Ever hear about the guy who said he'd give his right arm to be ambidextrous?

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?

He was caught buttering up his teacher.

Two cannibals (husband & wife) were having dinner.
The husband blurts out, "I HATE your mother!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The wife says, "Then just shut up and eat the vegetables!"

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down.

What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend?


Wiped his ***.

What's the definition of Trust?


Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

I've got a really good knock-knock joke, but YOU have to start it........

[RED]"THREE HORNY DOGS"[/RED]

British Bulldog, German Shepard, and a Chihuahua standing on the street corner...

Poodle walks by and says.."I'll let one of you boys "do" me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence"..

Bulldog says..."I hate liver and cheese"....Poodle says..."Nope, that won't work"...

Shepard says...."I love liver and cheese"..."Sorry says the Poodle, that won't work either"...

Chihuahua says...."Liver alone, cheese mine!!".....

GROAN!

Why is Sex Like Riding a Bike?

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.


Wow... Hi Leigh!

A piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him suspiciously.
"Sorry, I don't serve your kind here.", he says, so the piece of string walk out again.
He's sitting on the curb when he comes up with an idea. So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there.
The piece of string then walks back into the bar.
The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously and says "Hey, you're not that same piece of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

What's another name for a bra?



A booby trap!

I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

........ Aight, "Knock knock........"

Show me where Stalin is buried, and I'll show you a Communist plot.

No, but I have heard about the deer who is bambidextrous.