Wow...the horse died some time ago from this terrific beating! Lillith...and others...are correct. Relax...it's a forum chat room...no one hear is really qualified to provide professional help. Good luck.

All of it. You're telling me to think through this myself and the way I think is incompatible with what I'm being told to do.

I thought it could be made compatible with ease if only I had some of a fraction of the perspective of someone else but I've taken to accepting what I'm being told so that would be "having them do everything for me," which I do not want.

Because people started telling me to do things instead of telling me what they thought like I expected. In the first steps of trying to do what they were telling me to I was told that I'm not trying and that I should stop expecting them to do the work for me so I tried to make stronger and stronger statements about things to show that I was working hard but that just made everyone think I am a jerk.

If anyone would like to give me opinions like "The pictures you have are nice but I can't see _____" I'd deal with that very differently.

Nonono. I asked if there was something wrong with my profile. That's a request for opinions.

I have been been much nicer to opinions than I have to advice. My opinion of the advice is that almost all of it is trash. The opinions behind it are alright but in telling people to do things you cannot blame them if they ask you to explain what you have told them to do.

Even when I'm complaining about people not doing the things that I have instructed I ask if people understood what I was saying. Even with the implicit "answer the following question" people behave as they do not understand what I am saying so the very rude question about how people would respond if I were to -talk much dumber- was justified. Few people here are advanced enough with English to recognize it instead of emotionally lashing out at the implication that they are stupid (get over it, I was speaking relatively and yes, if my sentences are too complex to be read I need to dumb them down to an appropriate level.)

Doesn't understand what? The Advice? Yes.


I enjoy letting words stream out of my fingers. It's quite relaxing.

So don't worry. I'm relaxed as I say all of this. I've already explained how I don't have normal anger. I'm writing things in the tone I am to communicate the ideas more effectively. If other people would relax they might understand what I'm saying.

Your introspective opus has gone on for some time now. Just when I thought the matter had been put to rest, a Mingle2 patron revives the topic. So, I have decided to "weigh in".

I looked at your profile, and you have a "friendly disposition". I think the 2 photos convey a warm personality. But, I believe there are several problems in your "bio". (1) You have given would-be female suitors WAY TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFO. When you go on about some of your eccentricities; those would probably be a turn-off to most females. Just give them enough information so they can form an idea about you; but not enough, so they would have to contact you to find out more. Only accentuate your positive attributes. (2) In your bio, there seems to be an ambivalence bordering on schizophrenia. Indecisiveness is not attractive to most females. In fact, they might view it as a weakness. (3) If you do send e-mail messages to females you admire, compliment them and refer to something they wrote in their bio. That would show them that you admire them for more than their physical beauty. Compliment their beauty in a subtle way. Avoid sexual inferences and innuendos.

You seem to be young, intelligent, and friendly. Convey those sentiments to your female audience and you will do just fine.

Reading your profile and reading this thread is exhausting.

I can see that this non-response really frusterates you and the input you get is frusterateing you even more but I am not sure how to turn down the amperage.

I guess first I would say most of the responses are not as useless as you seem to view them. Take a chill pill, shake off some of the resentment, and glean out what is useful. Most of the people who are responding to you are giveing you their time and trying to help. A lot of it is more on target than I see you willing to admidt.

Since I don't want to rain on your exhuberance to share of " what you see as truely yourself" I am not sure how to give you another persons view. I am considerably older than your peers which is pretty consistent to the people who have already responded to you.

What I "feel" when I read your profile is just being flooded with random thoughts thrown in my general direction but not directed to anyone much less me. While that abstract thought process is maybe part of your overall personality it just doesn't connect as far as a profile.

If you are trying to connect with peers, young women your same general age and location on line you probably want to try to address what they would be concerned about.

What you look like? The two photos are ok. I would use the smileing one because it is much more engageing. Seems like a friendly hello. The second is a little less flattering because it is up the nose slightly. Yes different outfits are part of the reason people like to see various shots. Your at school appearance might be very different than hanging out in the park, grabbing a bite, or working around your residence. Most women want reassurance that you are not going to show up for a date and embarrass them. More photos give you a chance to illustrate your day to day persona and interests. Look up a post I made for newbies about photos for more tips. And like most have told you look at other peoples profiles. See which ones catch your attention.

What you do with your time? Obviously you have made some remarks about your schooling but that is only part of your life. While I think the remarks that you don't seem to be too decisive about your major I will give you credit for staying in school and picking a degree with a lot of opportunity. Many people your age will relate to still zeroing in on education goals while attending. What about your on campus activities? Any clubs or what crowd do you hang out with? Are you into the Greek life? Do you relax and download in the student union watching a favorite program? You mention music but it sounded a little ugly calling other languages gibberish. Pardon me if I misquoted. It is important not to come off suggesting your predjudiced. For dateing purposes someone reading your profile is not going to want to listen to you whine about how there is nothing to do in Utah. First off it just isn't true. You might have to look for some new intersts or try doing something you didn't know you would enjoy but people tend to do the same things in Utah they do everywhere else.

What is your basic personality type? You have eluded that you are "kind of dark". That narrows the field. Which is not a bad thing but if you get frusterated that you get so few responses you might be a little less definative in how you write about yourself. Something that works for older folks who really know what they are about over the long haul but can be pretty limiting to someone so young as yourself. Especially when your goal is a date not a life long partner.

Which brings up what kind of relationship you are looking for? Does someone dateing you need to expect a conversation or a diatribe on views or just hanging out focusing on the activity. Dateing is a pretty vague term. Does a date mean you pay for the activities included in invitation? Folks on limited budgets which most young people are a young woman wants to know who is paying for what. While I agree it should not always be "His treat" desireable young women do have a certain expectation that a gentleman is going to have resources. Is this a dressed up affair? With a pair of panty hose rivaling the cost of a days worth of groceries dressing up is not something gals are as eager to do. Is the date going to involve alcohol? While religious taboos might be more common in Utah than say California there are still some ladies that do and don't want to drink or be with someone who is going to drink; especially on a first date when they don't know how you handle it. As tacky as I find it that young people, or people in general, have to ask is are you looking for sex and when? Personal saftey and choice is always a concern for a woman but unfortuneately young men often get a bad rap for having only one thing on the agenda so at least stateing that you have other goals for the date.

Without seeing your correspondence it is hard to draw a conclusion about what you wrote and why you got the reaction you did. What you described doesn't sound too inviteing. I get and answer to my profile I want to know a few things. First is clearly did they read my profile. A reference to something I said is most likely going to confirm that. Second please can the compliments. They don't know me and it sounds phoney. Third tell me something we have in common. Fourth include something that is not in your profile. It is a given that I am going to read it so it comes off like you are too dumb to offer anything new to talk about. Fifth if you have a couple of polite questions it gives me something to start a converstion with you. Trying not to make it sound like a form letter helps. Generally if you write more than one or two a day that will creep in. Especially if you are writeing to a confined area where often the women converse about getting emails from someone off line.

Considering the volume of what you wrote I am sure there is more to say but I tend to lean toward not being optomistic about spending my time writing when you are not terribly supportive of hearing anything that isn't whatever it is you have in your mind as an approriate response. We can't read your mind. Sure some of it I am sure doesn't seem too empathetic but if you want more attention you have to earn it with courtesy and respect that others may have other opinions that may or may not jive with what you expect or believe. You do seem like someone that has had a pretty poor example on showing you how to communicate and or speak to others with respect and not being defensive. In all fairness though y our original post was pretty scattered and numbing.

I mean I'm straight and everything but you seem like a nice looking, outgoing guy... you'll find the right one

The indecisiveness and schizophrenia were worse before and people told me I needed more info x_x

For the better part of the last year I've already been trying to pick out things from the profiles to bring up. I get 20%-30% response to it with my profile pretty much like this and 10%-20% with it the way I had it to only be positive and not have so much personal information.

And straight up complimenting women... well, I haven't tallied things up but it sure feels like 0% response. I think even when it's a compliment about their personality it comes off as weak.

You might still be right but there would have to be something different between the way I do it and the way you do it.


1. I can't gleam out what's useful from that. I can't even gleam out what they're telling me to do.
Like I've said, I don't have the common sense. You read that and you fill in the blanks to get what they mean but I'm borderline schizophrenic so I can't do that.
Or maybe I do fill in the blanks right and these things just didn't help, but I'm trying to be at least a little more positive than that.

2. I agree that what I've said lacks direction. I've got no idea how to describe a living breathing person with some direction. So far looking at profiles isn't helping, I can't identify anything that I can use to give myself direction.

3. Ya, it's sit around on the internet sometimes watching video. I was advised not to draw attention to computer interests because listing that as an interest makes it look like I don't do anything else.

What's a better word than gibberish?

Well there is one thing to do in Utah I haven't tried: drug addiction. The church dominance here has repressed any kind of nightlife activity except in the capital and that's so so. Going to parties hasn't been any good for me- the noise level just shuts me down. There's camping but I'm not a hick so I can't stand doing that more than a few times a year. My step brother ruined sports for me because he had to prove he was physically superior to small children (I didn't have any coordination until I was 18 thanks to how badly he turned me off from every activity he could- he's not as awful of a person now but he also hasn't visited at all so I've got the old image and angst in my head.) I try to go to movies fairly often but my friends are only interested infrequently. I don't like bumming around malls. Wasn't able to do things like theme parks very often as a kid and then one year my alcoholic parents decided to drop me off at the park every time they wanted to get shitfaced so doing that frequently again is out. I haven't found a good place for getting myself drunk and doing that all the time sounds like a bad idea anyway.

So basically Utah is farmland, suburbs, and some city areas that are more oil refinery than anything else. Park City seems like it's actually got things to do but the roads up there are steep enough I'd wreck my car going very often and if it's snowing very much it's not safe (and that's in comparison to the dangerous roads in the valley I drive on regularly.)

The only places that people from around here like less are areas that are JUST farmland. And it's not just "the grass is greener." People from other places hate it here if they have to stay longer than a camping trip, except if they grew up here and have some kind of nostalgia tiding them over between trips to the bar.

But I won't argue that any further. It's not important and I do still find things to do, I just can see it.

4. My personality type? What kind of type?
I'm an idealist and optimistic but not outgoing. Does that explain it?

5. I'm glad you mentioned that something was vague.
The ideal relationship is one where I have someone to not just talk to but with. Sarcasm and not being easily offended are probably the main requirements there.
I'd like someone more excited about the activities available here and will help me get out and do more of it. This one I don't have any idea how I can ask for without ruining the impression of me in the profile but I figure it would work better later in conversation if I could get people to talk with me for awhile. A partner in crime/adventure also works because I know plenty of things that are enjoyable with someone else that enjoys that sort of mischief.
I'm not looking for someone especially clingy. I'm for women's rights and while I don't want to have anything to do with someone who is going to war with anything that is symbolically female I'm not turned on by the idea of having a house slave that lives to dote on me. Moderation is the key here.
Is there something else I should flesh out about this?

Right now is probably not the best time to try and think about what kind of dates I want to go on overall because I'm feeling intimacy deprived.

I'm sitting on a decent lump of money in the bank right now so I could handle paying for a lot of dates as long as it's not $150 dining all the time and if I'm working around when I expect to be I'd have actual paychecks before I ended up broke.

Drinking is acceptable for me but not necessary.

With sex I would probably be easily seduced but I'm looking for a long term relationship and sex there will happen if it happens. So it's not my goal but it's a plus.

6. If people have actually written anything that's not extremely vague then I always try to say something about it to at least show that I put some time in.

I've never had a response when I say I have interests in common with someone. Maybe girls with my interests are looking for something very unlike themselves or maybe I'd benefit from professional writing advice.

"Something that's not in your profile" is really vague. If you can't narrow it down please tell me what it is that makes this important.

I try to ask a question about the other person almost all of the time. I can't tell if it has helped.

7. What I'm not supportive of is advice that is vague and people telling me that there is something wrong with me for not liking vague advice.
As happy as I am to get a very detailed response I can't quite work out how to say what you've said to when what I've already got is too much personal information.

8. Respect I hear about a lot about but respect is not what people want. The people telling me to respect them always ask me to treat them like a small child who is easily upset and is selfish enough that they must be complimented for doing nothing. I "respect" people when I genuinely think they are stupid or have such a nasty opinion of them it is unspeakable. I take away from them any real interaction and hope that they will go away.

Other people get the real respect of me not lying to them. If they have said something inaccurate or un-useful I give them the chance to improve it (though I'm not perfect so if they know better they could always just explain it to me.)

You might still be right about that

This is agonizing!!

I'm developing a bleeding ulcer which is leaving me laying here in a pool of blood

I have a headache

I wish I had some serious pharmacuticals right about now

I wish you the best

The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over but expecting different results.

He stated that he has a problem and he is obviously having a hard time. There's really no need to make it more difficult and painful by throwing insults at him.

Because I jump around trying so many different ways I was called me schizophrenic -_-;

The only person that can make things worse in my head is usually me.
(In internet settings. In real life I have to put myself out there more but either way nobody needs to worry about that here.)

I've gotten much better about making things better in my head in recent years but there's still a wall I run into that limits it.

true that tammy

So these forums don't seem to have any kind of search feature. Does anybody know where that post about photos by PacificStar48 was? I can check fifty pages deep into a forum if I have to but looking fifty pages into every forum is, well I'm not even going to use hyperbole, a totally unreasonable amount of effort.

So 13 pages into other people's profiles it looks like most people don't break 1 paragraph and about half of them don't break 1 sentence.
There was one that was poetry and a handful of ones that were obviously bad such as writing in all caps.

I saw exactly one person listing interests that weren't extremely vague. I've heard some people complain about people saying "I like long walks on the beach" so I don't know what to think about listing generic obvious stuff in the interests. Should I go generic or try to find some kind of middle ground?

For pictures I saw the majority only have the single picture. I saw one guy's profile that looked ridiculous because he always put on exactly the same face for all of his pictures. With maybe just three like that it would have passed but by the fifth one it was becoming comic.

The variety that looked decent had used photoshop filters to make the pictures grayscale or sepia. I can't decide if doing that for more than one picture is tacky or not.

The other type I noticed was people sitting on vehicles. I'm not "thug" so I don't know if I should go that route but I also don't have any friends that like snapping pictures like that so unless people really recommend this it will be easy for me to not bother someone else to take those pictures for me.

Edit: and if I'm just not finding good profiles after thirteen pages I think people are going to have to go to the trouble of linking right to good examples. I'll eventually work my way up to something like 50 pages but negativity is creeping in already.

Editedit: I tried writing in better interests. What do people think?

Sorry it was hard to find; go to New Members loo under Advice to Newbies by Kojack and what I wrote about photo's is on page 45.

Sorry my post was not more helpful to you. Maybe if you take it in a paragraph at a time and think about it.

Sorry it was hard to find; go to New Members loo under Advice to Newbies by Kojack and what I wrote about photo's is on page 45.

Sorry my post was not more helpful to you. Maybe if you take it in a paragraph at a time and think about it.

Well I just objected to a few things and asked a couple of questions. I considered it to be much more useful than most of the advice I've been given.

Well, I'm going to try not shaving for a few days and see if that helps make me look less like a young teenage boy in a picture or three and I'm going to try and replace the one where I'm smiling with a scarf because it looks weird every time I try to crop that one guy's face out of it.

Despite the advice to be nicer if I wanted to keep getting any feedback I think it was already too late (or have the last few posts not had a much calmer tone? I might just be viewing things wrong,) but thanks everyone.

This has mostly confirmed that I know what "good" looks like and I'll just have to figure out how to achieve that or get lucky.

I really like the picture of you smiling. I didn't even notice the guy in the background. I'm don't have any better advice for you becuase, like I said earlier, I think your profile is fine. But, I'm much older than your target audience, so what do I know?

I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down

Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away

He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a Cider drink

He sings the songs that remind him of the good times,
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times,

Oh Danny boy, Danny boy, Danny boy

I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down

Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away

He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a Cider drink

He sings the songs that remind him of the good times,
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times,

Don't cry for me next door neighbour

I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down

(music)

I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down

LMAO!!!