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| Topic: Need some Advice. What do I do about this girl? | |
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Thanks for the kind words. I dont think its going to work out...at least not at this moment. I thought today maybe she was changing becoming that nice girl I knew before. Haha nope. She's still playing the same games and trying to make me feel stupid. I think im just going to tell her how I realy like her, but this whole situaution is not working. She obviously is not serious about commitment and shes not mature enough to treat me with respect. Its too bad but thats just how it is. I know shes not going to own up to anything I say, and I really dont care. Hopefully if anything she'll think about it and maybe change. Im pretty sure she's exploring other guys too....I mean people don't usually change their minds about being in a exclusive relationship and then become cold and distant if they aren't seeing other options. It hurts but at least Im not going to be pulled along anymore. Lol I guess don't hate the player hate the game. But yea thats my mini rant. Thanks all for the advice. well I wrote my 1st post before seeing this - FYI |
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Edited by
wux
on
Sun 04/24/11 03:00 PM
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If I could give advice, which I believe is impossible in this situation, it would be the following:
1. Love is caprice herself. You can't, nobody can, precipitate it, or make it happen willfully. Not in another, not in yourself. It is there or it is not, and that's that. 2. Love is caprice herself. Nobody can extinguish his or her love for another willfully. Nobody can extinguish another's love for a person, either. Can't be done. This in and by itself is a really bad thing, but not the absolute worst. There is a silver lining to every cloud, there is some good in everything that is bad. An unrequited love can potentially torture a person for the rest of his or her life, but on the upside, were the situation different, there would be fewer plays, movies, books, and songs. If I were you, I would start painting or writing or something. Even if I were not you, which I am not, when you think about it, I still do that. Losing love lamenting, love's labour's lost, lovers' leap, it's all heartache, sometimes only one in your life, but you will carry it to the grave. And that's the good thing about it. |
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Yea I appreciate that post. I agree Im sure she's kind of feeling her way trying to figure it all out. She's also always been self conscious about her weight( shes not fat) and I think recently guys have been showing more interest in her. So its given her a sort of confidence boost and in turn she's feels like she has options? Idk its hard to explain. But yea I actually ended up talking to her today. And she explained that lately every little thing has been annoying her not just from me, but like her best friend she hasnt talked too in a week. She says shes been under alot of stress and is having trouble coping. Its her first year in uni and finals are tougher for her than she realized they'd be I think. Idk maybe after school, which is done this week things might improve. She seemed a litte more positive and apologetic after we talked.. I just dont know. Id love for this to go well but yea its still unsure for me.
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Edited by
MrDolla
on
Sun 04/24/11 03:05 PM
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@Wux
you are definitely right when you say no one can extinguish someone's love for another person. I think thats my biggest issue right now. Because I really do like her, even with all this nonsense. Its funny you mention expressing emotions in another outlet though. I just started keeping more of a journal. It does seem to help with these issues. lol never been much of a painter but I might have to give that a try as well. |
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Yea I appreciate that post. I agree Im sure she's kind of feeling her way trying to figure it all out. She's also always been self conscious about her weight( shes not fat) and I think recently guys have been showing more interest in her. So its given her a sort of confidence boost and in turn she's feels like she has options? Idk its hard to explain. But yea I actually ended up talking to her today. And she explained that lately every little thing has been annoying her not just from me, but like her best friend she hasnt talked too in a week. She says shes been under alot of stress and is having trouble coping. Its her first year in uni and finals are tougher for her than she realized they'd be I think. Idk maybe after school, which is done this week things might improve. She seemed a litte more positive and apologetic after we talked.. I just dont know. Id love for this to go well but yea its still unsure for me.  {{{hugs}}} - it may be unsure for sometime - even under the best of circumstances, it takes time to really get to know someone TBH - I think the biggest mistake people make in relationships is to rush them. If you stay together into the future there may be many more times when the 2 of you are not ready or at the same place together as the relationship evolves that is often perceived as a problem but it is actually quite normal. how the 2 people (the couple) handles that can be very telling - yanno how u work it out together it sounds like she is trying to cooperate & be honest....there are worse things than that -just a thought |
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Just go out and tap some strange.
 
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Edited by
EasternSquirrel
on
Mon 04/25/11 12:54 PM
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Perhaps I misread a post in there somewhere ....
she's virgin and been around a few times???????? That's bs and it stinks. Chalk it up and preserve yourself before you con yourself into doing anything you're going to regret. I sense there is a hell of a lot more going on behind the lines than you realize. Don't be ignorant. You're not going to change her behavior anymore than you can force the sun to rise or fall. Buck up and start being smart. |
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I've known girls like that ... never talked since.
Sounds like she'll be a lot of work if it does go anywhere and maybe even unfaithful. From my experience. |
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@dhska
Yea? And thats the thing is I dont want to be putting in a ton of work just for something like her fooing around to happen. What are some similarities you see, that you've had. If you don't mind me asking? @EasternSquirrel Sorry for the confusion. she is a virgin. Which I do believe, I knew what type of girl she was in highschool and her parents are kind of strict eastern european lol so there not just letting her get away with whatever. That being said she's never had a real bf. She had one guy she talked too that lived a while away, but i dont think they ever met. And another guy she hung out with some, a few years ago but he was kind of a jerk I guess and ended up leaving. |
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Kind of an update. So Ive been talking to her some more. And I told her my position how I did like her and am still open to dating. She told me she has a really good time with me but she has too hangout some more before she can make a decision. She said in September she had promised herself not to get into a relationship unless she was a 100 percent sure she wanted to be in it. To avoid getting hurt or hurting the other person. And she explained that she got kind of caught up when we initially started going out and coupled with her friends asking if we were dating. She hastily agreed too.... So I dont know. We agreed to hangout this coming week, and she seems open to the idea of a relationship. She said she'll be able to think clearer after finals are done. Im willing to see if it leads anywhere, but Im also going to keep my options open just in case.
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Thanks I appreciate the advice. I know I could get hurt putting myself out there...but at this point Id rather she knew how I felt about her and get rejected than her not knowing. And I do realize she may not be ready for commitment. But Id rather find out now, then continue on for a while more guessing and wasting both our time. I think she is young and probably pretty emotional, she doesnt do a good job of communicating when something upsets her. But anyways I guess Il find it where she stands. Wow, Good on Ya, you are a fair dinkum Bloke and I think thats great.. Nothin that is quiet as annoying as someone beating around the bush.. Best of luck for you both. |
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//i think deep inside you already know the answer,doing something about it is a whole nother story..but you can see the course it's already taking in such a short time..cut your losses ..before theres too much time invested and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them..in the end i feel you will be a lot happier..jmo.. 
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Actually... Brother... Women don't always speak the same language as we do. What seems straight logically... Doesn't always speak the same on emotions, i.e. insecurity. Women love it when a guy is (confidently, and truly into her) guy, can tell her exactly HOW she makes him feel about HER. Meaning... Let it out. Tell her what she makes you FEEL like. What is going on inside your head. What involuntary actions within your body are affected by her. Heart, Head, Breathing, Temperature. Some women can only understand what they're putting themselves out there for. She may very well be looking for love. Yet... You're being very "Playerish/insecure"/ or vague by saying you want to "commit", or "take to the next level". Be a human being. Tell her if you can't stop thinking about her. Tell her that when you're close that your heart races, and you get choked up. It sounds like she's detaching from you cause you're not revealing enough about your feelings for her. To act like you're cool, or apathetic is asinine to finding real love. A "real man"... Will risk anything for what matters most in his life. I hope this helps you dude? Yes, I totally agree. |
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Edited by
MrDolla
on
Mon 04/25/11 10:05 PM
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Yea Im starting to realize you really need to be open. Talk about how you actually feel. Or you can come off disconnected or uninterested, when in fact it could be the exact opposite. Lol I guess there is something to the whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus :p
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Edited by
dhska
on
Tue 04/26/11 11:07 AM
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@dhska Yea? And thats the thing is I dont want to be putting in a ton of work just for something like her fooing around to happen. What are some similarities you see, that you've had. If you don't mind me asking? I think Jess642 put it well. Can't remember how old she is, though I get the impression she's going to be changing a lot within the next 5 years or so and be going through some quarter life crisis stuff. The experience I had personally with the girl I briefly saw was she was seeing other guys and trying to incite jealously, as well as play them against each other. Good thing I got out as soon as I did ... Just my bad experience though. I'm open to the fact that what whatstheirname said might just apply, although I doubt it in this case by the sounds. Actually... Brother... Women don't always speak the same language as we do. What seems straight logically... Doesn't always speak the same on emotions, i.e. insecurity. Women love it when a guy is (confidently, and truly into her) guy, can tell her exactly HOW she makes him feel about HER. Meaning... Let it out. Tell her what she makes you FEEL like. What is going on inside your head. What involuntary actions within your body are affected by her. Heart, Head, Breathing, Temperature. Some women can only understand what they're putting themselves out there for. She may very well be looking for love. Yet... You're being very "Playerish/insecure"/ or vague by saying you want to "commit", or "take to the next level". Be a human being. Tell her if you can't stop thinking about her. Tell her that when you're close that your heart races, and you get choked up. It sounds like she's detaching from you cause you're not revealing enough about your feelings for her. To act like you're cool, or apathetic is asinine to finding real love. A "real man"... Will risk anything for what matters most in his life. I hope this helps you dude?
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Yea Im starting to realize you really need to be open. Talk about how you actually feel. Or you can come off disconnected or uninterested, when in fact it could be the exact opposite. Lol I guess there is something to the whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus :p Yep, I mean it could backfire, but at least then you'll know. Just put it all out on the table. If she says she is not really digging you anymore, well, then you can move on. If she was interested in you at some point, as she says, you have nothing to lose, but to gain some clarification. (either way) |
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I don't think this gal was ever all that interested in you but just likes the attention you direct toward her and her moody changeable drama.
I also think you are enraptured in the idea that she is a virgin and if you found out that was bogus you would loose interest fast. For everyones best interest drop this see-saw relationship before the drama blows up in your face. Or you actually do get in her pants and she comes up preggars which would be very predictable with someone so indecisive and insecure about what she wants. That you can't take a hint and drop this relationship when she has repeatedly said not all that interested makes me think you might want to have yourself evaluated for misdirected obsession since you should be past adolecent crushes. |
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Yea Im starting to realize you really need to be open. Talk about how you actually feel. Or you can come off disconnected or uninterested, when in fact it could be the exact opposite. Lol I guess there is something to the whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus :p you have to say what u really feel & be yourself because she has to want you for that person - the real you I like the way you're giving her some space to make a decision, and at the same time keeping tabs on your own esteem
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Sorry, but i don't get why she is sticking around, if she doesn't know what she wants. Why shouldn't you be able to go looking for a girl who DOES know what she wants? I smell a rat. Why keep you hanging on like that? Incase she suddenly decides she wants you. Life doesn't work that way. If you've already found a new woman, by the time she may want you back, then it's her own fault for not wanting to commit to you sooner.
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Someone having options in a relationship= Warning sign
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