Actually, my ex only hit me once and I had him removed from my own home. Not only did I have him arrested; but also went to court to testify. It was not exciting when he hit me; it was very painful.

yeah, I think its kind of a cliche, the whole idea that someone who does ANYTHING once cant change and will always do that same thing,, is kind of nonsensical to me

some people can and do change, and others dont,,,there are no absolutes really

To me it wasn't that I thought he wouldn't change but I just didn't trust him anymore. I did forgive him but would not take him back into my life. I agree that there are no absolutes and there would be a 50/50 chance that he would have hit me.

loss of trust is a big whammy, surefire way to kill a relationship/romance

Good comment, but incomplete. Many women also seek drama and excitement. Abusive men tend to make life very exciting and dramatic.

Well, I wasn't asking why they stay, but more seeking some insight as to how many times it takes them to leave before they finally do, and what it is that gives them the strength to make the final decision and stick to it.

Oh my gosh that is absolutely ridiculous.

Have you ever had a 300 pound fully muscled man tell you he would kill your children if you left, have you ever had your phones disconnected and your car disabled so it wouldnt run and you couldnt leave.
Have you ever been in a position where you know you have absolutely no control over anyting.
Have you ever evere ever been totally helpless.
You have absolutely no idea what a women in that position feels.

There is absolutely nothing exciting about being threatened and abused,

Oh my gosh that is absolutely ridiculous.

Have you ever had a 300 pound fully muscled man tell you he would kill your children if you left, have you ever had your phones disconnected and your car disabled so it wouldnt run and you couldnt leave.
Have you ever been in a position where you know you have absolutely no control over anyting.
Have you ever evere ever been totally helpless.
You have absolutely no idea what a women in that position feels.

There is absolutely nothing exciting about being threatened and abused,

I think thats what he was saying,,,

Not exactly. Again:

{quote]Main Entry: excite
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: inspire; upset
Synonyms: accelerate, agitate, amaze, anger, animate, annoy, arouse, astound, awaken, bother, chafe, delight, discompose, disturb, electrify, elicit, energize, evoke, feed the fire, fire, fluster, foment, galvanize, goad, incite, induce, inflame, infuriate, instigate, intensify, irritate, jar, jolt, kindle, madden, mock, move, offend, precipitate, provoke, quicken, rouse, start, stimulate, stir up, taunt, tease, thrill, titillate, touch off, vex, wake up, waken, warm, whet, work up, worry
Antonyms: bore, calm, compose, deaden, lull, moderate, pacify, quiet, repress, tranquilize[

I think you have to get to a point where you have no choice..
For me it was knowing that if I stayed one of us would end up dead,
So his threats where no worse then the reality.

Well, she doesn't care if he does kill her, which he would. She really doesn't even care about the kids much either. I do think she's slowly getting there though. I guess we'll just have to see.

Oh my gosh that is absolutely ridiculous.

Have you ever had a 300 pound fully muscled man tell you he would kill your children if you left, have you ever had your phones disconnected and your car disabled so it wouldnt run and you couldnt leave.
Have you ever been in a position where you know you have absolutely no control over anyting.
Have you ever evere ever been totally helpless.
You have absolutely no idea what a women in that position feels.

There is absolutely nothing exciting about being threatened and abused,

I've had my phone and car disabled,
various objects thrown at me,
stalked at my job, had his 'friends' stalk me, had my phone and computer hacked...etc... I waited until my kids were all 18 and out of the house- I had to make sure they were safe and able to function on their own...and they are thank God

Sadly if you have a friend in that position, without she decides to leave for herself, there is nothing you can do..
Honestly even after we had left, my kids still wanted me to go back to their Dad, people dont understand that even though it is a horrid spot to be in , somhow it is also what you are used to and that makes it safe in a sick sort of way..

What does she have to leave to, and if she leaves what is he going to do.

My ex took my children from me, he went to church and appeared to be seeking help and had the churches support, they went to court with him to say that they would help him with the children, and the courts let him have them as I had moved 4000ks away to get them away from him..
I had to move back just to be allowed to have them 50/ 50 as the courts could see no immediate danger to the children..

So its not always easy to just walk away as often it can put you through years of struggle.

We where lucky and are still safe, but it doesnt always work out. My kids are pretty balanced, and still laugh through life, but not all kids are as lucky.

Sadly, she is a very weak person. She does have some problems such as depression, but she does not properly take care herself, though we have tried to help her, she has been to doctors and such, but since being with this abuser she has not cared for herself, he even prevents her from getting help.

Her kids are still young, so hopefully she gets out, get help for herself, and her kids.

She did go to Someplace Safe, which is like a shelter I guess, but she went back to the abuse for some reason. I'm hoping that her atleast going was a good sign that she may be getting out of the situation soon.