i wonder if he is out and having fun,
i wonder if he ever even misses me at all.
i wonder if he thinks about his infant son,
and if he does then why cant he ever call.

i wonder if he misses the look in my eyes,
when i told him i loved him before we went to sleep.
i wonder if he regrets any of his stupid lies,
or if he even cares that all i do is weep.

i wonder if he wishes there was something he could change,
if he could erase the bruise thats on my face.
i wonder if he feels life without me is strange,
or is he happy that he's in another place.

i wonder why it happened, did i do something wrong?
but i gave it my all i know that without a doubt.
so i must hold my head up for my son and be strong,
but i still wonder if he wonders what im wondering about.

i wrote this not to long after me and my husband got into a fight and he hit me... it kinda helped... but at the same ime the hurt will always be there, im sure there is plenty of women who can relate..... i used to think that that would never happen to me that i would always be loved... no matter how drunk he got, or how many drugs he did... no matter how much he yelled he would never hit me... well guess what... he did. so to all females in the world... if a man who says he loves you can raise his voice to you on a daily basis, make you cry every night, and lower rate you to the point were you dont care about your self anymore.... ladies thats not love... thats control. please get away from it or the same thing could happen to you...



Niki W. poem wrote july 24th 2007

(((((((((((((((((Nikki))))))))))))))))))I know how you feel hun, yes i have been physically(while pregnant)and mentally abused many times.

OH SUNSHINE, IM SOOO SORRY, YOU WENT THRU THAT.

JUST REMEMBER NONE OF IT WAS YOUR FAULT
HE HAS ISSUES WITHIN HIMSELF.

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY ABUSE ANOTHER

JUST POWER STRUGGLE

why worry if he misses you?????


pffffffffffft pffffffffffffft!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Learn to be a ninja and kick his azzzzzzzzzz!!!!

i was in a short relationship a number of yrs ago where i had only been with him for a week and that was long enough, he had a temper,as well was drug addict... he was probation and his ex gf had a restrating order on him,, and i contact her later when he hit me and was trown in jail.. i found out that he was abusive to her as well and she told me other things that happen, as where he was with this one lady that he got her trap on drugs and he hit her a number of times as where one time he hit her with a tire iron and the hospitol pressed charges on him... and then a few yrs ago i got letter from the da, as to find out he had hit a elderly lady that was like 60s yrs old and she landed in the hospitol.... and then ot find out a old bf of mine that i still talk to every now and then, he found out that that guy i was with was his 2 cousin.. wonderful????? he doesnt deal with him but he has talked to his sister a few times though

when this kind of things happen
it's never the victim's fault.
so understand that you are not at guilt.
understand that you are very valuable person, and you don't have to be wondering if he is happy.
no matter where he is, he is never going to be happy because he is not able to love anybody else than himself, therefore, he is never going to be happy at all.

Niki, I couldn't have said it better myself; the cycle of power and control is not a form of love or passion, it is a way to victimize you.

Be strong, be a survivor, and God Bless.

YES, SADLY i CAN RELATE TOO. VERY WELL. NOW HE CALLS ALL THE TiME TO TELL ME HE'S SORRY AND WiSHED iT NEVER HAPPENED.. BUT i DON'T BELiEVE HiM. iT WAS ALL LiES! iF HE COULD LiE TO ME OVER AND OVER AND TELL ME HE WAS CHANGiNG.. AND NEVER EVER DiD THEN i KNOW i CAN'T BELiEVE HiS WORDS NOW.. AND THAT'S WHY i'VE MOVED ON AND NOW HE HASN'T.. OH WELL.. i GOT TiRED OF BRUiSES AND THE CRYiNG.. i AM TOO STRONG TO DEAL WiTH THAT [[EVER]] AGAiN. AND i TAKE CARE OF MY SON WiTH NO HELP FROM HiM.. HE HAS BARELY GiVEN ANYTHiNG TO OUR SON AND HE'LL BE FiVE iN FEBRUARY! FORGET THAT! i'M ON TO BiGGER AND BETTER THiNGS!!

I know exactly how you feel. I was in a very abusive marriage for 13 years. Thank god i got the strength to get out and take my children utta that environment.

sorry to say I can relate to these stories as I was married to an alcoholic for near 35 years. He was sober the last 23 but he was stil mentally abusive. Even the night he died he gotten violently mad at two of our daughters and tempers flew, then three hours later he was dead. The kids never got a chance to say good bye and it was hard on them for years thinking they caused his death, but most have been able to work through the pain and the hurt. It has been almost four years now. Time does heal all wounds, no matter how deep.

i been there that how i met my daughters father ... trying to leave one jerk, found snother one but now im loser free

This is a post from Topic: women stay safe

I think it applies here and thanks for sharing your heart.

Sat 09/01/07 04:51 PM

women are not chattel, Men do not own us, they may not control us, they will not
isolate us, hit us, verbally abuse us, financially cripple us, shame us, nor will they
make our life or the lives of our children a living hell on earth, so help me God. This group is a life long hope of mine. Women need to learn to trust their gut instincts, stop their jealousy and realise together we can stand and divided we will fall into the same traps. Traps laid out by our abuser. Men look for women who are loving, giving, and kind, who have had little family support. Together we can stop this in our generation and I pray for each of you that have suffered that you will find the strength and courage to reach out. TELL SOMEONE, MAKE A ESCAPE PLAN, FIND A TRUSTED FRIEND, HIDE MONEY, KEYS, IMPORTANT PAPERS, BIRTH CERTIFICATES, You my friend are not alone. GET HELP!! Don't make excuses, your children are at stake. So are you worth more.

Incident
* Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

* Abuser starts to get angry
* Abuse may begin
* There is a breakdown of communication
* Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
* Tension becomes too much
* Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'

Making-Up

* Abuser may apologize for abuse
* Abuser may promise it will never happen again
* Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
* Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm

* Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
* Physical abuse may not be taking place
* Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
* Victim may hope that the abuse is over
* Abuser may give gifts to victim I love you! Lets help each other

I'm a guy. I think. Let me look. Yup I'm a guy. I've never laid a hand in anger to a woman I was in a relationship with. I have never raised my voice to someone I was in a relationship with. I've never psychologically abused a woman I was in a relationship with. Why am I single? Wht can't I find someone to love, share, and grow with? Why can't I find unconditional love and happily ever after?

i never hit anyone let alone a woman

have had several occasions were i could have in self defense

but chose to restrain then rather than hit them (guys)

i have had a few arguments with x's

but after i refused to argue and said i agree to dis agree

they leave in 6 months to a year

want nice guy my

<<<<<<<<<<<<--------------------

I will tell you why. Because I'm ugly.

I'm not cute enough. I'm not up to par. I'm not your type. Nope not handsomE enough. Not husband material. Well you had to have mr. Perfect looks and surprise surprise he's abusive. You thought his tough bad boy image was so cute until he turned it on you. And you stayed with him? Delusional? And now I gotta get solicitations of pity? Naw I'm not buying that.

Sorry its just getting on my nerve. You're not blind. You are not in a wheelchair. You are not chained to a stove or bedpost. You're not mentally challenged. I have faith in you! Have faith in yourself.

So now you're going to look for a guy who is going to feel sorry for you for the next 45 years. I think I will start a thread called "why men shouldn't date women who have been abused!"

Just gets my goat baaaad.

C'mon, c'mon bring it on. Hypocrites. Wake up.