How many times does your lady/man have to cheat on you before you call it quit. Is there room for forgiveance after the first one?

Lots of cheating threads lately. If they cheat, they're gone.

If he or she cheat on you once, then he or she has got to go. Don't open yourself for another chance for heart ache...this would work much better if you are not cheating as well.

And what is cheating? Just the obvious?
How about:
Texting, sexting, etc.?
Oral, petting, etc.?
Paying too much attention to another when your SO is right there?
Paying too much attention to another secretly? (Which is worse?)
Gambling, football, drug use? Can those be cheating?

The question isn't, "Am I having sex?"
but rather, "Am I doing something my SO would be upset with?"

It's not really about sex. This point was driven home to be by a T-shirt slogan I saw: "It's not cheating if my husband is watching."

What's the obvious? I would think that some of what you listed are obvious, but I guess it depends on what your definition of cheating is. Establish that when you start a relationship.

How is gambling, football and drug use cheating when it comes to relationships?

Isn't oral part of sex?

Unless you're in an open relationship, I'm sure most would say it definitely will be about sex.

Cheating: anything you can't tell your significant other about. Once cheating occurs the trust is broken and difficult to rebuild. I'd have to say, be gone.

Cheat?
Delete.

Cheat?


Bye bye!

SingMeSweet,
I guess I go more with the TammyA definition:
"Anything you can't tell your significant other about. "

Regarding your question about oral, President Clinton established using the definition given him that he did not have sex with Monica, since he received, but did not give. (I love the wikipedia.org)

Your comments simply reminded me of that. :-)

So because he lied, it means oral sex isn't sex? Go ahead and try that defense with someone you're dating ;).

Still curious about the football, gambling and drug use, though.

Every relationship is based on trust. Cheating destroys that bond of trust. A cheating partner could kill you, trust me.

Just Once for me

Once would be enough.
he could take my forgiveness with him, but he would never be welcome in my life as more than a friend again.
for me, cheating would be anything that doesnt involve me, even just kissing someone else, or letting them believe that he would be interested in leaving me for them..
He can have as many friends as he want's but its hands off. He's all mine or not at all.

I can forgive depending upon the circumstances, our history, and what I know about their character and upbringing. AS unpopular a view as it is , I really do think people can sometimes MESS up bigtime. I think its the exception more than the rule, but I have no steadfast rule to never forgive.

I would never not forgive, I just wouldn't be able to ever trust again.
For me trust is the main part of any relationship, if you trust everything runs smootly and is not a hassel, but once that was lost, I wouldn't have a relationship.

ONCE!

Hey SingMeSweet,
I owe you an answer on the "football, gambling and drug use" example, so here goes:

I know many couples where one will "cheat" and have a cigarette. The smoker actually calls it "cheating", I suppose, because he/she is sneaking it, and it was apparently a serious issue for them. Other drug use: same kindof thing. Would I call that cheating? Yes.

Gambling can absolutely be cheating, for some couples. Usually there's a guy siphoning family funds to feed his addiction of it. And yeah... it may not be sexual, but a lot of couples call that cheating and it can be a lot more serious than shagging some strumpet in the bar parking lot in moment of poor judgement. Would I call this kind of a gambling problem cheating? Yes.

Football... well, I threw that in the list for two reasons. Firstly, I have memories of my father having a football problem. If the Redskins won, he had a great weekend. If not, he was crabby, actually taking the team's loss as a personal loss. It became an issue and he agreed to step away from ever getting that involved with it. It was very much like a gambling or porn addiction for him and so strangely, falling of the wagon, so to speak, would likely have been regarded as "cheating".

The second reason why I mention football comes down to simple dating etiquette. When on a date as a couple, the rule is to give priority to your date rather than to anyone or anything else in the room. I have heard women complain that their date will spend a lot of time chatting up the waitresses, and even though it's not hidden from view, the comments I hear indicate to me that they feel like he's cheating on her right in front of her!
Do I think that's cheating? Well, no. But it's pretty damn rude. Oh... and the last time I heard this complaint, it wasn't about the waitress, it was about the game that was on TV. And yes, this was already an issue for this couple. They go out to have fun, he watches TV, and she sits there bored.

Does that help?

I think we just have very different views on what cheating is. I wouldn't consider any of that cheating. If I'm dating someone and they sneak off to have a cigarette while telling me they don't smoke, it may bother me, but it doesn't fall into the cheating category. Neither does gambling. If they're lying about it, or using money that is mine, that is lying and certainly is a problem. Watching sports games has nothing to do with cheating as well.

Cheating to me would be going on a date with someone else, physical intimacy with someone else, sexting, anything romantic with someone else and so on.

So yes, while some of these may be complaints, I don't see them as cheating.

Pretty much this...
Hence the concept of emotional affairs/cheating, etc.

Cheating breaks trust. Once trust is gone.. it is difficult if not impossible for most to recover.