READY FOR A GIGGLE??? READ THIS..........

Through a child's eyes... it's all in the way you look at it.



1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"




2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."




3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."




4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"




5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"




6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"




7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"




8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."




9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes."




10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"




11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

A Child's View - It's all in the way you look at it...

The Orthodox Jedi Code
There is no Emotion; There is Peace.
There is no Ignorance; There is Knowledge.
There is no Passion; There is Serenity.
There is no Death; There is the Force.

Additional lines to the Jedi Code:
There is no Chaos: There is Harmony.
There is no Fear; There is Courage.
There is no Foolishness; There is Wisdom.

Alternate version, written as a rebuttal to the Sith Code:
Passion is a crutch, peace is the truth.
Through peace I gain serenity.
Through serenity I gain knowledge.
Through knowledge I gain understanding.
Through understanding I gain wisdom.
The Will of the Force will guide me.

The Jedi Creed
I am a Jedi, an instrument of peace.
Where there is hatred I shall bring love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
I am a Jedi.
I shall never seek so much to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
The Force is always with me, for I am a Jedi.

Three primary tenents of Jediism
Focus
Knowledge
Wisdom


speaks for itself

I have a date tomorrow you guys!!!! I'm so excited and nervous at the time!!!! And he's younger than me!!!!

fantastic

I think that is wonderful, Amber. I hope all goes well.

me2

whoooohoooo, you go girl

Ok, so Ive been celibate for a few months now and broke my vow to myself thinking I had found the right person. He is not and never intended to be knowing how I felt before we did the dirty deed. Now he is using the same old workaholic excuses and I have told him not to contact me anymore. My heart is broken because I broke my vow to myself to wait fo rthe "rigth" man. I moved too soon. I don't know about these things. I have been married for too long and continue to be taken advantage of. And I let it happen. It is all my own fault. I just wish I could go to sleep forever and not have to deal with this ****

oh karen i'm so sorry about that, but you know that that's not the way to do it.......


jesus i'm so friggin nervous!!!

watch out for dates. if they get out of line, kill them and eat them. dates are yummy. but they lie like dogs

So sorry to hear about that Karen, but don't beat yourself up. You are a good person. You have needs just like everyone else and took a chance that he was the right one. Not your fault he was an ass. Must be something in the frigging water.

The pr**k that played me finally told me he is "in love" with the "B" he has been dating for the last few months (yeah, while he was still playing me). I do think I was his "back burner" woman, just in case the local did not work out, he would still have me on the back burner. What a friggin jerk. I would not have found out if I had not pushed and confronted him on his change in his behavior. He even dumped me on my birthday, 5 days before my surgery, so what a raging a-hole. Showed where his heart is.

Sorry for *****ing, I am just sick of the crap. Trying to forget about him and then something comes up and it is like it is all fresh again. He was telling me for 10 months about how we could have a future, wanted to meet, how we had so much in common, etc., he was just using me, how stupid can I be??? I take the cake, that is for sure. He used me to process his breakup from the last one he was with, I listened to months of stuff about her, etc. Hopefully, I will learn to not repeat my mistakes before I die.

Sorry again.

Amber, hope your date was good.

Karen, hang in there, things will be better for you.

I am just holding on to my real friends at this time. Thanks to you all for being my friends. Take care.

wow you guys, i had soooooooooo much fun.....if you haven't seen iron man, i suggest you go see it!

thats fantastic

I am glad my higher power has a sense of humor. Last night I was venting with my higher power. I was complaining that I can't stand being alone any more. I was telling him that this is stupid. I work all week and get two days off. Then, I ***** about being alone. So this morning there is whip-por-will outside my window. I will survive being single even if it kills me. Really, I wasn't born married. I have met this lady who has been divorced for 6 years. If she can survive being single for six years surely I can do it. After all I am a man I should be stronger.

Thank you!

This afternoon I found myself quoting Red Green. "I am a man but I can change if I have to." I was consoling a poor married man who was waiting for his wife outside in the car. He was telling me he had better things to do at the house. He saw me bringing cheeseburgers and fries into the nursing home because I was making a run for two aides. It was one of those, "I will buy if you will fly." Every time I turned around I was getting this, "What are you doing here? Did you get called in?" One of the aides after finding out that I will be going to second shift told me that I just couldn't put the trays down that I have to cut the meat to. Of course, she doesn't realise that I can get into trouble for helping if I am not on the clock. I just love the little contradictions of the caring profession. It is so different than real life where caring in the real world doesn't necessarily have to be something that has to be paid for.

i have this stupid grin on my face and it won't go away.............

YOUR WELCOME!!

jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax (hugs) long time no see