Why is it that in almost every relationship topic in here someone always says 'you deserve more' or some variation of that term.

Do we really know the people that we are giving 'so called' advice to?

Do we ever know the OTHER side of the story?

Maybe they don't really deserve more...or maybe they just think they do but can never be truly satisfied?

So my question why is it that we feel the need the make the one asking for advice the hero? when we are only getting half the story

I like to think everyone deserves the kind of relationship they desire, no matter what. Doesn't matter to me if they're a "hero" or a "villain," every human has the right to happiness.

Just don't ask why girls don't like nice guys, and you'll do o.k.

I'm not sure it's about making them feel the hero more than it is just allowing them to be heard and validating their need for support. Sometimes that is good enough to get someone back on track.

I do agree, however, that we don't always know even half the story.

That's a great analysis Isaac....I'm very interested to see the replies

I, personally don't have an answer at the moment...I'm not keen on giving out ADVICE to strangers

You have a good point... I typically only say that to people I really know outside of here but there are some that have struck the "seems like a great person" cord and I'll say it to them.. Of course there are some that "need" to hear that and are fragile and should be built up b/c they're stuck in the "I'm not good enough" pit... JMO

I might say someone deserves more based on what they are wanting. Example...someone looking for someone that is very attentive and the other isn't (in their eyes at least) then they deserve more based on what they are looking for.

There are usually more than 2 sides to a story. the first 2 sides are perception of how things are....then you have 3rd parties sides.....then somewhere in there is the facts

Sometimes deserving more isn't always a good thing as well....based on the person

JHMO

I agree but i do think there comes a point when one wants too much says they are not satisfied with this or that when they might just be a needy person...

Like the spoiled kid that just got a new car but is mad at his parents because it wasn't a jaguar....

Imagine if we only got his view....

Its simple

You support your friends without knowing the "truth"

I don't let myself get that invested in other people's problems. I give my advice, based on the info they've given me, wish them well and move on. I have my own problems, I don't have time to really stress over theirs.

I take advice from this online experience as I would if I were sitting in a bar asking a stranger...I don't but perhaps it gives others hope

I think most people are empathetic by nature, so most people tend to side with the person who's doing the complaining, but I try to only do so when they're on the right side of an issue.

squeaky wheel gets the grease type of thing

lol true

But if you look hard enough you'll find someone who tells you what you want to hear. Many questions are phrased in a way that let's you know the correct answer, like the one asking should I let my boyfriend force me to break off a relationship with my X? Of course nobody should force anyone, but IMHO staying friends with an x (unless there are kids involved) is a way of not letting go, because one person in that relationship wants more than the other.

You haven't met me yet -- have you?

Just forget the whole issue. You deserve more.

I think it's because we as humans are natural at seeking allies. If they side with the other party, who's miles away and not on the forum, he or she never gonna side with his or her defender. The only support you can hope for is from the person who's whining. You support him or her, and there is a fine chance she or he will support you when the push comes to shove.

this is done subconsciously -- we just do heal the sick, and we don't know why, but because I think everything we do is a product of evolution in our actions, this is the most obvious explanation.

If you're curious how I got to know that, what gave me the insight, well, everything; but I'll show you a clear example of where to get insights from:

He lay face down in the desert sand
clutching a six gun in his hand
Shot from behind I though he was dead
for under his heart was an once of lead
But a spark still burned so I used my knife
and late that night I saved the life of Ringo

I nursed him 'til the danger passed
the days went by he mended fast
and then from dawn 'til setting sun
he practiced with that deadly gun
and hour and hour I watched in awe
No human being could match the draw
of Ringo

One day we rode the mountain crest
and I went east and he went west
I took to law and wore a star
while he spread terror near and far
with lead and blood he gained such fame
all through the west they feared the name
of Ringo

I knew someday I'd face the test
which one of us would be the best
and sure enough the word came down
that he was holed up in the town
I left the posse out on the street
and I went in alone to meet
Ringo

They said my speed was next to none
but my lightning draw had just begun
when I heard a blast that stunned my wrist
The gun went flying from my fist
and I was looking down the bore
of the deadly 44
of Ringo

They say that was the only time
that anyone had seen him smile
He slowly lowered his gun and then
he said to me "We're even, friend."
And so at last I understood
that there was still a spark of good
in Ringo

I blocked the path of his retreat
he turned and stepped into the street
a dozen guns spit fire and lead-

A moment later
he lay dead

The town began to shout and cheer
Nowhere was a shed of tear
for Ringo

The story spread throughout the land
that I had beaten Ringo's hand
and it was just the years they say
that made me put my guns away
but on his grave they can't explain
the tarnished star above the name
of Ringo

I think that a person can only decide for themselves what they "deserve". I have been told many times that I "deserve better". It's not so much deserving better as it is, just getting to be with the person makes me the happiest. My friends and family may think I deserve better, but aren't I the only one that can truly be the judge of that?