was still thinking about the hot little pink power ranger that he was

trying to bang earlier and didn't get to. Since he had a perpetual

boner all day long he thought he'd knock a piece off of the old broad.

So he helped the hag get comfortable and started to un- botton her

moo moo and as it slid off her wrinkled, skinny body she popped out

her teeth, licked her lips and said 'c'mere ya big ole huggie bear,

granny has a surprise for ya' and what happened next shocked the horny

as hell bear, he....

couldn't believe what big lips she had, or what a long tongue she had, or what a... Just then the Big Bad Wolf came in and started snapping pictures for his journal report for the monthly news. He had procrastinated getting a story, but figured he lucked out when he heard all the bombs going off, so he rushed to the scene and found the hag and the bear, but this wasn't just any scandal, the hag...

Was Brittany Spears is disguise and she didn't want her picture plastered all over the tabloids with a bear, ewwwwwwww
so she

... did what any respected celebrity woud do, she did him too. Now it was on like Donkey Kong. While they were goin at it like a chicken on a junebug the itsy bitsy spider took advantage of the situation before him, and seized the camera and began to snap shots. He got a bunch of them.

As the itsy bitsy spider made his way to sell the pics to a gentleman by the name of Bemis Eberhard, he skipped and hopped along with excitement, as he knew he was gonna get paid. When the itsy bitsy arrived, and handed Mr. Eberhard the pics, The distinguished gentleman promptly told him...

"While these are spectacular photographs, I am willing to make you an offer. An outrageously benificial offer, but it's not money. It's..."

"my wife...I haven't been able to satisfy her as of late and she has always had a crush on you. You don't have to keep her" he said.."just service her and get her to calm down some."

The itsy bitsy was stunned and told the distinguished gentleman...

you must be joking, right? Did you know your wife is on Google, listed on a porn site named Thick and Wrinkled Housewives? They call her Teresa "MiLF and Cookies" Eberhard. But what I'd like to know is...

who ate all me lucky charms!"

Itsy bitsy pulled a gun from the harness on his sixth leg and aimed it at Eberhard's head.

"GIMME THE MONEY!"

Mr. Eberhard, shaking, threw it too him and said....

WTF does a spider need money for? You rotten little......

insect wannabe, now get that damn thing outta my face!!"

But Itsy wasn't pleased. The gun fired, and for some reason....

exploded into cotton candy. A sick wind blew through this disquieting scene and left its onlookers with...

the "Mad Cow" infection, turning them into zombies! Every person they came into contact with....

started mooing and licking themselves. Then they all went to....

be milked....and

... soaked in gasoline. It wasn't for the fact that gas is an accelerant, but simply because the fumes are sometimes used to alleviate the symptoms of Angry Cow Disease.

Angry cow people's milk has the distinct flavor of an onion patch, and let me tell you, once infected 'they' are very insecure about the flavor of their milk. The insecurity then passes onto the brains of unsuspeting victims who usually...

drink lattes at Starbucks along with their

imaginary friends that tease them about being overly sensitive because they can't control their tear ducks, kangaroos, or kinky...

desire they all have to sniff each others butt when they meet for the first time. They wondered ..hmmm, what would it be like to shake 'hoofs' instead of sniff butt??? I've heard it's kinda like

eating at Taco Bell which.....

leaves people reaching for the...

roll of toilet paper and a...