Lady golfer storms angrily into club house.

Golf PRO: What's wrong?

Lady: Got stung by a bee.

PRO: Where?

Lady: Between the 1st and 2nd hole!

An Investment Banker Was Getting Married.
During Wedding, The Wife Vomits.
Husband: "What Happened?"
Wife: "Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment."
Husband:"U cheated me.."
Wife: "U should know, mutual fund investments are subject to market risks!"

The most dangerous joke till date:
Man 1: How the word 'Wife' was invented?
man 2: They took the first two and last two letters of 'Wildlife'!

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. 'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks 'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly'
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran in front of the bus? A: He got tired

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: What do you call an anorexic ***** with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese. Q: What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common? A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed? A: Because their plugged into a genius!
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What do the Mafia and a ***** have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep ****.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Life is very unique it’s very valuable to each human being on earth today. There are good things and bad things that happen in life. Things happen in life for a reason god makes everything happen just because. Some of the things that makes up life or society are good and then some of them are bad. The good things that happen are; friends, sports, and success and the bad things are; gangs, drugs, and racism. Those are some of the things that make up are life and or society.
THE ABOVE IS OPINION OF MINE ......

very well added

Thanks for a wonderful addition.

Thanks and you are welcome

A woman brought a very limp duck in to a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope
and listened to the duck's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head
sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” replied the Vet.
“How can you be so sure?” she protested.
“I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left
the room.
He returned a few minutes later with a Labrador.
As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement,
the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it
out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The Vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “Rs. 3000!” she cried, “Rs. 3000 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been Rs.100, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now Rs 3000."

A New Teacher Joins school.
She finds two boys Similar in appearance,
Teacher asks: " Twins " ?
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Boy: No , " Same IVF center"

Two types of chromosomes cause marital problems
Ex & why?Your say please....

that may be a possibility !

An elderly lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away
A gentleman approached the lady and said: "Ma'am, I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up".
The lady replied, "Sir, if I take my hands off of my hat it will blow away".
"I understand, ma'am, but you aren't wearing any panties", replied the gentleman.
The lady looked down then back up at the gentleman and said, "Sir, anything you see down there is 70 years old. I bought this hat yesterday".

well i am still posting continuing to post in the forums.....so no scope for you to think on what and when.......hahahaha

Scenario: A panel of three interviewers sitting in an interview room. With a chair empty on the other side of table.

A candidate enters the room sits on the assigned place.

Interviewer (I) candidate (c)

Interviewer after few questions

I- Imagine there is a glass of water in front of you. Lift it without touching it.

C- Sir I can't see any glass of water in front of me.(very calmly)

I- We three interviewers can see it why can't you.

C- Sorry sir but I really can't see it.(very calmly)

I- (bit frustrated) Are you blind?? When three of us can see it why the hell you can't....

C- Calmly again.. Sorry sir.. Believe me I can't see any glass of water.

I- (The frustrated interviewer tries to act like holding the glass of water and lifting it says)
Can't you see this glass of water and starts to laugh with other two interviewers.

C- Sir The glass of water is lifted without me touching it. Thank you.

Selected...

Cheers to life!!!!!

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer!
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me..
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, - "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney (the opponent's lawyer)?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. ..Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to jail for contempt of court !