utorrent's the best torrent program I've used so far...went slow as crap at first though, had to port forward and change a bunch of other settings and values, speed is way higher now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkQtI_xLFPo (<- very useful tutorial to optimize utorrent's performance, plus port forwarding if you can't get the green icon to appear.

The patch can work wonders in some cases, or in others cause problems if the speed goes to high.
**some virus programs also pick up the patch to be a virus because it changes port settings and renames files, ignore it, unless you feel as if the port range increase caused problems. if you're comfortable with you're current speed, most likely you don't need to make much changes. I had to because of my router and to bypass certain values in the windows service packs.

the site you get the patch from, read all the stuff first. It's intended for certain situations. Not all users need it. If I remember correctly, its intended for people who have their ports limited due to the updates of the windows service packs.

speed went from 100kbs range, to 300-500kbs and up on average, in my case the changes made a huge difference.

I just posted the optimize link because some people hate torrent programs and say they're too slow. For some people, their computer and connection is already set to be compatible with such programs, but other computers and connections such as mines, from the get go weren't compatible. so you gotta configure it.

Anime lovers? sweeeeet, shoulda seen this earlier. anyone go to anime expo? it was at long beach this year, I've gone 3 years, 03,04(took a break from a bad experience) and this year. too many good anime to name, but the best I've seen so far, is Hellsing.

bleach is really really good, one of my favorites now. I just got the movie too, waitin 4 my numbnutz of a friend to be in the mood to watch it tho...somethin about watching movies alone that I don't like. I think it's best when you share the experience.

Thanx

<--- if only that smiley had a beany, it would be perfect lol

"Rust"



Perfection is perceived as being perfect

Down to the very last detail of anything that exists

How much of yourself do you carve away, when trying to establish
perfection?

How much of yourself withers away, when you notice, perfection may not
be as possible as you want it to be?

Some people are driven by perfection, even obsessed with
perfection...although they in reality, are very far from it.

Though it is entirely true, they are driven mad by this...sense of
achieving perfection. Driven so mad, that without the attempt of trying
to attain perfection, insanity becomes so much more clearer.

Is it something, you can simply forget about? Something a human can
just, give up on?

A human who gives up, normally becomes driven insane, of the fact that
its attempts to become something more, amounted to nothing.

In the end, a human either strives for more, or becomes comfortably numb
to the fact that it will never become, what it desires most to be.

By then, all humanity shortly falters away, leaving behind a cold
machine.
Just comfortably...
...Rusting away...

The point to my statements are missed again. You seem to disregard
everything I've said, misinterpret everything, and go on about how you
are right and I am wrong, stating you have more facts. If you can't
understand the key points even when I clearly point them out to you, its
really no longer worth the effort to respond...the answers are there,
you just gotta look them up. The way you question things I've said seem
to imply some sort of intimidation in them. I don't know why people
always do that. People think I'm challenging their statements or
something. I just stated my experience, take it or leave it, I don't
care, but I'm no longer responding to statements made on what I said
earlier. I was under the impression that everyone is just stating an
experience they had, I didn't know we were supposed to criticize people
and tell them they're right or wrong.

Who are you to tell me why did I even mention it?

jeanc200358, I think I explained everything in my first post. Probably
the best way you can more understand what I'm talking about, is probably
by checking it out on the wiki. I can understand how you wouldn't want
to believe someone's hearsay.

There is one very simple point you missed in my post. look back on it,
and I state what happens to the body during a NDE, and what is released.
I make connections between that. Then I state my experience correct? The
chemical released from the brain that occurs during NDE and during REM
sleep, I took that while awake. I explained how I got it, but that is
how I had that experience. I didn't plain out say I had a NDE did I? I
said I had an experience that people told me was much like NDE.

Now..here is the punchline Jean, I already stated that the chemical
(DMT) is released during NDE right? You're awake right b4 you have that
NDE right? (I'm going mainly on the people I talked to when I said I
talked to people who have had NDE, in which they all said something
happened while they were awake ie, gunshots, almost passed away in a car
crash, etc.) So the punchline comes - I took DMT while I was awake. What
are the only 2 for that to be in a humans body? I already answered that.
So thats why my body shut down, I went unconscious and had that
experience. It wasn't supposed to be in my body, but since it was, it
triggered my body into believing it was about to die, thats when
everything else took place. Did that clear things up? you can send me an
e-mail if you'd like so I don't have to keep posting huge posts to try
to explain things if I did a bad job at it the first time.

There seems to be a debate on something I'm not at all debating. Do
people see things when they have a NDE because of some chemical being
released at a certain time in their body? Or are they truly in some
state of a spiritual world thats not on earth? I'm actually not
disputing that at all, cause of course in the end, that all ends up
being opinion for the most part.

I'm just saying, that I've gained concrete evidence of answers to
questions I've had for quite awhile. Disturbing as they are to me, I
have full credibility in them. I won't list my questions nor their
answers here, all that comes from that is debate, and I don't care about
anyones opinion over my own beliefs. I do like to hear what people think
about the world, but I don't like debating over who has more facts to
say who is right.

Going back to what I just said though, weather or not we see things
because of natural occurring events that take place within our bodies at
certain times, would that be so hard to comprehend? Some people believe
that humans are created in God's image, so why would it be so hard to
believe that the mind can some how become in sync with things beyond the
world we currently see? For some reason, this scares people into
thinking that if you believe this, it dismisses the thought of an
afterlife or anything like that. That's not even the point intended, an
usually the person stating their point believes in an afterlife. So
maybe you misinterpreted what I've previously said.

My core beliefs became even more strengthened after I've had these
experiences. My core belief was that inside all living creatures, there
is energy. To me, its possible that this "energy" is actually our soul.
It's something inside us that makes us unique, and it's something we
can't see. Thinking any further of what a soul really is, is when
everything becomes complicated. Is the soul tied to the mind? If it
isn't is it safe to say that all of our previous experiences in life are
wiped out because they only live within the mind? If the soul isn't
human, would it be safe to say we'd carry no recollection of life after
we pass? The list goes on as everyone most likely already knows. So what
do humans normally do? They adopt a religion, a belief, maybe even
discover their own way to believe the way the world works. What else can
we do?

I respect everyones perspective on life, I can care less if they prayed
to a waffle stuck to their ceiling. We're each our own individual
person, although we're all on the same boat. Why not help each other
paddle?

NDE means you almost died right? I didn't almost die, I just had DMT in
my body while I was awake. So because that was in my body, my body
reacted as if it thought I were dying, so it produced an NDE. Because as
I stated before, DMT is released in the body for ONLY 2 reasons. one is
during REM sleep, and you remember none of what happens to you. 2nd is
RIGHT BEFORE YOU DIE, you become unconscious and have a NDE. The reason
why there was study on DMT, is because they noticed when it is released
in the body, with the exception that no one can record it in there sleep
if they don't remember it, but if you have a NDE, some people can record
it, you remember more if you quickly write what you seen if possible to
do so. They wondered if you experience what you're experiencing because
that chemical is being produced. So they wanted to see if they were
linked. It's a fact that its released during NDE. which is why I say the
facts speak for themselves.

I spoke to people who had NDE, to see if what I saw might have been
similar to what they did, and it was simlar from what they told me.

The people I talked to said what they remember the most was the white
light, They were revived shortly after that. If they hadn't been, I'm
sure the experience would have lasted longer, and who knows if they
would have even lived had the experience completed.

The facts speak for themselves I said right? You have an NDE when you're
unconscious right? Well did you think I was saying I was walking around
in the physical world when I said I seen all that stuff? Of course not,
I was unconscious because of the DMT. Plus. I got the DMT from
indigenous people a friend knew. We were just told to get as peace of
mind as we can and be in separate rooms. Funny thing is, 2 people in
separate rooms, seen the same thing, at the same time, without being
told prior to the experience what we might see. Other people who've
tried this say that throughout the whole experience, the same thing
happens, but there is a point in the experience where they think about
all the things that are going wrong in there life, and become aware that
they need to be changed, and do something about them.

The only major difference there seems to be from people who have done
that experiment, is the being in the center. I explained what I seen as
something that looked somewhat human, but it had very large eyes. My
friend said it was a being that appeared to be human also. Afterwards
though, we got so curious and interested in wth happened, we looked it
up online. Found the studies on it...some scientist say they seen beings
that resembled reptiles which they called reptilian huminoids, others
say they appeared to be demons etc..

We also found that they studied animals as well to see if they also have
that chemical released in them. In humans, it is produced in the pineal
gland. In other species, the pineal gland is called "the partial eye",
or "third eye". They call it that because it functions much like an eye,
also it has a cornea, rod and cone.

Ever after all of this though, I spent a long time trying to figure out
what I seen, why I seen it, making connections, etc. I can't simply look
at DMT as a drug and say "yea man, crazy trip, you get ****ed up on that
**** and see crazy ****". I can't because it naturally occurs in our
bodies. What gets me the most...is that humans only use 10% of their
brains total output capacity. We can study books for years, but even the
smartest most brilliant human beings will reach 1 4th or less. So what
are we truly capable of? It's become obvious that it has more to do with
than book knowledge themselves.

Creativesoul describes his experience...from what you say, it makes me
even think more about our true capabilities. Supposedly there are people
who can see unearthly beings, people who can read into the future, etc.
Some people do say that they dream of things that either end up
happening later, or buff out a very important event in the persons life
that the person isn't aware of. Some people may chuckle, but those are
the people who are scared to question certain things in life.

My opinion might be stupid to lots of people, but I never cared what
they thought of it in the first place. I believe that humans possess
incredible capabilities. Somehow I believe there is probably a key that
can unlock them, but perhaps we're not meant to ever find that key. Good
and Bad things are possible.

Inevitably, we are an existence, and I believe one of our main goals and
priorities is to carry on our existence. If everyone deeply dwelled in
thought about all of this, found certain things out etc, more than
likely it would rob them of living a life viewed as "simple and easy".

u guys can laugh, as long as you're laughing with me not at me =]

i'm PIMP-SAUCE!!! lol...I agree with some of that stuff...but..I also
agree with violador...a pimp with no hoes!? might as well be a Ass with
no hole hahaha!!

I'm not bashing anyones religion or anything. But I did see a white
light, it was more like a tunnel though. From far away it just looked
like bright white light, but while in that state I got closer and in my
experience, it was a corridor that lead to a room. I talked to people
who have had NDE, which I haven't had one. I described what I saw, and
they kinda tripped out because They said it was so similar to what
happened to them. The exception, is that I went into the corridor which
leads to the white room, it gets even crazier after that.

But here's the link, and why I believe the science behind what I'm
saying. I haven't had a NDE, but with the facts stated of when DMT is
released in the body, the facts speak for themselves in my opinion. So
it would be asked, "why did you see what a person that almost died
seen?" How is it possible? DMT is released right before you die, while
you're awake and alive. Since I had that in my body while I was awake,
It made my body think I was about to die, because thats the only reason
when that chemical is supposed to be in the body while awake.
----------------------------------------------------------
here is what really seen if anyones curious, its cool to think its crap
though, I don't mind others opinions.

Basically, it felt like I entered my own mind. What I saw, were brain
waves, and arties...like looking inside of a living humans body
basically, witnessing it first person view. The exception, is that there
was no blood or anything like that, no tissue. Everything was made out
of light energy. It was really really crazy, and I was meandering around
in that state. Until finally I got to the center of where ever I was at.
There was this being sitting cross legged, completely made out of light.
He looked really strange...although he was completely made out of light,
he still had eyes, that were huge, in my experience.

When I first was in there I was scared crapless. Once I got to that
being, it looked into my eyes, and all of a sudden I calmed down
dramatically. It then pointed it's hand in a direction, and this hole
opened up, and a really really bright white light was shining through
it. Right after that, I began to move towards that light, I didn't make
myself move towards it, it was like I didn't have a choice. I felt fine
though, I kept progressing towards it to find that it was a corridor
leading to a room, so to speak.

So then I entered the room, and the outside shut me in. In front of me
was a huge object...it looked like a huge red flower spinning...like a
flower made out of many shapes or something...its hard to explain...but
at best, it loox like a flower. It had a deep black hole in the center.
My body kept drifting towards it, and I felt ok. Until finally, my body
reached that center black hole, and I merged with whatever the heck that
thing was. Right that instant, I didn't remember my name, had no memory,
everything about me was gone...it didn't even feel like i existed
anymore, I didn't feel human. It felt really good, perfectly fine,
somehow it felt like I was supposed to feel that way. Then all of a
sudden, somehow I got pushed out of that hole and away from the flower.
Right after that...I was scared out of my mind, I was terrified of that
thing, it felt like the most worst thing possible just happened to me.

Right after that, I came out of that state. That whole experience felt
like 30 minutes or even longer. I looked at the clock, and realized 3
minutes passed.

They ended studies on it, and considered it a drug...to me they made
that up so people will believe its a hallucinogen, and what you're
seeing is false, and its the equivalent of taking crack or somethin like
that. crack is an abnormality that enters the body, the body isn't meant
to have a preset reaction to deal with it, and its not meant to be in
the body in the first place (unless im mistaken...). DMT, naturally
occurs, we have it in our body every night even. If you believe its the
same as taking crack, thats basically like saying we're drugged up when
we sleep everynight, and dream stuff only because the dosage hasn't
kicked in heavy enough to knock us out so we won't remember it.

Studies were halted for the reasons I stated before. Some scientist
called this "the spirit molecule". There are people who believe spirits
are nothing but a myth, how can something be in us, that isn't connected
to our brain?..people will say so many things to say that the spirit
doesn't exist. Would you say that energy can be a form of a spirit
though? I believe that, therefore I think that we do have a
spirit...that and also when I see research or studies on phenomenon like
ghost, or the likes...it seems to me like they say ghosts create an
energy field around them, sometimes it's even so dense that you can feel
it.

This is just my opinion on everything though, sry its a huge post...in
the end, the possibilities of life and death are endless. Not everyone
interprets things the same way.

you know what's crazy? when a human almost dies, the brain releases
something called dimethyltriptamine, (DMT). Then you have that NDE.
what's crazy, is that when we sleep, once we enter REM sleep, our brain
releases DMT also. DMT is released for ONLY those 2 reasons. Ever wonder
how you sleep for 9 hours yet only remember 10 minutes of your dreams?
Sometimes people say they remember everything, yet that doesn't mean
they play out a 9 hour dream episode right? The brain blocks all of that
out, so that our ego can carry on normally, since it won't be able to
comprehend whatever it sees while in that state.

If you take DMT while you're awake, you see what your brain won't let
you remember while you sleep, also, you have an experience that closely
matches what people call a NDE.
scientists were conducting studies on this at one point...the experience
can be explained very vividly, but I'd rather not make this a huge post.
long story short, they believed it gave humans the ability to
communicate with higher beings. Studies were stopped because the
government believed it was hazardous to ethical values on life, and
would cause commotion and damage to religion. So it became illegal.

Something that is naturally produced in our bodies became illegal? Stuff
we're not meant to see. If you wanna know anymore, feel free to msg me,
but i'd rather not post it cuz usually people either hate hearing it, or
think im nuts lol...but I can say I've been there, and I know what I saw
and what happened.

thanx, thats really a good way to deal with it. Sometimes it's just hard
to keep smiling when it hurts inside, but I'll try my best.

beautiful words Denise. I'm sure she's blowing out the candles through
Northern winds.

a lot of times. The funny thing though, is that once you're no longer
love drunk, or blinded by love, you can really analyze the person you
were with and how things really were. Sometimes you even end up saying
how in the world did it last so long?

I don't know about everyone else, but for me, that in itself helped me
get over past relationships. There's a reason why it didn't work out,
sometimes it just sucks to have that reason slap you in the face in the
end I guess.

Thanx, I'm really glad you liked it. =]

It has a little to do with responsibilities in a way. What it's really
about tho, is just me Remembering things and comparing them. The words
came to me as I was lying in bed one day, just thinking about things.
Kind of like a soft melody that you hear in the back of your mind, it
slowly fades in and out, but never totally stops playing.

So I'm lying there, in my present gray world, where things are
comfortably routine, although I wish there were more colors and
excitement. So I begin remembering my childhood, and it brings color to
my present world for the moment. I really loved life back then, although
I had it tough, and eventually I felt like I grew up way to fast, I
still loved it though.

So I'm remembering all that stuff, and I begin stating the time that has
passed between those memories and the present. Then I state that the kid
in the back of my mind is still laughing, enjoying a melody that never
grew sour to him. What I meant for that to mean, was that the kid in
that past memory (which is me), will never grow tired of that world, it
was never gray, and never will be in my memories of it. So I'm kind of
comparing my life now, to back then when it felt like certain things
were simpler as a kid, although things aren't always easy for kids.

Then I end the poem, with my saying of life. Life is always served with
a bittersweet taste. You take in the good with the bad, sometimes the
ratio sucks, but even still, you can't stop drinking it, you gotta
continue until it's finished.

The other thing I wrote, was a dream I had. It has a meaning to me...but
I'm a bit hesitant about sharing what it is. People have a hard time
understanding me, so I guess some things are better to be left personal.

Thanx for taking the time to read my stuff, and telling me your
thoughts.

press ctrl+alt+delete and click the process tab to make sure it isn't
running, cause if its running it won't you delete it. If that doesn't
work, go to start, then run, then type services.msc and see if there is
a service thats linked to the software program that you're trying to
uninstall, right click properties, click disable, then right click
again, and click stop, then proceed to try and uninstall.

If all that doesn't help at all, try what everyone else suggested, if
you're still having problems, check out majorgeeks.com they got pretty
good programs that help you to uninstall stubborn programs that can't be
deleted through the control panel

hope I was of some help

ps, also if you click start, then run, and type msconfig, you can see
what programs autostart just in case there are other things that start
up when you turn on your computer that you don't want to start up.

thanx guys. It's a song I'm working on right now. It was pretty cool
because as the words were comin into my mind, there was already a melody
playing in the background. Hopefully it wasn't something I've heard b4
that I was remembering tho, cuz it would suck to realize I just put
someone else's background music on my song. Sometimes that happens to
people and they don't even realize it.

sry to seem like such a tear jerker with my writings, I guess I just
have more inspiration and motive to write when I'm thinking of those
types of things. I guess thats usually why I come off as a weird guy,
but hey, I like being weird! lol

thanx 4 your thoughts, take care

I miss being young and small...
not being able to see over that wall..
Not unless you picked me up,
and showed me what it was like...
I miss being young and small,
remembering when we'd go play ball..

I miss all those days...
I spent when I'd just play...
Remembering just you and me, just living happy as two can be..
even though there was more than three...just now It's you and me...

I miss you Dad...
I miss all the good times we had...
and even though it got pretty bad...
I'm really missing you Dad...

Cause I'm missing you Dad...
There's not a time where I'm not really glad...
There's not a time where I'm not really sad..
Because I'm missing my Dad...

I miss the times we'd share...
No one understands me when I say I don't care...
Cause to me, there wasn't a second to spare...
Just a boy living in his own dreams..

Nothings ever as it seems
A vague past into desperate gleams..
Deep etches burnt within these seams...
Of a young boy caught up inside of his dreams..

I miss you Dad...
I miss all the good times we had...
and even though it got pretty bad...
I'm really missing you Dad...

Cause I'm missing you Dad...
There's not a time where I'm not really glad...
There's not a time where I'm not really sad..
Because I'm missing my Dad...

I don't know...but that crazy dude with the eyeballs on his hand was
tight as hell, he was my fave character of the movie. He reminded me of
a music video from Tool or somethin lol

lol yea..I was wonderin about that..

It isn't really about wanting to see things through child eyes..I guess
it's a little more complicated than that. It was a dream I had
though...pretty trippy one.