Good one, Tom!

Save yourself some heartache and grief, son. Yes, I'd say talk to her, lay it on the table, cut her no slack and play no games. After the talk and she's had the opportunity to tell you everything; feelings, fears, hopes, etc., make a fact-based, not an emotionally-based decision.

NO plans are written in blood (if they are, you need to re-evaluate that anyway!) and can be broken in the case of a blossoming new relationship. Keep in mind, if this is how she is now, do not expect anything different in the future. Like Dr. Phil says, "The best predictor of future behavior is PAST behavior." Proceed with caution, and with eyes OPEN!

Agreed, it may be painful now, but not nearly as painful as it will be when you have invested more time/effort/emotion in this woman. Right?

Well, ok, here's the deal for me....

I ask questions about EVERYTHING, because I want to know. I want to know FOR A REASON. Think about it, if I ask how you like your burger cooked or if you like mayo or ketchup, it is so I can prepare and present it to you just the way you prefer.

The question may seem menial to you *Tom* at the time, but at some point or another, he would benifit from answering graciously and gleefully, if you will.

I guess I look at it this way, if someone asked me what I liked/disliked, I would count it a compliment that the person was interested enough to give a heck. But.........that's just me...

I'm a question asker, too. Since Tom's not a big conversationalist, yes, I'm going to ask questions. And I agree...how else am I to get to know his likes/dislikes if I don't ask. My crystal ball is broken, so I'm either going to have to wait until he enlightnes me on everything...even the minute things....or I'll simply ask.

Well put! Confidence is SUPER sexy!!

How about good company and good food???? It's a long shot, but entirely possible.........

With a friend, no need to put on airs, no questions to answer, no actions to defend.........a friend accepts you...warts and all. And, even above and beyond that...they love you anyway!

Muddle: Wow! What insite you have lent me, and I dare say so many other women. Thank you for your comment!

And yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly...women (usually) do not have to have a "reason" to share their thoughts, opinions, or questions. So, it looks to me like it would behoove a man to accept that fact and adapt accordingly. By the same token, I, personally, am trying to accept the fact that my husband (who is terminally male) is not a "talker," nor will he ever be.

I believe it is so important for a man to ENCOURAGE the woman in his life to network with other women and have a very active and fulfilling life with other women. Think about it....if we have had an opportunity to vent, question, cry, and express ourselves, you *men* get the defused, reduced vocabulary volume of the woman you share your life with. What's not good about that?

Addressing your queary concerning women being drawn to the "bad boy," I can lend only my humble opinion. It is a fact that most women are drawn to that type of persona....for a season.

I believe it is is the stark contrast which draws us in for further investigation. Many women (including myself) want very much to be protected and cherished. The oftentimes misleading personality of the rebel tends to make us believe that this type of man is not only capable, but willing to offer us the security we long for.

The truth of the matter is this: (as I see it) Women want the best of both worlds. We want a "manly man" who is able to be as sensitive as a woman. Unfortunately, that creature does not exist.


As a GENERAL rule, the bad boys fight diligently against showing any sign of "weakness," which is also known to them as emotion/sensitivity. And, the sensitive men GENERALLY are unable to "pull off" the tough guy role believably.

Acceptance is the name of the game. Let me accentuate the characteristics I love about you, and you do the same for me. Focus on the positive rather than the negative.

The way I see it.......if we were EXACTLY alike...one of us is unnecessasry!

Boy! Did I start a battle of the sexes in my last thread, Feminine Input. That was NOT my intent. As I wrote in that thread, I delight in the differences between men and women. However, I am trying to compile information to bridge the gap in our manners of communication, if possible.

The question I pose to the men on this site is this:

What are the things that most drive you nuts about women when it comes to our way of communicating? What is it about women you would most like an honest answer to?

One of the most frequently asked is, "Why do women go to the bathroom in groups?"

What key to understanding a woman do you think would be most helpful to you?

I feel at this point I need to interject a bit of clarity. It was not my intent to divide the sexes, rather to lend some REAL solutions to a VERY REAL issue.

Like it or not, women DO communicate differently than men. Much of that communication is NONVERBAL. Now that is not intended to be a match of wits, mind reading, or game playing by the majority of women.

Just as it would be unfair to label ALL men as "dogs," so it is unjust to place ALL women under the blanket of "schemers" and "mind gamers."

My attempt here was to gather HONEST information in an effort to ASSIST men with understanding women, even if a little bit.
I happen to delight in the differences between men and women, however, would prefer understanding to frustration.

The more we understand each other's "general" makeup, the better off we are, right? After all, even die-hard Do-It-Yourselfers need to glimps a a manual from time-to-time.

Now........any more "clues" in the interum between cueing and restructuring our way of communicating?

Well, honestly I don't do what I do/react the way I react in order to play games. Only when I am removed from the situation or it has been worked through am I able to see my motive. Many times it is unclear to even me what would defuse the situation.

For me...........Tom can NEVER go wrong by simply puting his arms around me tenderly and telling me he loves me and that everything will be alright, that we'll work through it together. No matter how angry or hurt I am..........that melts my heart.........

(and YES, I've given the poor man this information and he's so smart he has begun to figure out it's true!)

Unfortunately, I am afraid you are the minority here, girl. The "exception to the rule," if you will.

BUT....it is my hope to one day do just that, say what I mean, and mean what I say. Much to my husband's dismay, however, that day is not today.

Thanks for your input........

Oh, these comments are PRICELESS! I just thought of one!!! (this one IS from personal experience!)

Don't ask me how my day was or what happened at work if you are not prepared to listen to my detailed, emotion-filled answer!

(someone once told me right in the middle of answering that question...."you were there 12 hours, please don't take 12 hours to tell me about it!") GRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

LOL! I love it~~~~keep 'em coming! (wonder why, as a newlywed, this idea has all of a sudden come to mind! LOL)

Go to My Account, then the number next to "New Testimonials" then click on Remove.

I am attempting to compile a comprehensive list of "clues" men could benifit from if given a bit of assistance from us. We all know we have a secret feminine language the guys are somewhat resitant to learning. Here's an idea of the type of things I am looking for:

When I am crying, turn and walk away while saying, "leave me alone," what I REALLY mean is: My feelings are hurt and I want you to care enough to follow me to try to find out what hurt me.

When we have been arguing and we are in different rooms, if you want to show me how much you want to make things right between us, come to me DURING the television program you are watching, NOT when a commercial comes on!

Have any "clues" to offer from personal experience?

Does anyone's tree have a "theme?" Mine is eclectic...a miriad of ornaments the kids have made, ones given to me, etc. My favs are the wooden ones. My fav color lights are ALL blue....

ROTFL: Great Stuff!!!

Tom and I will have our first Christmas together and he's already scared. He was a bachelor for 16 years and I'm a Christmas-aholic! He did well (before now) to be able to tell caroler from a yodeler.

I like unique, but some are distracted by it and don't look into your profile. A smile's always nice. Body parts........NOT! And, of course, there's the ever popular man-with-a-fish picture LOL

is already up or is going up before the end of the day today?

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<================= Going up after the dishes get done

**raises hand** "I'm here."


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!