Spanking teaches that to get respect and get others to do what you want, you beat them.

When really you do not get respect only fear and disresect and you cannot make others do what you want (domestic violence, child abuse, war, etc) with violence.

Or , it teaches that there are (unpleasant) consequences to some inexcusable behaviors. I never thought I could beat anyone as I imagine someone who was actually BEAT might, and certainly never crossed my mind to go around spanking(smacking a well padded behind with a much less padded hand) folks...

with my children though, spanking has been a consequence of certain bad behavior as much as hugs and kisses and a special treat have been rewards for certain good behavior.

Theres a BIG difference between a spanking and a beating. Ive had both.

It isnt really about getting someone to do what you want. Like it has been stated before, its about consequences. Time out doesnt work. Grounding doesnt work. Taking something away doesnt work. i never liked to spank my children and I can tell you they were never beaten or abused in any way. But after a couple times of realizing Mom was serious about this spanking stuff...I too only had to give them a certain look and they knew. My youngest is now 11 and i cant even remember the last spanking she got. And all of my children are happy , well adjusted, people.

different things work for different people, In fairness, time out works for some, grounding works for some,, even talking works for a SMALL few, but in other cases spanking works. I think people should stick to what works in their family as long as its balanced with love, consistency ,and positive reinforcement of all things positive,,,,,,,its all good.

Positive renforcement and negative renforcement tend to collide when it comes to children. I gave up on spanking because all it seemed to install was fear. Fear of being hit, fear of doing anything creative because it may or may not be seen as offensive and fear of the parent themself. That was something that I never wanted my children to have with me so instead of taking from my mother's tactics when we were small (may she rest in peace), I took from my father's book instead.

Swearing (and yes we all do it): Lead by example. If you swear then your children will see it as only natural and swear as well, so it's harder for them to stop if you won't. Teach them what the word means so that there is no ignorance involved if it is used and can be dealt with approperatly. Make a swear jar that they have to place a quarter into every time they swear and you too. Show them that it's although unacceptable to swear that even parents have conciquences.

Temper Tantrums: Even as adults we sulk and storm off when we are angry and just need alone time. The same applies to any child. They want to be seen and heard and because they can't always communicate the same way that we do or see things on the same level they are prone to horribly frustrating fits of rage. Think first as they are screaming; Why are they upset? What would I do in the same situation? What do I need to calm down? (I don't know one person who doesn't loose their temper once in a while) Take the child aside, keep your tone as neutral as possible (don't get mad! This is the key!Don't show that your angry or happy with the behaviour, just disapointment if anything) and escort them away from the situation that had them so upset for some much needed time to themselves to think and just calm down. Even teens need that same space. After they have calmed down enough where they can be talked to, ask what happened, explain that it's okay to be angry but there are better outlits for it and give some examples. (I use this method on my own children and it works.Even with my oldest daughter who is ADHD and prone to fits of rage because she has a speach delay and most people can't understand her)

Sibbling Rivalry or Bullying:This is something that no matter how hard we try to protect them from, happens. Jelousy, miscommunication, different privelages and ways of being raised between parents or just that need to lash out on someone else because your in pain. Kids fight over everything and most often lash out with violence so stopping the behaviour before it starts is good way to avoid more heartache. my daughters fight over toys and clothes and time with me and who gets to use the bathroom first or play video games first. So I time them on the game, make them take turns or play a two player game. When they start to get upset then the game goes off until they are able to calm down and play nice again. When they fight over toys it's corner time. 5 min of silence and then a talk with them each individually to see how they feel and why they are angry or sad. When they fight over clothes it's usually as easy as letting them see other options for what to wear, comprimising so that even though neither are super happy with it, that they can agree that next time they can trade. My 6 year old now is discovering bullies but I have taken active steps to not only speak to the teachers about the situation and keep it closely monitered but to keep a note book of every incident and ask my daughter every day what has all happened in her school day. If it happens once it is too much and must be stopped where it starts and I take the time to talk to the parents and the accused child as well. (sometimes this helps as well because there are always two sides to the story)[1] Tell the teacher [2] Get away from the situation. [3] Tell a parent.

Methods that my dad used that didn't involve violence of any kind to resolve problems;

-- Consistancy: Whatever punishments or rewards that you give, follow through with and keep up. A child learns that is how things are supposed to be and will react better than random punishments and privilages. (example; If my daughter is good for the walk to school and the walk home we go to the cookie club at Sobeys and get her a cookie. Exceptions to this are any irratic misbehaviour just before we leave the house or at school durring the day. These cancle the walk to the cookie club.)

-- Teaching:Teach them everything, help them learn the inns and outs of how things work. My father had me writing out dictionary definitions when I swore to be sure that I was less likely to swear later and so that I knew the meaning of the word. My mother had us do pushups and situps and laps when we spoke out at bedtime or yelled to wear us out and make us less likely to try it again because each time the number of how many we did increased.

-- Reward Positive Behaviour: Children love to negotiate to get what they want and they will wheel and deal like anyone else if they get a chance so provide options fof them. (example; if they clean their room they can spend 30min playing video games or watch 1 television show. If they help clean the living room they can go outside for an hour ot two or play a game inside. If they help put away the dishes they can pick what snack they get after their meal)

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I really could keep going but you get the idea and my thoughts and actions work for me but may or may not work for others. But from what I've seen there are different methods for each individual and one of the most important rules I have ever seen is simple; Put yourself in their place. We really don't need to punish, we just need to dicipline and keep our children going in the right direction. Spanking didn't work for me or my children so I had to use the alternitives and now my children are often very well behaved. You never know unless you try.

actually, i did mean it literally. but i was joking.


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I respect whatever works , spanking works in our family , other techniques work in other families...

I dont reward with money,, for doing chores or schoolwork,,so swear jars wouldnt work for me as my child doesnt earn any money. As for the tantrums,, they stop then and there,, no walking away and negotiating,, because my child and I are not equals and she will know this just as I did. I think that teaching and consistency work with just about all methods though.

This debate is still going on?????

There will never be a winner in this debate, everyone has their own ideas and ways of disciplining their children.

I didn't swear when I was younger because I knew better. Not because I got slapped but because If I didI would have to sit at the table and write out "I will not swear!" my god my hand hurt, so I tended to not swear.

Temper Tantrums usually led to the silent treatment which is far worse than any spanking I could have gotten, i would have preferred a spanking.

I never bullied just because I tend to be a nice guy lol. We didn't have sibling rivalry between my sisters and I. There were so many years between us, it would have been silly.

Generally my punishment was loss of my nintendo since i didnt use the phone and TV didn't matter to me. Grounding me didn't matter since i never went anywhere lol.

I only got spanked 3 or 4 times my entire life and I learned if she gave me "the look" I better knock it off lol. Mind you i wasn't afraid of my mom, we had a great relationship, I just knew I was in trouble if I pushed my luck.

when a problem child comes along, you must whip it
if it screams and yells too long, you must whip it
if it's doing something wrong, you must whip it.

now whip it into shape....

whip it good.



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Im with Foliel,, I had only enough 'whippings' to count on one hand in my whole life,, but it taught me when mom or pops gave that 'look', I was to cut it out. And My parents and I have an excellent relationship and I have never been in any trouble with the law or had a violent bone in my body,,,

the woman speaks the truth!! Good post!!

I got my azz beat as a child and to be honest deserved every one of them.........

AHHH...the good ole days huh Newark...when children actually were respectful...ditto dude ditto!!

this is one of the subjects that im learning about in school. studies have shown that spanking can cause aggression in some children. they found out that children who are spanked all of the time feel that is the way to solve all conflict and use there aggression against other kids. im not saying don't spank your kids. kids need to be spanked every once in a while. but the punishment should fit the crime. ive also read a lot more studies that show that if a parent uses multipunishments on children, they grow up to be smarter well adjusted people. however, it is not just punishment that causes this. its also how you treat your child and talk to your child about issues in life...etc etc...lol

I earned every spanking I got. And several that I didnt get

I remember being in church and my dad marching me by the scruff of my neck out to the foyer and taking off his belt and giving it to me. And then marching me back into the church and the whole congregation was snickering and laughing. I think that was worse than the spanking

and I test out to a 140 IQ so I don't think spankings made me stoopid

no offense, but I truly believe that if enough studies are done and psychologists dig deep enough...eventually, we'll be raised by our children...just sayin'...

lol,, good point,,,the psych field really is politically and culturally motivated, in my opinion

everything is politically and culturally motivated in one way or another...lol