Breaking up, for decent people anyhow, is probably not an easy thing to do when its not a mutual desire to do so,,,


When you are in a relationship, are you proactive or reactive?

do you take responsibility for what you want and what you can give and communicate that with the partner

or do you conform to what you think your partner wants and can give?

I think a healthy amount of the first and the occasional dose of the second is a good idea,, but it never works without honest two way communication of what each needs to receive/has to offer,,,,

,,,,are you a good communicator, is it important for a partner to be a good communicator?

I am proactive in that I try to be the best I can for her...and I take her criticism as things I need to tweak.

But that doesn't mean I'm completely moldable.

Only works if the other is listening and cares about it.

Proactive. I have to be with a guy who isn't afraid to talk. No point in guessing games.

not always the best communicator, no, but I manage to usually remain on amicable or civil terms

communication is important if the 2 do not want to break up - otherwise I take a minimalist approach. breaking up is not always the best time to say a whole lot IMO

so much a minimalist that I even have male friends where we never really did break up (not sure what to call that...)

On a Raincheck?

More seriously, I agree that communication is the key to a successful relationship, and keeping one's cool because things spoken in haste are usually regretted in leisure.

no, not a rain check really. We just drifted apart. Circumstances kept us apart, and I always figured he'd do something if he really cared so I just went on with my life. That happened a couple of times because (one reason anyway) I was pretty mobile right after my divorce - moved around a few times

i don't think we are talking about real love, if u are in real love with ur partner ,then everything ll b perfect ,

communication is key to a relationship. if they cant be open and honest with me then i cant learn to trust them. if i cant trust them i cant be with them. i usually part on friendly terms with guys i have dated.

First of all what I've seen with the internet, most people have huge issues communicating.

Just read the posts here with so many people; especially women; asking forum posters what the person they are dating is thinking, or asking to decipher someone's actions and what their actions mean.

People breaking up via email, texting and just not being confronting.

No one is perfect but as long as you try to do your best and you are always trying to get better, then it's all you can do.

Like one poster said though, if you are communicating with someone that doesn't care anymore or who is cheating with someone else, not much you can do.

lol; well I respectively disagree. Love takes a lot of work and patience and there is no perfect love. We all make mistakes.

I totally agree with this!!!

Yeah....and in just about ten seconds, Charlize Theron is gonna walk through my door, strip, and then demand I make love to her for all time. Cause...yeah...that's perfect love from where I am seeing it.

Maybe on tv but here in the real world; nothing is perfect. As the other posters have said; it does take work but there are still no guarantees no matter how much you love each other.

he crude irony is this: sometimes you were never a team in the first place so one person is doing the breaking up of a relationship that never really existed.
but frankly breaking up is painful..it tugs at your self-esteem and hits hard in the guts...so i agree open honest communication channel is the way to ensure the survival of relationships.

PY, you speak the honest truth. I don't think I will EVER be the same; maybe that's a good thing, but it still hurts my pride, my heart, and my soul.

When I've been in relationships I do all the same things around the house as when I'm single. Meaning I clean up after myself. I expect the same from her. So, I don't think I "conform" to what I think she wants. Either she wants me or she doesn't.

Honest communication? You mean nagging, right?

These days I have a firm policy. If she starts "communicating" about something she's not happy with I say "there's the door." But, the funny thing is, THEY NEVER LEAVE!

I am a good communicator and it is very important for me to have a partner, who is a good communicator. However, I have only found One in the last 10 men I have met inperson. But, he was a very (Loose) man, who had too many woman after him.

I am reactive. It is like a catch-22. My communication skills are bad. First I get infatuated and then I lose my own personality. Because of my fear of rejection I become easy to manipulate. It works well with my brown nosing and people pleasing abilities. Then the old tapes start to play which causes her to reject me which protects from me having to break off the relationship. The old tapes come from past relationships that I feed into which in all reality have nothing to do with her. I think it is a warped survival instinct based on survival of the fittest. I say warped because it doesn't always work that way. I have found out that it works the same way whether they move in with me or if I move in with them. I have returned to my first answer when the teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up question. Same now as when I was first asked in grade school. Yup. I want to be a hermit.