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| Topic: Need some Advice. What do I do about this girl? | |
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Met this girl about a month ago on another dating site
We had gone to the same school, and I knew her brother Anyways we go on some dates, hanging out, texting alot I eventually ask her if shed like to be exclusive. She says she would but that I'd have to ask her in person. ( I was on a trip at the time). She also says she knew she wanted to date me after the second date. Anyways fast forward a few days ago. Shes been real moody lately snapping at things I say, subtely trying to mock me, blaming me for stuff...and trying to make me jealous I ask her how she feels about us and If she still wants to be exclsuive. She says shes confused and thinks she rushed things and isn't sure she really does want to be exclusive. Anyways since then I havent seen her. She has texted me some but basically it was once trying to make me jealous ( she said she hung out with a guy friend one night) and basically pointless stuff I just dont know what to do. I really like her alot. Obviously to put up wih all this. If she was anyone else I would have ditched in a second. Its just like she Jekyll and Hyde. On a side note shes a virgin, never had a real bf. But I just dont know what to do. Sorry for the long read to lol |
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I am sorry to say that it sounds like she has other options that are captivating her attention leaving you to be a backup in case things don't work out.
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Unfortunately your probably right. I sort of dont want to believe it since she was so into me not that long ago. And I know I should just move on and chalk it up as a learning experience but its tough to do with her...idk why. Some of me thinks shes still intrested she was chatting to me tonight seeming more interested but like i said i dont know.
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I know she is young though ( a year younger than me) and emotional. and has had to deal with ******** in the past. She says shes not high maintanence but she efinitely is.
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AG as always is right.
You will have to let her go. Tell her that you understand that if she is not sure about being exclusive then you had better both move on. Do not try to date her occasionally and keep hoping. Hang out with your other friends and find some new girls to date. Then after a good long clean break if your paths happen to cross again....then you could see how you feel. There are millions of people out there and a lot of them will be a better match for you at this time. You don't want to be "the back up guy". |
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Your right I definitely don't. And as much as I dont want to believe it, thats probably what I'd become. I was planning on meeting with her in person one last time. And just explain how I felt and depending on that either move on or not. If she's going to keep acting the same though Im not going to stick around.
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Im sorry as well, but if she is jekll and hyde now she will be frankenstien later on,
 Honestly if someone wants you then they will not be jerking back and forwards,  Find someone who will be happy to love you and treat you like you are someone speical..  You deserve it. everyone does.  |
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I know I know. And Ive been telling myself all this stuff, I mean when you lay it out its hard to justify why I'd stick around. It's just...when she isn't like that, she's awesome I just love being around her. And I just dont understand how in literally one or two days someones feelings for you can completely change...I might be grasping here, but I think one reason for her behaviour might be because she hasnt ever really had a bf before. Like I literally took her on her first date. That maybe she has all these ideas how a perfect bf should be and how things should exactly be. Like the one time we went out bowling with her friends and she complained afterwards that I didnt show her enough affection like the other guys did to their girfriends. And I know the other guy she sort of dated was a pretty big *******, and I think maybe she feels if she shows weakness in the relationship shell get stepped all over again. But ike I said I dont know.
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Actually... Brother... Women don't always speak the same language as we do. What seems straight logically... Doesn't always speak the same on emotions, i.e. insecurity. Women love it when a guy is (confidently, and truly into her) guy, can tell her exactly HOW she makes him feel about HER. Meaning... Let it out. Tell her what she makes you FEEL like. What is going on inside your head. What involuntary actions within your body are affected by her. Heart, Head, Breathing, Temperature. Some women can only understand what they're putting themselves out there for. She may very well be looking for love. Yet... You're being very "Playerish/insecure"/ or vague by saying you want to "commit", or "take to the next level". Be a human being. Tell her if you can't stop thinking about her. Tell her that when you're close that your heart races, and you get choked up. It sounds like she's detaching from you cause you're not revealing enough about your feelings for her. To act like you're cool, or apathetic is asinine to finding real love. A "real man"... Will risk anything for what matters most in his life. I hope this helps you dude?
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Thanks alot. No that does help. And I guess I have sort of been questioning if I havent shown her how much I really care. Because I really do. I think after how shes been acting lately, that maybe Ive been afraid of opening up and putting myself out there and getting ridiculed. Not say thats what would happen...but I guess maybe Ive been nervous about it.
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Also I guess I dont know exactly how Id go about telling her how much I care for her. Im just worried she'll think Im being corny or just saying it to appease her. How would I do it and come off as totally sincere?
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Thanks alot. No that does help. And I guess I have sort of been questioning if I havent shown her how much I really care. Because I really do. I think after how shes been acting lately, that maybe Ive been afraid of opening up and putting myself out there and getting ridiculed. Not say thats what would happen...but I guess maybe Ive been nervous about it. Well... You'll never know until you truly put out that effort. The question you have to ask yourself is... Is she worth it all to you if you can see real happiness regardless of ridicule? Or are you just caught up in a spell based on your own ideals? If she truly matters enough to you, meaning more than most things can be backed up logically... Then you're geared up enough to take that risk that will make your head spin, and your stomach flip in the good way. |
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No and thats the thing. I really do like her that much. Any other girl by this point I would have said adios too.. But her its different. I figure Ill lay it on the line and tell her exactly how I feel. Que Sera Sera. I really wish I justhad a better gauge of where she was right now. I suppose I will once I tell her.
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No and thats the thing. I really do like her that much. Any other girl by this point I would have said adios too.. But her its different. I figure Ill lay it on the line and tell her exactly how I feel. Que Sera Sera. I really wish I justhad a better gauge of where she was right now. I suppose I will once I tell her. Hmm you could always write it down for her, that way she is not put on the spot and embarrassed, and nor are you.. But honestly be careful, you could very easily end up hurt. Normally when you see problems with someones behaviour it will always be there, and do you really want to put up with it. Sometimes we excuse things and end up really unhappy, even if it is with someone who we thought was great. Good Luck. |
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I smell lack of interest.
It is not like you are a random unknown to her. You ask her direct questions and she answers them She's tested you...and challenged you....and I suspect got a load of feedback from her girlfriends on what you are or aren't doing. I suspect she is not anywhere near ready for a committed relationship, and may have fallen into the idea of it with you...and now is unable to sustain the follow through. The great thing about life is...you may cross paths again down the track, and it may all look very different for both of you. It also sounds like you want this more than she does. |
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Thanks I appreciate the advice. I know I could get hurt putting myself out there...but at this point Id rather she knew how I felt about her and get rejected than her not knowing. And I do realize she may not be ready for commitment. But Id rather find out now, then continue on for a while more guessing and wasting both our time. I think she is young and probably pretty emotional, she doesnt do a good job of communicating when something upsets her. But anyways I guess Il find it where she stands.
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The idea that she has been through some !!!! in her life and has just gotten out of a relationship with an A!!!!!!, makes me feel that she is not ready for another relationship. She wants one. But does not want to trust again. So when she starts feeling close to someone she acts out to spoil things.
My advise would be run like hell till she gets her life straightened out. Then MAYBE see he again. |
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hi ya, think it could be the fact that you met online. sometimes when people meet online it can cause some to become very insecure that the other is still checking out other women or men and sometimes the overwhelming insecurity causes them to walk away rather than have you try to convince them that your not on the internet when she's at home. can be really difficult for some to trust a person they have met online. really hope it works out for you one way or the other, you sound like a great guy xxxxxxxxxxx
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Thanks for the kind words. I dont think its going to work out...at least not at this moment. I thought today maybe she was changing becoming that nice girl I knew before. Haha nope. She's still playing the same games and trying to make me feel stupid. I think im just going to tell her how I realy like her, but this whole situaution is not working. She obviously is not serious about commitment and shes not mature enough to treat me with respect. Its too bad but thats just how it is. I know shes not going to own up to anything I say, and I really dont care. Hopefully if anything she'll think about it and maybe change. Im pretty sure she's exploring other guys too....I mean people don't usually change their minds about being in a exclusive relationship and then become cold and distant if they aren't seeing other options. It hurts but at least Im not going to be pulled along anymore. Lol I guess don't hate the player hate the game. But yea thats my mini rant. Thanks all for the advice.
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Met this girl about a month ago on another dating site We had gone to the same school, and I knew her brother Anyways we go on some dates, hanging out, texting alot I eventually ask her if shed like to be exclusive. She says she would but that I'd have to ask her in person. ( I was on a trip at the time). She also says she knew she wanted to date me after the second date. Anyways fast forward a few days ago. Shes been real moody lately snapping at things I say, subtely trying to mock me, blaming me for stuff...and trying to make me jealous I ask her how she feels about us and If she still wants to be exclsuive. She says shes confused and thinks she rushed things and isn't sure she really does want to be exclusive. Anyways since then I havent seen her. She has texted me some but basically it was once trying to make me jealous ( she said she hung out with a guy friend one night) and basically pointless stuff I just dont know what to do. I really like her alot. Obviously to put up wih all this. If she was anyone else I would have ditched in a second. Its just like she Jekyll and Hyde. On a side note shes a virgin, never had a real bf. But I just dont know what to do. Sorry for the long read to lol well if she's never had a boyfriend before she will be learning how to behave with her first - or first few boyfriends - she doesn't know the ropes and you have to decide how long you are willing to wait until she decides if she wants to be exclusive Quite honestly (TBH) she doesn't have the experience to know when she has a good thing in a boyfriend. If other guys have been hitting on her a lot she prolly is confused like a kid in a candy shop trying figure out what she wants. There's not much you can do except be a friend to her and don't expect things to happen overnight. IME good men are the exception not the rule -let her shop a little - might help her realize who the good guy is & satisfy her curiousity. You want her confident with her choice if she chooses you - best of luck I know that's prolly not that helpful - it's just how it looks to me - this female's perspective |
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