Having the night off from work and it sure seems weird. Went to a meeting and tonight was the night we went to get our bnner back. The banner has all the group meembers' name on it and we had to go to another group to get our banner back and took their banner. We not only took their banner but some other groups' banner so now they will have to come to our group to get our banner again. It is a great to get some of us recluses out of the house; All we do is isolate anyways so it is a rather ingenious way of meeting other groups and people. Gets us out of our comfort zones and the strange part once we get out of our comfort zones since we seem to be very much alike we all get comfortable, again. I am glad I went for atleast I can say I did something as a group and man it really took the lonliness away for a while. It is like doing something as a family in a way.

Any ways, back to the dryer. I gave the repairman the serial and model number that I took a small magnifying glass to read off the washer. After talking to Sears on the phone he said to me this is the model and serial number for a washer. So I went back to the house and he showed me that the numbers were in a different location than on the washer. They are inside the panel that the dryer door attaches, too. I thought what the heck I will just take the panel with me that way I wouldn't get the wrong numbers. He laughed as I brought in the panel and told me that there is a new invention called a pen and a piece of paper. I find his eye sight is just as bad as mine as he even with glasses on has the panel right up to his eyes. So his says that Sears didn't have the thermostat as that is what we figured it out to be with pictorial view on the computer. But that he could order it and it would take six to seven days before it arrives. Nice day to hang out clothes.

y'all i had a way better day than i did a couple days ago......my mom's home and my stepmom has her surgery tomorrow.

I am glad that your day is better, Amber. This is day three of state inpection and so far the nursing home is doing good. It is nice to wave at them coming in as I am getting off work. Not very likely that I would ever want to work day shift. I sure feel for them though. Have some friends who just went out and rented $4,000 worth of furniture with $70 a week payments and then don't come into work. I don't get it. I must be missing something or my math just doesn't add up.

sounds like someone has a champagne taste on a beer budget (which is completely their own fault for not coming in to work).......they could be related to my ex lol

Something that I always tried to keep was a job, Amber. Oh, my ex and me had problems but that wasn't one of them. My problem was when I was off work was thinking that my job was over. I can remember her saying when do I get a day off and must be nice. But then we got along a lot better when I was at work. It was when I came home that caused problems. After a while a person can get where they don't want all of their stuff at the pawn shop and would rather enjoy their stuff at home which can really lead to workaholism when one really starts to enjoying having I guess too much stuff. I was glad when they came by and took our screamer to another facility where she could get more personal service. It is hard to get 24/7 to just one resident when you have about 30 to care for. It kind of reminds me of my first marriage when my ex used to ask, "Who was your slave, yesterday?" She used to think I ws one of the kids, too. I have tried to mature since then, though. One thing about being single and alone is that one really doesn't have any one to blame but one's self.

Ok, so I mainly am coming in here to do so major venting... I have problems with depression, but who doesn't any more right? Joking about my weight didn't bother me, I'm not extremely over weight, but I am overweight! I've gotten to the point lately that I feel guilty when I eat. I eat twice a day, whatever I make for breakfast and whatever I eat for supper... I had a small bowl of Romen Noodles, two tuna sandwhiches(Nothing but tuna, bread and mayo) and 3 chili dogs for supper... That's what I"ve had to eat today, and I feel so guilty for eating it. My mother-in-law was over this evening, and a few days ago she said something and it about broke my heart. Due to the fact that I already feel that way, I don't want to say what she said, I know she didn't mean it to hurt me but OMG did it... I've been so depressed lately, I'm scared anymore. I don't know what to do, I need help. I need encouragement, not jokes. I can't take being overweight, I can't even think about having a baby until I lose weight... Come May will make 5 yrs that I've been married.. I'm getting to be like I use to a long time ago, thinking about death all the time anymore. Or Cutting, which I did to relieve stress, now I just don't know... I found a great diet but I couldn't take eating plain popcorn anymore... It's a great diet, filling no calories or anything... My mother-in-law said maybe I should go back to eating popcorn again.. That was horrible.. I hated it, but yeah it did work.. I'm tried of everything and everyone.. I can't stop thinking about my weight.. I feel guilt every time I think about food... WHAT THE H*LL IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!! I've never been this way... I can't take this bulls*it anymore....

Kitty - I think it is your depression at the bottom of your bad feelings and the weight is part of it. You eat because of the depression which only makes you feel worse. I am overweight and trying to lose weight but eat when I am depressed too and then do the guilty thing, so I know how you feel, it is an all consuming thing. Have you thought about counseling?? Or going to a group? Overeater's Anonymous is free, there are other groups out there, but I really think you should talk to your doctor, you may need an antidepressant to get your through this period. I really don't want you to start cutting yourself, that is really drastic and I really hope you will call your doctor and talk to them. They can refer you to a counselor that could help too. If you go to a church, pastors/ministers also counsel people. I do understand your concern about your weight but really think the depression is what your biggest issue is right now and once you get a handle on the depression, the weight will come under control. The depression just makes everything seem so much bigger and out of control and impossible to deal with. I really hope you contact your doctor and talk to them. Heck, I am going to mine on Friday, have been dealing with a lot of chronic pain and finally going to go talk to him. Been trying to tough it out, but will see what he says. Guess I need to listen to my own advice. I hope you feel better soon, write me or one of us on here if you want to talk in private. I am on in the evenings and others are in and out during the days and evenings according to their schedules, but hang in there. Get yourself checked out medically, maybe your thyroid is out of whack, your doctor could run blood tests to make sure everything is normal too, so that nothing is out of whack causing the depression to be so bad right now. There are a lot of variables, so please make an appointment and get some professional advice. My thoughts anyways. Take care of yourself, we care about you.

Kitty, after my first heart attack I had to take chloresterol seriously. Found out there was good and bad chloresterol. I have a job now that keeps me humping to answer the lights. It keeps me in good shape. The doctor said I needed to exercise the heart and that it, too is a muscle. Before that I had gravy jobs where I really didn't have to work that hard. OA, like other 12 step groups are good for a person because you are with people who are also trying to do something about weight or whatever problem one is having. I would consult a physician and you may find that the doctor may have some good answers for you.

We passed our state inspection and didn't even get one bad mark this time. Everybody is breathing a sigh of relief here. I hope everyone's day is good.

I just wanted to clear up something, I said I think about death and cutting. I'm not going to do anything. Everyone thinks about stuff. I have no need to do it, esp. killing myself... I have a wonderful marriage, and my dog and family needs me. I'm not going to do anything. I have serve depression, and I'm bi-polar which doesn't help, yeah I agree I think depression is my main problem, but I have to get the weight back off, in order to break being depressed, last yr I lost alot of weight, slipped up gained a little back and never tried again. All I need is encouragement again. Ya know? Sorry I didn't mean to freak anyone out, I promise not do cut or try to kill myself. It's all good... :)

P.S. I'm poor I can't afford to see a doctor. Around here if you don't have money you stay sick. That's how it goes. Anyways just wanted to try and clear the suicide thing up and the cutting. I'm not going back to thoses days just feel it lately. Also I am doing better today. SO FAR!!

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice." Hey I'm going through mid life crisis age of 20 u don't know how many times i've suffered to face everyday of my life instead of thinking of trying to shed some blood.. i workout alot and i have blistered my hands over focusing on something that really always happen bad to me and the days u have to deal with and go through..

honey, sorry to hear that......

Kitty - I think you misunderstood my response, I was just hoping you wouldn't cut yourself. Didn't mean to offend you. I do understand depression very well and thinking about suicide too, I have had thoughts of suicide almost daily since I was a young child, never acted on them, but do have those thoughts, so I know you can have them and not act on them. I was hoping to share with you that I thought depression was at the root of your issue with your weight gain. I know it is with mine and if you could get the depression under control, then the weight loss would be easier. Being bipolar only makes things harder to control. Do they have any clinics in your area that take a sliding fee scale? Where they adjust your fee according to your income?? They have them here, that is why I am asking. You must not have any medical insurance, that makes things a lot harder. Have you tried a community mental health center to see if they have any kind of grant that helps people who need it when they don't have medical insurance? Just trying to come up with some ideas. Wish I knew of something to help. I am glad you are feeling a little better today. Take care of yourself and have a good day today.

Dinoguy - glad you are hanging in there, sounds like working out is your therapy. There are groups out there you can check into if you want to work on some of your issues with other people with like issues. Good luck. Hope you have a good day.

Im back and have read a few of the threads. I couldn't read them all since I've been out of the loop for a while. School keeps me busy and when Im not in school Im working on some project or another, but Kitty, I understand and I think of bad things all the time.

Even when I think Im feeling better. The thoughts just jump in there and I just want it all to stop. I have tried several times to hurt my self in various ways over the years, but Im still here. (dunno what to think of that, just to vent a little)

Sighhhhhh, Im sick and I thought I was going to get lucky this winter. Threw up again today and have been fighting a migraine for days now. Maybe that is why Im sick to my stomach. I know better than tho take ibuprofen.

I swallow my sanity twice a day now. School helps greatly, but I stopped caring what I eat. After having the expeience of drawing and sculpting live nude modles, I have found that it really doesn't matter what I look like. I know others do, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just my point of view for myself.

Two of my art pieces got into the student show. Next week is the "Grand Opening"......Im just happy that they got in. One was rejected out of the three. Not bad for a beginner. Im up for a scholarship and only three people in the running, so my chances are pretty good. But I don't care much about those things. Im just happy that my pieces will be out there and people can get to know my work and who I am in the community.

Very exciting yet scared to death. Being bi polar and having severe anxiety can get to me a lot. But Ill medicate b4 the show and try to enjoy it.

Been really trying to keep myself under control lately. Being a good kinda tired is ok, but tired is tired, and depressed is depressed. People just don't understand how someone who is severely depressed can actually crack a smile now and then. It is inside that hurts. You can actually get around sometimes.

So everyone hello again and hope everyone is doing well, and or just hanging in there. This is a great place to vent and don't worry, so far no trolls here. We being down here is kinda kewl and everyone is warm and helpful.

Love ya all, Karen

Hey make an art piece for me! I'd be proud to own one

But i know where your coming from. I've always been totally depressed, suicidal sometimes and its easy for people who are always hurting inside to put on a mask and fake that it dosn't hurt at all. Its like a reflex.

But at least to me it helps to get out and do things you love, like for me its going out and petting cats at the animal shelter because they want all the attention your willing to give. Plus kittens are hard to resist.

Hello Everyone!


No I wasn't offened, I just thought I'd clear that up! I have tried to kill myself before so that's why I won't go through with it EVER again! Plus one time I didn't mean to but I did take an overdose on sleeping pills I was young and stupid.. I didn't mean to, but I took too many and by the time I got to the hospital and the doctors and nurses kept trying to stick that hose down my nose and throat I punched and kicked a nurse in the face and was consider dead but I suddenly woke up asked for a drink and they gave me that charcoal junk and I was fine. So I know what it's like to deal with depression, I've seen doctors before but when your poor and I MEAN POOR!!! You can't see a doctor and get the help you need around here! I can't even see a doctor about getting birthcontrol because I can't afford 15 to see her! I am disabled also which makes things a littler harder trying to get disability, in fact CBS just did a investigation on WV and they are refusing people because they are told to, so ya know it's hard trying to do anything. My husband is disable also, he's worse off then me, but what can you do when you have no money and can't work... You can't get help anymore... Anyways, I use to have a support group a long time ago for rape and molested victims it was a great site until it happened to me... Which was bad.. I kinda fell apart from the group and I don't talk much about it, I'm over it.. It just still stays in your mind no matter what happens... :)
Anyways just wanted to come in and see how everyone was doing, I didn't mean to jump from subject to subject like that.. I'm gonna go!! TTYL

I hope everyone is doing ok... Your all in my PRAYERS!!!!

Kitty here is something that is working for e.I don't diet!!I have lost 10 pounds eating what i want.Moderation is the key.somedays I eat a lot,other days not so much.depends on my moods.I only weigh myself once a month so no guilt!!try it and see!!

Amber prayers are with your mom and stepmom !!

Dinoguy you sound like a strong person..good luck to you !!
roy.marie,karen,allen big hugs to you !!

(((Jackie)))

Got a new aide last to work with. We get so many rethreads. They used to work here but went somewhere else then come back. The nurse told me to talk to her. I figured why when I just train them for dayshift or another hall. Got depressed because one can't even go by the roster any more because just as soon I think we will have an extra aide to work with someone calls in and the extra aide has to go to a different hall to make up for the one that didn't show up. Was talking to the new aide and sure enough she wanted on dayshift but had to take any shift to get the job. Getting more overtime because all I have to do is show up but was nice to have the extra help. Guess you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Fortunately for me I like pie and I can afford to buy it now.

(((roy))) why eat cake if you can eat pie? hahahaha. Me I been surviving on rice and honey buns....3 for a buck Thanks for the laugh. I needed it about now.

I dont know if anyone will understand this and no offense because we all have something in our lives besides people that we love. I just discivered that a few minutes ago.

I am working on a big project. A clay woman laying twisted on her side........in the rudementary stages but she is starting to take exactly the form I want and she looks like she will be somewhat anatomically correct...

I was just working away and burst into tears. They sucked right back up as usual but they were there. It took me by suprise. I couldnt understand it. I was doing something I love and I was crying.

Then it hit me. I was happy. I havent been truely happy about anything like this in my life so I didnt understand it. I know it is only fleeting since I cant sculpt all the time, but........OMG!

Im floored.