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| Topic: Married twice... red flag? | |
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I don't think being married twice or more is a red flag. It just means that they had two or more marriages that didn't work out. What if one was with a really good con artist? ... and the other one died? Failure of a marriage can come from many reasons and none of us is perfect.
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I don't think being married twice or more is a red flag. It just means that they had two or more marriages that didn't work out. What if one was with a really good con artist? ... and the other one died? Failure of a marriage can come from many reasons and none of us is perfect. Of course. Maybe you don't understand what red flag means either. Here is the Urban definition: A sign or warning of any impending danger, disaster or doom. Of course there could be totally legit, innocent reasons for many marriages. Still...odds are, two failed marriages...and he's out looking for another woman??? Red flag. It's a warning that a dangerous reason for this is possible. It should at least be considered. Or I guess you could just squeeze your eyes shut really, really tight...and maybe you and Mr. Married twice before you will ride into the sunset on your unicorn. |
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I don't think being married twice or more is a red flag. It just means that they had two or more marriages that didn't work out. What if one was with a really good con artist? ... and the other one died? Failure of a marriage can come from many reasons and none of us is perfect. Of course. Maybe you don't understand what red flag means either. Here is the Urban definition: A sign or warning of any impending danger, disaster or doom. Of course there could be totally legit, innocent reasons for many marriages. Still...odds are, two failed marriages...and he's out looking for another woman??? Red flag. It's a warning that a dangerous reason for this is possible. It should at least be considered. Or I guess you could just squeeze your eyes shut really, really tight...and maybe you and Mr. Married twice before you will ride into the sunset on your unicorn. I know perfectly well what a red flag is. I also know that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble, you will surely find it. Someone who is overly suspicious is a big red flag. Someone who is around forty and and never been married is a GIANT red flag. Someone who has obviously built walls and has a ton of baggage is more than a red flag... it is a sign saying "turn around and go the opposite direction!". A couple of marriages? ... look into the heart of the person, listen to their story, and then give the benefit of the doubt. People mature. I also know people who have had failed relationships who found the right person and have super relationships. Your post sounds very bitter. |
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I don't think being married twice or more is a red flag. It just means that they had two or more marriages that didn't work out. What if one was with a really good con artist? ... and the other one died? Failure of a marriage can come from many reasons and none of us is perfect. Of course. Maybe you don't understand what red flag means either. Here is the Urban definition: A sign or warning of any impending danger, disaster or doom. Of course there could be totally legit, innocent reasons for many marriages. Still...odds are, two failed marriages...and he's out looking for another woman??? Red flag. It's a warning that a dangerous reason for this is possible. It should at least be considered. Or I guess you could just squeeze your eyes shut really, really tight...and maybe you and Mr. Married twice before you will ride into the sunset on your unicorn. I know perfectly well what a red flag is. I also know that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble, you will surely find it. Someone who is overly suspicious is a big red flag. Someone who is around forty and and never been married is a GIANT red flag. Someone who has obviously built walls and has a ton of baggage is more than a red flag... it is a sign saying "turn around and go the opposite direction!". A couple of marriages? ... look into the heart of the person, listen to their story, and then give the benefit of the doubt. People mature. I also know people who have had failed relationships who found the right person and have super relationships. Your post sounds very bitter. My post may sound bitter...but yours sounds ignorant. tit for a tat. How do you like that? lol Who told you that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble you will find it??? Have you NEVER met genuinely good and honest people before??? No... if you looked into my life trying to find trouble...you would not find it. There isn't any trouble there. None. So this is what I expect in return. What's wrong with that? Who said I was never married? Another all assuming person. Nice.....my favorite! NOT! lmao  So a woman that has been betrayed dozens of times by bad men, so now she has trust issues is a person to run away from??? hmmmm... not to me. I'd actually feel bad for that person not hand them more bs responsibility of her past nightmare relationship.... like your post. Like I said prior to your post, I am not looking for a relationship. Not that I need to defend myself to someone that hasn't even read the whole thread for insight before they post their two cents. |
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So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. So, you are putting yourself out there again are you? You are asking for advice and for what it's worth, I say that you should take it slow instead of all this snooping. You asked the guy about his marriage and he blamed it on his ex. That's not good enough for you though and you don't trust men. You want absolute truth and honesty and you have stated that you would have absolutely no qualms about rifling through someone's private belongings. That's borderline stalker behaviour and it's likely to scare most men off. Taking it slow has proven to be a total waste of time. Without "snooping", I wouldve wasted tons more time on someone who was hiding deal breakers. I dont think you read my posts in the correct context. I never said I go through a man's things on the first meeting or the 20th! Lol you assume too much and get defensive for all men. Thanks for your harsh reply though... it was awesome... good to know I will be scaring away the men that hide things. Well, you were asked a straight question about whether you would go through a new lover's private stuff and you said yes and that you didn't see a problem with that, so I don't think I am reading you out of context at all and I'm not speaking for "men that hide things" or "all men". It's just my opinion that acting like that is going to cause problems in just about any relationship. I've seen enough episodes of the Jeremy Kyle show to know that relationships get into serious trouble when there's suspicion and paranoia. So, the guy has a mark on his neck and you think it's a love bite but he says it's just a shaving rash. So, you spend all your time looking for evidence of infedelity or something else he might be hiding. Is that really how you want to live your life and who do you honestly think is going to put up with being treated like that? I only say to take it slow because even an honest guy is going to be nervous about talking about his failed relationships, especially if you are pressuring him and going on about "deal breakers". What exactly would satisfy you as a reasonable explanation as to why some guy's marriage failed? If he says that it was his ex's fault then he's hiding something and if he admits that some of it was his fault then what? No thanks and goodbye? I don't mean to be harsh here but if you must insist on making everything about men being liars and cheats that's just a massive turnoff and the flags go up. You aren't ready to trust again it says. You aren't "emotionally available". However you want to put it, it doesn't sound like you are ready to move on and you would be wasting their time just as much as they would be wasting yours. Just my opinion. It makes no difference to me. I couldn't date you even if you did like me. So wouldn't my distrust issues/baggage be the same as some guy's baggage of being married twice? Baggage is baggage. His, mine...same. Why would someone want MY baggage? Why would someone want a person that's been married twice and all the baggage they must have? I'm not saying his baggage is worse than mine. Your post makes not sense to me at all. No, what you are saying is that baggage is baggage and yours is no worse than someone else's. You have serious trust issues though and relationships are built on trust. As other people have tried to point out to you, the difference is between someone that wants to put the past behind them and someone that is unable or unwilling to do that. By all means try to learn from your mistakes but every relationship is different. Induction is not a completely logical thought process. JSYK You never get to put your past away, if you keep starting up new. Think about that. Okay, so sorry that I refered to a screaming two year old as a brat when talking to total strangers on the internet that I have absolutely no chance of ever meeting. It becomes so clear why I'm single now. Never mind the fact that I had a three year relationship with someone that had a cheeky teenager that made fun of me and I never said a word against the girl and tried my best to be nice to her. I'm afraid that I don't fully understand that little proverb that you're asking me to ponder but I do understand your once bitten twice shy mentality. If someone wrongs me I tend to be reluctant to give them a chance to do it again. It doesn't really follow though that because one or a number of people did something I can't trust anybody. Look, whether or not you are looking for advice I take it that you post here like a lot of us because you are trying to work through your issues. I'm prepared to admit that I have problems that I need to work on if I'm ever going to meet someone and have a successful relationship. Are you or do you really believe that it was just your problem that you trusted somebody that you loved? What I am doing in this forum is very strategic I don't want to reveal. Not looking for advise. I do ask questions, to see what will be said. As for your last sentence question: I don't think you understand what can happen to a person that is deeply in love, and stabbed in the back by their lover many times. The questions, the returned brainwashing lies.... the ignored intuitions...over years and years... Is it really that hard to walk in someone else's shoes so you can see and feel what it would be like to try and get involved with someone new after that? When you see some of the very same attributes in their character? I'd have to be very bold and say I don't think but one person on this topic understood at all what it's like. You'd have to be burned pretty bad to grasp it. I don't think anyone here posting has been through it. |
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lol...
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Married twice too. No more. Live is sin is an alternative as they call it shaking up.
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Edited for personal attacks.
Also, please be reminded not to carryover pejorative comments from other threads, it is against the rules. soufie Site Moderator |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be?  No. |
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So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. So, you are putting yourself out there again are you? You are asking for advice and for what it's worth, I say that you should take it slow instead of all this snooping. You asked the guy about his marriage and he blamed it on his ex. That's not good enough for you though and you don't trust men. You want absolute truth and honesty and you have stated that you would have absolutely no qualms about rifling through someone's private belongings. That's borderline stalker behaviour and it's likely to scare most men off. Taking it slow has proven to be a total waste of time. Without "snooping", I wouldve wasted tons more time on someone who was hiding deal breakers. I dont think you read my posts in the correct context. I never said I go through a man's things on the first meeting or the 20th! Lol you assume too much and get defensive for all men. Thanks for your harsh reply though... it was awesome... good to know I will be scaring away the men that hide things. Well, you were asked a straight question about whether you would go through a new lover's private stuff and you said yes and that you didn't see a problem with that, so I don't think I am reading you out of context at all and I'm not speaking for "men that hide things" or "all men". It's just my opinion that acting like that is going to cause problems in just about any relationship. I've seen enough episodes of the Jeremy Kyle show to know that relationships get into serious trouble when there's suspicion and paranoia. So, the guy has a mark on his neck and you think it's a love bite but he says it's just a shaving rash. So, you spend all your time looking for evidence of infedelity or something else he might be hiding. Is that really how you want to live your life and who do you honestly think is going to put up with being treated like that? I only say to take it slow because even an honest guy is going to be nervous about talking about his failed relationships, especially if you are pressuring him and going on about "deal breakers". What exactly would satisfy you as a reasonable explanation as to why some guy's marriage failed? If he says that it was his ex's fault then he's hiding something and if he admits that some of it was his fault then what? No thanks and goodbye? I don't mean to be harsh here but if you must insist on making everything about men being liars and cheats that's just a massive turnoff and the flags go up. You aren't ready to trust again it says. You aren't "emotionally available". However you want to put it, it doesn't sound like you are ready to move on and you would be wasting their time just as much as they would be wasting yours. Just my opinion. It makes no difference to me. I couldn't date you even if you did like me. TawtStrat, I don't blame you one bit. Who would want a woman with that kind of baggage? So wouldn't my distrust issues/baggage be the same as some guy's baggage of being married twice? Baggage is baggage. His, mine...same. Why would someone want MY baggage? Why would someone want a person that's been married twice and all the baggage they must have? I'm not saying his baggage is worse than mine. Your post makes not sense to me at all. No, what you are saying is that baggage is baggage and yours is no worse than someone else's. You have serious trust issues though and relationships are built on trust. As other people have tried to point out to you, the difference is between someone that wants to put the past behind them and someone that is unable or unwilling to do that. By all means try to learn from your mistakes but every relationship is different. Induction is not a completely logical thought process. JSYK You never get to put your past away, if you keep starting up new. Think about that. Okay, so sorry that I refered to a screaming two year old as a brat when talking to total strangers on the internet that I have absolutely no chance of ever meeting. It becomes so clear why I'm single now. Never mind the fact that I had a three year relationship with someone that had a cheeky teenager that made fun of me and I never said a word against the girl and tried my best to be nice to her. I'm afraid that I don't fully understand that little proverb that you're asking me to ponder but I do understand your once bitten twice shy mentality. If someone wrongs me I tend to be reluctant to give them a chance to do it again. It doesn't really follow though that because one or a number of people did something I can't trust anybody. Look, whether or not you are looking for advice I take it that you post here like a lot of us because you are trying to work through your issues. I'm prepared to admit that I have problems that I need to work on if I'm ever going to meet someone and have a successful relationship. Are you or do you really believe that it was just your problem that you trusted somebody that you loved? What I am doing in this forum is very strategic I don't want to reveal. Not looking for advise. I do ask questions, to see what will be said. As for your last sentence question: I don't think you understand what can happen to a person that is deeply in love, and stabbed in the back by their lover many times. The questions, the returned brainwashing lies.... the ignored intuitions...over years and years... Is it really that hard to walk in someone else's shoes so you can see and feel what it would be like to try and get involved with someone new after that? When you see some of the very same attributes in their character? I'd have to be very bold and say I don't think but one person on this topic understood at all what it's like. You'd have to be burned pretty bad to grasp it. I don't think anyone here posting has been through it. Right, so it's a competition to see who's been through the worst relationship is it? Yes, I know what it's like to be in a relationship with a compulsive liar and I've been in an abusive relationship. Yes, I've found it hard to trust women after the things they have done to me. Yes, I understand why you feel the way you do and why you are so bitter. If you don't want advice perhaps you shouldn't start threads asking people what you should do but you do seem to be asking questions just because you want to confirm a set of opinions that you have about men and you certainly aren't displaying an open minded atitude. For sure communication and honesty is important but suspicion is a terrible thing and people (note that I'm saying people and not just women) get things into their heads all the time that are only in their heads or the result of a misunderstanding. People that communicate properly don't rush to judgement. It isn't really logical to suppose that because man A did X and then did Y man B will do Y because he did X. You say that your best friend and lover should be able to tell you the truth about anything but you are apparently talking about some guy you only just met. Is it really so hard to understand why a guy on a date might not want you trying to drag up something painful? Is it really so hard to grasp why going on about problems in previous relationships is something that a lot of people don't really want to talk about or hear about when they meet somebody new? |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Mon 02/11/13 02:11 PM
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So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. So, you are putting yourself out there again are you? You are asking for advice and for what it's worth, I say that you should take it slow instead of all this snooping. You asked the guy about his marriage and he blamed it on his ex. That's not good enough for you though and you don't trust men. You want absolute truth and honesty and you have stated that you would have absolutely no qualms about rifling through someone's private belongings. That's borderline stalker behaviour and it's likely to scare most men off. Taking it slow has proven to be a total waste of time. Without "snooping", I wouldve wasted tons more time on someone who was hiding deal breakers. I dont think you read my posts in the correct context. I never said I go through a man's things on the first meeting or the 20th! Lol you assume too much and get defensive for all men. Thanks for your harsh reply though... it was awesome... good to know I will be scaring away the men that hide things. Well, you were asked a straight question about whether you would go through a new lover's private stuff and you said yes and that you didn't see a problem with that, so I don't think I am reading you out of context at all and I'm not speaking for "men that hide things" or "all men". It's just my opinion that acting like that is going to cause problems in just about any relationship. I've seen enough episodes of the Jeremy Kyle show to know that relationships get into serious trouble when there's suspicion and paranoia. So, the guy has a mark on his neck and you think it's a love bite but he says it's just a shaving rash. So, you spend all your time looking for evidence of infedelity or something else he might be hiding. Is that really how you want to live your life and who do you honestly think is going to put up with being treated like that? I only say to take it slow because even an honest guy is going to be nervous about talking about his failed relationships, especially if you are pressuring him and going on about "deal breakers". What exactly would satisfy you as a reasonable explanation as to why some guy's marriage failed? If he says that it was his ex's fault then he's hiding something and if he admits that some of it was his fault then what? No thanks and goodbye? I don't mean to be harsh here but if you must insist on making everything about men being liars and cheats that's just a massive turnoff and the flags go up. You aren't ready to trust again it says. You aren't "emotionally available". However you want to put it, it doesn't sound like you are ready to move on and you would be wasting their time just as much as they would be wasting yours. Just my opinion. It makes no difference to me. I couldn't date you even if you did like me. TawtStrat, I don't blame you one bit. Who would want a woman with that kind of baggage? So wouldn't my distrust issues/baggage be the same as some guy's baggage of being married twice? Baggage is baggage. His, mine...same. Why would someone want MY baggage? Why would someone want a person that's been married twice and all the baggage they must have? I'm not saying his baggage is worse than mine. Your post makes not sense to me at all. No, what you are saying is that baggage is baggage and yours is no worse than someone else's. You have serious trust issues though and relationships are built on trust. As other people have tried to point out to you, the difference is between someone that wants to put the past behind them and someone that is unable or unwilling to do that. By all means try to learn from your mistakes but every relationship is different. Induction is not a completely logical thought process. JSYK You never get to put your past away, if you keep starting up new. Think about that. Okay, so sorry that I refered to a screaming two year old as a brat when talking to total strangers on the internet that I have absolutely no chance of ever meeting. It becomes so clear why I'm single now. Never mind the fact that I had a three year relationship with someone that had a cheeky teenager that made fun of me and I never said a word against the girl and tried my best to be nice to her. I'm afraid that I don't fully understand that little proverb that you're asking me to ponder but I do understand your once bitten twice shy mentality. If someone wrongs me I tend to be reluctant to give them a chance to do it again. It doesn't really follow though that because one or a number of people did something I can't trust anybody. Look, whether or not you are looking for advice I take it that you post here like a lot of us because you are trying to work through your issues. I'm prepared to admit that I have problems that I need to work on if I'm ever going to meet someone and have a successful relationship. Are you or do you really believe that it was just your problem that you trusted somebody that you loved? What I am doing in this forum is very strategic I don't want to reveal. Not looking for advise. I do ask questions, to see what will be said. As for your last sentence question: I don't think you understand what can happen to a person that is deeply in love, and stabbed in the back by their lover many times. The questions, the returned brainwashing lies.... the ignored intuitions...over years and years... Is it really that hard to walk in someone else's shoes so you can see and feel what it would be like to try and get involved with someone new after that? When you see some of the very same attributes in their character? I'd have to be very bold and say I don't think but one person on this topic understood at all what it's like. You'd have to be burned pretty bad to grasp it. I don't think anyone here posting has been through it. Right, so it's a competition to see who's been through the worst relationship is it? Yes, I know what it's like to be in a relationship with a compulsive liar and I've been in an abusive relationship. Yes, I've found it hard to trust women after the things they have done to me. Yes, I understand why you feel the way you do and why you are so bitter. If you don't want advice perhaps you shouldn't start threads asking people what you should do but you do seem to be asking questions just because you want to confirm a set of opinions that you have about men and you certainly aren't displaying an open minded atitude. For sure communication and honesty is important but suspicion is a terrible thing and people (note that I'm saying people and not just women) get things into their heads all the time that are only in their heads or the result of a misunderstanding. People that communicate properly don't rush to judgement. It isn't really logical to suppose that because man A did X and then did Y man B will do Y because he did X. You say that your best friend and lover should be able to tell you the truth about anything but you are apparently talking about some guy you only just met. Is it really so hard to understand why a guy on a date might not want you trying to drag up something painful? Is it really so hard to grasp why going on about problems in previous relationships is something that a lot of people don't really want to talk about or hear about when they meet somebody new? Like I said...I posted this to see what people will say. I would only be reading what people say, and not responding. But when someone, such as yourself pipes in with the wrong impression of the gist of what I'm saying, or assuming things about me that aren't correct, I have to jump in and correct it. Most of what I say is a hypothetical situation. I haven't said much about any real situation. I have however, talked to a couple guys here that were interested in me, (even though I already told them I wasn't interested in a relationship, they still tried), and found out they were married many times, and were uncomfortable telling me why after getting comfortable with each other to do so. To me, if they are going to throw that out there, be prepared to answer to why. Thanks for your responses. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. |
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Hello ladies ;)
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. Thank you so much for posting that. That really helps me. 
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I don't think being married twice or more is a red flag. It just means that they had two or more marriages that didn't work out. What if one was with a really good con artist? ... and the other one died? Failure of a marriage can come from many reasons and none of us is perfect. Of course. Maybe you don't understand what red flag means either. Here is the Urban definition: A sign or warning of any impending danger, disaster or doom. Of course there could be totally legit, innocent reasons for many marriages. Still...odds are, two failed marriages...and he's out looking for another woman??? Red flag. It's a warning that a dangerous reason for this is possible. It should at least be considered. Or I guess you could just squeeze your eyes shut really, really tight...and maybe you and Mr. Married twice before you will ride into the sunset on your unicorn. I know perfectly well what a red flag is. I also know that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble, you will surely find it. Someone who is overly suspicious is a big red flag. Someone who is around forty and and never been married is a GIANT red flag. Someone who has obviously built walls and has a ton of baggage is more than a red flag... it is a sign saying "turn around and go the opposite direction!". A couple of marriages? ... look into the heart of the person, listen to their story, and then give the benefit of the doubt. People mature. I also know people who have had failed relationships who found the right person and have super relationships. Your post sounds very bitter. My post may sound bitter...but yours sounds ignorant. tit for a tat. How do you like that? lol Who told you that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble you will find it??? Have you NEVER met genuinely good and honest people before??? No... if you looked into my life trying to find trouble...you would not find it. There isn't any trouble there. None. So this is what I expect in return. What's wrong with that? Who said I was never married? Another all assuming person. Nice.....my favorite! NOT! lmao So a woman that has been betrayed dozens of times by bad men, so now she has trust issues is a person to run away from??? hmmmm... not to me. I'd actually feel bad for that person not hand them more bs responsibility of her past nightmare relationship.... like your post. Like I said prior to your post, I am not looking for a relationship. Not that I need to defend myself to someone that hasn't even read the whole thread for insight before they post their two cents. Wow! You really need to get your logic circuits worked on. I did read the thread. I made no mention of you looking for a relationship. I never assumed anything about you being married and, in fact, assumed nothing. You just put together a giant pile of negative BS based on bad reading comprehension. If you knew me at all, you would realize just how little assuming I do. Your bitterness is showing. 
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. none were mad at you about eating their cats?? |
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I don't think being married twice or more is a red flag. It just means that they had two or more marriages that didn't work out. What if one was with a really good con artist? ... and the other one died? Failure of a marriage can come from many reasons and none of us is perfect. Of course. Maybe you don't understand what red flag means either. Here is the Urban definition: A sign or warning of any impending danger, disaster or doom. Of course there could be totally legit, innocent reasons for many marriages. Still...odds are, two failed marriages...and he's out looking for another woman??? Red flag. It's a warning that a dangerous reason for this is possible. It should at least be considered. Or I guess you could just squeeze your eyes shut really, really tight...and maybe you and Mr. Married twice before you will ride into the sunset on your unicorn. I know perfectly well what a red flag is. I also know that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble, you will surely find it. Someone who is overly suspicious is a big red flag. Someone who is around forty and and never been married is a GIANT red flag. Someone who has obviously built walls and has a ton of baggage is more than a red flag... it is a sign saying "turn around and go the opposite direction!". A couple of marriages? ... look into the heart of the person, listen to their story, and then give the benefit of the doubt. People mature. I also know people who have had failed relationships who found the right person and have super relationships. Your post sounds very bitter. My post may sound bitter...but yours sounds ignorant. tit for a tat. How do you like that? lol Who told you that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble you will find it??? Have you NEVER met genuinely good and honest people before??? No... if you looked into my life trying to find trouble...you would not find it. There isn't any trouble there. None. So this is what I expect in return. What's wrong with that? Who said I was never married? Another all assuming person. Nice.....my favorite! NOT! lmao So a woman that has been betrayed dozens of times by bad men, so now she has trust issues is a person to run away from??? hmmmm... not to me. I'd actually feel bad for that person not hand them more bs responsibility of her past nightmare relationship.... like your post. Like I said prior to your post, I am not looking for a relationship. Not that I need to defend myself to someone that hasn't even read the whole thread for insight before they post their two cents. Wow! You really need to get your logic circuits worked on. I did read the thread. I made no mention of you looking for a relationship. I never assumed anything about you being married and, in fact, assumed nothing. You just put together a giant pile of negative BS based on bad reading comprehension. If you knew me at all, you would realize just how little assuming I do. Your bitterness is showing. You did say, "I also know that if you go into a relationship looking for trouble"???? Correct?? Like I said, this is irrelevant, as I'm not looking for a relationship. If you weren't speaking of me when saying "you" then it's hypothetical... which you didn't explain. You also said, "Someone who is overly suspicious is a big red flag. Someone who is around forty and and never been married is a GIANT red flag. Someone who has obviously built walls and has a ton of baggage is more than a red flag... it is a sign saying "turn around and go the opposite direction!"." You were not referring to me? Sure sounds targeted to me. lol and if it was...it's assumed. I also read in your post that you were mentioning things I'd already addressed in previous comments. So no, didn't seem like you read it. But whatever. Signed, Never said I wasn't bitter.
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It's fairly simple. You say that you have been treated badly by men and you talk about that a lot. I've dated a bunch of women like that and it never went well. I tried, believe me but I had my heart stomped all over by women that put themselves out there on the dating scene when they hadn't got over past relationships and weren't ready for a new one. I'm tired of being the rebound guy that women lead on and mess about.
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It's fairly simple. You say that you have been treated badly by men and you talk about that a lot. I've dated a bunch of women like that and it never went well. I tried, believe me but I had my heart stomped all over by women that put themselves out there on the dating scene when they hadn't got over past relationships and weren't ready for a new one. I'm tired of being the rebound guy that women lead on and mess about. Yes yes, but you are missing my points in posting things. I've asked a lot of questions Tawt. I didn't start posts to share. I've only added real information a couple of times to get things back on track so I can read better responses than what was here. And, you are too old to NOT be a rebound man... everyone is a rebound person to someone. correct? How long do you wait after a crappy relationship to date again? Everyone will have their own answer. So at some point, we are all rebounding. Unless there is some cut off point in time that you are not rebounding and ready to have another relationship. lol |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... |
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