Good or bad... Thank you!

Cheers!

Sometimes, I want to think I made peace with myself, that I have accepted that I am once again defeated, lost in this game of love that the universe is always giving me. Tricking me and making me believe that in this lifetime - one that I know is existing, one that I can remember, that there is happiness meant for me. A true and different happiness - unparalleled and incomparable to all and any 1 have ever known.

There are words that are very hard to hear. It is like violence is engulfing my whole being, like a lump in my throat that is making me hard to swallow, like a pit in my stomach that I want to vomit but I couldn't. I want to accept this defeat - a love that is not meant to be but try as I might, I am stuck in between the space of letting go and moving on and wanting to dwell and linger...

Hearing the sound of my heart sobbing, the loud echoes in my mind, the silence in my soul... surrendering to the pain, accepting, I am once again a fallen victim of this playful universe...

you write very well.
Fortune Favors The Bold


Thank you! Your words are kind!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SIh-DcWqlA


The title of the song is, "Fantasy" It was originally sung by Gerard Kenny but my favorite version is the one that was sung by Regine Velasquez...

Each time I play this song (her version) I always cry - reminds me of the greatest love I ever had but it wasn't meant to be...

And as I am reading this, smiling and laughing - I can almost hear an Irish accent which makes it even funnier.

Thank you for the yellow rose and the advice! Please know they are both greatly appreciated!

Everything in life is a matter of choice, I used to believe the opposite. I used to think that before we were born, our life was already planned by fate, destiny, nature, all the greater forces in this universe... by the heavens. The people, places, things, everything... We are here to fulfill a mission and gone when they are completed.

I thought I met him because he was the answer to all of my prayers. A gift from the heavens above, a reward that I deserve for all the good things I did in the past.

Maybe he was just sent my way so I could experience true love before I turned my back on everything and reasons I believed in.

Maybe an experience to teach me that there is a different kind of hurt, a different dimension, a different world of sorrow...

A lesson to learn to be still and just be grateful for simple things... what do they say again, "All that is excessive is not good". I don't know how to swim but still, I let myself drowned to the greatest happiness I ever felt... soared past the heavens and beyond.

A borrowed time, a borrowed happiness... that is all I was given... while I am hopeful, grateful, and thankful, I am also left broken.

No amount of words is enough to soothe the ache that is slowly eating me inside.

I have a choice, I could easily turn my back and force myself to leave and walk away but I am also choosing to stay no matter how much it hurts... somehow there is comfort in this lonely and dark place...

Isn't he the most gorgeous man ever?

There I go again... staring at his picture and still wanting to call him mine and tell him how much I am proud, lucky, and blessed to be his girlfriend but I know I will never have that chance anymore, and again it hurts.

I know he can read my posts, he may think I am desperate but I really am anyway. I never hide what I am feeling before so why start now?

Again, in this quiet corner where I can say what is in my heart without having to hold back, this is where I am turning now.

Again with silent cries, trying to say my pain through my words, trying to spell them out as correctly as I could while my eyes are blinded by my tears.

In this quiet corner where it would only take all the things I am saying, all whispers and screams inside me... a deaf, mute, and blind witness to what I am going through.

I cannot even say his name without choking with tears... the loneliness is melting every strength left in me...

Quiet sobs, fill up this quiet corner. If they could talk, I am sure like others it would convince me to stop crying and move on...

Or maybe this quiet corner would just say to go on and let my heart speak.

I don't know where I am getting all these tears, they are never-ending and it seems that every emotion I am feeling right now feeds the stream of tears.

How can I let him go, how can I forget him when every time I try to convince myself, every fiber of my being just screams that it is not right?

It's hard to breathe, it is suffocating. I don't know why I tried to reach the heavens when I could only touch the skies. I don't know why it felt so right to love him with everything in me. I don't know why I felt differently with him the very first moment I met him. I don't know why I saw myself growing old with him.

I never wished, never wanted, never needed anyone the way I am feeling for him. I never prayed for anyone to stay in my life but him.

I would give up the world if only to be with him until the end of my life. I would turn my back on all the right reasons just to be with him because loving him feels so right.

I know I am loving far too much and that's okay, he deserved it. He made me so happy.

Once, not so long ago, he told me, "You have so much untapped love it's ridiculous" but guess what, all of them I gave to him and more, so much more, I could still love him so much more... but the heavens did not allow me because they decided to give him someone else instead

thank you!

Forgive me today my loves, please forgive me today, I am just feeling so much love for you, it is really consuming all of me...

It is a realization that four months ago today, you made me the happiest woman again when you ended the sadness and loneliness that I was in for three months when you broke up with me.

The pain of losing you and the happiness of having you again, for every morning that I wake up and realize how lucky I am for having you and sleeping at night feeling the blessing of knowing I am being loved by the greatest person I will ever know. For every proud moment, I am your girlfriend and I can claim you are mine...always a great feeling...I would never trade these feelings for anything in this world.

I am happiest and very content with you...I will let this overflowing love consume me every moment, savor it, cherish it, be happy with it...

I can only wish David that I am affecting you the same way you do to me because it is an amazing experience to be in love with you. The kind of love where it hurts but it is comforting as well.

When I look at your pictures, I say, "This man is mine!" And I am always flooded with all the greatest feelings. Oh Jesus Christ, does He even realize how much chaos loving you has brought to my feelings? Suddenly, I am lost yet somehow, I feel I finally found "home".

Your love is my safe haven. I love you so much David from day one and it is growing deeper every moment...

I asked before "How could I let someone have this effect on me?" I guess the answer is because I finally found my true love and my heart finally feels safe to let go and just let love consume its entirety.

Every love is different, every relationship is exceptional on its own but to feel this kind of love, the highest of heavens is my witness, I have never felt like this before and I know that I never would do anything like this again.

I love you to the highest of heavens, to the deepest sea, wider than the universe, beyond the grave and afterlife, I love you more than life itself.

Forgive me my loves, please forgive your girlfriend, she is just loving you way too much...so much more today...she misses you a lot! I love you with every bit and piece of me.

thank you!

thank you!

Today is exactly the third year since we met when you found me in Chat Gum and asked me, "Is happiness enough?"  Then and now, my answer is still the same.  Happiness is enough.  I have never been so very happy in my life until I met you and I know I will never be as happy as those days when you used to be mine when your love was mine.


I don't know what I did or didn't do why I couldn't keep you, why I was not enough.  In my heart, I know that I did everything, every little thing to love you and care for you in spite of the great time and distance between us.  I believed in what we had, every moment of it - every single moment.  I made your success mine, your fears mine, your joys mine, your happiness mine, I made them all a part of me - the biggest part of me - then, now, and always - you are what my dreams are made of.


For every dream, there is a time to wake up.  For every gain, there is something we lose, for every happiness, there is always equal sadness.  For every joy, there is pain. For every hello, there is always a goodbye. You will always define every good and worst in me..  In this lifetime, I am so honored to meet you, love you, and loved by you.  I was blessed and lucky to have experienced true love once in my life and once is enough to last me a lifetime.


Every time, I would lose you, there is no measure of pain or tears that I cried and I will cry if only I could have you back in my life, the way it was before.  I always find and make excuses why I could not let you go or forget you or stop loving you when all the signs are clearly showing me, it is time to go.


I keep telling myself, I will let you go when I am strong enough when I would not miss you anymore when I can stop myself loving you - but who am I kidding?  I know they will never come - not soon enough at least.  I said my goodbyes to you - I attempted at least to let you go beginning of this year but every day since I keep wishing, I could go back, I could have you back if I could only plead the heavens and the universe to hear my pleas but they too wouldn't listen - or maybe, I am the one who is not listening, refusing to listen because I don't want to let go of you.  In the depths of my very soul, there is always the wish, the wanting, the needing to have you back... desperation that I would do anything and everything if only I could have you back.


You are lucky because a lot of things come easy for you.  You can pick someone to love anytime you want someone to love you and leave them when you feel it will no longer work for you.  A wise decision may be because what is the use of wasting time and effort and emotions if there is nothing there.  On the other side - the one who was left behind, their world is crashing down on them and all they could do is watch every little piece of their world break into pieces.  Cry, because there is nothing else they could do.


I thought reconnecting again would be a good choice.  Having a little piece of you then again, I am just adding more pain to my sufferings.  It is not your fault I am not like you who could just shrug my head and decide, it's long enough, it's time to move on.  Every little thing we shared, they are etched in my memories, embedded in my heart, I don't know for how long.


Would I ever learn to let go and accept, that our time is up - a long, long time ago?  it would be a lie if I would say, I can let you go.  My fear before when I was your girl, was you finding someone new to love - knowing you have another love, it hurts more than what I can imagine.  When I love you, it was indescribable, and so is the pain now...  I know I do not have the right to be jealous or to be hurt because I had my chance, I owned a piece of you before when I was your girl.  I had a chance with you, you made me so very happy and now I just have to accept that it is someone else's time to experience love in a different dimension.


I wish for your new girl to feel the same happiness I felt when I had you - when I soared beyond the heavens.  I wish for her to feel the same kind of love you made me feel - so beautiful, one of a kind.  I wish for her to be as proud as I was for every triumph and success you have.  May she laugh as much as I did for every funny story and joke you tell.  I wish she would love you more, much more than I could give and ever made you feel.


I love you, David, then, now, and always.  and yes, I have a weekend plan...  Today, as I celebrate the third year of our first hello... I will also give you my last goodbye.  I sincerely and truly wish you happiness, love, contentment, and everything that your heart wishes and desires.  It was an honor, my privilege, my luck, my blessing to meet you, love you, and be loved by you.  Please take care of yourself always.  I will always pray for your safety.  Please be the happiest man my loves...  I love you so, so, so, very, very, very much!

I watched, again and again, that same video you sent me, you kiss. I told you that it has made me so happy. It is giving me again, yet again, another unparalleled happiness. Though our love story has ended, eight months now - the bittersweet happiness and pain still linger in all of me.

it has found a safe haven in me, dwelling in my whole being. I painted a picture in my mind... a lie I created just because it is delicious... to be loved by you, to love you, it is heaven... a bliss. I am so, so, so desperate to feel that kind of happiness again I cannot find any more and so in my head, I created this lie... lying to myself, making myself believe somehow, in some ways you're loving me again.

You know how much I hate lies but this is the kind of lie that I would let myself believe, I would accept - the one I created if only to make myself happy again, in this little way.

I let go of the hope and wish that you will be mine again, I accepted that our story has ended and there is no new book or continuation yet still, my character remained somehow. This woman fell in love with a kind stranger she met when she was broken. He helped her see the best version of herself. If someone else was writing our story, they didn't do justice to what could have been a very beautiful love story that could possibly surpass any known and unknown fairy tales of all time.

Still, even this far, there was never a moment when I stopped thinking of you. in some corners of my heart, I still fantasize about us. An almost perfect love affair. I still see you in everything I do, in all the places I go to, every movie I watched, every music I listen to, every color and shape and size. In all the things where I want to see in my dreams but I don't see you there... even there you left me, you let go of me.

My heart will always ache for you. My eyes will always cry tears for you. My soul will always long for you. In every bit and piece of me, I will always love you like I have never loved before and like I will never love again.

I watched, again and again, that same video you sent me, you kiss. I told you that it has made me so happy. It is giving me again, yet again, another unparalleled happiness. Though our love story has ended, eight months now - the bittersweet happiness and pain still linger in all of me.

it has found a safe haven in me, dwelling in my whole being. I painted a picture in my mind... a lie I created just because it is delicious... to be loved by you, to love you, it is heaven... a bliss. I am so, so, so desperate to feel that kind of happiness again I cannot find any more and so in my head, I created this lie... lying to myself, making myself believe somehow, in some ways you're loving me again.

You know how much I hate lies but this is the kind of lie that I would let myself believe, I would accept - the one I created if only to make myself happy again, in this little way.

I let go of the hope and wish that you will be mine again, I accepted that our story has ended and there is no new book or continuation yet still, my character remained somehow. This woman fell in love with a kind stranger she met when she was broken. He helped her see the best version of herself. If someone else was writing our story, they didn't do justice to what could have been a very beautiful love story that could possibly surpass any known and unknown fairy tales of all time.

Still, even this far, there was never a moment when I stopped thinking of you. in some corners of my heart, I still fantasize about us. An almost perfect love affair. I still see you in everything I do, in all the places I go to, every movie I watched, every music I listen to, every color and shape and size. In all the things where I want to see in my dreams but I don't see you there... even there you left me, you let go of me.

My heart will always ache for you. My eyes will always cry tears for you. My soul will always long for you. In every bit and piece of me, I will always love you like I have never loved before and like I will never love again.

I watched, again and again, that same video you sent me, you kiss. I told you that it has made me so happy. It is giving me again, yet again, another unparalleled happiness. Though our love story has ended, eight months now - the bittersweet happiness and pain still linger in all of me.

it has found a safe haven in me, dwelling in my whole being. I painted a picture in my mind... a lie I created just because it is delicious... to be loved by you, to love you, it is heaven... a bliss. I am so, so, so desperate to feel that kind of happiness again I cannot find any more and so in my head, I created this lie... lying to myself, making myself believe somehow, in some ways you're loving me again.

You know how much I hate lies but this is the kind of lie that I would let myself believe, I would accept - the one I created if only to make myself happy again, in this little way.

I let go of the hope and wish that you will be mine again, I accepted that our story has ended and there is no new book or continuation yet still, my character remained somehow. This woman fell in love with a kind stranger she met when she was broken. He helped her see the best version of herself. If someone else was writing our story, they didn't do justice to what could have been a very beautiful love story that could possibly surpass any known and unknown fairy tales of all time.

Still, even this far, there was never a moment when I stopped thinking of you. in some corners of my heart, I still fantasize about us. An almost perfect love affair. I still see you in everything I do, in all the places I go to, every movie I watched, every music I listen to, every color and shape and size. In all the things where I want to see in my dreams but I don't see you there... even there you left me, you let go of me.

My heart will always ache for you. My eyes will always cry tears for you. My soul will always long for you. In every bit and piece of me, I will always love you like I have never loved before and like I will never love again.

That song, "The Girl from Yesterday" by the Eagles was like our story. It fits perfectly.

One day you said you were going on a holiday and I was so excited when you come back home... counting the hours and the days when I would have you back again and suddenly again one day, I was out of the picture because someone else had taken my place in your heart.

If life has "undo button" I will go back to the day when I lost you and I would skip that day, delete it as if it never happened, skip it so it will never happen.

I am maybe crazy, a fool, desperate in most peoples' eyes but they would never understand why I am still holding on to something and someone that is no longer there because even I, myself could never reason why.

All I know is that I am still holding on to the happiness and contentment I have never felt before. The memories of a love story that took me beyond the heavens.

If tears is my new definition of happiness... the world may condemn me, judge me, call me stupid, call me fool, call me desperate, and sick but they can never say I loved you less than when I first met you.

Maybe I am just a fool who can't let go, who won't let go... I didn't have any reason to love you then but I loved you more than life itself and so I will say, I don't have any reason to stop loving you even when it hurts like crazy now... the happiness, contentment, peace, and love I have inside for you surpasses even the most bitter pain...

thank you JulieABush and R ö b ī n! Wishing you both a lovely day

I wish you the best, Tex. May you find someone worthy of the love you can offer. One who is deserving and more importantly who would love and treat your daughter as if she is her own. Good luck! Happiest days ahead of you from nie and always. Take care!