100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Married twice... red flag? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. Honestly I have more of a issue with one that puts the exes down on a regular basis or blames everything on them... To me it just means they have not truly moved on...  This! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. No...you ain't supposed to ask about someone's past.....do you want us grilling you about your past? "Title or tax"? You gotta be an English chick....those ain't American problems. But....if y'all wanna play....I will play.... Why are you soscrewedoff that no man is your lover? Be honest...is it taxes? Yes, anyone that is trying to get to know me can ask me whatever they want and I will answer honestly. Why is there another way? You dont want to know how somebody is who they are today? Their life before you matters not at all? I know I wouldn't like that a guy didnt care about my life at all before him. It's a shallow depth I'm not interested in. I have that relationship with co-workers. Best friends dont hide secrets... mistakes... life lessons... they share. Apparently you have never heard the phrases...some things are better left unsaid or...let sleeping dogs sleep. The past can't be changed and someone wanting to judge a past that can't be changed is pointless drama begging for a place to happen. The past is the past...that is where it belongs...fading away into the distance to be replaced with the things maturity and experience has taught us. Anyone who still needs to dig into the dirty laundry of what they can't change should be kicked to the curb with a quickness. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married.  I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. Why do you think it's so strange? Is it because you think that's what people are supposed to do? Because there are plenty of women out there to choose from. He said he wanted to be married. Yep, when Men say they want to get married then don't I think it is strange. We all have our opinions about things. The truth is it is easier for a woman than a man, imo. Men have to reverse fish, and hope some woman they like lands him hook, line and sinker. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? It depends. If they are hot to get married again... I would be suspicious. Otherwise its like trying to catch a fish that has been caught and released a few times. It might be a little more difficult if the fish learned anything from its experience. LOL 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. Why do you think it's so strange? Is it because you think that's what people are supposed to do? Because there are plenty of women out there to choose from. He said he wanted to be married. Yep, when Men say they want to get married then don't I think it is strange. We all have our opinions about things. You said he never found anyone he wanted to make that commitment to after the woman broke off the engagement. So, despite wanting to get married, there wasn't someone he wanted to marry. I guess I just don't understand why it's strange not to marry if there's not someone you want to marry. I agree. There are lots of single men out there but that doesn't mean that there is one for me. To me a relationship should be about acceptance and if I can't be accepted for who I am; why would I marry a guy merely for the sake of getting married? I have been asked to get married but in both cases; the men were alcholics. I cared for them but not going to marry someone who already has these kind of problems. I don't go into a relationship trying to change someone or fix their problems. However; I have come to the logical conclusion its too late for me now. Men won't accept me for who I am or accept that I have never gotten married. I will live out my life trying to make the best of things and remain single but that doesn't mean I won't have fun.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. Why do you think it's so strange? Is it because you think that's what people are supposed to do? Because there are plenty of women out there to choose from. He said he wanted to be married. Yep, when Men say they want to get married then don't I think it is strange. We all have our opinions about things. The truth is it is easier for a woman than a man, imo. Men have to reverse fish, and hope some woman they like lands him hook, line and sinker. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It shouldn't be seen as a red flag. People keep forgetting that different people might have been involved in major incidents causing blows to their mind or body. What about those? Well, this is my point. Why do people suddenly assume that there's no good enough reason? Reason is key. If you don't know how someone's life has been, then you are in no position to think you know what happened. Jmo.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. not necessarily but after a failed marriage it can be harder to do and you would have to have that expereince to really understand. Respectfully, I was addressing KC tho I realize it is public forum |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It shouldn't be seen as a red flag. People keep forgetting that different people might have been involved in major incidents causing blows to their mind or body. What about those? Well, this is my point. Why do people suddenly assume that there's no good enough reason? Reason is key. If you don't know how someone's life has been, then you are in no position to think you know what happened. Jmo. I agree. The first thing on my mind when I meet someone new is that we never know what someone has been through. it's my mantra....because it can be difficult to understand what others have been through and we don't often find that out, but it is a mantra that puts daily things in a larger perspective for me |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. No...you ain't supposed to ask about someone's past.....do you want us grilling you about your past? "Title or tax"? You gotta be an English chick....those ain't American problems. But....if y'all wanna play....I will play.... Why are you soscrewedoff that no man is your lover? Be honest...is it taxes? Yes, anyone that is trying to get to know me can ask me whatever they want and I will answer honestly. Why is there another way? You dont want to know how somebody is who they are today? Their life before you matters not at all? I know I wouldn't like that a guy didnt care about my life at all before him. It's a shallow depth I'm not interested in. I have that relationship with co-workers. Best friends dont hide secrets... mistakes... life lessons... they share. Apparently you have never heard the phrases...some things are better left unsaid or...let sleeping dogs sleep. The past can't be changed and someone wanting to judge a past that can't be changed is pointless drama begging for a place to happen. The past is the past...that is where it belongs...fading away into the distance to be replaced with the things maturity and experience has taught us. Anyone who still needs to dig into the dirty laundry of what they can't change should be kicked to the curb with a quickness. YES ^this or judge the statements, interpretations and opinons someone has about their own past....get ur OWN life, sheesh |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Some people also get judged for not having any children. Well, how about I have really painful Endometriosis? Is exactly why I can never get pregnant. At least adoption exists, but still..............................:|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It shouldn't be seen as a red flag. People keep forgetting that different people might have been involved in major incidents causing blows to their mind or body. What about those? Well, this is my point. Why do people suddenly assume that there's no good enough reason? Reason is key. If you don't know how someone's life has been, then you are in no position to think you know what happened. Jmo. I agree. The first thing on my mind when I meet someone new is that we never know what someone has been through. it's my mantra....because it can be difficult to understand what others have been through and we don't often find that out, but it is a mantra that puts daily things in a larger perspective for me Exactly!  . I have met the most lovely people at times, and whether they have been married or not, it isn't something I dwell on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
mscherbear
on
Sun 02/10/13 10:46 PM
|
|
What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? Ummm....NO! It is a red flag for me, just as someone who is in my age range and has never been married. I'm not saying there aren't valid reasons and that I wouldn't give them a chance, but I would definitely be cautious. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes people are unmarried because they haven't been lucky enough to meet one to commit with. Yep; I can agree with this. Well said.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? Ummm....NO! It is a red flag for me, just as someone who is in my age range and has never been married. I'm not saying there aren't valid reasons and that I wouldn't give them a chance, but I would definitely be cautious. That's the best answer I've seen...short and sweet too. I tend to agree with this. Glad to know there's another out there that shares my opinion. Thanks 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Mon 02/11/13 08:42 AM
|
|
So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. No...you ain't supposed to ask about someone's past.....do you want us grilling you about your past? "Title or tax"? You gotta be an English chick....those ain't American problems. But....if y'all wanna play....I will play.... Why are you soscrewedoff that no man is your lover? Be honest...is it taxes? Yes, anyone that is trying to get to know me can ask me whatever they want and I will answer honestly. Why is there another way? You dont want to know how somebody is who they are today? Their life before you matters not at all? I know I wouldn't like that a guy didnt care about my life at all before him. It's a shallow depth I'm not interested in. I have that relationship with co-workers. Best friends dont hide secrets... mistakes... life lessons... they share. Apparently you have never heard the phrases...some things are better left unsaid or...let sleeping dogs sleep. The past can't be changed and someone wanting to judge a past that can't be changed is pointless drama begging for a place to happen. The past is the past...that is where it belongs...fading away into the distance to be replaced with the things maturity and experience has taught us. Anyone who still needs to dig into the dirty laundry of what they can't change should be kicked to the curb with a quickness. I guess a good question for you is... Have you considered that you've never had a close, intimate relationship with a partner? You couldn't have if you've never shared your life IN WORDS with someone else. By definition you are describing the opposite of intimacy. Yes, I agree that SOME things from the past should stay out of your current relationship...but sharing your lessons and trials of your past marriage should be something easy to talk about....and if you've been married twice?? Even more so. Unless of course you have something to hide, or don't realize your new partner is actually intelligent enough to question if they are next in line to the dump. Sharing your life, and who you are NOW because of failed marriages is not digging into dirty laundry. People make judgments. Everyday. It's required to make smart decisions in your life. I'm not interested in a man that has been married twice, AND will not tell me why those marriages failed. He could have choked out his wife and she broke it off with a restraining order! How am I to know if I don't ask? Isn't that baggage and dirty laundry I should know to make judgments for my future??? Just for the record... "RED FLAGS" isn't a run away message...it means proceed with caution. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
people can make a red flag out of anything they want, by their past experiences or whatever. main things red flags mean is that your limiting yourself from potential partners. being married before does not represent a red flag to me, but more of a green flag...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
people can make a red flag out of anything they want, by their past experiences or whatever. main things red flags mean is that your limiting yourself from potential partners. being married before does not represent a red flag to me, but more of a green flag... This thread is about being married TWICE....or more. thx |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
people can make a red flag out of anything they want, by their past experiences or whatever. main things red flags mean is that your limiting yourself from potential partners. being married before does not represent a red flag to me, but more of a green flag... This thread is about being married TWICE....or more. thx yea, i can read, thnx... that just makes the majority of the women married TWICE or more more willing to make the next one work, that's why i don't consider it a red flag... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Mon 02/11/13 09:53 AM
|
|
people can make a red flag out of anything they want, by their past experiences or whatever. main things red flags mean is that your limiting yourself from potential partners. being married before does not represent a red flag to me, but more of a green flag... This thread is about being married TWICE....or more. thx yea, i can read, thnx... that just makes the majority of the women married TWICE or more more willing to make the next one work, that's why i don't consider it a red flag... Yes... I agree it can make it someones endeavor to strive for a better marriage the third, fourth, fifth time.. sure. If they've changed their outlook. Really though... is marriage supposed to be something you do that many times? The more popular view is when you think about how people had a hard time understanding Elizabeth Taylor's many marriages. Thanks for your opinion. It does count. |
|
|
|
|
