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Topic: I think my son is gay
Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 12:40 AM Edited by Spidercmb on Sat 12/03/11 12:41 AM
Her son might be straight or he might be gay, either way, he'll find society more accepting if he fits in. That means moderating the feminine behaviors. Why should he have to change who he is cause a few people get offended? Such people need to learn to live and let live IMO. That seems lost on a lot of people anymore sadly. Yes, the whole world should change to accept him, that makes much more sense than him changing his behavior (which she has said multiple times is very resent behavior, it started just a few months ago).

Kleisto Joined Tue 05/13/08 Posts: 5704	Sat 12/03/11 12:56 AM Edited by Kleisto on Sat 12/03/11 12:58 AM
Her son might be straight or he might be gay, either way, he'll find society more accepting if he fits in. That means moderating the feminine behaviors. Why should he have to change who he is cause a few people get offended? Such people need to learn to live and let live IMO. That seems lost on a lot of people anymore sadly. Yes, the whole world should change to accept him, that makes much more sense than him changing his behavior (which she has said multiple times is very resent behavior, it started just a few months ago). No how THEY live doesn't have to change, they just need to grow up and accept he is different. They can do whatever they want, they just shouldn't be able to tell him he can't. How would you feel if you were told you had to change who YOU were, could you do it?

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 01:00 AM
Her son might be straight or he might be gay, either way, he'll find society more accepting if he fits in. That means moderating the feminine behaviors. Why should he have to change who he is cause a few people get offended? Such people need to learn to live and let live IMO. That seems lost on a lot of people anymore sadly. Yes, the whole world should change to accept him, that makes much more sense than him changing his behavior (which she has said multiple times is very resent behavior, it started just a few months ago). No how THEY live doesn't have to change, they just need to grow up and accept he is different. They can do whatever they want, they just shouldn't be able to tell him he can't. How would you feel if you were told you had to change, could you do it? If I started acting effeminate today and 3 months from now, my friends or family told me to stop? Yeah, I could do that. Nobody is saying he has to change his personality, he just has to change his behaviors, which are completely within his ability to change.

Kleisto Joined Tue 05/13/08 Posts: 5704	Sat 12/03/11 01:08 AM
Her son might be straight or he might be gay, either way, he'll find society more accepting if he fits in. That means moderating the feminine behaviors. Why should he have to change who he is cause a few people get offended? Such people need to learn to live and let live IMO. That seems lost on a lot of people anymore sadly. Yes, the whole world should change to accept him, that makes much more sense than him changing his behavior (which she has said multiple times is very resent behavior, it started just a few months ago). No how THEY live doesn't have to change, they just need to grow up and accept he is different. They can do whatever they want, they just shouldn't be able to tell him he can't. How would you feel if you were told you had to change, could you do it? If I started acting effeminate today and 3 months from now, my friends or family told me to stop? Yeah, I could do that. Nobody is saying he has to change his personality, he just has to change his behaviors, which are completely within his ability to change. But if the behaviors are a part of that personality, it's not fair to expect him to have to change it cause you don't like it. He needs to be allowed to be who he is. Simple as that.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Sat 12/03/11 01:19 AM
Her son might be straight or he might be gay, either way, he'll find society more accepting if he fits in. That means moderating the feminine behaviors. Why should he have to change who he is cause a few people get offended? Such people need to learn to live and let live IMO. That seems lost on a lot of people anymore sadly. who you are is not a CONSTANT, you are professional(hopefully) at work and casual with family,,,,we adapt to the environment, as a form of survival on many levels behavior is constantly altered on some level depending upon situation and context,, its not a matter of anyone changing 'who they are',, they can behave a number of ways that are all equally part of 'who they are',, and who they are capable of becoming we are always becoming,, we never stop,,,and its a cultural mistake (in my opinion) to preach otherwise,, or to teach a 'who I am' definitive mentality to individuals

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 01:29 AM
But if the behaviors are a part of that personality, it's not fair to expect him to have to change it cause you don't like it. He needs to be allowed to be who he is. Simple as that. Behaviors can and should be changed to fit into society. People moderate their behaviors based on their current environment every day. You are being so open minded, that you are being ridiculous. Moderating behaviors to avoid bullying makes a hell of a lot more sense and is a lot more humane than saying "Act how you want and wait for the world to become more accepting." That is a completely batty expectation.

Ladylid2012 Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42269	Sat 12/03/11 06:20 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not.

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 11:19 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not.

Ladylid2012 Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42269	Sat 12/03/11 11:23 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not. be fake to fit into what others expect of you, or be yourself... roll your eyes all ya want..doesn't change the fact that we can choose.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Sat 12/03/11 11:24 AM
we can also choose not to 'limit' ourself into boxes of what we insist on 'being',,,,, we can choose to be much more complex than that,,,

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 11:24 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not. be fake to fit into what others expect of you, or be yourself... roll your eyes all ya want..doesn't change the fact that we can choose. Do you speak and act at work exactly like you do at home?

Ladylid2012 Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42269	Sat 12/03/11 11:30 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not. be fake to fit into what others expect of you, or be yourself... roll your eyes all ya want..doesn't change the fact that we can choose. Do you speak and act at work exactly like you do at home? The question doesn't really apply as far as what i do for work...

Ladylid2012 Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42269	Sat 12/03/11 11:31 AM
we can also choose not to 'limit' ourself into boxes of what we insist on 'being',,,,, we can choose to be much more complex than that,,, we are complex either way.. better to let others 'limit' us by being what they 'insist' we be? Maybe for you, not for me.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Sat 12/03/11 11:36 AM
we can also choose not to 'limit' ourself into boxes of what we insist on 'being',,,,, we can choose to be much more complex than that,,, we are complex either way.. better to let others 'limit' us by being what they 'insist' we be? Maybe for you, not for me. not at all, we have so many situations and environments in the course of our life sometimes we may travel abroad and speak another language, sometimes we may need to teach a lesson to a child and be serious, sometimes we may be hanging out and goof off each NEW experience, each additional behavior, is the OPPOSITE of a limitation we are not any ONE or TWO or even THREE Ways,, ALL the time,, we constantly adapt to environment and situation,, and behavior is too easily adjusted from situation to situation to let any ONE type of behavior define us in all situations,,,,

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 11:36 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not. be fake to fit into what others expect of you, or be yourself... roll your eyes all ya want..doesn't change the fact that we can choose. Do you speak and act at work exactly like you do at home? The question doesn't really apply as far as what i do for work... You know what I'm saying, don't skirt around the issue. People moderate their behaviors all of the time, it's part of being in a society. She's not asking him to do away with who he is, she just wants him to try to fit in in public. Kids kill themselves over being bullied. You need to move from fantasy land into the real world and realize that her son would be much better off moderating his behavior in public rather than waiting for the world to accept him.

Ladylid2012 Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42269	Sat 12/03/11 11:47 AM
Or we can choose to not conform to society and just be who we are. I think it's more difficult trying to be something your not. be fake to fit into what others expect of you, or be yourself... roll your eyes all ya want..doesn't change the fact that we can choose. Do you speak and act at work exactly like you do at home? The question doesn't really apply as far as what i do for work... You know what I'm saying, don't skirt around the issue. People moderate their behaviors all of the time, it's part of being in a society. She's not asking him to do away with who he is, she just wants him to try to fit in in public. Kids kill themselves over being bullied. You need to move from fantasy land into the real world and realize that her son would be much better off moderating his behavior in public rather than waiting for the world to accept him. I'm not skirting around the issue..if I don't want to talk with you, I won't. The question does not apply. I work for myself, just doesn't apply. I raised 3 children, I'm quite aware of how brutal the world can be when one doesn't 'fit in' Just because you don't agree with me doesn't mean I 'need' to move away from my thinking...

w0m4n Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 11247	Sat 12/03/11 04:28 PM
You are not going to change his sexual preferences no matter what you do, so accept him for who he is, show him the love you feel, and STOP worrying (I know moms heh) Honestly I am more afraid of parent who think they can fabricate the kid they want. 99% of sexual preference is biological, you are NOT going to change that. Also his affectations do not necessitate his preferences. ie, just because he seems a bit feminine does not mean he is not attracted to females. It may effect his ability to get intimate relationships (women tend to be attracted to masculine behavior), but he is YOUNG, he will figure that out as he goes. I would not stress it, many times its a function of how shy he is, and any attention by his mom about his affectations is only going to make him MORE insecure. What I have in mind is that him being gay will be an easy target of bullying, and we all know the figures and stats in terms of this issue. Gay bashing, bullying, mental, physical and emotional abuse that one can not be easily handled much more if it is a minor, which does not have the enough maturity and ability to cope with such harsh treatment. I wish that as a young child he can be spared by it, but the reality is that, "ignorance" about gay issues were still prevalent and kids his age will not completely understand what it was like to be one.

w0m4n Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 11247	Sat 12/03/11 04:39 PM
99% of sexual preference is biological There is no evidence to support this claim. Everything you posted is based on fallacious fact. If sexual orientation is based on a combination of genetics and upbringing, then the home environment could play a role in sexuality. But that's ignoring the OP issue! She's worried that her son's behavior (acting like a woman) is going to impact him socially. Surprisingly enough, gay men don't have to act like a woman, they can choose to act like a man. So her issue isn't sexual orientation (although she's not thrilled that he might be gay), but it is him fitting a social norm so that he avoids years of teasing and bullying. Thank you, you hit the nail right on it's head. I am more worried of him when he acts like a young lady because this will give other kids the reason to treat him differently and or shabbily and how all of these actions will affect him significantly.

Spidercmb Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 13137	Sat 12/03/11 04:41 PM
99% of sexual preference is biological There is no evidence to support this claim. Everything you posted is based on fallacious fact. If sexual orientation is based on a combination of genetics and upbringing, then the home environment could play a role in sexuality. But that's ignoring the OP issue! She's worried that her son's behavior (acting like a woman) is going to impact him socially. Surprisingly enough, gay men don't have to act like a woman, they can choose to act like a man. So her issue isn't sexual orientation (although she's not thrilled that he might be gay), but it is him fitting a social norm so that he avoids years of teasing and bullying. Thank you, you hit the nail right on it's head. I am more worried of him when he acts like a young lady because this will give other kids the reason to treat him differently and or shabbily and how all of these actions will affect him significantly. I know where you are coming from and I got your back.

w0m4n Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 11247	Sat 12/03/11 04:53 PM
99% of sexual preference is biological There is no evidence to support this claim. Everything you posted is based on fallacious fact. If sexual orientation is based on a combination of genetics and upbringing, then the home environment could play a role in sexuality. But that's ignoring the OP issue! She's worried that her son's behavior (acting like a woman) is going to impact him socially. Surprisingly enough, gay men don't have to act like a woman, they can choose to act like a man. So her issue isn't sexual orientation (although she's not thrilled that he might be gay), but it is him fitting a social norm so that he avoids years of teasing and bullying. behavior is certainly something that is to be adapted to the environment and something parents would do well to give children guidance on,,,I like what you say about that and I think that is her major concern too just like I dont wish my son to be walking around with his pants hanging off, or using vulgarity,, there are other BEHAVIORS that are unbecoming and will isolate him from opportunities,,,,and some of the over the top 'feminine' things are included in that category So true,I am just wondering if any of the parent here would just be so accepting and allow their minor son walk around cross-dressing, sport long flawless hair with make-up and all, glide like a ramp model and laugh like there's no tomorrow. It's always easily said than done, I hope we should be all honest to ourselves in how we are going to deal with it, when such situation happens to your own minor son.