In the beginning God created Eve
In Her own likeness She created her
She gave Eve the power of self-procreation
and Eve set about having daughters in the garden of Eden

As time passed Eve when to God and ask Her if she could have a helpmate.
It was becoming a bit of a chore to care for all her daughters and tend the garden too.

God say to Eve, “Lay down and go to sleep”
Eve did as God asked, then God cast a deep sleep upon Eve.
She took one of Eve’s ribs and created Eve a helpman
God called the helpman Adam
Then God said to Eve, “You will no longer be able to procreate on your own,
your helpman will help you in every way from now on"
Eve was very grateful and praised God saying, “What a hunk of helpman!”

(he probably looked like Funches )

“Me hubman”, Adam said as his speech was not as refined as Eve’s
Eve was very pleased to see Adam, and she giggle as he said,…
“Me hubman for you. Me hubman for you”

Then Eve sent Adam out to tend the garden
This freed Eve to spend more time raising her daughters
She was able to teach her daughters and they became very wise and intelligent

Adam learned to tend the grapes in the field
but he was sloppy and would leave barrels of grapes sitting around unrefrigerated
the grapes fermented and turned to wine
Adam then drank the wine and became intoxicated with the spirits

He came back to Eve in a strange and aggressive mood
His speech was slurred and he stammered, “Me Husbum. Me Husbum”
Eve sneered back at him and said, “You’re a lush bum, you’re a lush bum”

God heard the arguments and came to see what the commotion was
She saw the drunken helpman and became wrath with rage
“You turned grapes into wine!”, She shouted at Adam
Adam replied, “I didn’t even know how to do it. It was just dumb luck”.
Then God proclaimed, “This fruit shall forever be know as the Grapes of Wrath”.

She told Eve that she could no longer remain in the perfect garden of Eden
and that she would need to take her helpman and leave to wander in the wilderness

Eve said, “But there are snakes out there that bite!”
God said, “That’s ok, just walk behind your helpman and you’ll be safe,
let him go into the wilderness before you to clear the way.”
Eve reluctantly agreed and packed all her things and strapped them on Adam’s back

Just as they were preparing to leave the garden God came to them and said,
“You must first marry in Holy Matrimony, before going out into the world”
Then God placed a gold band on a finger of Eve and one on Adam and said,
“I pronounce you, Wife and Husbum”.

Adam looked down at the wedding band and mumbled,
“Husbum banded. Husbum banded”
God looked down at the mumbling helpman and said,
“This is a symbol of your bondage in holy matrimony to Eve”
Adam looked up at God and stuttered saying,
“Holy husbum bambanded in babondage?”
God tried to make it more palatable and said,
“Husbanded”, as she nodded with approval.

Adam was confused and again stuttered saying,
“Husbanded bonded bum”

God and Eve looked at each other and rolled their eyes,
then God pointed to Eve’s ring and said,
“Her band”,
Then God pointed to Adam’s ring and said,
“His band”

Adam looked confused for a moment,
then with a smile of enlightenment
he pointed to the ring on his finger and said
“Husband”.
God smiled and said, “That’s close enough”

Then God walked Eve and Adam to the garden Gate
Eve looked wearily into the weeds beyond the garden
then she turned to Adam and said, “You go first”

Adam proudly puffed out his chest and said,
“Husband go first!”, as he walked out the gate
“Husband go first!”
“Husband go first!”
Eve turned and waved goodbye to God
and then followed her helpman as he chanted,
“Husband go first!”
“Husband go first!”
“Husband go first!”

great story!

How it all started!

A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said,
"The carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people."
A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.
When acknowledged he said,
"I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left.
That way it reads,
"Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!"

and so we have religion today. lol

There once was a thread on the net
Everyone chatted from wherever they set.
Abra wrote poems and sang songs
And spoke of the rights and the wrongs
He could make some good money I’d bet.

Jeannie makes websites that are really cool
The woman is brilliant using the net as her tool
She has her own dating site
Sells retail day and night
While I just write verse like an old fool.

Creativesoul is so intelligent and cute
He hurts my brain but it’s only acute
When I read his posts
I sometimes take notes
So I can look up the term for astute.

Then funches he likes his Sci-Fi
He makes me laugh ‘til I cry
I like fussing with him
Some think it is grim
But he puts a twinkle in my eye.

Feralcatlady keeps an eye out on us
She loves God and over him she will fuss
Just drops by to spread love
From God up above
And never will you see her cuss.

Spider knows God very well
The bible and heaven and hell
He says what he thinks
And I give him winks
Cause I really think he is swell.

Smiless seems very laid back
Even if under attack
Says many neat things
And the humor he brings
Is where he has a knack
.
Yellowrose is a sweet one for sure
When fussing she has the right cure
They told her to get a room
While her rose was in bloom
Though her heart really is pure.

wow a real poet in here. Did everyone study at the college of Shakespeare or something?? lol

thank you for the great poetry Georgia!

im on the fence with god...but if he exists hes got a WICKED sense of humour

Debbie’s on the fence
but in her God’s defense
she’s starting a rumor
that God’s full of humor
even though her life is intense

Her plans have gone askew
her achievements are way overdue
life is a struggle
with no one to snuggle
and her bills forever accrue

She continually prays for relief
but God gleefully sends her more grief
what kind of bloke
would pull such a joke
is he merely just testing belief?

Her faith is as clad as a knight
in armor that’s polished as bright
she worships her King
with prayers she’ll sing
every morning, midday, and night

Her answers are never forthcoming
despite her prayerful humming
her life is all wrong
in spite of her song
and now there’s a leak in the plumbing!

Think on this. If God created Satan (Most Christians would agree.)

Now clear your mind...


Most Christians would agree that Satan is evil! And that he is sin.

Does this sound right? God created Satan = evil/sin?

Personally I don't think that there is a Satan, doesn't make sense. God knows everything, so he'd know he'd be creating Satan/evil/sin. So why would he? What would be the purpose?

Now if you go back and remove Satan. There's God, then there's sin (going against God). Must more logical.

They why did he ask us to call him father and not mother?

Either way I wouldn't think god we actually have a gender.

Hey it was just a joke num num.

There may have been a higher being named Satan. He may have been related to, or part of, or created by another higher being.

We don't really know. But if this is so, Satan was not evil when God (or whoever) created him, if you read scripture for the story. Satan was God's right hand man, or left hand .. who knows. Anyway, because Free Will is a given, Satan choose to rebel against the establishment for some reason. He didn't like the politics. Perhaps God was preparing to do something that Satan did not agree with, anyway, he rebelled. He was loved by many, so many followed him.

So when did he decide to become evil? Or did he? Or was he just pegged as the enemy and received a lot a bad press from the political Godhead? Kind of like Osama Ben Laden. He was a freedom fighter, or so he thought. He was even trained by the C.I.A. in terrorist tactics. Yes it is true. He rebelled because he and his men were betrayed... by guess who... US. And so he became the bad guy. He became the evil guy. He became the most hated man on the planet...

I'm not saying that he is a saint, and neither is Satan. But I think they both got the screws by the political godhead in charge. Both of them got the blame for all the evil. The truth, in my humble opinion, is that Osama had nothing to do with 9-11.
He just got the blame. Imagine how much blame Satan has been piled up with. He, who once stood beside God himself!

What a story.. someone should make a movie.

Maybe for you, but I have heard people that are real passionate about making God a woman. Just saying that if there is a God, they wouldn't reproduce sexually, and thus, wouldn't have a gender.

imagine if children waged war and tortured and murdered each other because of their belief in Santa Claus, imagine if little elves were the angels of Santa, imagine if the North Pole was Heaven because it was so inaccesible, imagine if parents encourage their children to believe that Santa existed and told them to pray for toys or they would face Santa's wrath and imagine if governments encourage this behavior by it's citizens and even placed "in Santa we trust" on all the currency, and imagine if most of the world did this

would the world be delusional or evil or is the belief itself evil ...is to claim a belief as being truth evil ...

Think thats a little bit different. We know Santa isn't real. We know of the writer who invented him, and we know of the real person (Saint Nicolas) who he is named after.

As far as war goes, I don't think God really approves of wars in his name, but what do I know.

Santa is about as real as God is ..also.I said what if children killed each other over it...children think Santa is real and some adults allow and encourage them to believe that...and for what purpose ..so why should a belief in God be any different than a belief in Santa Claus ..

Santa can be disproven, God cannot. Not only is it rude to tell people their God doesn't exist, I think its against forum rules, but again what do I know.

Santa can no more be disproven than God can ..Santa is a world wide belief



so what if someone believes Santa is God aren't you trying to tell people Santa doesn't exist and can be disproven ....so "Chaszter" stop crying moderators tears

Right on Funches!!

Rude?

If it is rude to tell people their God doesn't exist then it is rude for them to tell people he or she does if they can't prove it.

Don't be ridiculous.