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| Topic: Married twice... red flag? | |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho no, i meant deficiencies. compatibility is something completely different. one can be compatible with someone, it doesn't mean they should get married. baggage is also a different animal. yes, we all have some degree of it, whether we admit it, or not. what i'm talking about is those people that treat marriage as a relationship tester. you know, the ones that enter it thinking if they are not happy in a year or two, they can just end it. (how many people would go through with it if they knew their partner has already planed an exit strategy?) or the kind of people that run at the first sign of trouble. or worse yet, the people that marry because they don't want to be alone. i've always believed it should be more difficult to get married than to get a divorce. but that's just me... |
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I was married for 30 years.
Took me four wives to do it.  I don't do women who fly the red flag. Child support is for life. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be?  Its not who you have been with in the(past)Married or single!I don't know the reason they are not with him or her now,But given the chance you could get to know a "honest" Man or Woman.Don't judge so much on the past"mistakes are made by all".Just done let your or their mistakes spoil a possible FUTURE!!! ^^^^^^^^^^^ I agree totally with this! |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. 
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. |
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So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. No...you ain't supposed to ask about someone's past.....do you want us grilling you about your past? "Title or tax"? You gotta be an English chick....those ain't American problems. But....if y'all wanna play....I will play.... Why are you soscrewedoff that no man is your lover? Be honest...is it taxes? |
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Sometimes people are unmarried because they haven't been lucky enough to meet one to commit with.
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I've been questioned by several divorced men about why I haven't been married since I'm in my mid 30s. I've even been asked what's wrong with me because I haven't been married. I try not to judge others that way. If someone has been married and divorced more than once, I wouldn't automatically assume something is wrong with them.
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. Why do you think it's so strange? Is it because you think that's what people are supposed to do? |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I think that is hogwash. People get into marriages for the wrong reasons which is why there are so many divorces so perhaps others are more cautious. There are reasons why a person hasn't married and I can say being one of them; its not that I couldn't commit. My career was the reason and if that makes me a bad person, so be it. I have been condemned for not being married by just about every man I met. Also; it just may not be in my fate to marry as I haven't met anyone that has wanted marriage. Again; we face generalizations. How about us unmarried people say that married people are insecure. You can't deal with being alone; you are needy; so you rush into marriage. Is that a fair assessment of you? Of course not; I think all people married or unmarried are deserving of the benifit of the doubt as to their situations. Stop being so judgmental. |
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for me, yes. of course i understand there could be any number of reasons for this, such as bad choices, inability to truly commit or they simply may not be 'marriage' material. although it wouldn't keep me from going out with someone, it might have me paying more attention to deficiencies. possilby but "deficienies" perhaps you mean compatibilties? I see a man who is in his 40s or above who has never been married as a red flag.... most of us who are beyond our 20s-mid to 30s or so have some degree of baggage, but I am not sure that I would say that is a deficiency. To me a man who has been married more than once has at least the jones to put himself out there...he just needs to be more careful (and I 'd say the same for a woman in those shoes)...jmho Someone has to have been married to have put themselves out there? Interesting. To me it shows a willingness to try and make a commitment. If they later break apart, well, there are various reasons for that. What about those who rush into marriage and get divorced soon after? What does that say about their commitment they were willing to make? Sometimes people leap before looking, my first marriage we were too young so I experienced how that goes. Ah, ok. I just think it's strange how some believe that marriage automatically means the person is willing to commit, no matter how long the marriage has lasted. And a person who has not been married can't commit. I think that is hogwash. People get into marriages for the wrong reasons which is why there are so many divorces so perhaps others are more cautious. There are reasons why a person hasn't married and I can say being one of them; its not that I couldn't commit. My career was the reason and if that makes me a bad person, so be it. I have been condemned for not being married by just about every man I met. Also; it just may not be in my fate to marry as I haven't met anyone that has wanted marriage. Again; we face generalizations. How about us unmarried people say that married people are insecure. You can't deal with being alone; you are needy; so you rush into marriage. Is that a fair assessment of you? Of course not; I think all people married or unmarried are deserving of the benifit of the doubt as to their situations. Stop being so judgmental. |
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Hmmm…..I have been married twice. Once at 19 to the woman who became pregnant, the second time to a childhood crush. A marriage of friendship and passion that simply dwindled to nothing more than convenient embers. No one was at fault and the bellows we tried to rekindle the flames were not effective. I think I personally would attribute multiple tries at blessed wedlock as transitions in life of self growth and awareness. A marriage is a team effort and to judge only one player seems a bit unfair to me. I see no red flags but an interesting question none the less.
Tips hat and heads towards the setting sun (sorry….I couldn’t resist that part) Best wishes to all. |
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So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. Honestly I have more of a issue with one that puts the exes down on a regular basis or blames everything on them... To me it just means they have not truly moved on...  |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Sun 02/10/13 11:39 AM
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So is it appropriate to ask why their marriages failed? I've only gotten defensive replies. Blaming their spouse. But will you ever know the truth? Isnt marriage a promise to stay together no matter what? If not, why bother? For some title? For tax purposes? To me, thats not a reason to get married. Its not a trial basis and if you dont like it then divorce. I need to know this person didnt throw it away. I cant know that without asking. I like asking early on because I dont like wasting months on someone to wait for this info I really need asap. No...you ain't supposed to ask about someone's past.....do you want us grilling you about your past? "Title or tax"? You gotta be an English chick....those ain't American problems. But....if y'all wanna play....I will play.... Why are you soscrewedoff that no man is your lover? Be honest...is it taxes? Yes, anyone that is trying to get to know me can ask me whatever they want and I will answer honestly. Why is there another way? You dont want to know how somebody is who they are today? Their life before you matters not at all? I know I wouldn't like that a guy didnt care about my life at all before him. It's a shallow depth I'm not interested in. I have that relationship with co-workers. Best friends dont hide secrets... mistakes... life lessons... they share. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. Why do you think it's so strange? Is it because you think that's what people are supposed to do? Because there are plenty of women out there to choose from. He said he wanted to be married. Yep, when Men say they want to get married then don't I think it is strange. We all have our opinions about things. |
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What do you think of a potential date that has been married more than once and is single again? Does that raise questions of why that may be? I wouldn't question why a person has been married more than once if they don't question why I have never been married. I met a really nice man Online who is 65 and never married. He said he was engaged once and the woman broke it off and married another man she was into. He never found anyone he wanted to make that committment too after that. I was shocked because there are plenty of women out there. He lives in another state than myself, but if I visit there he will show me around the city. He has his own home, good professional job for over 30 years. I found it strange he never got married. Why do you think it's so strange? Is it because you think that's what people are supposed to do? Because there are plenty of women out there to choose from. He said he wanted to be married. Yep, when Men say they want to get married then don't I think it is strange. We all have our opinions about things. You said he never found anyone he wanted to make that commitment to after the woman broke off the engagement. So, despite wanting to get married, there wasn't someone he wanted to marry. I guess I just don't understand why it's strange not to marry if there's not someone you want to marry. |
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