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| Topic: Married twice... red flag? | |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. I was hoping you'd come back. Cause I find this very interesting. I personally, would never assume anything bad about someone that never married. I would be IMPRESSED! lol To me, that is a very strong message of independence, ambition, strength, and wisdom. It also shows this person takes marriage very seriously as to not marry everyone they date, and end it if it doesn't work out. When I hear of a person not ever marrying, they have concentrated on their careers or even a single parent situation, and that is to be respected. Of course I'd have to leave my mind open in case I'm ignorant to something dangerous in it. But I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that no one had ever wanted to marry them. Cheers to you Navygirl. And others like you. |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. A woman once told me that ninety percent of her girlfriends would not go out with a guy who's never been married. Says a lot about what's on most womens' minds; not a relationship, not a best friend, not a companion, but just a husband. |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Mon 02/11/13 04:26 PM
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. I was hoping you'd come back. Cause I find this very interesting. I personally, would never assume anything bad about someone that never married. I would be IMPRESSED! lol To me, that is a very strong message of independence, ambition, strength, and wisdom. It also shows this person takes marriage very seriously as to not marry everyone they date, and end it if it doesn't work out. When I hear of a person not ever marrying, they have concentrated on their careers or even a single parent situation, and that is to be respected. Of course I'd have to leave my mind open in case I'm ignorant to something dangerous in it. But I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that no one had ever wanted to marry them. Cheers to you Navygirl. And others like you. Thanks Mountaingirl. That means a lot to me.  I used to try and explain to men why I never married and then one day it dawned on me that I don't need to justify why I wasn't married. If they can't accept it; then they will never accept me anyways.
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. A woman once told me that ninety percent of her girlfriends would not go out with a guy who's never been married. Says a lot about what's on most womens' minds; not a relationship, not a best friend, not a companion, but just a husband. NEWSFLASH!!! Men think the same thing about a woman that has never been married. So what does that say about a man's mind? 
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. A woman once told me that ninety percent of her girlfriends would not go out with a guy who's never been married. Says a lot about what's on most womens' minds; not a relationship, not a best friend, not a companion, but just a husband. NEWSFLASH!!! Men think the same thing about a woman that has never been married. So what does that say about a man's mind? That they are looking for a cook and a house maid????? |
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It's fairly simple. You say that you have been treated badly by men and you talk about that a lot. I've dated a bunch of women like that and it never went well. I tried, believe me but I had my heart stomped all over by women that put themselves out there on the dating scene when they hadn't got over past relationships and weren't ready for a new one. I'm tired of being the rebound guy that women lead on and mess about. Yes yes, but you are missing my points in posting things. I've asked a lot of questions Tawt. I didn't start posts to share. I've only added real information a couple of times to get things back on track so I can read better responses than what was here. And, you are too old to NOT be a rebound man... everyone is a rebound person to someone. correct? How long do you wait after a crappy relationship to date again? Everyone will have their own answer. So at some point, we are all rebounding. Unless there is some cut off point in time that you are not rebounding and ready to have another relationship. lol Well, it would be nice if they would wait until they weren't still in love with someone else for a start. It's just so hard to tell but if they are slagging off their ex and saying that it's over they are quite likely to just be "on a break" or still hung up on them. Of course I expect any woman that I meet to have been in relationships before. If they say that there last longterm relationship was years ago then fine, they are probably ready for a new relationship. If they are "seperated" or going through a divorce I'm not so sure. Believe me, I've never let red flags put me off in the past. I dated women knowing that they had some serious issues and I just tried to be the nice supportive guy. I can't afford to be picky and I don't "wait to date again" as if I can just click my fingers and get women to go out with me whenever I want. I just find it difficult because I do fall for women quite easily and I'm an easy mark with my broken heart. I don't jump from relationship to relationship though. It was three years since my last relationship and I didn't put myself back on the dating scene until only a few months ago. If I date anybody I do it because I want a longterm relationship and not just a fling. I've had enough of those and I don't need any more notches on my bed post. |
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It's fairly simple. You say that you have been treated badly by men and you talk about that a lot. I've dated a bunch of women like that and it never went well. I tried, believe me but I had my heart stomped all over by women that put themselves out there on the dating scene when they hadn't got over past relationships and weren't ready for a new one. I'm tired of being the rebound guy that women lead on and mess about. Yes yes, but you are missing my points in posting things. I've asked a lot of questions Tawt. I didn't start posts to share. I've only added real information a couple of times to get things back on track so I can read better responses than what was here. And, you are too old to NOT be a rebound man... everyone is a rebound person to someone. correct? How long do you wait after a crappy relationship to date again? Everyone will have their own answer. So at some point, we are all rebounding. Unless there is some cut off point in time that you are not rebounding and ready to have another relationship. lol Well, it would be nice if they would wait until they weren't still in love with someone else for a start. It's just so hard to tell but if they are slagging off their ex and saying that it's over they are quite likely to just be "on a break" or still hung up on them. Of course I expect any woman that I meet to have been in relationships before. If they say that there last longterm relationship was years ago then fine, they are probably ready for a new relationship. If they are "seperated" or going through a divorce I'm not so sure. Believe me, I've never let red flags put me off in the past. I dated women knowing that they had some serious issues and I just tried to be the nice supportive guy. I can't afford to be picky and I don't "wait to date again" as if I can just click my fingers and get women to go out with me whenever I want. I just find it difficult because I do fall for women quite easily and I'm an easy mark with my broken heart. I don't jump from relationship to relationship though. It was three years since my last relationship and I didn't put myself back on the dating scene until only a few months ago. If I date anybody I do it because I want a longterm relationship and not just a fling. I've had enough of those and I don't need any more notches on my bed post. Well good for you. I'm glad to read there's some decency out here. thanks for sharing that. It tells me things and shows me the contrast i need to become different. Because thats what I'm really after here. What I've been thinking/doing isnt working. So I need to do something else. But not unless its an improvement. To me, ignoring red flags regarding marriages is dangerous. As trust issues can be red flags to others. I dont bother a person for having trust issues. I fully understand it and have made accommodation to make it easier to deal with. I dont mind. I actually think they're smart to question and not be blind deaf and dumb to it. I'm no longer a person that gives all the benefit of the doubt. Not with everything. That too, is dangerous to me. Im more comfortable going with "the usual". What is usually the case more often then not. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, I'm going to expect a duck. Lol so when I hear of 2 or more marriages, I'm careful because to me thats a sign of no commitment type. Unless of course it wasnt their fault, like a death, or what have you. So i need to know. Other posters are saying thats dredging up someone's past. I say too bad I need that info it sort of matters.lol I guess everyone has their meaning of red flags for crying in the night. I've known it to be a bad sign...keep on your guard...a person gets a few red flags in my world before I see problems. I'm not quick to judge. But big red flag for me with multiple marriages, AND the guy doesnt want to share why? Yikes. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. none were mad at you about eating their cats?? They didn't have cats. 
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My uncle has been married three times. He had four kids with his first wife and that wouldn't have happened if he wasn't willing to commit. It was the opposite in fact and he stayed in a bad marriage for too long.
I am not sure why these guys you talked to weren't giving you the information you were asking for. It's a bit odd to say that you require that information ASAP when you are telling them that you aren't going to date them. I don't feel particularly comfortable giving people on the internet sensitive personal information and I only really do it on dating sites because the idea is to actually meet women and if there's something that they need to know I tell them because I can't pretend to be something that I'm not and I'm looking for somebody that likes me for who I am. I think it's possible that these guys were evasive with you because they probably made mistakes in their marriages and don't want you to judge them. It doesn't mean that they are liars. They might just not agree that you need to know about something. If a guy went with a prostitute once would you expect him to tell you about that? You might think that's important but he might just feel that it's something in his past that he doesn't do now and has nothing to do with any relationship he might have with you. |
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honestly from the
 each situation, person, and set of circumstances is unique so much so that I can hardly believe we are having this conversation each person must be willing to become involved based on the merit of their intentions and an assessment of realistic possibilities and whether a relationship is workable is a decision between the 2 involved we are all (mostly anyway I am not including newark   ) adults here
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I've often wondered that myself. Somebody who's never made a promise, or somebody who's made a few and broken them.... I think Society looks more down on those of us who have never married. A woman once told me that ninety percent of her girlfriends would not go out with a guy who's never been married. Says a lot about what's on most womens' minds; not a relationship, not a best friend, not a companion, but just a husband. NEWSFLASH!!! Men think the same thing about a woman that has never been married. So what does that say about a man's mind? That they are looking for a cook and a house maid?????
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? Like yu've Rightly Stated, red flag! |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? Like yu've Rightly Stated, red flag! Really; you can pass judgment on someone that has been married twice? How would you feel if someone said there is a red flag that you have never been married at age 35? Would they be justified in saying that? 
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. none were mad at you about eating their cats?? They didn't have cats. Cat. the other white meat. This gal has one big puss |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. none were mad at you about eating their cats?? They didn't have cats. Cat. the other white meat. This gal has one big puss Any "cat" would look huge next to an 11 year old. I don't appreciate your choice of words for that feline. Watch your language out of respect for the ladies please. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? Like yu've Rightly Stated, red flag! Really; you can pass judgment on someone that has been married twice? How would you feel if someone said there is a red flag that you have never been married at age 35? Would they be justified in saying that? Yu Got a Point there  Maybe I'll have a Second Thought First from Now on. The Red Flag Might Still be Waiting in the Wings tho 
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Edited by
willing2
on
Tue 02/12/13 09:42 AM
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? You would have to inquire about the reasons that the marriages ended. A person could simply be an escapee from bad situations. For example, I have been married more than once. Wife #1 kept a boyfriend on the side after she married me. She was with him whenever I was at work. Wife #2 was dangerous to me both physically and legally. I still have the scar that she placed on my left arm. Her next husband wasn't so lucky. She shot him. Wife #3 died. none were mad at you about eating their cats?? They didn't have cats. Cat. the other white meat. This gal has one big puss Any "cat" would look huge next to an 11 year old. I don't appreciate your choice of words for that feline. Watch your language out of respect for the ladies please. Wow!! Just wow!! So, when is pussay a derogatory, non-P-fkin'-C term for a cat? Control issues or pre-somethin' or other, no? FYI, the broad in the pic is wayyyyy mo older than 11. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? Like yu've Rightly Stated, red flag! Really; you can pass judgment on someone that has been married twice? How would you feel if someone said there is a red flag that you have never been married at age 35? Would they be justified in saying that? Yu Got a Point there Maybe I'll have a Second Thought First from Now on. The Red Flag Might Still be Waiting in the Wings tho That's nasty!!!!!! Flying a red flag with wings. EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!! 
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I think it should raise a flag but the person could still be a nice person just not sure what they want in life.
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