfortable, I'd respect those feelings.

All residual feelings for an ex must be removed, or the grieving process is not complete.

"I took a pic of my feet because I wasn't comfortable posting my pics on here"

Exactly what I thought!

Hey ladies, no matter how ridiculous of fat you think you look, you need a face shot of you smiling, and looking like you're having he time of your life.

I've responded to women who don't post a pic, but never with good results. Just be yourself, and make the best of it.

Believe me, Women don't want to hear some sad sacks life stories.

I'm a bad boy who has never had any trouble getting beautiful women, so I'll tell you why hot women like guys like me.

I treat them normally, like they are nothing special, as they know they deserve to be treated, and I'm not afraid to take the relationship to the next level (Sex). Notice I didn't say I treat them poorly, but when she acts like a spoiled brat, she respects me for not putting up with it.

Good guys on the other hand, usually get placed into the "friends" category, because they waste their time, being nice, and begging like a puppy. Women look at these "nice guys" as needy wussies, and there's nothing more unatractive than that.

I think you're right.

I'm relationship oriented, but I have a personality that you would probably classify as "playa type". I never thought about it, but I probably lead a lot of women on not even knowing it.

I'm the exception to the rule though. Most guys who merely go out of their way to talk to you, probably want to bone you.

I have some advice for you.

#1 Don't ever ever say you, "love taking care of your lady". This makes women feel like you want something from them, and that puts up the defenses.

Need a wing-man? e-mail me.

Women like a challenge.

And the most beautiful women in the world need it even more. Imagine you're a beautiful woman, who constantly has "nice guys" telling her how beautiful she is, and that they'd do anything to be with her. No Challenge there.

She wants something different; something she can't have; just like everybody else.

Yes

I wouldn't let a small legal detail stand between, me and the object of my desire either.

And we're still happily together 5 years later :)

I think men don't take hints as well as women.

If you're being polite, and still talk to us, that reads as a green light to keep pursuing you.

You have to be brutally honest some times, even if it seems like you're being mean.

And if that doesn't work, use the block feature, or a restraining order, whatever the case....

I try to try as little as possible, but then end up trying to hard.

It's hopeless.

I think either you click within the first 3 e-mails, and move on to the phone phase, or you just move on, unless you came here looking for a pen pal.

A sperm bank would be easier wouldn't it?

Most guys your age don't feel a biological need to have children... and they're more interested in holding on to their freedom, or perhaps having a relatoiship with a woman who's devoted to them, not devoted to some biological need they may have.

Plus they see many of their budddies either misserable, or divorced, because they believed the woman they married would remain devoted to them, not the children.

Child raising is usually completed within 20 (or so) years, and many marriages last twice that long, so you should really be more interested in who it is you plan to spend the rest of your life with, and the time to start thinking about this isn't when you're 35. IMHO

"In general, these (May December) relationships tend to be more stable than other relationships because the older party tends to be patient and forgiving in a way that isn't true when dealing with your peers. The age difference tends to create a learning environment because each partner is in a different stage of life (and perhaps comes from different generational beliefs) which means that they are regularly faced with the opportunity to educate and inspire one another. These are all things that contribute to the positive end of the relationship.

On the flip side, there tend to be some power imbalances in these types of relationships. That stability can turn into a patronizing attitude that leads to resentment in the relationship. Additionally, there are a myriad of problems that being in different life stages can present. The biggest is whether and when to have children together. There are also problems with being in different career stages and having different priorities in life because of age. These are certainly problems that can be overcome but are challenges that tend to be present in the May-December romance."

Source: http://hubpages.com/hub/The-May-December-Romance