A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!

hey that was my ex.... see she's makin some other 1 suffer

well gotta be gettin back 2 da home



time 4 my sponge bath......





























Good night SPANKY

things I ponder


when you turn your car on


does it return the favor?

when you eat a dougnut what do you do with the hole

Missionary was tryin' to teach the tribal cheif to speak english.
They were walkin' down a path & came across a lion;
chief says what dat.
misionary replies lion, chief says "lion"
They go down the path a little more & they see somthin' in the trees. Chief ask what dat, missionary replies monkeys.
Chief says monkeys.
A little ferthah down the path they come across a man & woman locked in the brace of love ( that means getin' it on) anyrate the chief ask whats dat.... misionary replies uh that' what we call riddin' the bicycle.
A That the chief pulls out his blow gun kills the couple.
Missionary says Why would you do that.

Chief replies him ridin' MY bicyle...

Mornin dc

mornin' rocker...... kinda slow in here 2day.... don't know where laura is...she keeps'm laughin'.....

hope laura get's here for the 2nd set.....

Things I ponder

Why are there headlights on a riden' lawn mower


Who's cuttin' grass at 3 in the mornin'

GUESS WHO?

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

3 WOMEN on a New York subway

1 says I'm so proud of my son.
He's a doctor, the best 1 in New York

The next one not 3 be out done says.
My son's a Lawyer, riches 1 in New York

The 3rd 1 sits quiely, so they ask what's wrong deary, your son not doin' as well?

To which she replies No my son is a homosexual, but he's doin' very well he has 2 lovers, the best Dr. & riches' Lawyer in New York

well gotta go do the $$ thing ...... Have fun , share jokes funny stories or just sit & converse , see yall 2night

This is what most people sound like when they are drunk

Starkle starkle little twink
who the hell you are I think
I'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol
I'm just a little slort of sheep
I'm not drunk like tinkle peep
I don't know who is me yet
but the drunker I stand here
the longer I get
Just give me one more drink
to fill me cup
'cuz I got all day sober
to Sunday up.

Yep, been there done that before!!

I think we all sound like that,every once in awhile

evenin' folks...... How about a BIG hand 4 laura...

Thanks laura.... you're an angel..

Hillbilly vasectomy

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin did not want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but was very expensive.
"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama ), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alaba mian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count....

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Arkansas ,
Mississippi , Missouri , West Virginia and some parts of Texas

Things I ponder......

If ya bounce a check.

Why do banks charge you more of what they already know you don't have?