Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Twice Weekly Sex Contract...Would You Sign One?
singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 01/28/12 05:32 PM
Female Sexual Dysfunction: Evaluation and Treatment Estimates of the number of women who have sexual dysfunction range from 19 to 50 percent in “normal” outpatient populations3–6 and increase to 68 to 75 percent when sexual dissatisfaction or problems (not dysfunctional in nature) are included.5,7 Yet, one review of physicians' chart notes revealed a recorded sexual problem in only 2 percent.5 In another review, physician inquiry of patients in a gynecologic office setting about sexual problems increased reported complaints about sexual dysfunction sixfold.3 This discrepancy demonstrates a need for physician education in this area. Maybe you ladies were all lucky enough to be born with a healthy sex drive, but 19-50 percent of women weren't. Yes, sexual dissatisfaction ups that number to 68-75%, but 50% is nothing to sneeze at. Unless you ladies have been spending a lot of time dating and having sex with other women, it seems to me that men would have a better perspective on this. There are many reasons a woman will say no to sex. Most of the time it has nothing to do with a dysfunction. It could be she is tired..or feeling unappreciated...or stressed..or she just doesn't want to (the list goes on). Just because a guy is ready to jump into her pants and she says no it falls under that? No. Oh, another woman who disagrees with the facts. Color me surprised. At least you admit that a lack of sex drive is occasionally not the man's fault. Of course a low sex drive isn't always going to be a man's fault. There are a lot of issues that could be the cause. However, one of the causes could be that he's not pleasing her. I think that's what many women in this thread have been trying to say. You can go by statistics all you want, but try listening to what women are actually saying.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 01/28/12 05:34 PM
His marriage and last relationship ended because both women lost interest in sex. He says he wants an undertaking that before he marries any woman, they would have to agree to have sex at least twice a week, unless one of us is ill or away. Would you sign a contract that states you have to have sex/make love to your partner twice a week? I have a dilemma with this because I wouldn't sign a contract like this if it was a condition of him marrying me and in principle, I object to a contract that would effectively take away the spontaneity...I also don’t think sex and how often it occurs can be legislated by a contract....IDK...I kinda disagree but agree in a weird way. ..that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. I'd smack the chit out of her with that paper and leave. However, may be different on the flip side, but if a woman brings that to me? lmao I'm down 24/7. Just let me know when, where, and if I should bring some KY. I'll bang you so hard when you have a child, that child will already be pregnant. Cause that's how I roll. silly it IS the man who wants the contract but c'mon twice a week ????? I'd be wandering if I could only eat twice a week....just saying

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 01/28/12 05:35 PM
If you meet a lot of women like this, that sucks. Not a lot, but some. That doesn't mean you should assume most women fall into this category, though. I never said that they do. I quoted research that showed that somewhere between 19%-50% of women suffer from some sort of sexual dysfunction, which isn't related to performance of her partner. I don't think men need to speak for women on why they're losing interest in sex. Try asking those women instead. As mentioned several times, gynecological practices have reported that 19%-50% of their patients have reported sexual dysfunction, which isn't linked to male performance. If you follow the link, you'll find that there are many other causes for lack of desire than simply poor performance on the man's part. It's a bit myopic to claim that if the man is doing his job in bed, then the woman will want to have sex. Apparently, gynecologists get quite a bit of business that puts the lie to that claim.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 01/28/12 05:38 PM
If you meet a lot of women like this, that sucks. Not a lot, but some. That doesn't mean you should assume most women fall into this category, though. I never said that they do. I quoted research that showed that somewhere between 19%-50% of women suffer from some sort of sexual dysfunction, which isn't related to performance of her partner. I don't think men need to speak for women on why they're losing interest in sex. Try asking those women instead. As mentioned several times, gynecological practices have reported that 19%-50% of their patients have reported sexual dysfunction, which isn't linked to male performance. If you follow the link, you'll find that there are many other causes for lack of desire than simply poor performance on the man's part. It's a bit myopic to claim that if the man is doing his job in bed, then the woman will want to have sex. Apparently, gynecologists get quite a bit of business that puts the lie to that claim. I never said that if a man is "doing his job" then a woman will always want to have sex. Of course there are many reasons why someone (man or woman) would have a low sex drive. The other person not being able to please them would be one.

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 01/28/12 05:40 PM
I never said that if a man is "doing his job" then a woman will always want to have sex. Of course there are many reasons why someone (man or woman) would have a low sex drive. The other person not being able to please them would be one. I paraphrased a bit, but isn't that basically what you meant when you wrote "If the sex is good, it will be happening" on page one?

Kat1974 Joined Fri 10/14/11 Posts: 131	Sat 01/28/12 05:41 PM Edited by Kat1974 on Sat 01/28/12 05:43 PM
Female Sexual Dysfunction: Evaluation and Treatment Estimates of the number of women who have sexual dysfunction range from 19 to 50 percent in “normal” outpatient populations3–6 and increase to 68 to 75 percent when sexual dissatisfaction or problems (not dysfunctional in nature) are included.5,7 Yet, one review of physicians' chart notes revealed a recorded sexual problem in only 2 percent.5 In another review, physician inquiry of patients in a gynecologic office setting about sexual problems increased reported complaints about sexual dysfunction sixfold.3 This discrepancy demonstrates a need for physician education in this area. Maybe you ladies were all lucky enough to be born with a healthy sex drive, but 19-50 percent of women weren't. Yes, sexual dissatisfaction ups that number to 68-75%, but 50% is nothing to sneeze at. Unless you ladies have been spending a lot of time dating and having sex with other women, it seems to me that men would have a better perspective on this. There are many reasons a woman will say no to sex. Most of the time it has nothing to do with a dysfunction. It could be she is tired..or feeling unappreciated...or stressed..or she just doesn't want to (the list goes on). Just because a guy is ready to jump into her pants and she says no it falls under that? No. Oh, another woman who disagrees with the facts. Color me surprised. At least you admit that a lack of sex drive is occasionally not the man's fault. Care to give the link to the little cut and paste job you did? Because I always find the whole picture, the whole article enlightening. Like who did that research? When was that research done? What was the target area of that research? How many women took part in that research? I won't call what you presented as facts. You know what I find a bit disturbing and creepy is that most men will assume that there is something wrong on the woman's end if she doesn't want to have sex with them. It could be them, it could be something else. Each woman is different. The creepy part is they would try to use the same messed up crap that you presented as a way to manipulate a woman into having sex with them. There is something wrong with you, not me. I take offense to that for the same reason I have had that kind of crap pulled on me, just for being a lesbian and a guy took offense to me not wanting to invite him to my bed, or join him in his.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 01/28/12 05:44 PM
I never said that if a man is "doing his job" then a woman will always want to have sex. Of course there are many reasons why someone (man or woman) would have a low sex drive. The other person not being able to please them would be one. I paraphrased a bit, but isn't that basically what you meant when you wrote "If the sex is good, it will be happening" on page one? Sure, if they're both enjoying sex. Sex isn't going to be good if one isn't enjoying it for some reason. Really, though, none of us have any clue why the person mentioned in the OP isn't getting the sex he wants. Having a contract to force someone to have sex twice a week, no matter why they may not be into it, isn't going to work.

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 01/28/12 05:49 PM
Care to give the link to the little cut and paste job you did? Because I always find the whole picture, the whole article enlightening. Like who did that research? When was that research done? What was the target area of that research? How many women were took part in that research? I won't call what you presented as facts. The link is in the post you just quoted. I always include the link when I do a "little cut and paste job". You know what I find a bit disturbing and creepy is that most men will assume that there is something wrong on the woman's end if she doesn't want to have sex with them. Do you find it creepy that most of the posts in this forum put all of the blame on the man? It could be them, it could be something else. You are singing from my hymnal. Each woman is different. Yep. The creepy part is they would try to use the same messed up crap that you presented as a way to manipulate a woman into having sex with them. I've never heard of guys going around showing women studies on lack of desire as a method of getting laid. Since you have stated that it doesn't work, I guess I won't try it. There is something wrong with you, not me. When did this become personal? Who was I trying to get to sleep with me? I take offense to that for the same reason I have had that kind of crap pulled on me, just for being a lesbian and a guy took offense to me not wanting to invite him to my bed, or join him in his. I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. Some guy tried to seduce you by showing you statistics showing that 19%-50% of women suffer from sexual disfunction?

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 01/28/12 05:51 PM
Sure, if they're both enjoying sex. Sex isn't going to be good if one isn't enjoying it for some reason. So now we are back to poor performance by the guy. Really, though, none of us have any clue why the person mentioned in the OP isn't getting the sex he wants. Having a contract to force someone to have sex twice a week, no matter why they may not be into it, isn't going to work. I agree that the contract is probably unworkable. I haven't argued otherwise. Just from reading through some of the posts, it seemed like all of the blame was being put on the guy and I didn't think that depicted a realistic picture of reality.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 01/28/12 05:53 PM
Sure, if they're both enjoying sex. Sex isn't going to be good if one isn't enjoying it for some reason. So now we are back to poor performance by the guy. Really, though, none of us have any clue why the person mentioned in the OP isn't getting the sex he wants. Having a contract to force someone to have sex twice a week, no matter why they may not be into it, isn't going to work. I agree that the contract is probably unworkable. I haven't argued otherwise. Just from reading through some of the posts, it seemed like all of the blame was being put on the guy and I didn't think that depicted a realistic picture of reality. No, I didn't go back to poor performance by the guy. I said if they aren't enjoying it for some reason. You made that assumption.

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 01/28/12 05:54 PM
I didn't say you were......I was just saying we had a great sex life right up until the end..... Sorry, my mistake. Divorce or simply breaking up with a long term significant other is terribly painful. Hopefully you took away some pleasant memories and learned some life lessons. I did three lovely children, a great friendship, and a new wife (my husbands new wife and stepmother to my children)......at first he made it difficult because I decided to end the marriage, but it was best for us both.....and the children have more people to love them then before.....my oldest is having a child in May....a boy...so grandparents we become now That's nice to hear. I'll have a cold one tonight in your honor.

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 01/28/12 05:55 PM
No, I didn't go back to poor performance by the guy. I said if they aren't enjoying it for some reason. You made that assumption. That seemed to be what you were getting at. Sorry, my mistake.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 01/28/12 05:59 PM
It seems to me that perhaps you might consider that statistics are a huge turn off Really? Then I feel sorry for statisticians and pollsters. Poor guys must never get laid. AND any man who is part of a couple who blames his spouse for her "lack of a sex drive" needs to examine his own ability to please her So the problem is always in his ability to please her in bed? Not according to the statistics (sorry, I know you just got turned off by me mentioning statistics). It seems a bit unreasonable to reject the statistics simply because they are a "huge turn off". You seem to not care if they are accurate, just that you don't like hearing them. this isn't about lesbians and yes it is often his inability to please her and when a man has difficulty getting a woman to continue a sexual relationship with him that is generally why and if he is smart he will learn how to please her if he doesn't she will assume eventually that it is because he does not care enough to learn (only cares for his pleasure) as she should also learn to please him this is why taboos and negative thinking about sex can be so damaging I think it is foolish to bring statistics up because you can prove about anything you want with them if you find someone who will actaully believe them. Personal expereince and the expereinces of friends are more meaningful and that is what I refer to for my opinions here. There are a myriad of reasons why stats in sexual research are extremely flawed I also think it's in the woman's best interest to discuss these issues with the guy. Bring up ways that will make sex better. Let him know exactly what she likes. If she doesn't speak up, he may assume that things are ok. yes I suppose that should be clear that it is both partners responsibility to communicate. So there can be a need to overcome a shyness about that, as well as a sincere desire for a man to learn those things about a woman he really cares about. It is a sign, in my opinion, of how sincerely he cares - if he is genuinely wanting to please or just there for his own satisfaction - from a woman's perspective that is. Women are different creatures than men are sexually. I think sometimes men find that frustrating at first because they sometimes see it as their woman holding back....but no - hell no - I have never wanted to hold back....personally....but we are a little more complicated sometimes, but if a man takes the time and the genuine caring interest to learn about that...he will be glad he did

Kat1974 Joined Fri 10/14/11 Posts: 131	Sat 01/28/12 06:04 PM
Care to give the link to the little cut and paste job you did? Because I always find the whole picture, the whole article enlightening. Like who did that research? When was that research done? What was the target area of that research? How many women were took part in that research? I won't call what you presented as facts. The link is in the post you just quoted. I always include the link when I do a "little cut and paste job". You know what I find a bit disturbing and creepy is that most men will assume that there is something wrong on the woman's end if she doesn't want to have sex with them. Do you find it creepy that most of the posts in this forum put all of the blame on the man? It could be them, it could be something else. You are singing from my hymnal. Each woman is different. Yep. The creepy part is they would try to use the same messed up crap that you presented as a way to manipulate a woman into having sex with them. I've never heard of guys going around showing women studies on lack of desire as a method of getting laid. Since you have stated that it doesn't work, I guess I won't try it. There is something wrong with you, not me. When did this become personal? Who was I trying to get to sleep with me? I take offense to that for the same reason I have had that kind of crap pulled on me, just for being a lesbian and a guy took offense to me not wanting to invite him to my bed, or join him in his. I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. Some guy tried to seduce you by showing you statistics showing that 19%-50% of women suffer from sexual disfunction? The whole arguement of "It can't be me, it must be something wrong with you" I didn't use the "". I think there isn't a woman on here that hasn't heard a guy use that arguement of "there must be something wrong with you". Just because they said no. I think that arguement is disturbing and creepy and wrong on every level. But that is my opinion, I just found that presentation of statistics and putting them under "facts" just a really another way of presenting that arguement. That is how I took it and I took offense to it.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 01/29/12 02:04 AM
No way. lol. I would never be in a reationship that involved a contract. I find it quite degrading. We're humans with feelings, not toys. I think making love should come naturally. Instead of being forced to feel it. I would think any relationship involving such a contract, isn't real love. Sounds like an excuse to have a sex slave, to me. I know that I’ve leaving myself open for a grilling by the ‘sisterhood’ but I don’t think that the contract is degrading women. IMO, there’s nothing wrong with a guy saying that sex is important in a relationship and that he’s not willing to remain in a sexless relationship. Maybe he could have found a better way of saying it but I personally don’t have a problem with honesty. In the here and now, I don't think I could be in a sexless relationship!

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 01/29/12 02:10 AM
Make a man wait, he'll want it more. But, I thought making them wait is why they cheat. I'm so fricking confused! Again, I am expecting a grilling from the ‘sisterhood’ but I don’t understanding the waiting bit. I understand waiting if you are not sure of a person or you need a bit more time for the attraction to fully develop but if you have no doubts...I personally, don’t see the need to wait. Waiting isn’t going to make him stay and it’s not going to make (the right person) leave so....why do it especially if it’s what you want to do?

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 01/29/12 02:22 AM
Generally speaking, a woman needs to emotionally connect to her partner to have the best sexual experience. Its sex 101. There are some men out there who really dont care if she enjoys sex with him. He'll say stuff like, 'thats her problem...she's responsible for her own orgasm.' If thats the case then she can just use a vibrator. The idea is to have sex WITH another person, not ON another person. She will notice his lack of interest in her, and lose interest in sex. If he was the one not having an orgasm, do you think the relationship would last? He would be gone like the wind. I wish women would do that. I think we would understand each other better if they did. I agree. IMO, maintaining a mutually beneficial sex life over a long period of time is something that requires work and communicative relationship. I don’t think that it just naturally evolves with time. I also don't think that a decline (by one partner or the other) in the frequency of sex can be blamed solely on one person. The analogy that it takes two to tango springs to mind.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 01/29/12 02:24 AM
I'll sign anything generally - doesn't mean I'm gonna do it....sex twice a week? most likely if I am with him in the first place I'd be thinking more like.....everyday Sure, and the marriage contract/vows commit to love honor and cherish until death. The legal term is 'Impossibility of performance', so the enforcement of such a contract isnt viable. It just seems if this guy wants a contract for sex, but doesnt make one for doing half the cooking and cleaning, or dog walking, or wage earning requirements, whats the point? really. there is more to marriage than regular sex but I have heard men say that regualr sex is one of the main reasons they commit to marriage - thing is .... (and I know the guys hate hearing this but is true).....if he's not treating her equally....not picking up after himself, not helping with the cooking & cleaning, yard work, spending all his time with his "buds" etc.....she will feel taken for granted or undervalued and it's very hard to feel sexually for someone under those circumstances after a time True..

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 01/29/12 02:28 AM
His marriage and last relationship ended because both women lost interest in sex. why..... he should work on that Playing devil's advocate...why should HE work on it..he doesn't have a problem with his sex drive! Oh, but there's so much more to great sex than just a high sex drive. I agree but I said sex drive...not high sex drive! And I'm just saying perhaps there were other issues that were going on which caused the lack of sex. Making a woman sign a contract to have sex twice a week would be a huge red flag as to problems that may happen in the future. Maybe..but what's wrong with a guy making it clear that sex is important to him in a relationship. I know how I would feel if I met a guy and he said...sex is really important to me and if at any time, you lost interest, I would try and work through those issues with you but if it meant that we no longer had a sex life, then I would end the relationship. I don't think I'd be thanking him for his honesty...

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 01/29/12 02:34 AM
Female Sexual Dysfunction: Evaluation and Treatment Estimates of the number of women who have sexual dysfunction range from 19 to 50 percent in “normal” outpatient populations3–6 and increase to 68 to 75 percent when sexual dissatisfaction or problems (not dysfunctional in nature) are included.5,7 Yet, one review of physicians' chart notes revealed a recorded sexual problem in only 2 percent.5 In another review, physician inquiry of patients in a gynecologic office setting about sexual problems increased reported complaints about sexual dysfunction sixfold.3 This discrepancy demonstrates a need for physician education in this area. Maybe you ladies were all lucky enough to be born with a healthy sex drive, but 19-50 percent of women weren't. Yes, sexual dissatisfaction ups that number to 68-75%, but 50% is nothing to sneeze at. Unless you ladies have been spending a lot of time dating and having sex with other women, it seems to me that men would have a better perspective on this. I know that statistically, women tend to lose interest in sex more than men that is why in principle I object to the contract but not to the message behind it.