Right place at the right time… exact moment – you came when I needed someone to talk to. You reached out to me and you were so kind enough to listen to me, more than generous enough to spend hours of your time listening to what I had to say – my troubles, my loneliness, the cause of my sadness and my tears. You gave me kind words and offered your help without asking for anything in return but my time…

Exactly two months today, was when I first met you online, inside a chatroom called Chat Gum. I could not remember though what room it was but of all the ones who sent me private messages, you were different in all levels, in all ways. You are the only one that made sense and was willing to know the person deeper beyond the username, beyond the profile picture, beyond the superficial conversations. You delved deeper to what’s hidden inside.

You said you would help me discover the new me, a better version of me, and assured me that I would like it – and I am so loving her and she is loving you so much… There were uncertainties from the beginning, there were doubts, there were misunderstandings but we have come so far – this far since then.

What I thought it would only happen in my dreams, in my illusions, in my fantasies, are now a reality. Every day, it is becoming a reality – a realization of something more real, something so great I have never experienced, not even in real life. To be feeling like this – so intense yet thousands of miles separating us but it didn’t matter – the time difference didn’t matter as well…

It is amazing to feel this way for someone so special and I could not be happier I am feeling for you – you are more than deserving of the overflowing love I have inside of me. They are yours, my whole heart is yours. It just screams of so much love for you and sometimes like I’ve said in the past – it is scary to know I am capable of feeling this way… not in a million years I have imagined a feeling like this could exist.

I never would have thought I would fall in love again after my fateful separation but here I am again, loving yet again but this time it is different – more real, I don’t know how I can say but the only thing is, it is so much different – it is more pure, that it is more profound – honest, unconditional, without limits.

For each time you tell me you love me – it simply is the best, words like none other though I’ve heard them said to me a thousand times before but when it is you saying them to me, oh God, oh God, oh God… I praise His sweet name for I was blessed with you… not a man like you but you…

No other love or feeling could ever surpass this, you are the greatest, my perfect one. I know you always say, you are nothing but an ordinary person – you are not, not in every way… you are amazing, awesome, warm person, caring, compassionate, loving, my kind gentleman, you are a great person – inside and out – and if no one has ever told you before – you are a great lover – so great in all definition of the word. And my God, you are so handsome!

I am here for you to make you feel loved in every way, every time… I still feel guilty the other day that I failed to tell you how much I love you – I want to make it up to you, I promised you I would tell you every day how much I love and I failed one day and I could not forgive myself for it… if only I could turn back the hands the of time – in a heartbeat, in heartbeat my loves – I will go back to that day and tell you how much I love you.

Please continue to hold my hand and I would never let go of yours. I want to take this roller coaster ride with you – this bumpy road that you said would have gravels on it – life is not perfect, life is not easy, it will never be easy but with you and I as one – we’ll make it there – we’ll make it to our destination… a future, in a place, “somewhere only we know…”

It didn’t take too long for me to change – when I referred myself, “Lonely woman” she is nowhere in sight now – she have come so far because her kind gentleman has helped her turn around… helped her tremendously… he fulfilled his promise to her that he would help her change and see the better version of her and love the better version of her… she could not have been more hopeful, thankful, and grateful – now more than ever… her kind gentleman is loving her and making her feel it in all ways, in different levels and is always sending her to heaven and back to earth and heaven again…

Tomorrow is Monday, my favorite day! I will get to talk to you, hear your voice, it excites me, and oh God, I am going to die in anticipation and excitement… I love you so very much, very, very, very much! It’s been a while since I said the mantra so please since this is two months since I met you – please allow me… today…

I love you so much, it is crazy it will hurt, I love you so much it transcends time and space, I love you so much it is beyond reason… it defies sanity. I love you honestly, truthfully, unconditionally. I love you without limits, to no ends, without holding back. I love you far beyond the heavens and circling back to earth to no ends. I love you so much, I love you to the highest of heavens, to the deepest sea, wider than the universe, beyond the grave and after life. I love you more than life itself.

I love you and I kiss you on your nose
I love you to the highest of heavens and I kiss you on your forehead
I love you to the deepest sea and I kiss you on your chin
I love you wider than the universe and I kiss you on your left cheek
I love you beyond the grave and I kiss you on your right cheek
I love you more than life itself and wet and passionate kiss on your lips for however long you want

I love you so much my loves, my sexy gorgeous, my sweet boyfriend, I love you so much David… this much and so much more!!!

I will recite my A, B, C.  I will count 1, 2, 3.  I will sing Do, Re, Mi, and I will say i love you infinitely...you might ask what is the connection...just like them, ABC, 123, DoReMi, i know i would never forget after learning them, not in a million years much like my feelings for you, it will always stay with me--infinitely...

I am a fairy – a very beautiful fairy – an enchantress. You look at me and you will be mesmerized and you will get lost in your world and you will be taken in to a place you have never seen before… to a very beautiful place – a paradise you would not find in your world.

I don’t show myself to everyone – I come to those people who called – there is a certain way of calling me that is not known to ordinary people. I see your sorrow, I see your broken heart – I see pure heart, longing for a one true love but it is so hard to find and so you are shattered, you are lonely, and you called out for help. You begged, and begged, and pleaded and I heard your heart’s pleas… so here I am, right in front of your very eyes but no – you mortal one, you cannot fall in love with me. You are forbidden to fall in love with me!

I will help you but it will come with a price. Nothing is free anymore, even an enchantress like I, who already have everything in the palm my hands, my help is not for free. It would be a high price for you to pay… No, I would not ask for your soul, I don’t need your life – I want more than that. I live and thrive with love so I will take your heart in return. You will get all the love you will ever need and ever asked for but you will never love anyone else, you will end up hurting every people who would love you. Your heart would belong to me, and mine alone forever…

You would not feel sad or lonely anymore. Your heart would mend and you would be happy forever because you would be showered with endless love but you would no longer have the capability to love another. Are you willing, would you be willing to pay the price of being happy and received love from others but not be able to love them back?

The choice is yours, you mortal one – be lonely and hope that one day you will find true love or pay the price of giving your heart to me… I am the wicked fairy, the taker of heart…

You are like the programmer and i am your program. I am the language that you created to perform tasks that you desire.

You say to keep still and i will keep still. Tell me to breathe and then i am alive and living. Tell me to shut up and i am off, playing dead. Tell me to say the words, "I love you" like a broken record, i will keep repeating them and say them with rainbow colors, shapes, numbers, and all the feelings in the world.

Tell me to be sad and i will cry my heart out. Tell me to be naughty and I will play every role you desire.

But if you would tell me you don't want me anymore and you'll be breaking up with me again, you will get the message, "SYNTAX ERROR. SYSTEM DOES NOT RECOGNIZE THE COMMAND, PLEASE TRY AGAIN"

You will be then given two options, Click "SELECT DIFFERENT COMMAND" and you will be taken to regular program or "CONTINUE WITH THE BREAK UP" and the system will crash beyond repair and will be unrecoverable.

I said before, “In love, there is really no guarantee… you love more or you love less, it is no guarantee you would never get hurt again. You cannot weigh or measure a love you can give someone based on how much love you will get in return.”

There is no machine, tools, equipment, formula – calculations or equations to calculate the intensity of love. You cannot even imagine or even think what or how much love the other feels for you. You can only say or describe how you feel – the depthness – the intensity of your feeling. You can only speak for yourself and not the other. We can give them a peek to what is inside of us, in our heart by painting pictures of how you feel through words, through pictures, through actions, through our minds – our beliefs, through many things but it still would not give the other one the perfect image of it – the true definition of it.

You cannot measure your feelings by the number of hours you sleep or the lack of it because you spent hours thinking about the one you love. You cannot say, you love someone more because of the price tag or the number of gifts you have given them. Love cannot also be define because you remember each significant dates – the birthday, anniversary, monthsary, valentine, sweetest day, Christmas, New Year, or not even the day you remember you first met them and count every second since day one when you meet them. It is also not a measure of the number of times you say, “I love you” to that special someone. Definitely not a measure by the meals you’ve eaten or skipped because you were watching your figure or not because you are just simply inspired and motivated and in love. Certainly, love cannot also be measured by the number of hours you are willing to spend or you spent with that someone…

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to describe the feeling – word or words are just not enough. Love can be expressed in so many different ways, in so many different levels. You can always claim yours is the greatest love of all – or greater love there is – proving it is a whole different subject. Unlike in accounting or financial world – there is no check and balance in love – you cannot say you reconciled and it balanced out – one crossing or offsets the other and one is equal to one. It is also not like in architecture – you cannot just simply draw something and say, “Yes this is enough to support to it – the columns, and the beams, the thickness of whatever – the weight of everything – the gravels and the sands” – no matter how many numbers you factored in, even if you factored in all and everything you can think of, from text books, through knowledge, experience, and expertise… love still cannot be measured or described exactly.

When someone says to you, “You are equally loved…” how do you define? Equal to your feeling for them, equal to the intensity, the depths, and the shallowness. You can only hope and wish and pray when one says you are equally loved, they meant the indescribable feeling… and that it is as honest, as pure, as true as what you are feeling for them... maybe then one can already measure love, maybe then – we can already define love… maybe… but for now, my love still remains indescribable, immeasurable and unmeasurable, unjustifiable, indefinable, and undeniable…

My heart will whisper in the wind the words my lips failed to say to you and hoping the wind will carry them through and whisper them in your ears loud enough that your heart would feel the exact feelings my heart wishes to convey...." "I LOVE YOU BEYOND WORDS COULD EVER SAY!"

Sometimes it only takes a minute to fall in love yet it takes a lifetime to forget...

Somehow, the universe is very insensitive to my feelings, it is oblivious to my pains and hurts. Why am I trying so hard to be happy, to be loved, to be accepted, to be needed, to be wanted? I don't even know why I am still trying when I already know that when it comes to me, the universe is unforgiving. It is cruel to me... ☹

We met 32 months, 15 days, and 12 hours ago... we've been a part of each other's lives one way or another. You were mine for 26.5 months.

It seemed so long but somehow it feels not enough. We had a good run, a great journey.

We laughed, we cried, we made each other excited, we filled each other's fantasies and dreams. We lived, we loved... somewhere along the way, you lost that feeling while i am still norturing mine inside... still letting it grow when i know i shouldnt anymore.

Five months since i lost you, i lost myself too. Every day, i was hoping for a miracle but i know at some point i have to stop.

I promised to love you forever... this lifetime, in another lifetime, and every lifetime i would live but who am i kidding when i know forever does not exist.

Somehow in this journey of ours, you let of go my hands and that is okay... you're not chained to me but if i would have things my way, i probably should if only to keep you mine...

I tried to hold on, clinging to every tiny hope left in me. Even when loving you hurts, i am still holding on then again, i am bombarded with guilt, weighing you down with my feelings for you.

In this lifetime, i was lucky and blessed to know and feel this kind of love... true love. It's the kind that i have always dreamed of and wished to keep for a lifetime.

The best days of my life was whe i have you, craddled in your love. Those moments are gone now and i am just drowning with an awful sadness... a lost of some sort because my dream man is not meant for me. This wonderful love is not meant for me to stay. The happiness i had with you and the contentment, were all borrowed.

Today, is the saddest day of my life... would always be the saddest day of my life...

You know how much i love you. It is the kind that will stay with me for all eternity...

Take care! Happy New Year! Please be safe and please be happy!

A wish from a woman who loves you more than life itself... may you always have laughter in your heart and your lips...

I still cry for you. I still ache for your love. I still wish you were mine. I still hope for an honest future with you. I still pray you'd come back to me once more and never leave again.

I don't know if I will ever hear the message alert tone that I specifically assigned to you or if I will ever hear it again.

This message alert tone that made my heart skipped a beat and leaped with joy every time I would hear it. The same message alert tone that startled me each time because it was loud...

I missed it, missed it so much I let myself hear it few times today. Guess what, it still has the same effects on me only this time it was just me doing it and no messages from you.

I asked you to block me because I said I wanted to stop hoping for miracles that you would still come back to me but you know what... every moment since then, I am still hoping and praying for miracles... will the heavens and the universe listen to me again and grant me my only wish???

I miss you my loves, you have no idea just how much.... you just have no idea just how much...

In my quiet moments... the very few moments when I let my mind wander to some places... I always like to picture myself on a beach.  Sitting on a beach, watching as the sun comes down and stay until the darkness fully enveloped the skies and everything else.

Feel the calmness of my surroundings, surrendering to the quietness engulfing my whole being... my mind, my heart, my body, and my soul.

Cry and laugh alone.  Think about my life... the was, the is, the could be, the might have been, the could have been, or all the possibly be.

Look at the vast ocean and the endless skies... as far as my eyes could reach.

Probably let out a scream or two or more... scream at the top of my lungs.  I wonder if anyone would hear and scream back at me?

Talk to the universe and see if it would answer all of my questions or if it would even give hints or answers I was looking for...

When my other world is in chaos, I run to you to seek peace and quiet.

When my other world is too busy and crowded, I come to you to rest and be alone.

When my other world feels like crashing, I come to you to rebuild my all.

When my other world is mean and cruel, I come to you to find justice and comfort.

When things feel cold in my other world, I run to you for warmth

When all I see and hear are lies in my other world, I seek truth and honesty from you.

When I feel like I want to turn my back on my other world, I run to you like there is no other world than ours…

Some of my quiet moments, when i think about a future after all the chaos in my life have subsided. That future when i no longer need to work and just enjoy retirement... or just times when i would be able to afford to live in different countries a couple or three months each year, there are still moments when i would dream of not having to do it alone.

Sometimes, i miss a company, sometimes i feel tired of being alone. Sometimes, i miss going for a long drive but not sitting on the driver's side but on a passenger seat, someone holding my hands and cuddling, i miss them. I even miss fighting over nothing.

Some quiet moments, i am picturing myself sitting on a sit in an airplane, not alone. Going to places i have never been. In a hotel room - grand or simple but not alone. Eating out at restaurants, trying new dishes from different countries, again not alone.

All these i pictured doing them all with you... but that was a while ago. I keep reminding myself of our reality. There's a limit to what i can only have with you, i wish there is none...

An ex boyfriend had told me few times he doesnt want to grow old alone. He asked me few times to just be with him and we could grow old together...

In some deep corners of my heart, there is that dream of not wanting to grow and die alone so his offer makes sense in little ways but when i really think about it... it would be much worse than living, growing, and dying alone... because i know that every time i would look at him, talk to him, touch him, travel with him, share every little thing with him, in the deepest corner of my mind, my heart, and in my soul, i would always wish it is someone else instead and that is you.

As i get to know you, i get used to think only of reality and not fill my head anymore with dreams and fantasies, although sometimes i let myself get drowned with them only for a moment of happiness being dillusional.

My love for you is real. There is nothing in this world i would not give or trade just to be near you, be so close to you, spend the rest of my life with you... but these i know are not your reality. You love your independence, you are used to it, you love your freedom, i learned to accept that and learned to adjust to them and still feel grateful and thankful that somehow, some ways, you made a little space in your life to fit me in and i would not ask for more. A little of you goes a long, long way... enough to cover my whole universe.

I love you unconditionally, without limits... boundless. I love you beyond every definition of love itself.

You’ve been haunting me for weeks… you just would not stop teasing me! I’ve been trying to avoid you, brushed you off my mind each time you appear in my mind as a delicious reminder of temptation I have been trying to avoid. I know each time, a promise of deliciousness – something that would truly satisfy my cravings for you – oh you, you just would not stop. I told you, I cannot, I must not – I should not but you kept on… in my mind and in my memories, you always present yourself naked – teasing and testing every ounce of my patience and my resistance… I struggled and fought so hard but your temptation is just too much, too much for a weak person like me and so I had to give in… I tasted your nakedness, your roundness, and oh every time as soon as you hit my mouth, an explosion every time, deliciousness after deliciousness, I had to close my eyes and savor you – every inch of you – every inch of you – and no it’s not enough – not enough always – I had to have some more of you – more of you each time – oh God, could there be anything better than this, than tasting your nakedness and putting your wholeness in mouth – oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus – temptation, you are such a temptation I could not resist – you satisfy me every time – my sweet surrender, the kind of sin I always want to give in every time– THREE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES  - cravings satisfied!

Have you tried drinking something so cold it hurts your lungs but satisfies and your thirst?

Loving you is like that... loving you from afar hurts my heart but satisfies my soul...

How is it possible to fall in love with you deeper and harder every passing day?

Loving you is the one thing i would never, ever regret. You are my pride and joy, my every reason to be hopeful, thankful, and grateful.

My heart swells with so much love for you- this feeling that has exceeded far beyond the greatest love i thought i ever felt... Thank you for finding me, for loving me, for being my everything!

With all the love i've shown you through my simple actions, through my words, they are still all not enough... Not enough to truly convey how much you really mean to me. You mean the world to me, the entire universe, beyond the heavens... If loving too much is a disease, then i am terminally ill, i am a hopeless case, no cure... Whatsoever...

No matter what, this feeling is the best... Loving you is the best thing i have ever done in my whole life...

If i would a pick a star for every time i tell you I love you, you would have the entire universe in the palm of your hands before i stop telling you how much i love you...

When i feel my heart, i no longer feel or hear the normal beating sound... Somehow it changed because everytime it beats, i hear the sound of your name...

"I LOVE YOU" three words, 8 letters, a sign of infinity... Reason enough to keep living, to keep believing, the reason to be hopeful, thankful, and grateful.

As many as the number of population in the world, that could also be the number "love" can be define. How do you define love... Some says, "It is like a rosary, full of mystery" others would say, "Love is not a feeling, it is a state of mind" no matter how others define love, my definition of love is "YOU"! You my loves, you are the definition of love for me. ❤❤❤❤

"I miss you too", I saw when you sent this yesterday, though i am so happy to read it, it pains me just the same because the fact remains you're still not mine.

I used to say, i get so lost loving you and now i am still lost trying to find the same feelings i used to feel and get from you.

I tried searching it hoping to find something and in every search, each one of them, i am losing a little more of me because no matter how much i try, there is no one like you.

There is nothing in this world still that would ever compare to our beautiful story... our love story... the kind gentleman and the lonely woman...

How you changed me in so many ways and levels. How you brought out the best version of myself, how i am not going to be ever be the same again.

Maybe it is not right and it's not fair to cling on to the past and the memories, to keep hoping for a miracle but the universe didn't give me justice as well... allowing me to love you this much and so much more and then taking everything back but i will continue loving you the same way, more and more every day even if it is hopeless only because this is still where i want to be...

Wherever life leads us, you will always own and hold the biggest part of me - mind, heart, and soul... always, always, and always...