what can i say but i love that one

yeah i know sick sence of humor today

Happy to do it

Thank you

Thank you

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Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have
grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a
model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is
trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a
saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

A British Man, a French man, and an American man are on a safari in
Africa, and they are taken prisoner by a savage group of villagers. As
they're being brought to the village, they are told that death was their
only option, however, they each had their choice of the method they
would use to kill themselves. The British man requested a pistol, and
cried out "Long live the queen!" as he blew his brains out. The two
others watched in horror as the savages flayed the man and made his skin
into a canoe. The French man was next, and he requested a Saber. "Vive
le France" was what he cried out as he disemboweled himself. The
American guy watched again what they did with his body, as they made his
skin into a canoe. The last guy, the American guy requested a fork in
which to kill himself. As soon as it was handed to him, he started
stabbing himself violently as he screamed "So much for your ****ing
canoe!"

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Are you tired of those asinine "friendship" poems with decent
intentions, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here's a
collection of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the warmth.

Very Sweet and Happy Valentines Day to you

Thank you i needed that laugh today

Happy Valentines Day to you to Tneal hope you have a wonderful day

Thats very pretty , thank you for that post today

Thank You and Happy Valentines Day to you to

Welcome to JSH and Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day Everybody

Ya think

Thank you Mistyblue and here's hopeing you have a wonderful one to

very good and your right it would have made a damn good
song

You just said what all of us are feeling or have felt and you did it in
such a beautiful way

Long but very deep and very romantic , awesome dream

Yup that is what the moto is