I guess it's because I've only met one person who really DID fit the standards. I've met some who PRETENDED to, until I got to know them better, and then they would come out with something along the lines of "I know I said I wasn't interested in this stuff, but don't you think we should settle down and get married and have a family....?" That sort of thing.

Basically, it goes from her saying "I love everything about you" to saying "Now I have to CHANGE everything about you," in 90 days or less. Guaranteed.



Well, I have no issues with people using dating sites -- I guess my issue is more with the "normal" concept. I really really really really DON'T want someone "normal." "Normal" doesn't work for me. "Normal" is all about being "domesticated," being turned into a farm animal wearing a collar and a bell and having to give up anything resembling independent thought or individual or "non-normal" thought processes or attitudes or beliefs....



I don't either; I just think I'm going to have a hard time finding anyone of the intellectual/creative/outside-the-box persuasion on one.



Agreed. My problem is that I'm currently in a position where there don't seem to be any viable alternatives.

Dammit, it's ME!!!!!

I think I'd be dead in a week!

I don't know if I'll be able to explain this the right way, but re: the idea of there being one "type" of person that uses dating sites -- I guess "type" is probably not the word I should be using. It isn't really a "type," per se -- insofar as I, too, have seen people from all walks of lives, all kinds of jobs, all parts of the world, etc. -- it isn't those differences that matter to me. It's the homogeneity of the "expectations," of the "goal." Not that everyone is the same type, but that they all seem to be trying to find the same thing....

I guess my thought, though, is ANYONE can be like that. You could meet a girl at the grocery store with the act mentioned, and when talking/dating initially they could be all a certain way. Saying what you want to hear, but once you become more involved, that could change COMPLETELY.

I highly doubt it. After all, it's not like I'd be waking you up for church.

Personally I think it is a kindness to tell people what your boundries are in the selection process. Why waste either person's time/feelings? If they so choose to take that as a put down then I feel like that is their problem. Hopefully with a little life experience we learn a about ourselves to know what makes us happy and what we have to offer to make someone else happy. Also what will make us miserable fast and what we should avoid. The sure thing to doom a relationship is trying to change another person or have them trying to change you.

That's another thing I like about you -- you always know the right thing to say!

Will you move in with me after my son goes to college?

Perhaps. But if a person actually does state those boundaries, they get called shallow or narrow minded.

The normal result, at least around here, is a verbal beatdown of epic proportions.

So I get this e-mail from someone on an unnamed site (actually, it has a name, otherwise it would be kind of hard to use it) and she says, "Your profile is really interesting and you sound like someone I would like to get to know better but I don't meet your qualifications. You're too picky."

Perhaps. But if a person actually does state those boundaries, they get called shallow or narrow minded.

The normal result, at least around here, is a verbal beatdown of epic proportions.

I get these every day it seems.

They say misery loves company, Lex, but I know that we are both HAPPY as hell to remain selective.

There is no misery here; although, I get a kick out of the replies and human psyche in reference to dating.

So I get this e-mail from someone on an unnamed site (actually, it has a name, otherwise it would be kind of hard to use it) and she says, "Your profile is really interesting and you sound like someone I would like to get to know better but I don't meet your qualifications. You're too picky."

OK, I get this a lot.

So I go take a look at her profile, and she's 28, and she says "I'm only interested in talking to guys 27-29."

Well, I'm the first to stand up for anybody's right to have whatever standards they want to have. By God, if you're only interested in dating guys who are 5'4" and weigh 287 pounds and work third shift in a napkin factory, and have a pet hamster named Cletus, I support that. Why? I don't know. It just seems like that's the sort of thing it would be hard to talk someone out of.

But -- "picky." I like to think of it as "selective," because that has more syllables, and it carries a connotation of knowing what's best fior oneself, whereas "picky" just sounds more frivolously or arbitrarily delineated or something.

But if you're only interested in people 27-29, well, that seems a little self-restrictive, doesn't it? I mean, what if the perfect person (this is hypothetical imagery, I know it's not real) is 26 or 30?

The more I think about it, the more I find myself thinking that, in my own situation, it isn't the "pickiness" or "selectiveness" that's the problem anyway. It's the fact that I thought those people, the kind of people who would interest me, might be found on dating sites. They DO exist, in the real world (or they used to -- I'm not sure, anymore -- they could have become extinct sometime in the past five years), they just don't exist on dating sites. Not that I've ever seen, anyway.

So maybe it's not "wrong standards" so much as it is "wrong venue." Or not. I don't know. Just trying to figure it all out.

I really enjoy your writing style.

I am picky/selective too. When I say in my profile that intelligence and a quick wit are a big deal for me, I'm not exaggerating. If someone begins an IM chat with me, I can tell in the first five minutes whether or not I am interested. I'm usually not.