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| Topic: Cheating.... | |
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yes...... forgiving is easy..
forgetting is the hard part |
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. I would forgive them for my sake, but the relationship would be over on all levels. Amen sister. Now, one of my close friends cheated on his wife, and he just could never stop. I mean, it was like he was addicted to banging all the chicks he could, and have the benefit of climbing in bed with his wife.....whom he "loved". She cheated on him later, and now the marriage is over. Funny thing is, she remarried and is happy. He, meanwhile, has a girlfriend that knows he has cheated on her...and she loves him so much that she stays. Figure that one out. I tried to help him, telling him that if he didn't want to be in a relationship, then break it off. But he just can't or won't. My point is that he just cannot be committed. That old saying of the "little head thinking for the big head" is very true for him. |
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. I would forgive them for my sake, but the relationship would be over on all levels. Amen sister. Now, one of my close friends cheated on his wife, and he just could never stop. I mean, it was like he was addicted to banging all the chicks he could, and have the benefit of climbing in bed with his wife.....whom he "loved". She cheated on him later, and now the marriage is over. Funny thing is, she remarried and is happy. He, meanwhile, has a girlfriend that knows he has cheated on her...and she loves him so much that she stays. Figure that one out. I tried to help him, telling him that if he didn't want to be in a relationship, then break it off. But he just can't or won't. My point is that he just cannot be committed. That old saying of the "little head thinking for the big head" is very true for him. Your friend sounds like a sex addict. |
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. I would forgive them for my sake, but the relationship would be over on all levels. Amen sister. Now, one of my close friends cheated on his wife, and he just could never stop. I mean, it was like he was addicted to banging all the chicks he could, and have the benefit of climbing in bed with his wife.....whom he "loved". She cheated on him later, and now the marriage is over. Funny thing is, she remarried and is happy. He, meanwhile, has a girlfriend that knows he has cheated on her...and she loves him so much that she stays. Figure that one out. I tried to help him, telling him that if he didn't want to be in a relationship, then break it off. But he just can't or won't. My point is that he just cannot be committed. That old saying of the "little head thinking for the big head" is very true for him. Your friend sounds like a sex addict. Yup. That's what his therapist said. |
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yes...... forgiving is easy.. forgetting is the hard part |
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. I would forgive them for my sake, but the relationship would be over on all levels. Amen sister. Now, one of my close friends cheated on his wife, and he just could never stop. I mean, it was like he was addicted to banging all the chicks he could, and have the benefit of climbing in bed with his wife.....whom he "loved". She cheated on him later, and now the marriage is over. Funny thing is, she remarried and is happy. He, meanwhile, has a girlfriend that knows he has cheated on her...and she loves him so much that she stays. Figure that one out. I tried to help him, telling him that if he didn't want to be in a relationship, then break it off. But he just can't or won't. My point is that he just cannot be committed. That old saying of the "little head thinking for the big head" is very true for him. Your friend sounds like a sex addict. If he truly is, he will have the same problem that AA talks about. Once is too many and 1,000 is never enough. That will be difficult. Yup. That's what his therapist said. |
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Cheating- can you forgive? Been there. Done that. And still haven't. |
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I forgave my ex.......notice the word ex though!!!
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My point is that he just cannot be committed. I think this is key. While I am not saying this is your friend's problem, because I do not know him; I do know that some men who are afraid of being "engulfed", "emasculated", or committing to a woman will carry on numerous affairs as a way to create a sense of "safety" - distance in the relationship, if you will. It is the only way they feel "safe" in a monogamous relationship. Sad part is, many of these men crave to be in a couple. They just don't know a healthy way to do it. None of this applies if the man is polyamorous and his partner is too, or if they are okay with it, though. |
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I have been on numerous dating sites. One in particular...there were alot of married men that just wanted one thing. Their wives never understood them, barely showed any affection, not even a HUG.
I never wanted to get involved with having an affair. One of my friends at work is going though this very thing. Cheaters....can always be forgiven if you can find it in your heart. I don't think it could ever be forgotten though... 
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My point is that he just cannot be committed. I think this is key. While I am not saying this is your friend's problem, because I do not know him; I do know that some men who are afraid of being "engulfed", "emasculated", or committing to a woman will carry on numerous affairs as a way to create a sense of "safety" - distance in the relationship, if you will. It is the only way they feel "safe" in a monogamous relationship. Sad part is, many of these men crave to be in a couple. They just don't know a healthy way to do it. None of this applies if the man is polyamorous and his partner is too, or if they are okay with it, though. I really like what you said here. I think that is women as well. They don't want to commit, or have commited and can't get past the whole 'being with one person for the rest of their lifes'. It's a great way to not have to work on the relastionship, and still feel fullfilled. The thing about polyamorous relastionships is they don't avoid the work on the relastionship. The are open and honest about who they sleep with, and most of these couples have rules that they both agree to. My best friend was married and they had agreed they could sleep with other people. They had a list of rules. His wife was always concerned on him 'cheating' which was breaking the rules, till one day she did. I asked my friend why he was hurt, because he obviously didnt mind her sleeping with another guy. He said he isn't upset she slept with another guy. he's upset that she broke trust, and respect in a big way. he went on to say he felt she didnt trust him, or respect him and that he was dirt to her. kinda similar ways i felt. It kinda made me realize that cheating really has nothing to do with sex. |
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My point is that he just cannot be committed. I think this is key. While I am not saying this is your friend's problem, because I do not know him; I do know that some men who are afraid of being "engulfed", "emasculated", or committing to a woman will carry on numerous affairs as a way to create a sense of "safety" - distance in the relationship, if you will. It is the only way they feel "safe" in a monogamous relationship. Sad part is, many of these men crave to be in a couple. They just don't know a healthy way to do it. None of this applies if the man is polyamorous and his partner is too, or if they are okay with it, though. I really like what you said here. I think that is women as well. They don't want to commit, or have commited and can't get past the whole 'being with one person for the rest of their lifes'. It's a great way to not have to work on the relastionship, and still feel fullfilled. The thing about polyamorous relastionships is they don't avoid the work on the relastionship. The are open and honest about who they sleep with, and most of these couples have rules that they both agree to. My best friend was married and they had agreed they could sleep with other people. They had a list of rules. His wife was always concerned on him 'cheating' which was breaking the rules, till one day she did. I asked my friend why he was hurt, because he obviously didnt mind her sleeping with another guy. He said he isn't upset she slept with another guy. he's upset that she broke trust, and respect in a big way. he went on to say he felt she didnt trust him, or respect him and that he was dirt to her. kinda similar ways i felt. It kinda made me realize that cheating really has nothing to do with sex. B I N G O! It is about the betrayal of trust. It is about non consent. It is about lying to and cheating on your partner(s), no matter how many you may have. |
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My point is that he just cannot be committed. I think this is key. While I am not saying this is your friend's problem, because I do not know him; I do know that some men who are afraid of being "engulfed", "emasculated", or committing to a woman will carry on numerous affairs as a way to create a sense of "safety" - distance in the relationship, if you will. It is the only way they feel "safe" in a monogamous relationship. Sad part is, many of these men crave to be in a couple. They just don't know a healthy way to do it. None of this applies if the man is polyamorous and his partner is too, or if they are okay with it, though. I really like what you said here. I think that is women as well. They don't want to commit, or have commited and can't get past the whole 'being with one person for the rest of their lifes'. It's a great way to not have to work on the relastionship, and still feel fullfilled. The thing about polyamorous relastionships is they don't avoid the work on the relastionship. The are open and honest about who they sleep with, and most of these couples have rules that they both agree to. My best friend was married and they had agreed they could sleep with other people. They had a list of rules. His wife was always concerned on him 'cheating' which was breaking the rules, till one day she did. I asked my friend why he was hurt, because he obviously didnt mind her sleeping with another guy. He said he isn't upset she slept with another guy. he's upset that she broke trust, and respect in a big way. he went on to say he felt she didnt trust him, or respect him and that he was dirt to her. kinda similar ways i felt. It kinda made me realize that cheating really has nothing to do with sex. B I N G O! It is about the betrayal of trust. It is about non consent. It is about lying to and cheating on your partner(s), no matter how many you may have. And ultimately people that arn't open and honest, and hide things, stay that way. The only way to change is to become open and honest and to come clean. By there very nature they can't do that. I do believe that there are some people that can, but there are VERY few, and NONE of them can do it in a relastionship. Any change that you make must be for you, or it wont stay. In a relastionship, it's to easy to use the other person as a reason. Thus when they have a bad day, your reason goes away, and you stop caring. You can then easily justify doing it again. Guess what? Everyone has a bad day. Thats atleast my reason why, no matter how much i want to, i wont stay in a relastionship once someone cheats. |
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I did
but I figured I shouldn't of. It's better the way I am with no second chances. |
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Cheating- can you forgive? No way honey . 
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cheating is badd, it makes people sad,it makes people mad.cheating is badd!
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Have forgiven in the past,
 Won't any more.
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might - would depend on the counseling
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nope
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Nope, I would not trust them anymore either.
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