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| Topic: single parenting! | |
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Man, you guys are right! Single parenting is immensely hard! You wouldn't believe what happened to me. My baby daddy got caught cheating by my best friend with my other best friend. And the crazy thing is, they have 3 kids together now. All this happened last week. Well, I've moved on from that. Now my kid took all my tips and through them in the toilet! Then my second kid came in and flushed the money. I can't believe these catastrophes. So, as you may know by now, I have two kids. Just the other day my oldest child who is 5 walked in on my having sex with a woman. I didn't intend on this happened, I layed him down to sleep and I figured he had fallen asleep. But it turns out he had a bad dream. The other day my youngest one put the cat in the toilet and almost sjut the lid but I heard the cat screaming so I ran in the inspect the situation and I noticed my 13 year old cat was trying to get climb out of the toilet! I can't believe all of this is happening. I would let them stay the weekend at my parents house but the last time I did that they let the dog lose in the house after running it through the mud in the rain. Sooo my mom through a fit and told me she wasn't watching them anymore. *Sigh* Any advice?  "My baby daddy got caught cheating by my best friend with my other best friend. And the crazy thing is, they have 3 kids together now. All this happened last week." they had 3 kids in one week? wow lol hes good! |
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I am also a single mom. I have 3 kids. All I can tell you that will really help you is to remember that you need your time too. So at least once a week after your kid goes to bed, take a hot bath and relax. (or whatever you like to do) Also when you are getting really upset remember to just take a big breath. If you need to vent to another single mom just hit me up.
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Being a single parent is hard, confusing and soooooooooo much work. I'm learning so much from my children and everyday I work that much harder to put them first. I swear I don't know how to get back to just me. I want to do stuff like, date or...shop for myself but...I guess all that is out the window. I can't even remember the last time I shopped for myself. Oh yeah, I went to the thrift store and bought two scrubs for work...WOO_HOO! NOT!
I don't want to sound like I am complaining because my kids didn't ask to be here. I have gone to great lengths in trying to figure out what this parenting thing really is about. I didn't have much to work with because the people who raised me didn't have a clue. My parents were...ahh...I don't even want to go there, I will just say, they really didn't know what it was all about either and being strict and doing the same things their parents did to them didn't work. I have educated myself with time, patience and child-development classes. I learned a lot and most favor Erickson's accord of what kids need at each stage. Although I was "spanked", I put that in parenthesis because spanking is ABSOLUTELY AN UNDERSTATEMENT, I work that much harder to not use that type of discipline with my children. I am afraid that since I was abused, I might turn into an abuser if I really use spanking as a regular disciplinary method. Thus, I have had to work that much harder just to figure out how to really get through to them without taking the easy route and doing what my parents did with belts, extension cords, hands, feet, fist, brooms etc. My oldest is 11 and will be 12 on the 8th of this November. She is a really good kid, so are my other two ages 7 and 2(both going up an age in December). Anyhow, I mentioned my eldest' age because I can say that I have been working hard on learning how to parent without resorting to my parents tactics for at least 12 years and I pretty much have that part in the bag but am always open to new methods of connecting without beating. I recently left their father behind as a survivor of domestic violence. I plan to let a year go by before I get into the visitation etc with him because I don't want him using them as a pawn and historically, he has sent them off to family members who would not return them without his word or my threatening to call police. I can't believe I said so much here...but...I only hope it all evens out. I love my kids to life but...I really wish I had my own life and I don't. With the domestic violence, ALL of my friendships went out the window. I moved about 3 hours away and have been here less than a month. The area is predominantly White while I'm Black. I listen to ALL types of music, they only listen to "this" or "that" and blah blah blah. I work to remain optimistic and look forward to finding a life-long friend. I just never meant to lose me in the whole parenting thing. I miss my ex like a crazy retarded person. I think for the most part, as crazy as it sounds, I would have continued to deal with all of his crap had it not been for my/our children. I have a duty to my children and that is to make their life all that it should be. He didn't physically abuse them at all, I would be in jail for murder surely if he did but...he did play little mind games that I felt were quite unhealthy. He would tell them things about me that were not true. "Your mom has a boyfriend at the grocery store that's why she wants to go by herself"...things of that nature and it just wasn't cool so I had to put my children first as every parent should. Meanwhile...here I am. I think I may be a lesbian, can't really explore it. Wish I could just go out and have a wonderful time somewhere, with someone doing something...lol. Ah! I can just picture. I'm all dressed up and I'm getting that, "you look like Beyonce" everywhere I turn...lol those were the days. LOL! CHEERS TO PARENTHOOD! I love you guys and don't even know ya! Guess I'll go read some stories and ad a little comment here and there. Peace and Blessing to you ALL! |
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Forgot to mention that I felt like a single parent even when I was with their Dad...anybody know about that?
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Yea I know what that is like I was married to a man that was and still is in the military.
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Being a single parent is hard, confusing and soooooooooo much work. I'm learning so much from my children and everyday I work that much harder to put them first. I swear I don't know how to get back to just me. I want to do stuff like, date or...shop for myself but...I guess all that is out the window. I can't even remember the last time I shopped for myself. Oh yeah, I went to the thrift store and bought two scrubs for work...WOO_HOO! NOT! I don't want to sound like I am complaining because my kids didn't ask to be here. I have gone to great lengths in trying to figure out what this parenting thing really is about. I didn't have much to work with because the people who raised me didn't have a clue. My parents were...ahh...I don't even want to go there, I will just say, they really didn't know what it was all about either and being strict and doing the same things their parents did to them didn't work. I have educated myself with time, patience and child-development classes. I learned a lot and most favor Erickson's accord of what kids need at each stage. Although I was "spanked", I put that in parenthesis because spanking is ABSOLUTELY AN UNDERSTATEMENT, I work that much harder to not use that type of discipline with my children. I am afraid that since I was abused, I might turn into an abuser if I really use spanking as a regular disciplinary method. Thus, I have had to work that much harder just to figure out how to really get through to them without taking the easy route and doing what my parents did with belts, extension cords, hands, feet, fist, brooms etc. My oldest is 11 and will be 12 on the 8th of this November. She is a really good kid, so are my other two ages 7 and 2(both going up an age in December). Anyhow, I mentioned my eldest' age because I can say that I have been working hard on learning how to parent without resorting to my parents tactics for at least 12 years and I pretty much have that part in the bag but am always open to new methods of connecting without beating. I recently left their father behind as a survivor of domestic violence. I plan to let a year go by before I get into the visitation etc with him because I don't want him using them as a pawn and historically, he has sent them off to family members who would not return them without his word or my threatening to call police. I can't believe I said so much here...but...I only hope it all evens out. I love my kids to life but...I really wish I had my own life and I don't. With the domestic violence, ALL of my friendships went out the window. I moved about 3 hours away and have been here less than a month. The area is predominantly White while I'm Black. I listen to ALL types of music, they only listen to "this" or "that" and blah blah blah. I work to remain optimistic and look forward to finding a life-long friend. I just never meant to lose me in the whole parenting thing. I miss my ex like a crazy retarded person. I think for the most part, as crazy as it sounds, I would have continued to deal with all of his crap had it not been for my/our children. I have a duty to my children and that is to make their life all that it should be. He didn't physically abuse them at all, I would be in jail for murder surely if he did but...he did play little mind games that I felt were quite unhealthy. He would tell them things about me that were not true. "Your mom has a boyfriend at the grocery store that's why she wants to go by herself"...things of that nature and it just wasn't cool so I had to put my children first as every parent should. Meanwhile...here I am. I think I may be a lesbian, can't really explore it. Wish I could just go out and have a wonderful time somewhere, with someone doing something...lol. Ah! I can just picture. I'm all dressed up and I'm getting that, "you look like Beyonce" everywhere I turn...lol those were the days. LOL! CHEERS TO PARENTHOOD! I love you guys and don't even know ya! Guess I'll go read some stories and ad a little comment here and there. Peace and Blessing to you ALL! kudos to you for being brave enough to be honest mothers really have alot expected of them for very little in return,,,,not a job for everyone and not one thats easy for those who have it,,, |
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It is so hard being a single mom! I just don't understand why I have to do it all alone! Nothing has changed for him but I am doing this all alone! Was alone threw the pregnacy and now my son is 10 months old and I am still alone! How can someone only spend 18 hours a week with there child? Any advise to help me? Scream throw a fit and vent and then take a deep breath and walk back in the house and keep going. I swear it gets easier the older they get. I haven been a single mother for almost 6 years now and many many times I threaten myself I couldn't do it. BUT then you get over it. So I promise this to shall pass and the kids get older and if you did a good job as a disciplinarian they get to be a great help around the house and take stress off! LOL Imagine that :) |
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the color purple. |
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wow...my *hat* off to you for sticking it out and caring
for your child. The benefits of seeing a child growing up is fantastic and I can only say, the memory of hardship will eventually fade. Take each day as it comes and remember to be easy on yourself. You work 24/7, try to rest when you can and eat regular. It is easy to say...go for a night out/ or dinner / or with the girls...but I remember this was kinda of tiring to organise just to get out...lol (yep I remember) Keep in touch with family and friends. This is so important. Isolation in the home can be depressing. You need adult talk as well, if you know what I mean. Good luck...*sending* you good thoughts |
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Been reading through the postings. I realize you don't know me, but I want to say I'm *proud* of each of you for loving and caring for your child/ren. How do we do it? Sometimes, I'm not sure -- where does the energy and drive come from. Being a single mom to three children is something I hadn't planned to happen in my life ... but, as someone else posted, life just happens and you roll with the punches.
Alot of good advice given here. In between being the sole breadwinner, domestic goddess, justice deliverer, taxi driver, and boo-boo fixer, I'm not sure how we manage it all. But we do... because our children need us. They watch us every day and learn from what we are doing. They are little sponges. They see how we manage frustrating situations and learn from that. We have to be positive role models for them so they can become responsible and happy adults one day. Firm, loving, consistent discipline is a must-have. My special needs child has to have consistent guidelines and clear expectations set so they can be followed. I think all children need to know the boundaries. They feel the love behind every action whether it is you hugging and kissing their forehead "just because", or guiding them to make right choices. Give them guidance -- they will thank you for it later. Support network. Try to give yourself a circle of friends and family (if possible) that can help you. Some local agencies offer support groups and programs that can help. Talk to other parents -- find out if there are parents who might want to have play dates so you can have another person to talk with while your children play together. It's ok to reach out to others because you need to nurture yourself as well. You're not being selfish. You are keeping yourself rested and mentally refreshed so you can be a better parent. I didn't mean to write a book here. I just felt compelled to say I am very proud of every single (no pun intended) parent here who loves their child/ren and steps forward to be a parent. We are amazing and I know our sons and daughters will be better people because we cared enough to *be there for them*. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Our children matter and we let them know that every day. Hugs, Cynthia |
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It is so hard being a single mom! I just don't understand why I have to do it all alone! Nothing has changed for him but I am doing this all alone! Was alone threw the pregnacy and now my son is 10 months old and I am still alone! How can someone only spend 18 hours a week with there child? Any advise to help me? Ahh the oh so familiar question. I know its hard girl, I have 2 under thee age of 4 their dad hardly ever sees them, BUT, you always have to remember, what he doesnt do, they will remember. and what You do they will remember and be grateful for. Its a long icy pot hole filled road but would you trade it for anything..no. That is our power as a parents. We love em through the ****, dirt, blood and tears. |
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I agree with cynwel Sun 11/14/10 09:18 AM. Good post. As a single dad, I am trying to build a support network and find single parents in my area to share with. For those with very young children it is even more important to reach out. Just remember to be cautious on the internet.
Regards Qubit |
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Forgot to mention that I felt like a single parent even when I was with their Dad...anybody know about that? yepps i was my daughter mom, dad bestfriend and when i married my son dad i was still her mom, dad and bestfriend even with my son for his dad wasent around that often can explain why he thought he was gods gift to woman my mom was married to my dad for 21yrs and she said it doesnt matter how long you had been married for you still dont know the person.. my dad wasent always home for he was a workaholic when we needed him, he wasent there but when we didnt need him, he was there. he lives in same freaken town and he didnt meet his 2 oldest greatgrandkids untill about 6yrs ago how sad is that... and he feels that my daughter owns him apoligy for what she had said to him 13yrs ago.. well she spoke what she felt and she told him streght out.. she doesnt own him anything |
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Forgot to mention that I felt like a single parent even when I was with their Dad...anybody know about that? Yes i`ve been there. |
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With God on your side you will be strong to bear it all. Although its not an easy task but it must be carried out to make good your wrong in having your child go through single parenting. Take it upon yourself that the child is a priceless gift from God. The child is a bundle of Joy. The child is your FLESH & BLOOD. Take care of him/her, dont take it upon yourself that taking care of the baby has deprived you of so many things but it has. Look for a single parent & share ideas. Grown up mothers that are house wives too can help. Think not about the absence of the dad. Let him be if he doesn't care afterall the child is from both of you. Dont complain. There will be a time you will remember this age & laugh thanking God for helping/strenghtening you in taking care of your kid. I'm a living testimony. Go out to meet fellow kids at your leisure. There is time for everything. Never abandon your child for your ex/another woman to take care of. The child will grow up to dislike you.
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 Honey its not easy to do, but it can be very fufilling, if you look at it the right way .. see please dont spend te time look at the fact that you are alone or why things are not the same .. Bit spend time looking at it as if its your time to charish love cuddle support , watch your grow an bethere an enjoy the gift of life that you have . an thru faith help will always bearound wither you know or not bless you an your child .
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 wow ok well sounds like we need to set some ground rules of what is acceptable an whats not .. but because this sitUATION IS STILL FRESH THE ACTING OUT COULD BECASE OF IT.. but never the less Sit down an have a talk with the chirldren an let them know that ou are aware of the changes an its effecting you n that you guys will work together exra hard to get thru it gain ther trust an you get there attention also be stirn in what you sayso oder will be in te houe anas for late night sessions beaware that children have tendencys that are not on tymes .. but for the most part do the check then the dubble check then the final just checking to see if everythings alright , making sure ou sleep thing then grow folks time |
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Single Parenting NEVER gets easy but is ALWAYS rewarding. For the first time in awhile I felt HOPE last NIght
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being a single mom is very hard! but i know that little girl is going to look at me and say thank you.. shes going to know that i could sit and ***** about how much it sux but i dont. i take everyday with her and live it up. now after almost two years, im glad im doing it alone. i dont want to share her lol. shes my everything
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ya we all have it crappy. my daughter is 22mos & her doner has seen her mayb 5times in over 4mos & he lives 2miles away(across a field from us) &only works 4days a wk! i found out he was havin an affair with someone old enough 2b his mom :P & its been 8mos since i gave him the boot. I AM ELATED 2b rid of him (but he's not enabling me 2fully move on) >:|. hes nvr been ANY help; since i was pregnant. i could count on 1hand every time he ever bathed, fed, changed, dressed her etc. in the whole first yr+ we lived together! nvr once did anyone help me during the night. I couldn't tell u one time in nearly 2yrs iv slept a whole night or slept in, or spent more than 2hrs without her. i have no family or friends here, no breaks 4 me! its getting much harder on me lately as she closes in on terribly 2...:( best advice on here was; seek breaks from family & just rest yourself, stay calm & patient. iv messed up by raising my voice@her(cause im SO burnt out n frustrated) & now she's acting out where she nvr used2, & it will start 2take more n more aggression 2 get her 2listen & i DON'T want that :/. anyway, IT GETS MUCH BETTER, then u hit 2, then it GETS better from there =D ya, b rid of him, its negativity around ur kid and in the end ur better off. im SUCH a better mom now that im not stressed or fighting, hurt, upset, constantly concerned with him n his BS...such a relief!! =>
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