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| Topic: Child support questions | |
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Every situation is too complicated to discuss here...I never even eluded to changing the system myself..It takes people who are committed to dealing with politicians to change the law and I have been through the divorce thing and know well of the downside of the issues at hand..That is why I have spent years of my life working with legislatures and judges ,lawyers and congressmen to change the concept that money issues are more important than visitation. What have you done?
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Every situation is too complicated to discuss here...I never even eluded to changing the system myself..It takes people who are committed to dealing with politicians to change the law and I have been through the divorce thing and know well of the downside of the issues at hand..That is why I have spent years of my life working with legislatures and judges ,lawyers and congressmen to change the concept that money issues are more important than visitation. What have you done? like i said way back it is a money issue not a child issue they do not care what is best for the child they care about how to get the money |
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The reason that I don't know about men in this situation is that I mostly know women. You said, "if the govt says you can support a family of 4 for 700$" Well, then, the government needs to get up to the year 2008. There are two in my house. We wouldn't be able to survive on $700/mth. "If you want their money stay married" That's just wrong!!!!! "you want all the fun stuff w/kids" Do you mean the diaper changing in the middle of the night, the sick kid in the middle of the night? Driving them everywhere they need to go? Cooking their meals, shopping for and washing their clothes? Taking care of their schedules and more. I've done it by myself since day one. What you have suggested regarding child support in this thread and others are insulting to me. Edit: There I said it. I've felt that way for a long time.   From another single mom who never collected a $0.01 in support and never received public assistance. Worked 2 - 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet. (((adj))) I agree the courts way back then did automatically issue custody to the women, but that is and hasn't been the case for years. as for feeling sorry for the non custodial parent - I do feel bad, just as bad as I feel for the custodial parent who has to see to their own feelings as well as their child(ren). Parenting includes financial obligation/responsibility - short and sweet, regardless of custody 
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The reason that I don't know about men in this situation is that I mostly know women. You said, "if the govt says you can support a family of 4 for 700$" Well, then, the government needs to get up to the year 2008. There are two in my house. We wouldn't be able to survive on $700/mth. "If you want their money stay married" That's just wrong!!!!! "you want all the fun stuff w/kids" Do you mean the diaper changing in the middle of the night, the sick kid in the middle of the night? Driving them everywhere they need to go? Cooking their meals, shopping for and washing their clothes? Taking care of their schedules and more. I've done it by myself since day one. What you have suggested regarding child support in this thread and others are insulting to me. Edit: There I said it. I've felt that way for a long time. Your right
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Edited by
Winx
on
Sat 12/20/08 12:35 PM
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Adj4u, I've read your previous posts over many months regarding child support. As a single parent I very much disagree with them. Ask my child to read the post? My child already knows how much work I do to take care of them by myself 24/7. You described the fun that someone is missing. I described the work that they are missing. There is nothing wrong with the way I feel about it. Being a parent is work. I don't understand what you're saying about prostitution. I feel it's wrong to stay married just for the extra income. You said, "Child support should be a specific amount no matter what the noncustodial parent makes --- and it should only be enough to cover the childs expenses." A child costs more then their "seen" expenses. The house has to have an extra bedroom, utilities are higher, more gasoline to drive them around. Their friends need presents when they have birthday parties. The child has a birthday party. I could go on and on. Child support, IMO, doesn't even come close to half of what it costs to raise a child. I don't think that influences the amount of single homes. those things you listed are extra activities they are not needed to support the child presents for their friends are not necessary for them to live --- they could ask for the other parent to get it (if they had a relationship with them) you know it is easy to disagree lets here some ideas what about the married couples that can not afford these extra things where would the money come from for those kids if it is better for the kids to get these things then let the other parent have them until you have an alternate idea just saying you disagree does not cut it (lets here an idea not an arguement) i know you are a very intelligent lady and can come up with an idea but most of the things you listed backs my point you say he should give you enough money for the extras i disagree if the child wants extras then he should get them from money other than the child support and if the parent truly feels the child needs these extras then they will want to keep the other parent in the childs life -- instead of trying to use the child as a weapon against them again an idea not a disagreement "those things you listed are extra activities" They are not extra activities in my eyes. They are crucial to a child's psycho-social development. "what about the married couples that can not afford these extra things where would the money come from for those kids" Do I like I do - cut corners and postpone buying things that I want for myself if need be. The priority is the child. "but most of the things you listed backs my point you say he should give you enough money for the extras i disagree" Why not? It's part of raising a child. "and if the parent truly feels the child needs these extras then they will want to keep the other parent in the childs life -- instead of trying to use the child as a weapon against them" Who is doing that? |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sat 12/20/08 01:20 PM
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Every situation is too complicated to discuss here...I never even eluded to changing the system myself..It takes people who are committed to dealing with politicians to change the law and I have been through the divorce thing and know well of the downside of the issues at hand..That is why I have spent years of my life working with legislatures and judges ,lawyers and congressmen to change the concept that money issues are more important than visitation. What have you done? Ps You think you are the only one thats been through the divorce thing.Dam 60% of marriages have! How about the paternity thing!!!! I have been through both and have the scares to show. So you are nothing special!!!! |
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Adj4u, I've read your previous posts over many months regarding child support. As a single parent I very much disagree with them. Ask my child to read the post? My child already knows how much work I do to take care of them by myself 24/7. You described the fun that someone is missing. I described the work that they are missing. There is nothing wrong with the way I feel about it. Being a parent is work. I don't understand what you're saying about prostitution. I feel it's wrong to stay married just for the extra income. You said, "Child support should be a specific amount no matter what the noncustodial parent makes --- and it should only be enough to cover the childs expenses." A child costs more then their "seen" expenses. The house has to have an extra bedroom, utilities are higher, more gasoline to drive them around. Their friends need presents when they have birthday parties. The child has a birthday party. I could go on and on. Child support, IMO, doesn't even come close to half of what it costs to raise a child. I don't think that influences the amount of single homes. those things you listed are extra activities they are not needed to support the child presents for their friends are not necessary for them to live --- they could ask for the other parent to get it (if they had a relationship with them) you know it is easy to disagree lets here some ideas what about the married couples that can not afford these extra things where would the money come from for those kids if it is better for the kids to get these things then let the other parent have them until you have an alternate idea just saying you disagree does not cut it (lets here an idea not an arguement) i know you are a very intelligent lady and can come up with an idea but most of the things you listed backs my point you say he should give you enough money for the extras i disagree if the child wants extras then he should get them from money other than the child support and if the parent truly feels the child needs these extras then they will want to keep the other parent in the childs life -- instead of trying to use the child as a weapon against them again an idea not a disagreement "those things you listed are extra activities" They are not extra activities in my eyes. They are crucial to a child's psycho-social development. "what about the married couples that can not afford these extra things where would the money come from for those kids" Do I like I do - cut corners and postpone buying things that I want for myself if need be. The priority is the child. "but most of the things you listed backs my point you say he should give you enough money for the extras i disagree" Why not? It's part of raising a child. "and if the parent truly feels the child needs these extras then they will want to keep the other parent in the childs life -- instead of trying to use the child as a weapon against them" Who is doing that? their are a lot of people doing that winx i truly think you are agood lady but looking at things thru rose colored glass (possibly because you are a good person) does not let you see how things truly are never were any of my post pertaining to the issue of support ever pointed to any particular person but over all issue |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Sat 12/20/08 02:55 PM
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Adj4u, I've read your previous posts over many months regarding child support. As a single parent I very much disagree with them. Ask my child to read the post? My child already knows how much work I do to take care of them by myself 24/7. You described the fun that someone is missing. I described the work that they are missing. There is nothing wrong with the way I feel about it. Being a parent is work. I don't understand what you're saying about prostitution. I feel it's wrong to stay married just for the extra income. You said, "Child support should be a specific amount no matter what the noncustodial parent makes --- and it should only be enough to cover the childs expenses." A child costs more then their "seen" expenses. The house has to have an extra bedroom, utilities are higher, more gasoline to drive them around. Their friends need presents when they have birthday parties. The child has a birthday party. I could go on and on. Child support, IMO, doesn't even come close to half of what it costs to raise a child. I don't think that influences the amount of single homes. those things you listed are extra activities they are not needed to support the child presents for their friends are not necessary for them to live --- they could ask for the other parent to get it (if they had a relationship with them) you know it is easy to disagree lets here some ideas what about the married couples that can not afford these extra things where would the money come from for those kids if it is better for the kids to get these things then let the other parent have them until you have an alternate idea just saying you disagree does not cut it (lets here an idea not an arguement) i know you are a very intelligent lady and can come up with an idea but most of the things you listed backs my point you say he should give you enough money for the extras i disagree if the child wants extras then he should get them from money other than the child support and if the parent truly feels the child needs these extras then they will want to keep the other parent in the childs life -- instead of trying to use the child as a weapon against them again an idea not a disagreement "those things you listed are extra activities" They are not extra activities in my eyes. They are crucial to a child's psycho-social development. "what about the married couples that can not afford these extra things where would the money come from for those kids" Do I like I do - cut corners and postpone buying things that I want for myself if need be. The priority is the child. "but most of the things you listed backs my point you say he should give you enough money for the extras i disagree" Why not? It's part of raising a child. "and if the parent truly feels the child needs these extras then they will want to keep the other parent in the childs life -- instead of trying to use the child as a weapon against them" Who is doing that? their are a lot of people doing that winx i truly think you are agood lady but looking at things thru rose colored glass (possibly because you are a good person) does not let you see how things truly are never were any of my post pertaining to the issue of support ever pointed to any particular person but over all issue I believe that those people are the minority. They need some type of mediator. Thank you for saying that you thought that I was a good lady. But..being good doesn't make one naive. |
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well from my experience i know a lot more custodial parents that use children as a weapon of vengeance and very few that truly have the best interest of the child at heart my guess is you hang out with nicer people and i do not hang out with many because those i find are usually self centered and greedy |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Sat 12/20/08 03:41 PM
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well from my experience i know a lot more custodial parents that use children as a weapon of vengeance and very few that truly have the best interest of the child at heart my guess is you hang out with nicer people and i do not hang out with many because those i find are usually self centered and greedy Adj4u, I don't have one single friend that uses their children like that. I do know, though, that people like you're talking about exist. I believe that they are the minority. The most common situation after a divorce, that I see, is that the mom gets child support and medical coverage for the child. Then they split the co-pays of that by income - usually 60-40. Then they each pay half on activities and such. That continues through college. Then there are people I know that have used the state. The state decrees how much support and it is the law for the non-custodial parent to provide medical for the child. That's all they get. |
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When I lived in Illinois it was part of the divorce process, when children were involved, to attend "X" number of sessions on being divorced parents.
There are also a number of social service agencies that offer mediation services. What needs to be kept in mind is that a child is a child not a bargaining chip. A reasonable balance can always be found. JMO |
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When I lived in Illinois it was part of the divorce process, when children were involved, to attend "X" number of sessions on being divorced parents. There are also a number of social service agencies that offer mediation services. What needs to be kept in mind is that a child is a child not a bargaining chip. A reasonable balance can always be found. JMO What Illinois is doing sounds wise, Redshirt. |
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Any word from the OP???I had to go back and re-read this thing to remember what is was about.
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When I lived in Illinois it was part of the divorce process, when children were involved, to attend "X" number of sessions on being divorced parents. There are also a number of social service agencies that offer mediation services. What needs to be kept in mind is that a child is a child not a bargaining chip. A reasonable balance can always be found. JMO Its my family, my child, my school and my state. I am the one responsible for that child until the age of 18. |
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Hmm my dad would quit his job every time they came around to collect child support from him. He owed over 20 grand when I turned 18 and quit his job again so the court had it reduced to $1,200. I don't know much more than that because I was never directly involved in the legal proceedings being the kid and all but he always avoided paying it.
The worst thing though was he was injured when I was 4 and won a settlement of well over $200,000. He could've easily sent a little bit of that to my mother but he never did. |
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Hmm my dad would quit his job every time they came around to collect child support from him. He owed over 20 grand when I turned 18 and quit his job again so the court had it reduced to $1,200. I don't know much more than that because I was never directly involved in the legal proceedings being the kid and all but he always avoided paying it. The worst thing though was he was injured when I was 4 and won a settlement of well over $200,000. He could've easily sent a little bit of that to my mother but he never did. Some people were never meant to be parents.
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Edited by
adj4u
on
Sun 12/21/08 02:01 PM
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Hmm my dad would quit his job every time they came around to collect child support from him. He owed over 20 grand when I turned 18 and quit his job again so the court had it reduced to $1,200. I don't know much more than that because I was never directly involved in the legal proceedings being the kid and all but he always avoided paying it. The worst thing though was he was injured when I was 4 and won a settlement of well over $200,000. He could've easily sent a little bit of that to my mother but he never did. question did you mother make it hard for him to see you 20k is not very much for 18 years back support so obviously he paid in the beginning 25k over 18 years is like 26 a week including poundage and remember that you were mainly influenced by what your mother said maybe you should do some investigating to get the full story |
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Hmm my dad would quit his job every time they came around to collect child support from him. He owed over 20 grand when I turned 18 and quit his job again so the court had it reduced to $1,200. I don't know much more than that because I was never directly involved in the legal proceedings being the kid and all but he always avoided paying it. The worst thing though was he was injured when I was 4 and won a settlement of well over $200,000. He could've easily sent a little bit of that to my mother but he never did. question did you mother make it hard for him to see you 20k is not very much for 18 years back support so obviously he paid in the beginning and remember that you were mainly influenced by what your mother said maybe you should do some investigating to get the full story No matter what the mother did (if she did anything), the man should still man-up for the child's sake. Maybe it's just the way his father was. It happens many times. I've seen it. |
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He left when I was 5, moved to Kentucky and I never heard from him again and he showed no interest in me. He's on his 3rd wife and I have a half brother that's about 1 year old now. That's all I know.
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Edited by
adj4u
on
Sun 12/21/08 02:05 PM
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Hmm my dad would quit his job every time they came around to collect child support from him. He owed over 20 grand when I turned 18 and quit his job again so the court had it reduced to $1,200. I don't know much more than that because I was never directly involved in the legal proceedings being the kid and all but he always avoided paying it. The worst thing though was he was injured when I was 4 and won a settlement of well over $200,000. He could've easily sent a little bit of that to my mother but he never did. question did you mother make it hard for him to see you 20k is not very much for 18 years back support so obviously he paid in the beginning and remember that you were mainly influenced by what your mother said maybe you should do some investigating to get the full story No matter what the mother did (if she did anything), the man should still man-up for the child's sake. Maybe it's just the way his father was. It happens many times. I've seen it. you just proved my argument thank you you just said it does not matter if the child is used as a weapon case proven ----------------- mother should not do anything to keep father away from child she should live up to her responsibility as well |
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