La esperanza i can think of many ways to describe you.....


Mi cielo

How i wish cause ya bonita muy muy bonita latina... You make me mucho
Loco..


Sos mas linda que las estrellas en el cielo
Tu eres como un flor bonito.
Tus ojos son como estrellas
Tus manos son bellas y suave.
Tus labios son hermosos quiero besarlos.

probably went overboard with this but, hell with it. A pretty latina
deserve to know what men thing or actually regardless if she like or not
i'm gonna let her know...

grizzy if you look careful at the pic of Bush I think shadow is actually
making a mockery of him... He smoking from a glass Bong...

Muy bonita mami i wish you lived in New York city... I'd take you to
dinner and even sing mariachi too you..

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500
employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of
Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep
the rest of us in line.

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I
can't stop thinking about sex."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls
out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states,
"That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture.
"And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a
man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same
question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man
and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with
sex."

"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the
dirty pictures!"

represent 718 queens,woodside and i think findme those her age is still
cute as hell...

"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"

"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had
three husbands! Surely that cannot be."

"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to
do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said
he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did
was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm
going to get screwed."

Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law:
"After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat
its flesh."

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the
animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may
only see their reflection in a mirror. (Maybe it looks different
backwards?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also
applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered
with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside
and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex
for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden
for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The husband's lover,
on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only tropical
fish stores.

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the
act.

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman
and her daughter at the same time.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with
one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine
only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for on the premises."

15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set,
if you know what I mean.

14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head
in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."

13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego
bricks.

12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The
Stockboy" display.

11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the
Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the
new "Jerry Springer" edition.

9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically
correct.

7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the
Giraffe.

5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you
jackknifed a Big Wheel.

4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was
"homemade Gack."

3. Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear
Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.

2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe
in a leather bar.

1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on
break."

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
You bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the ****'s he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what revenge, you're on the rag.

Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, "I need to buy condoms."
The pharmacist looked up and asked, "Shall I put it on your bill?" "No,
thanks," Monica responded. "I prefer to put them on him myself."

....Placemats
They only show up when there's food on the table.

.....Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

....Bike Helmets
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly

...Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

...Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

.....Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

.....Bank accounts
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest

....high heels
They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

.....Curling Irons
They are always hot, and they are always in your hair.

....Mini skirts
If you arenot careful they'll creep up your legs.

...Bananas
They older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like.....Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night
long.

Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like.....Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.


Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the crap out of you.

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up on you.

Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.



Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap and they prove to be unreliable.

Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.

"How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he
did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief.

"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200
years?

No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!?"

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

Crashing Supermodels


Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a
super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane
announces: "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make
an emergency crash landing - assume the brace position immediately!"

Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia
pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.

Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What in the hell are you doing fixing
your make-up when we are about to freaking crash!"

Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for,
and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I
am putting on my make-up."

Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of
flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused,
Naomi and Claudia shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you
baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!" Cindy
responds: "I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue
workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts- which
is why I am exposing my tits!"

Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to
expose her "love triangle." Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: "Naomi
- Are you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to
see??" Calmly, Naomi responds: "*****ES PLEASE! I know for a fact the
first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black
box!!"

And God Created Man


And God created woman.
She had two arms, two legs and three breasts.
And it was good.

And God asked woman what she would like changed about herself.
And she asked for her middle breast to be removed.
And it was good.

She stood with her third breast in her hand and asked God what should be
done with the useless boob...

And God created man.

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam
stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded.

"You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by
someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

In the garden of Eden, As everyone Knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without
any clothes. In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's. Nevertheless to say, The wind came along, And blew
the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's
thing, Started to rise.They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice
big tree, Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came
into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with
passion, Beyond her control. His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure,
Was all wet inside. The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until
Adam's thing, Was all out of juice.

Mine group always from Hell from above

An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Monte Cassino went
to the local church for confession.


He said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my
door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."


The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son and you
have no need to confess that."


"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual
favors."


The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However,
two people together under those circumstances are greatly tempted to act
that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are
forgiven."


"Thank you Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more
question."


"And what is that?" said the priest.


"Should I tell her the war is over?"