Ok here it is. I've known this girl for over a year now. We have been really good friends. now we've been out on a couple of dates now and pretty much talk every night. She has told me that I'm the one she is looking for. She likes me alot, with all this being said I really dig this girl and was really excited to really start getting serious. Now here is the problem, after all the feelings were put on the table, she talks to one of her friends and now she is pretty much telling me all these holiday parties and functions she has to go to, none of which include me. She sort of started giving me a brush off attitude then tells me that she thinks are relationship will go far. I'm really confused, I never have shown any anger, wimpiness,(except for here) what I plan to do is lay low and let her chase me for awhile is this a good approach or is there something else I should try? Oh by the way I invited her to a new years eve party and she told me she already had made plans months ago. Never heard this before sort of made mention to this in an earlier conversation and she said she would go.!

What's the sense of being with someone...to be dateless on New Years??? I don't understand that at all...

Who doesn't want a date for New Year festivities

Well, truth be told, the holidays are not a time to start getting serious in a relationship. Plans people have made with family and friends would come first, you need to step aside and don't take that personally.

If you'd been on more than a 'few' dates, then she might invite you to come along to some, but don't expect this. You are reading too much into it. And your plan to "lay low and let her chase you".... this sounds gamey. If you think she is playing games, end it. Don't play them back. I recommend talking to her, as she is the only one who can answer your questions.

You have been friends with her for over a year but just recently started dating?? In this case she may have made plans already. New years is something I know what I am going to be doing three months or more ahead if I am going to be going out so that may be.

I would just not take it personally this holiday season but if you are still seeing each other next year and the same thing happens, that would be a big problem. Hope that helps

Sorry about that, Yea your right that does sound pretty gamey.

lilith401 seems to be a pretty smart cookie. I'd listen to her.

Remember the Golden rule: Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

Which is different than what you are proposing.
Do onto others as they do onto you. Or your perception of it anyway.

At some point in our lives the games of our youth stop working. We need to stop communicating our insecurities through cryptic strategies, elaborate tests and methods suggested by people who are not vested in the relationship. Resort to actual communication which requires a little talking and a lot of listening.

The 40's is as good as any other time.

If the golden rule isn't working... you are probably in the wrong relationship and have a lot of double standards to look forward to.

Need more information. Has she ever had relationships end over the holidays? She's playing safe. Go plan different plans for holidays.

Sorry to say this, but move on. She's a player. That shows you, right there, that she's not the right one for you, probably even for any kind of relationship. The fact that she's disrespecting your feelings right from the start, speaks a lot of volumes.

People try to use the holidays as an excuse, don't always believe what they say. That's not to say some aren't truthful, because there are probably those who are. The problem here is that she said she'd be with you on New Year's Eve and came up with an excuse not to be. That says a lot.

Boy not what I like to hear, Man i've been chasing her for a very long time!

Sometimes us guys can get wrapped up in the chase.. actually mistake it for a relationship. Then.. like the dog who actually catches the car... We stand there wondering "What the heck do I do with it?"

agreed - move on, man!

One of two things will happen:

1) you'll be much more interesting to her becasue you HAVE moved on - and if she's just playing games, she'll want to play more - if she's just not sure, she'll call YOU

2) she won't call you or anything, but you'll be so busy with other girls that think your great ('cuz you really are), you're gonna forget about this one.

What won't work is pining away or fretting over the time you've spent on her... write it off, move on... after the initial dissapointment, you'll be too busy with other women to care...

I'm sorry I guess I'm not awake this morning! I meant a christmas party. I'll ask her out for new years if she has plans for that one to I'll take the hint and move on!

i say a yr later? humm... who cares if it is the holidays a yr together is a while already building your relationship... just cause u discussed making it serious now doenst mean it wasnt already happening.... i would be so hurt myself if i were u... and she didnt invite me....i have a feeling these are "excuses" and she is running from ya....for if u are serious about someone u would want to take them with you and show them off! there should be no one that u want to be with more than your partner u are supposed to be best friends......

She said you were the one she was looking for. Why are you trying to end it before it even begins?

Cut her some slack....you may be throwing away a great thing over something insignificant. See her after she is done with her plans. Valentines Day is coming up, and she cannot possibly have other plans for that if she is serious about you. If she does, then it is time to move on....

Good luck to you!

Save yourself some heartache and grief, son. Yes, I'd say talk to her, lay it on the table, cut her no slack and play no games. After the talk and she's had the opportunity to tell you everything; feelings, fears, hopes, etc., make a fact-based, not an emotionally-based decision.

NO plans are written in blood (if they are, you need to re-evaluate that anyway!) and can be broken in the case of a blossoming new relationship. Keep in mind, if this is how she is now, do not expect anything different in the future. Like Dr. Phil says, "The best predictor of future behavior is PAST behavior." Proceed with caution, and with eyes OPEN!

Agreed, it may be painful now, but not nearly as painful as it will be when you have invested more time/effort/emotion in this woman. Right?

i agree with whispers u do need to talk to her and let her know your feelings perhaps if u did this to her it wouldnt bother her at all........ different things to each person is a bigger "deal" than to others...... i know though it would be a big issue to me......

Hey, I just got off the phone with her and guess what, She said she had plans for New Years, but she would change them, Now I know PUA will hate this tatic, but I believe that honesty is the best policy. I told her I wanted her, and was thinking nasty thoughts about her, I guess this really turned her on! so who would of known?