As an older person, what is your purpose in dating? What do you expect to gain from going on a date?

Just to have someone thats prettier than my guy friends to look at and converse with over dinner..

To me, a date would be with a single man to have good conversation with and feel relaxed with, and maybe a few hugs. That's it.

The way I figure it, a date is just a chance to get somebody to come over and clean my house and make me a nice sandwich.

moto, that's a servant.

Not interested in going on "A" date.
My purpose is to find someone compatible to share my life with.
The time we spend together should be natural and unofficial.
Its that natural interaction that tells me how compatible she is.
To me, the 'date' is useless posturing.

My purpose is to meet new people and make friends. The detail might be a coffee, a meal, theatre, a walk, or any of the many things that people do together.

I've always been extremely uncomfortable with dating at any age, because it's so socially and psychologically confused and conflicted as a process.

Each person usually has several things they are doing at the same time with dating, and more often than not, they don't actually think through what they are doing or why. Instead, what I've found is that lots of people assume that "everyone knows what dates are," and then do whatever they personally want to do.

Most of all, early "dates" seem to have something to do with moving or removing the big invisible social boundary between people. It's like a complicated international negotiation between the leaders of two countries, where they meet officially and publicly, in order to discuss whether or not they want to meet again more privately, and of so, under what conditions.

All I want to do, is normal stuff, with the other person there for their own reasons. But my idea of such things isn't popular. And especially since I don't do most common "date stuff" just for fun on my own, it feels VERY stilted to do it after inviting someone along so that they can make a series of critical judgments and perform a variety of social tests on me as we do whatever it is.

I see it all as a test.
However, if you perform the motions of a test with 'fake' criteria, you will get 'fake' results.
Garbage in/Garbage out

Agreed!

I do feel sorry for you Igor, your life seems overly complicated. For me life is fun. It's nice to invite a lady for a meal and exciting to discover all those things I don't yet know about her. Does she like a curry? Or hate the smell of it? I often enjoy a meal and good conversation with an intelligent and articulate friend. I'm here to find more friends as some unfortunately live too far away for frequent contact.

If you don't expect too much there won't be a problem. Just relax, chat about the world and your own likes and dislikes. If you meet someone here and have shared interests, then start with those interests and take it from there. Yes, sometimes contact dwindles to nothing but if you have a sufficient number of friends, that's not a problem.

It seems that there are 2 very different reasons for dating. This must make a big difference in what the date is and the comfort level of the date.

There are those that view it as a test to find your soul mate / special someone for the long term. This must be where serial dating comes in; I go out with you until you or I fail "the test" and then it is "next".

Then there are those that consider a date as a social outing with the opposite sex. They are looking for a fun, relaxed experience with someone they find is good company. If it goes reasonably well, we'll do it again and probably become friends. Eventually it may become more but could just become 2 good friends who enjoy s social life together.

When and under what circumstances does sex fit into your dating goals? Can either situation continue without the sexual element? I guess this is where "players" fit in. I assume they are the ones who convince someone (usually a lady) that they are looking for that special one or soul mate until they have enjoyed the sex part and then it becomes "next".

Nookie is not based on putting in a certain number of "coins"
(dates, gifts, being a decent person)..and getting nookie out..

It'll happen when it feels right....and not before..there's not set/ specific time frame..

It *can* be coerced, forced, and..if that's someone's thing...whatever...

Problem is too many expect something from a date..It's just a meet to get to know someone... if things click then you decide to meet again.. Who knows what will happen quit expecting too much and try to enjoy each others company~~

As soon as I see the word "goal" my mind drifts back to my younger days when I played hockey and everyone wanted to "score"....both on and off the ice.

Topic: dating goals

I tried goals, but people kept moving the goal posts.

I don't have a dating "Goal". I'd go out because I'm single and the guy is single and we are attracted to each other. Just enjoying each others company.

The "date" is very misrepresented by expectations.
Lets face it, most people are using dating sites to find that 'one special someone' that fills all their needs while giving us something we previously didn't posses.
What is wrong with that?

In that 'quest' for "the one" we consider many people that 'seem' to fall within our desires for a mate.
When you go on a 'date' you are acting.
You are portraying what you think is expected just so you can spend time with the 'one'.
The main function remains the same. To figure out if 'that person' really is 'the one'.

If you are on your best behavior and they are on their best behavior during the date, neither of you are getting accurate natural information to determine if that person is 'the one'.

However, when you maintain your personal standard of life and act naturally, you gain insight about the other person that has value to the goal of finding 'the one'.

To spend time and resources to "date" according to formal establishments you are limited in valuable information that allows you to make the determination of whether that person is 'the one'.

Everything else is an effort to gain something else. Sex, a meal, an experience a good time.
It all changes the absolute reason why you are with that person in the first place.
A delusion.

Dating in a natural sense, is getting to know that person as they 'really are' to figure out if they are "the one".

The meet is nothing more than a meet.
You meet people all the time.
Dating allows you to get to know that person and how they interact with life.
If you are acting as you imagine you should because you are on a date, that person can't determine what they need to know to determine if you really are 'the one'.
You end up in a series of formal 'dates' that result in no connection.

I won't 'date' anyone.
I will experience life with someone and pay attention to how they react to life.
I am not focused on 'the date' as much as finding my someone special.
Not everyone is focused on this very thing.
Some want to 'date'.
Some just want sex.
Some just want validated.
People date for many different reasons.
But...If you think about the process that leads to a 'date', you are actually looking for that "ONE" 'special someone' that ends your search.
It really doesn't matter why you are dating, if you find 'that' someone special, the 'date' is merely a tool.

Think about it this way;
You meet someone that is a complete match to who you are looking for.
Once you find that person, will you be still looking for more dates?
OR...will you stop looking, stop dating in favor of 'the one'?

To figure out if that person is the one, the formal date is a poor choice and THAT results in unhappy unions.
Natural, unscripted encounters with someone gives you the vital information you need to determine if that person is "the one".
So...

No, I don't "date".
Natural, unscripted encounters with that potential match allows you to ...
Choose Wisely.