Ok, reading between the lines on this one is obtuse to say the least but I'll give it a shot none the less. usually, if the "problem" is what I think it is, ie. abuse, then these things are difficult to move beyond psychologically, especially when there hasn't been any real closure, ie. legal.. And often times when this happens promescuity can be the result i a psuedo attempt to "get" back at the offender., which can lead to a host of social and psychological dysfunctions.. the key like I said is closure on the issue.. If I'm off base on the reason then it still may apply none the less.. But treat them with care and love and let them know that you are there for them. Good luck

I tell my son "First, always be kind".... and point out that also means to yourself. If you do not have integrity and do not treat yourself well, how do expect others to?

You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate, how you behave, and what you say.

If someone I knew did that, and it bothered me... I'd talk about it. Then a resolution or compromise would be made, because if they aren't upset about it and I am, that is still an issue within our friendship. There are a variety of ways to deal with it...

a bananacream pie to the face can be very therapeudic

you just be positive with your comments and reinforce there self confidence with positive comments about them

but do not lie nor compromise your integrity

is this like law and order

this is a fictional event any similarities are coincidental

about a month after the story line was on the news

I'd help her get a therapistcso she could work it all out within herself

Alright. Here's the deal.

This is the one time that I lied a little. This actually is a personal thing.

I was in a discussion with a very good friend last night and it prompted me to pose this question. I was genuinely curious to see what other people's thoughts were on it.

After quite a few emails, I told her that, no matter what, I actually like being me. I have a lot of fun with it. I am completely comfortable with who I am and how I look.

But...I simply don't take myself seriously.

She asked me, at one point, whether I would start posting in the forums with more of the " I like me " attitude that I showed her in the email.

Here is my response to her...

Probably not. It's not who I am.

If I were to start posting like that, I really wouldn't be acting like I normally do.

One of the major things about my personality is that I have absolutely no issues with poking fun at myself.

When I was a kid, I did it a defense mechanism. If I made fun of myself first, then others wouldn't really get the opportunity.

Now, it's just a part of who I am. Anyone that wants to be with me is gonna have to be able to accept that.

To hide that part of me would be dishonest. If not to anyone else, it would be to me.

* shrugs *

She also told me that I should allow my friends to " build me up ". Having read through this thread, I see that she isn't the only one who thinks that way.

I can understand the idea. Maybe if I allow them to do it, it'll start to rub off on me and I'll start doing it too.

The problem is, I have a very, VERY difficult time taking those " build up " comments seriously. It's not that I think the people saying them don't mean them. It's just very difficult for me to think in those terms. I absolutely love my friends to death for trying. But it would seem that I just can't see what they do.

I know a lot of you are going to be saying, either to yourselves or in posts, ' Seek Therapy ".

I have. For that and a few other things.

But...the way I see it is this...

I love to make people laugh. It's one of the things that I am pretty good at. There are other things, but nothing that gives me the kind of pleasure that seeing someone laugh does.

If, to get a laugh out of someone, it means I take a pot shot at myself, then so be it. I have no problem doing that.

I don't hate myself.

There is no self loathing here.

I just am who I am. Love it or leave it, it's a part of me.

Ok. So now everyone knows that I am kinda neurotic....lol

You can not force a person to think anything but, you can influence it. Be supportive and do little things for them that reinforces a positive self image of themselves. You gotta be true to it though. Don't be fake or give them false compliments. you'll cause more harm than good.

Cheers

I have to be honest, self-depracation is not funny. It's annoying.

Regardless of its intent, it comes off as attention seeking and compliment fishing.

A comment once in a great while can be funny, more anything more than say, once a month? Forgettaboutit.

Ok. I can understand that.



Is that how I seem to you?? I mean, I really am not doing that. Like I said, even when/if I do get compliments, I can't really take them seriously.



Uh oh. A time limit. I hate time limits....lol

Thanks Lilith.

No, you don't seem that way to me at all. I was speaking in generalities. In no way was I speaking about you. I am sorry if that came off as harsh.

people will use any excuse for pity.....especially if they refuse to accept they did what they did cause they choose to....remember,its the american way...blame others for your wrong doings

No worries, Lilith.

I actually expected, after my post last night, a few people to actually BE harsh.

But, I am the guy that you described. All except the ' fishing for compliments ' part. lol

You can always do something, but especially when it comes to abuse and pain... and inflicted early on... sometimes, no matter what you do, nothing will change unless they truly want to be better. I dont mind if someone's having a bad day and down on themselves, but it is very hard to care about those who doesnt care about themselves.
An ex of mine has had a life full of peril and pain, and continued to put herself in situations where she was giving too much, people were taking too much, etc. and it was because she was such a loving, good-hearted person. But she hurt herself, me and our family over and over and constantly degraded herself. I did everything possible, but nothing got better. She grew to resent me and where I was at mentally, and refused to change. She grew angry the more I tried to help her because she WAS comfortable with who she was. I was made homeless, beaten and almost killed by her because of the pain others had caused and yet even though I was the only one not on that side, she knew she could take it out on me and I'd still love and care about her, try to help her. Four years of madness and a bloody assault later, I was done and needed to focus on being a good father and hopefully improve their quality of life through legal channels.

Not everybody (I HOPE) will fall into such a downward spiral, but without them wanting to feel better and truly live better, they will not appreciate your influence. I pray this will never happen to another.

JustAGuy (can I call you JAG?), the example you show above, I've been there before (atleast similar) and can relate. I think you are alright, got a good sense of things. For me, when people would tell me what to do about it, it always moved me in the wrong way. To actually have somebody just simply uplift you and not point at the issue would definitely make a huge difference, but dont let that stop you from poking fun of yourself, I make fun of myself everyday and create laughter and happiness. Its all good.

Ya know, that was very well said CKeef.

I think one of the differences between someone who does the kind of thing you referred to, and what I do is mainly this...

I just don't take myself seriously.

I say stuff about being fat, or make fun of the fact that I have no hair...

But I actually do KNOW what kind of man I am. I know that I am a good person.

Like I said before...I LIKE being me. That wasn't the case when I started doing it.

I've just been making fun of myself for so long, that it's just who I am now.

The person you referred to in your post was unfortunate in the fact that she actually did take herself seriously when she was saying bad things about herself.

Unfortunate for my children and their upbringing & future

Sad to say I dont care for her much anymore, I only wish her to get on some professional so can control herself and not possibly harm the kids (more worried of mental trauma than physical, shes not that bad thankfully)

Yeah. That definitely makes it even more unfortunate.

Well, JAG my dude, I think you got the right screws keepin your dome on tight. Keepin laughin n sharin yourself. The right people will see this truth you carry and simply be there and appreciate your views without a doubt. Peace my brother, respect

Thanks, man.

Same to you.

I love reading these posts/ topic's. They are not only fun but I feel like i am not the only person in the world going through this.

If I was to praise myself that would be a dishonor because PEOPLE here is the REAL Truth no one is seeing..

The wonderful amazing Bible....

We are told not too... DO NOT PRAISE YOURSELF ONLY GOD!..

DO NOT GIVE GLORY TO ONESELF AGAIN ONLY GOD... DESERVES IT.

Most think others down talk themselves but at the same time we are only humans. We might do a lot of good, and help others, we are there for everyone that needs help but the real problem (in my world only) is..

There is no one to praise me, or tell me how much they love me, or how wonderful of a job i have done today, and yet i worked my butt off for 3 strait days taking care of the persons problems or children ect.. and not a thank you, not a word of kindness instead i get my butt chewed out because I helped.

So what do we learn, if we help then we are the enemy, if we do not help then we are disrespectful, we are useless.

Were is the middle ground. I use to be so conceited, I use to praise my self and my gains in life someone had to do it and it might have been me, I am the one that did all the work to make it happen... But when we do this... we get told horrible things, then others start becoming jealous and they hate to be around you.

So if a person is non....verbal about themselves and praise everyone else around them then God is happy, and thy The person you are praising feels great about themselves..

just note you don't do this to get a reward or to be praised in return. you do this because you don't need to be praised for you know in your soul that you just did Gods work for him..

Jesus never asked anyone to hate him but everyone did only a few saw the realness inside of him. Even today We curse Jesus for all are problems and yet all he wants to do is love and help us and take away are pain and suffering. NOT once did he ever say..

I am perfect so do what I say and you will live a happy life. NO instead he said. Give away everything you have, and follow me. everyone will hate you, they will turn you away, and refuse you, you will go through hard times but when the master calls he will take that all way...

so humans are to be down spoken so in the book of lambs we will be praises.

I need to be conceited again.. I am so depressing.... LOL..I wonder what would really happen if i did start to talk great about myself. I think i will do that again... like in the 7th grade when i was Perfect... everyone loved me! and thought I was crazy... LOL

Very well said!

And I'd like to add my two cents. TY for your honesty. It says alot about who you are. I don't know you, other than the many posts I've read (and laughed at BTW) but from what I've read, you don't need therapy! What we have been through in our lives, good or bad, makes us who we are. As long as you know in your heart you are a good guy, that's all that matters. You don't need to change a thing...somebody will love you for exactly who you are!!