oh thats better.you were scaring me a bit.glad you had fun with your daughter.she's adorable.

she's a nut too.......

jax i just found out that my brother and his wife are keeping the fact that i'm eileen's real mom from her until she's older.....eileen just thinks that i used to HELP take care of her........

bipolar runs heavy on my mom's side of the family.....passed down every generation to the daughter......now i'm worried that when she finds out (if they won't do it by the time she's 13 I will myself.) that it could cause serious drama....bad enough to cause eileen to trigger.......could her finding out everything including why she was sent to live with my brother cause major psychological damage......

ji'm extremely worried now because after being told the past four years that she knew i was her mother and i'm just too sick to care for her, my sister in law finally decides to tell me that eileen thinks vinson and rhonda are her real parents.....and it broke my heart that they lied to me all these years about that.

thats just not right amber.your daughter should know the truth and now.all three of you need to sit down and tell her.
I found out i was adopted when i was 5 and i accepted it much better then if i would have been told at thirteen.My goodness what were they thinking?

i wish i knew what is going through my brother's mind....but he has changed since meeting rhonda.....rumor in my family has it that they are going to try get it where i am no longer her LEGAL mother (i just don't have custody of her.....unless i go back to court and fight for it...and personally i don't see the need for that as i'm still have yet to become completely stable emotionally and wouldn't dare give her anything close to the childhood i had growing up with a mom who was bipolar and didn't know it....i still have nightmares from the beatings we'd get when she had her rages....).........but like i said, that's just a rumor.....but they can't take my legal parenting rights behind my back can they?

and on that thought i'm goin to try to get a ride to the store so i can get a huge one pound chocolate bar......

Hi and welcome bluesunflower

Hi JAX, sorry the crap is piling up. My son was a handful too. Especilly after he quit taking his meds and I got divorced. Hang in there.

Sorry you are having such a hard time Amber with all of this sh!t....I had to go through a terrible custody battle so bad my kids and I had to go through reunification therapy. I know how bad it can hurt.

My step dad was the creature from hell. More than just beatings. Those I could take but the verbal and mental abuse was extreme. I'm not trying to compare my problems with you, just letting you know you are not alone and Ive had to live with my parents unmedicated for a few years before.

There is so much more I wish I could just spew out but this is a public forum and I've found that someone has been stalking me here. He hates this place cuz they banned him and me for not going to see him in colorado. Even if he is not a member, he can still get in and read or may have made another profile.

I ain't scared, but I don't want people like him to come out of the wood work, yah know? This thread used to be a kind of refuge for me, now lately nothing is a refuge. Everything is up in the air. I like order, no drama, but seems no matter how much I do it ain't enough or is too much.

Guys! Ugh! When it rains it pours but this is one of those weird ones where fish and frogs drop from the sky. ahaha

One is great, but doesn't want commitment sure as hell wants sex. The other thinks he owns me, but lives with a girlfriend who I highly expect is his wife. The other is a 62 yr old guy but he is looking for marriage and when I was slow on my feet in meeting him he bugged me every damned day. The next is a british guy who has been living here in the states cuz he married his American wife. He divorced here,and shs left him destute and alone. He is needy needy needy. Isn't there a guy out there that isn't needy but isn't aloof or pulls back at the slightest problem? Another one here just recently was all hands when we met.......of course I had drama after that with him, but a sharp reply that everything he says in messenger nd on my voicemail is dated and time stanped and I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops. He stopped.

Is this what dating is all about? This is the most Ive written for ages. I rarely post here or in the other forums. I have been trying to at least read them so I have some sembelance of whats going on a bit, but I just dont feel like posting. I feel like Im losing touch with this place and my own life here at home.

I know it may seem silly since all I have to take care of is me and the animals, but I feel like the apes in the zoo. Nothing to do all day, can't leave, all I can do is just sit here and try to find things to do without infecting my puter with a virus. Norton found 2 keyloggers on puter last week. Who the hell wants to know what Im doing? I dont keep my passwrords available and I dont typer them in......sighhhhhh ugh.

I was wondering what was happening to all my friends. I thought I would have trouble giving away the Chichuahua puppies but everyone who has asked about them asked me how much was I selling them for.

Jax, I was having panic attacks from the loneliness but now have dishnet. More and more I am finding that just friendship is the way to go for me atleast. I am actually making friends with my neighbors. Who would have thought? Yesterday while I was at the river washing off the puppies and Sissy with flea and tick shampoo one lady thought the puppies were darlings and said I was a good care giver. Fleas and ticks are real bad here. I haven't seen you in a while. As many friends as I have made with the puppies I kind of wish Sissy had more. But many have told me that five puppies is a lot for a small dog. Yesterday was funny. somebody asked me what I was doing out and I told her I was taking the ol' lady and kids out for a drive speaking of Sissy and the puppies.

hey roy
i am just going thru a bad patch but i hate it.the dogs sound cute.

dont sign anything no matter what and make sure you are taking your meds.they can never truly take your child from you.tell her the truth if they wont .kids are smarter then we think.

men and kids...thbttttttttt

Karen, my stepdad was actually good. I learned a lot from him. He was very short but stout. Both my stepdad and my biological dad were alcoholics. Strange how alcohol affected both differently. I began to notice the difference more when I went through treatment for my own alcoholism. In treatment I learned that alcohol amplifies what is already there. Both my dad and stepdad went through Korea and Viet Nam. They were both trained killers by the Army. But dad had an anger management problem where my stepdad didn't. Where my dad was cruel my stepdad was softer. My stepdad could communicate and vented quite good. Dad just had too many demons to overcome but in the last few years he did turn softer. In the last few years of his life he found a good woman who he could communicate with. In the last few years of my stepdad's life he did, too but he was still married to my mom at the time. I could tell that mom had loved both of them. I know dad meant well and stepdad meant well. My mom still teaches me to be independent and not to rely on people.

Hey Roy, sorry you had to go thought that. I had terrible beatings and even worse, psych games and generally just making my life miserable from the time I was 2 to the time I was 11 yrs old.

You are singing to the chior Bro.

I need no man to make me happy. I need to be happy WITH him. I gave up looking a long time ago.

My step Dad was a monster but I could never tell anyone ( he said he would kill me) and didnt want to talk smack about my lil Bro's dad.

Independace is something I am just learning and the only person who can teach me how to use it properly, is my Gramma and she is dying.

Wish my other Gramma was still alive. I lost out on so much after we moved here. I got depressed and tried to kill myself repeatedly over the years.

Seems God has something He needs or wants from me, and until that is done, He will not let me die.

Oh Crap.......I wish school would start again. I hate sitting here alone. just becasue you are lonely doesnt mean you have to or will be dependant on anyone else. All I have too much time on my hands.

I can relate, Karen. After my wife died I prayed for death. My friend, Nene who no longer frequents the forum for some time helped me with that. I only read one of Stephen King's book and that was "IT". I was more into fantasy than horror. My life was horror and I really didn't need any more. But it was a quotation of Stephen King's that actually I could relate with. I didn't know that Stephen King was an alcoholic. But the quote that got to me was, "God punishes us with life." I am paraphrasing and can't remember the exact quote. Later I found out that my fantasy author, Peirs Anthony and Stephen King were actually good friends. They made a deal to try each others' genre. What became of it was "Firefly" by Peirs. I can't remember what Stephen King wrote in fantasy right now. After a while of praying for death and seeing that prayer wasn't going to be answer by the way of my death I decided that I should instead make the best of it. During the worse part of my grief I thought God was cruel for letting me live. If he was a good friend he would have let me die. I began to look at Stephen King's quote as, "What kind of monster lets a person live when their soulmate has died?" My problem that I was too weak to take my own life so all of my suicides always failed. Eventually I just asked God to fill me with his love because he took away my love. It worked.

roy, the only work i can think that even remotely fits the fantasy genre for any of King's works would be "The Green Mile"

/////////////
the talisman,the dark tower series,the dark house

Ok folks, just a lil disclaimer....to anyone who read my rant......all the guys I was speaking of are in my local area and I met them in person. Stupid move on my part for doing that.

No one from this site was described during my rant and Im sorry if anyone thought that.

That's why I'm not allowed to rant

karen (hugs) how ya been?

I am depressed due to the death of my husband and son. My husband died 10 yrs ago in Feb and my son will be gone 8 yrs on July 10. Now health problems are keeping me from working so the depression is getting worse. They put me on Lexapro last week but it takes weeks for it to start working. Sometimes I just want to crawl under the covers and never come out.

Geez, Karen. Did someone take your right to rant away? I hope not. A stupid rant seems illogical to me. Now there a contradiction. Rant away. Your friends are with you. It sure was hot today. I thought I was going to run out of gas while the traffic was backing up today because of the holiday. I have had a good three days away from the nursing home. Found a great picture. Walmart didn't have a frame for it. I had bought it at a flea market. I had thought I could of have had a frame to fit it there at Walmart because there was a bunch of frames that size yesterday at the clearance sale. But the frames all cleared out. I guess that is why they called it a clearance sale. I found a frame at the house though. It fit perfectly. It is a lithograph of a beautiful beach on the ocean with two lawn chairs on the beach at sunset. The lady at Walmart told me I shouldn't chop the picture down to fit the frame. I am glad I took her advice.

Hi, nursewith TLC. I hope you are able to get out and socialize with friends. Even if it is just on here it is socializing in my book. Yeah, I bury myself at work at the nursing home. Has the potential to take your mind off of it by helping others. But glad I had a break from that, too. Tried to get some 48 by 32 pants at Walmart. Oh, yeah I already had my one rant for the day. I don't want to go over my quota.

thank you for the encouraging words. I also work in a nursing home. Sun and Mon are my last days and I am going to retire due to heart problems. Have a wonderful fourth of July. Bobbi