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| Topic: What gives them the right? | |
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Edited by
TawtStrat
on
Tue 06/16/15 09:30 AM
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What gives my family the right to criticise my girlfriends when at least even if those women hadn't been in my life for that long they still liked and accepted me as a person and wanted to spend time with me when they did want to know me?
What gives them the right to be like that about it when I've just broken up with a girlfriend and need sympathy and the last thing I want is them belittling a relationship that meant a lot to me and even being sarcastic about it and being wankers about it just because they didn't care about that woman at all and they think that I'm stupid for doing so and being a prick for being in not the best of moods and ruining their day by talking about her and not wanting to talk about any of their BS, the selfish bastards that ruined my life? |
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Do you live with them or do you have your own space?
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They have a right to give a opinion but when things go wrong they should have your back at all costs.People go through things and they have no right to judge you or the women you associate with, the I told you so attitude rarely works. You have a right to be disappointed with them.
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I remember my mum, telling me not to let a certain someone into
my home, when me and him were dating. Plus, people who knew him, kept saying to him "Stop hugging her. She might not like it!". It irritated me so much. If I wasn't okay with him hugging me, I would have told him so. Heartbreak is something major. People just suddenly expect you to be all smiles, and to carry on as if nothing happened. They should accept that you feel like rubbish. |
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No. I don't live with them but I have given them keys to my house and my credit card and accepted help from them with things that are a bit inconvenient for me but that I could do myself. They kind of use that against me and think that it gives them the right to treat me like a child and tell me how to live my life and constantly judge me. Admittedly, I am one of their children but they don't treat my sister like that and every time I say anything about that I get this crap about how I'm jealous, when it's favoritism and not treating us all the same, even though they were nicer to me in the past and it's just that my sister has succeeded in life and is married with kids and isn't a constant disappointment to them or somebody that they respect or something.
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No. I don't live with them but I have given them keys to my house and my credit card and accepted help from them with things that are a bit inconvenient for me but that I could do myself. They kind of use that against me and think that it gives them the right to treat me like a child and tell me how to live my life and constantly judge me. Admittedly, I am one of their children but they don't treat my sister like that and every time I say anything about that I get this crap about how I'm jealous, when it's favoritism and not treating us all the same, even though they were nicer to me in the past and it's just that my sister has succeeded in life and is married with kids and isn't a constant disappointment to them or somebody that they respect or something. |
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What gives my family the right to criticise my girlfriends when at least even if those women hadn't been in my life for that long they still liked and accepted me as a person and wanted to spend time with me when they did want to know me? What gives them the right to be like that about it when I've just broken up with a girlfriend and need sympathy and the last thing I want is them belittling a relationship that meant a lot to me and even being sarcastic about it and being wankers about it just because they didn't care about that woman at all and they think that I'm stupid for doing so and being a prick for being in not the best of moods and ruining their day by talking about her and not wanting to talk about any of their BS, the selfish bastards that ruined my life? NO THEY DO NOT . Put your foot down & tell them " I do not need or desire your approval " And keep your women away from your (female) relatives. I can hear the nagging from here.  |
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If you don't want your parents to treat you like a child then act like and adult.
I did not go running to my parents boohooing about at romance problem and I sure did not have them do chores for me that I could do myself. |
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Thanks for your replies.
Yes, I'm certainly a grown adult and even though this sort of thing bugged me as a teenager it's become unacceptable now and hard as it may have been I have told them to stay out of my life from now on and that I'll just get on with it. There is the female nagging and I might be able to put up with that from a girlfriend or wife but I don't have to take that from my mother at this age. They're perhaps two seperate issues because my mother hasn't been that bad about my girlfriends in the past but all she does is nag me now, while my father doesn't really care and just criticises because he's always been like that and we have never really got on. It's been hard anyway and I've said it before and then it's just gone back to the way it's always been but I did tell them quite bluntly that I don't enjoy their company and they don't enjoy mine and a recent incident finally made my mind up about it and I told them that because that's the way it is they can just F off. |
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Real simple actually... Don't tell them after a certain age, it is none of their business. Now if you choose to involve them then expect them to give opinions.
My youngest son til about 4 years ago was in and out of relationships so fast and all the poor young ladies were so heart broken when he dropped the for one reason or another. I finally told him don't bring another girl home to meet me unless you plan on marrying that one. I frankly am tired of liking someone and it doesn't work out I am doing the consoling. Imagine my surprise when 3 years ago he brought home another one and yes he married that one... When you involve family into romantic relationships that opens a door. Keep it private... Good luck.. BTW.. I would be getting my house keys and credit cards back from any family member... |
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Good for you. It is your life, your choices.
 Perhaps down the road, a holiday dinner. It doesn't have to be on that day.. but that week. Good luck to you. |
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They have the right to their opinion of the women in your life. They have no right to share that opinion though, especially if it negative or degrading in nature. So many families have forgotten that it is acceptance and support and sometimes hard love that makes family unit the great thing that it is.
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No. I don't live with them but I have given them keys to my house and my credit card and accepted help from them with things that are a bit inconvenient for me but that I could do myself. They kind of use that against me and think that it gives them the right to treat me like a child and tell me how to live my life and constantly judge me. Admittedly, I am one of their children but they don't treat my sister like that and every time I say anything about that I get this crap about how I'm jealous, when it's favoritism and not treating us all the same, even though they were nicer to me in the past and it's just that my sister has succeeded in life and is married with kids and isn't a constant disappointment to them or somebody that they respect or something. Ahhhh, had you been living with them, they may have the right to comment. But as you are not, tis YOUR life. Apparently they do not know that YOU will be what is available to them in their old age. You get even by then, telling them what to do. It evens out :-) |
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TawtStrat posted >>> Thanks for your replies. Yes, I'm certainly a grown adult and even though this sort of thing bugged me as a teenager it's become unacceptable now and hard as it may have been I have told them to stay out of my life from now on and that I'll just get on with it. There is the female nagging and I might be able to put up with that from a girlfriend or wife but I don't have to take that from my mother at this age. They're perhaps two seperate issues because my mother hasn't been that bad about my girlfriends in the past but all she does is nag me now, while my father doesn't really care and just criticises because he's always been like that and we have never really got on. It's been hard anyway and I've said it before and then it's just gone back to the way it's always been but I did tell them quite bluntly that I don't enjoy their company and they don't enjoy mine and a recent incident finally made my mind up about it and I told them that because that's the way it is they can just F off. WHEW --- families that love ya and yet become the 'HYENA PACK' when things go wrong; where to you draw that line? I've seen it happen quite often! Families often don't know what to say and see you hurting so they'll 'PILE DRIVE' the ousted BF/GF into the earth just out of 'your pain & suffering'... Geeze-Louise have you ever tried just asking your mom to 'be an ear piece' or 'could you just give me a good warm hug' and let the caustic words remain unsaid --- if you've tried that and it didn't work then at least you've tried. But if you've not tried that...wouldn't it be worth a TRY? Good Luck - Best Wishes and aren't FAMILIES PURE JOY to have in our lives?  
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What gives my family the right to criticise my girlfriends when at least even if those women hadn't been in my life for that long they still liked and accepted me as a person and wanted to spend time with me when they did want to know me? What gives them the right to be like that about it when I've just broken up with a girlfriend and need sympathy and the last thing I want is them belittling a relationship that meant a lot to me and even being sarcastic about it and being wankers about it just because they didn't care about that woman at all and they think that I'm stupid for doing so and being a prick for being in not the best of moods and ruining their day by talking about her and not wanting to talk about any of their BS, the selfish bastards that ruined my life? Question, OP, are you finding these girlfriends on the street corner?? |
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Thanks for your replies. Yes, I'm certainly a grown adult and even though this sort of thing bugged me as a teenager it's become unacceptable now and hard as it may have been I have told them to stay out of my life from now on and that I'll just get on with it. There is the female nagging and I might be able to put up with that from a girlfriend or wife but I don't have to take that from my mother at this age. They're perhaps two seperate issues because my mother hasn't been that bad about my girlfriends in the past but all she does is nag me now, while my father doesn't really care and just criticises because he's always been like that and we have never really got on. It's been hard anyway and I've said it before and then it's just gone back to the way it's always been but I did tell them quite bluntly that I don't enjoy their company and they don't enjoy mine and a recent incident finally made my mind up about it and I told them that because that's the way it is they can just F off. Such disrespect for the people that brought you into this world and did their best to help you, by your own admission, through things. Have to think maybe they are relieved to have you say "it" so they don't have to. I am sure they are tired of giving you sympathy and support and having it thrown in their face. Sad part about it when you finally hit bottom it will probably still be your poor Mother and Sister you resent so much that will pull you out of the gutter and care for you since you again, by your own admission , seem to be doing such a bang up job of it yourself. This post is a classic example about finding out about people not by what their profile says but by what they blab on themselves. |
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Well Joyce, my mother is an old lady and will be dead soon anyway and does very little to help me out of the gutter these days because she's too busy babysitting other people's children.
As far as my sister goes, she doesn't give a crap about me: doesn't even like me and I'm certainly not counting on her for anything when I need somebody's help because I've practically pleaded with her and tried to build a relationship with her but she simply isn't interested and that's what she's like, the selfish little bitsh. |
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And yes. When they barged into my house today I told my mother that all I want is my keys and credit card back but got some BS back from her and she did the usual and assumed that I was pissed off and would come running to her when I need her because nobody else cares.
That may be the case but I don't like this situation and at this moment I would rather be alone with nobody caring and doing stuff for me when it's causing problems between us. I would like to be able to get on with them some time in the future but it is the case that they don't respect me and treat me like this and I'm through with trying to seek their approval because nothing that I ever do is good enough for them really and it's my life at the end of the day. |
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Well Joyce, my mother is an old lady and will be dead soon anyway and does very little to help me out of the gutter these days because she's too busy babysitting other people's children. As far as my sister goes, she doesn't give a crap about me: doesn't even like me and I'm certainly not counting on her for anything when I need somebody's help because I've practically pleaded with her and tried to build a relationship with her but she simply isn't interested and that's what she's like, the selfish little bitsh. And yes. When they barged into my house today I told my mother that all I want is my keys and credit card back but got some BS back from her and she did the usual and assumed that I was pissed off and would come running to her when I need her because nobody else cares. That may be the case but I don't like this situation and at this moment I would rather be alone with nobody caring and doing stuff for me when it's causing problems between us. I would like to be able to get on with them some time in the future but it is the case that they don't respect me and treat me like this and I'm through with trying to seek their approval because nothing that I ever do is good enough for them really and it's my life at the end of the day.  Whatever... Family values are important...When the outside world closes in, it's comforting to know we can turn to our family for support, advice, hope, comfort...Even if you 'think' you don't want or need them in your life, they might want and need you in theirs...If your mother and sister are meddling in your affairs, maybe you have given them reason for concern...If so, stop doing that!...From your own words, your mum is too old to be burdened with your romantic misfires...Keeping your "love life" private does not have to mean cutting off communication with family members...You have talked on and on in the threads about your girlfriend problems and your drug and alcohol use and abuse...I imagine your family hears/sees that side of you too...Don't be such a hard azz Tawt and don't burn bridges just because you're angry... |
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At your age your Mother should be counting on you instead of the minimal amount I am sure is being paid to care for other peoples children.
There is a very wise saying "Look unto the care of the aged parent if thou wants to see thy future as a spouse." Sure it applies here. |
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