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| Topic: Why come on a dating site just to rant?? | |
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I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. I wasn't referring to real world (face to face) scenario's.. obviously in person there are some practices that are more generally accepted.. I was specifically referring to initial emails only.. I find it shows a lack of respect to immediately assume the recipient is comfortable with the use of those terms without first knowing them a wee bit better.. and by using them, it gives the impression of familiarity (an intimate one) that doesn't yet exist.. call me old school.. but that's just the way I interpret it 
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I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too. 
No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? First thanks for the kind compliment as you make an old gal feel good. A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. |
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I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too.
No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? First thanks for the kind compliment as you make an old gal feel good. A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. Its not disrespectful as we have chatted on many occassions so this person is not a complete stranger. He also is not saying this to me as I am commanding people. Bottom line; there is a time and place for this. Would you call a cop hun when he pulled you over? How about a court judge when you are in court? Your child's teacher when you are having a parent teacher interview? There are times when this is very inappropriate and its worse coming from a stranger. |
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I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too.
No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. Awww, geez... there are just too many comebacks to invite you to take off yer uniform, that I choose not to. haha. You chose to post that pic on this site to gain respect?... I don't think that's really you, er... I don't think that you need it. Your insights are worthy of respect on their own. So I vote for option#2... if they don't appeal to you... disregard them. 'nuf said, eh? No; I chose the uniform pic because I am proud of it. I would hope I would be respected for who I am and not what I am wearing. I am just saying that when I do wear the uniform; I respect the people I command so I expect the same respect. Actually the uniform really is me as I have spent 40 years in a uniform of some sort. Thanks again for the kind words. Hmm... still, I feel as though I've offended somehow, yes? I wore the uniform too... Live budo. But I don't think the uniform defines you one bit. Take it off and you'll remain the same. With or without it... some of us will always have regard for those that serve. All seperate issues, imho. I was talking about you... not the colors. When a person posts their pic on a dating-site, wearing... that's one thing. But to include it in a rant when some folks don't appeciate it? Really... 40 years and you don't realize? My point was that you're a beautiful person regardless of the uniform... and all it represents. Both personally and traditionally. I don't see what it has to do with yer dating life? I'll beg off... take care. Forgive my lack of eloquence, please. You are missing my point. There are times its not appropriate to address a person in that manner and I am saying when I am in uniform commanding people. As I said in my last post; you wouldn't address a cop or a court judge that way. Its simply called respect. If you don't know that person; you shouldn't address them in a familiar way. Even my friends would not address me as "Hon" when I am in uniform as they respect me. As I said; there is a time and place where I would let it slide but not when I am in a position of authority. |
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Being called baby, sweetie, honey and so on by complete strangers makes me think those guys call all kinds of women by those names. Rather than be one of many, I prefer my own name used if we have been introduced. No need for cutesy little terms of endearment from strangers0? as it's cheesy and insincere. |
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This is an international site, and as such I believe there is a need to be tolerant of how people from different parts of the world address others, even strangers. To take offense by someone addressing you for the first time in a away you don't like is a bit petty to say the least in my opinion. Surely the gist of the first email, or subsequent emails if there are any, provide a far better indicator of the person than how you were addressed for the first time.
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This is an international site, and as such I believe there is a need to be tolerant of how people from different parts of the world address others, even strangers. To take offense by someone addressing you for the first time in a away you don't like is a bit petty to say the least in my opinion. Surely the gist of the first email, or subsequent emails if there are any, provide a far better indicator of the person than how you were addressed for the first time. I also think as this is an International site; one needs to be aware of how different cultures will react to what you think is minor or petty. |
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Being called baby, sweetie, honey and so on by complete strangers makes me think those guys call all kinds of women by those names. Rather than be one of many, I prefer my own name used if we have been introduced. No need for cutesy little terms of endearment from strangers0? as it's cheesy and insincere. Yeah; I think these cutie pie names are condescending; especially coming from a stranger. |
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navygirl...Personally I think it's better to stay on the "safe side" when it comes to addressing people..I don't want to offend anyone or start off on the wrong "track" or "foot" right off the bat..All throughout history ethnic groups and minorities have had to deal with negative labels and names or terms that have been imposed on them by society...As a woman I don't consider myself every man's honey or darling or sweetheart etc...I've always saved terms of endearment for my "one and only" when I'm in a secure and committed relationship..I know customs vary from region to region. But I try to stay neutral and avoid certain terms and words when I'm dealing with people I don't know well or just in general because I don't want to say the wrong thing and end up insulting someone. Or end up pushing people away due to my language and approach..How do you feel about it?
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navygirl...Personally I think it's better to stay on the "safe side" when it comes to addressing people..I don't want to offend anyone or start off on the wrong "track" or "foot" right off the bat..All throughout history ethnic groups and minorities have had to deal with negative labels and names or terms that have been imposed on them by society...As a woman I don't consider myself every man's honey or darling or sweetheart etc...I've always saved terms of endearment for my "one and only" when I'm in a secure and committed relationship..I know customs vary from region to region. But I try to stay neutral and avoid certain terms and words when I'm dealing with people I don't know well or just in general because I don't want to say the wrong thing and end up insulting someone. Or end up pushing people away due to my language and approach..How do you feel about it? I agree with you 100%. One should tread lightly on how you address someone when you first meet them. Without knowing the person's history; you could indeed be insulting them or demeaning them. I don't impose my Western Culture on other cultures. If my culture was to say to address everyone as "Idiot", I am sure many of the Western Culture would be offended. I treat people as I want to be treated; so I am careful not to offend people by keeping it simple when I address them and asked how they would like to be addressed. I don't mind when someone calls me M'am for instance and would prefer that over honey or sweetie. Those terms are only for those who are close to me; not a complete stranger. |
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This is an international site, and as such I believe there is a need to be tolerant of how people from different parts of the world address others, even strangers. To take offense by someone addressing you for the first time in a away you don't like is a bit petty to say the least in my opinion. Surely the gist of the first email, or subsequent emails if there are any, provide a far better indicator of the person than how you were addressed for the first time. I also think as this is an International site; one needs to be aware of how different cultures will react to what you think is minor or petty. I am not saying don't be cautious of how you address others. I am saying we should be tolerant of how others address us, to quickly condemn someone because they have greeted you for the first time in a way you do not like is being petty in my opinion. Everyone will not be as cautious as you are and we should accept that, it has already been said by many others in this thread, that depending on where you live casual greetings to all, including strangers, can be very different, without any offense being meant and in my opinion none should be taken. |
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I think it's important to "listen and learn" and look at all sides when differences and problems pop-up.. Naturally we're going to have our own feelings and our own side about each and every issue...What seems "right" to us may or may not "feel right" or "seem right" to someone else...My husband grew-up with 4 older brothers and he was put-down a lot when he was small and tagged the "runt" of the family...It took my husband awhile to feel comfortable being called "sweetie-pie" kinds of names after we got married and I definitely understood and took his feelings and past experiences into consideration...Some men may be a little homophobic and would take offense if they were called "girlie" or "sissy" type names...I don't think a black man in the USA would like to be called "boy" today based on our past history of slavery...There's just no telling how names and terms may affect someone...This is why I tread lightly and try to stay neutral when I'm addressing strangers. It takes awhile to get to know people and find out what they like or don't like etc...I would never dream of addressing a strange man with terms like "pretty boy" or "sweet cakes" or even "hunk." I don't assume that all men like or want the same things...We're not clones or carbon-copies of each other simply based on our gender.
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Thu 02/07/13 10:20 AM
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I recently came across a profile where this young lady had written about leaving this site because men use words like baby, honey, beautiful ect when messaging her and shes highly offended that men would speak that way to her when she doesnt even know them and why are all the men just trying to f**k her on a dating site... My response to her is as follows lol: I just wanted to say that after reading your profile rant i was shocked. This site like mant others have the option for "casual encounters" meaning that there are people on here just wanting to get down and dirty. If thats offensive to you maybe you should try "E Harmony" or "Christian Mingle" You are a beautiful women so why take offense to someone telling you they think you are? I use the word hon alot in messages, is that wrong as well. I swear politeness is so rare these days that some people mistake it for flurtation...Please, message me back. I met a man online about 3 years back. We met inperson after talking on phone for two months. We disagreed on many things after meeting in person and I didn't want a second date even though the first date went well I thought. He would always call me "Sweetheart" when got into an argument and say lets talk this out, we can do it. I didn't like how he used that name, to calm me down. It did not work on me! And, no telling how many women he called "Sweetheart" and I told him that as well.  He was a Reitred Marine and very controlling.
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To be fair, calling someone 'baby' or 'honey' without knowing them is a bit much and to some, disrespectful. It is true, every so often people are just being kind but there is a lot of arrogant males who are out just for some play who use sweet words as bait for their own hidden agendas. I've seen it done far too many times... makes the rest of us look bad. I'm kind of on the fence as I think there are some elements that would be fine to say on the profile, but more often than not most things are best left for conversation or as you said, to be posted on a forum. The woman may be broken, but more than likely, she has good reason. Doesnt do anybody any good to judge her and then make a post about it. You made some good points but I believe went about it in a less-than-optimal way. I have a problem simplifying... willowdraga said it best. Respect~ hear hear!! exactly. I get that all the time from men here...and I also hate it. It tells me exactly why they are still single and looking like homeless dogs for their next meal. I am still polite to them right now...but I may get just as fed up as this woman's profile reflects. It is ridiculous to use terms of endearment on the first email or even the 10th! Just tells me they are the unrefined type. I say hello and never answer another from them. I'm glad this woman put that on her profile, might teach some guys something...however, I wouldn't hold my breath. |
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I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too.
No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? First thanks for the kind compliment as you make an old gal feel good. A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. Its not disrespectful as we have chatted on many occassions so this person is not a complete stranger. He also is not saying this to me as I am commanding people. Bottom line; there is a time and place for this. Would you call a cop hun when he pulled you over? How about a court judge when you are in court? Your child's teacher when you are having a parent teacher interview? There are times when this is very inappropriate and its worse coming from a stranger.
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I use these "Terms of endearment" for just that
Terms of endearment to people i like Or that i am trying to get to know better It is a nicety to me If someone can't take being called a nice or sweet name than maybe they should tell the potential friend so ? Or even better give the person a name they prefer to the terms of endearment ? {So that's why i get ignored so much...lol} Don't care either ! Guess i'll never learn... 
KiK |
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This is an international site, and as such I believe there is a need to be tolerant of how people from different parts of the world address others, even strangers. To take offense by someone addressing you for the first time in a away you don't like is a bit petty to say the least in my opinion. Surely the gist of the first email, or subsequent emails if there are any, provide a far better indicator of the person than how you were addressed for the first time. I also think as this is an International site; one needs to be aware of how different cultures will react to what you think is minor or petty. I am not saying don't be cautious of how you address others. I am saying we should be tolerant of how others address us, to quickly condemn someone because they have greeted you for the first time in a way you do not like is being petty in my opinion. Everyone will not be as cautious as you are and we should accept that, it has already been said by many others in this thread, that depending on where you live casual greetings to all, including strangers, can be very different, without any offense being meant and in my opinion none should be taken. I agree with a lot of this post... however.. if we are talking about an American man, and an American woman... men should know how to behave as to not offend. If they don't? bye! I don't have time to waste on someone that doesn't even know how to address me in an email. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Thu 02/07/13 10:57 AM
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I use these "Terms of endearment" for just that Terms of endearment to people i like Or that i am trying to get to know better It is a nicety to me If someone can't take being called a nice or sweet name than maybe they should tell the potential friend so ? Or even better give the person a name they prefer to the terms of endearment ? {So that's why i get ignored so much...lol} Don't care either ! Guess i'll never learn...
KiK yes you do... but you do it right 
You don't come across as creepy with it. I saw that it was just sweet coming from you. You should read some of the stuff that other guys can say though. |
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I use these "Terms of endearment" for just that Terms of endearment to people i like Or that i am trying to get to know better It is a nicety to me If someone can't take being called a nice or sweet name than maybe they should tell the potential friend so ? Or even better give the person a name they prefer to the terms of endearment ? {So that's why i get ignored so much...lol} Don't care either ! Guess i'll never learn...
KiK yes you do... but you do it right
Thank you Girl ! You are a sweet lady
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I use these "Terms of endearment" for just that Terms of endearment to people i like Or that i am trying to get to know better It is a nicety to me If someone can't take being called a nice or sweet name than maybe they should tell the potential friend so ? Or even better give the person a name they prefer to the terms of endearment ? {So that's why i get ignored so much...lol} Don't care either ! Guess i'll never learn...
KiK yes you do... but you do it right
Thank you Girl ! You are a sweet lady
See??? That in itself, was sweet...
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