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| Topic: Women in abusive relationships | |
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How many times of leaving does it take before they leave for good? If you were in a situation yourself, how many times of leaving did it take you before you left for good? What was it that made you leave and not go back?
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Sun 04/17/11 04:47 AM
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How many times of leaving does it take before they leave for good? If you were in a situation yourself, how many times of leaving did it take you before you left for good? What was it that made you leave and not go back? lack of remorse, true remorse requires change (in my opinion). apologies that arent followed by a change are pointless and worhtless. My first husband and I had a rihanna/chris brown type of night once. I went to the hospital and all. He had never hurt me like that before and never did again after. He said he was sorry and meant it, he went to all the counseling and we never ever had that problem again. Unfortunately, a new problem of infidelity began when we moved back near his 'buddies' and his sorries lost steam the third time around when they were so obviously not going to be accompanied by any change in his infidelities. Thats when I left and didnt look back. In hindsight, I may have left too soon, without trying all possible avenues of repair,,, But thats life. |
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Edited by
josie68
on
Sun 04/17/11 05:14 AM
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I gues it depends onyour back ground and your own personality..
For me, I was a young girl, with children, who went to church and was told that you had to stick by your husband.. I left on more than one occasion and was told to go back by the church leaders, that if I lived a good life he would change..  When I finally left it was becasue he had punched my 11 year old in the face, When he went out, we packed the car and drove. We went and stayed with friends, after 18 months and heaps of counciling and him giving up drugs and alcohol, we where remarried, the kids where really happy and content with this. After 6 months he went back to the same things. I finally left again after he threatened to kill my son. Why do we stay, I have no idea. I once had a good friend who was a head doctor tell me its a little like being a frog. If you drop a frog in cold water and slowly let it boil, he will stay there until it is to late to fight and he will die. But if you drop him straight into the boiling water he puts up a fight and tries to get out. Well sometimes its the same for a women, at first its not to bad and as it slowely gets worse you hardly notice until all of a sudden you are living in hell and have no idea how you ended up there. Thankfully we came out of it ok, But the courts did give my children back to their Dad on a shared basis as they could see no immediate danger to them, after he bashed one until he was knocked out, they put an order on him to keep him away form the childre. He threatened to shoot them if they ever contacted him again. Anyway, he does not see them anymore, although he does ring every now and then. But hasnt turned up here yet. eventually he will as he cannot let go of his control of me. So for anyone stuck in it now... I would say it will never ever change, only get worse. so do what ever you need to .. Ok that was a little long . Sorry about that. 
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Once a beater, always a beater...I say. If they did it once, they can do it again. I don't care if it happend once, it should have never happened in the first place. Men who abuse women verbally and/or physically make me sick. There is no excuse for a man to raise his hand to a woman.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. This is just fact, as I have seen it so many times all around in my life. I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on. If they do it once, they can or will do it again. In either case, I don't think 2nd chances should be given, especially when it comes to abuse. |
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How many times of leaving does it take before they leave for good? If you were in a situation yourself, how many times of leaving did it take you before you left for good? What was it that made you leave and not go back? lack of remorse, true remorse requires change (in my opinion). apologies that arent followed by a change are pointless and worhtless. My first husband and I had a rihanna/chris brown type of night once. I went to the hospital and all. He had never hurt me like that before and never did again after. He said he was sorry and meant it, he went to all the counseling and we never ever had that problem again. Unfortunately, a new problem of infidelity began when we moved back near his 'buddies' and his sorries lost steam the third time around when they were so obviously not going to be accompanied by any change in his infidelities. Thats when I left and didnt look back. In hindsight, I may have left too soon, without trying all possible avenues of repair,,, But thats life. IDK, three times seems like you were more than fair with him. I gues it depends onyour back ground and your own personality.. For me, I was a young girl, with children, who went to church and was told that you had to stick by your husband.. I left on more than one occasion and was told to go back by the church leaders, that if I lived a good life he would change.. When I finally left it was becasue he had punched my 11 year old in the face, When he went out, we packed the car and drove. We went and stayed with friends, after 18 months and heaps of counciling and him giving up drugs and alcohol, we where remarried, the kids where really happy and content with this. After 6 months he went back to the same things. I finally left again after he threatened to kill my son. Why do we stay, I have no idea. I once had a good friend who was a head doctor tell me its a little like being a frog. If you drop a frog in cold water and slowly let it boil, he will stay there until it is to late to fight and he will die. But if you drop him straight into the boiling water he puts up a fight and tries to get out. Well sometimes its the same for a women, at first its not to bad and as it slowely gets worse you hardly notice until all of a sudden you are living in hell and have no idea how you ended up there. Thankfully we came out of it ok, But the courts did give my children back to their Dad on a shared basis as they could see no immediate danger to them, after he bashed one until he was knocked out, they put an order on him to keep him away form the childre. He threatened to shoot them if they ever contacted him again. Anyway, he does not see them anymore, although he does ring every now and then. But hasnt turned up here yet. eventually he will as he cannot let go of his control of me. So for anyone stuck in it now... I would say it will never ever change, only get worse. so do what ever you need to .. Ok that was a little long . Sorry about that. Don't be sorry, your post was perfect, thanks. 
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The trouble here, is that often, women mistake cruelty, rudeness and agression.....for strength. They are attracted by this mistake and that's how they wind up in abusive relationships.
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My estranged husband attempted to lay his hands on me but I never let him. I was loved by my father so much he did not even lift a finger on me so I always feel it would be so wrong for any guy to abuse me. Needless to say, this guy I married had a psychological problem I didn't notice at first but he truly loved me even asked for my help for him to change. It took us 7 years of marriage before I left him and only because he hurt our young son in a bad way. We were separated for 2 years but thinking I might have not done my best to help him then, I gave it another try and had him for another 3 years. Things went the same and even bad coz our son has grown up and he beat him like a mature man.
Despite us not losing our love for each other during that time, I decided to ask him to leave and stay away from us. This time without regrets on my part as I know I tried giving him the chance and help he needed so there's no turning back. A final decision has already been made for the safety of my young children. |
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The trouble here, is that often, women mistake cruelty, rudeness and agression.....for strength Good comment, but incomplete. Many women also seek drama and excitement. Abusive men tend to make life very exciting and dramatic.
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Well, I wasn't asking why they stay, but more seeking some insight as to how many times it takes them to leave before they finally do, and what it is that gives them the strength to make the final decision and stick to it.
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Picky, picky, picky
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How many times of leaving does it take before they leave for good? If you were in a situation yourself, how many times of leaving did it take you before you left for good? What was it that made you leave and not go back? 
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The trouble here, is that often, women mistake cruelty, rudeness and agression.....for strength Good comment, but incomplete. Many women also seek drama and excitement. Abusive men tend to make life very exciting and dramatic. I guess the right thing to say is, some of the usually sensible women tend to suddenly have an aversion to reasoning when in love.   I know... I know... that's silly but true 
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The trouble here, is that often, women mistake cruelty, rudeness and agression.....for strength Good comment, but incomplete. Many women also seek drama and excitement. Abusive men tend to make life very exciting and dramatic. I can't see how being abused is exciting. Or why any woman would stay at all. |
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Different women=different reasons.
Financial reasons (they don't want to be homeless with their kids and may be if they leave), fear of retaliation, low self esteem, drug abuse, stupidity, etc. There are many, many reasons that can apply to different women. |
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can't see how being abused is exciting. You would find it boring? |
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can't see how being abused is exciting. You would find it boring? I knew a woman who was addicted to the drama of it. It's rare, but it's out there. |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Sun 04/17/11 08:18 AM
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How many times of leaving does it take before they leave for good? If you were in a situation yourself, how many times of leaving did it take you before you left for good? What was it that made you leave and not go back? Actually, my ex only hit me once and I had him removed from my own home. Not only did I have him arrested; but also went to court to testify. It was not exciting when he hit me; it was very painful. |
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How many times of leaving does it take before they leave for good? If you were in a situation yourself, how many times of leaving did it take you before you left for good? What was it that made you leave and not go back? It took one time totage, and I walked. One threat on my life. People often do not get 2 chances. Once an abuser, always an abuser. |
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Stayed with a narcissist for almost 26 years for the sake of my kids
need I say more? and no -he displayed no traits when I met an married him... 
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It was not exciting when he hit me; From Thesaurus. com Main Entry: excite
Part of Speech: verb Definition: inspire; upset Synonyms: accelerate, agitate, amaze, anger, animate, annoy, arouse, astound, awaken, bother, chafe, delight, discompose, disturb, electrify, elicit, energize, evoke, feed the fire, fire, fluster, foment, galvanize, goad, incite, induce, inflame, infuriate, instigate, intensify, irritate, jar, jolt, kindle, madden, mock, move, offend, precipitate, provoke, quicken, rouse, start, stimulate, stir up, taunt, tease, thrill, titillate, touch off, vex, wake up, waken, warm, whet, work up, worry Antonyms: bore, calm, compose, deaden, lull, moderate, pacify, quiet, repress, tranquilize |
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